Clarify or just go with it?

LegacyUser

In a funny situation with a friend who's a girl. She's lovely and we get along great and not long after we first met I asked her out. She politely declined, saying she had broken up with her boyfriend fairly recently and wasn't looking for a relationship at the time. I was cool about it and we agreed to just pretend I never said anything.

We still kept hanging out though and I'm cool with the friends thing, sometimes I wonder whether this is supposed to build up something or not. We often do couply things, that could easily be seen as "dates".

My question is. Should I ask her if something is going on or just leave things alone? On one hand if there's something there that could potentially be explored, the things that first attracted me to her are still there and I would give it a shot. On the other hand, if we are just being friends, I wouldn't want to mess that up by making a move again! Is she waiting for me to make a move or are we just good friends? I'm very happy with either situation but would like to know somehow!

Sephiroth_dude

leedslad83 wrote: »

In a funny situation with a friend who's a girl. She's lovely and we get along great and not long after we first met I asked her out. She politely declined, saying she had broken up with her boyfriend fairly recently and wasn't looking for a relationship at the time. I was cool about it and we agreed to just pretend I never said anything.

We still kept hanging out though and I'm cool with the friends thing, sometimes I wonder whether this is supposed to build up something or not. We often do couply things, that could easily be seen as "dates".

My question is. Should I ask her if something is going on or just leave things alone? On one hand if there's something there that could potentially be explored, the things that first attracted me to her are still there and I would give it a shot. On the other hand, if we are just being friends, I wouldn't want to mess that up by making a move again! Is she waiting for me to make a move or are we just good friends? I'm very happy with either situation but would like to know somehow!

I would just leave for the time being,she already turned you down,maybe wait and see if she makes a move?

VinnyTGM

Yep, as above. She know's that you are interested, don't ask her again as you could mess it up.

G-Money

I wouldn't make a move to be honest. Also, to be blunt, even though she was just out of a relationship, I'm sure she hasn't turned other guys down since then which sort of waters down the "I'm just out of a relationship" response.

I suspect she played the friends card and used that as a reason.

If you are ok being friends, fair enough. But don't put your life on hold. Make sure you start seeing other girls.

Liam Byrne

Been there, and the "I can't believe you didn't know it was a line" episode from Friends came to mind....so not in touch anymore.

Do yourself a favour and let her off; there's two parts to a relationship; wanting to be with someone and them wanting to be with you. Anything less is selling yourself short.

Red Alert

My experience with this unfortunately has shown it to be a waste of time. I don't think you're likely to be more than friends with her in the near future.

Bottle_of_Smoke

VinnyTGM wrote: »

Yep, as above. She know's that you are interested, don't ask her again as you could mess it up.

Mess what up? a friendship he's only a part of because he fancies her?

opinion guy

I've been down this road.
Up until yesterday I'd have said just wait for her to come to you.
However a couple of email exchanges with person I'm talking about and what I have to say is this - this girl is taking you for granted. She's unlikely to change. But i'm particularly cynical this morning.......

Wibbs

Maybe I'm cynical, but.....

leedslad83 wrote: »

In a funny situation with a friend who's a girl. She's lovely and we get along great and not long after we first met I asked her out. She politely declined, saying she had broken up with her boyfriend fairly recently and wasn't looking for a relationship at the time.

Yep I'd say 9 times outa 10 that's a line. Unless it was a really bad breakup and he dumped her. If she dumped him, a lot more likely it's a line.

I was cool about it and we agreed to just pretend I never said anything.

Which put you by your own agreement in friendzone.

We still kept hanging out though and I'm cool with the friends thing,

Well yes and no. She was cool with it, you're not so much. You want more. If you had the choice you'd take more.

sometimes I wonder whether this is supposed to build up something or not.

You asked her before(fair play BTW), you were knocked back which fair enough, but you then said OK to her viewpoint. Chances are bloody high she put you in friendzone and good luck with getting out of that.

We often do couply things, that could easily be seen as "dates".

Do you snog her? No? Then it's not a date. I would go to dinner or the flicks with female mates, hell I would go with male mates. They're not dates or my male mates may look at me funny:). Nice evening out = nice evening out. Nice evening out with snoggage = date.

My question is. Should I ask her if something is going on or just leave things alone? On one hand if there's something there that could potentially be explored, the things that first attracted me to her are still there and I would give it a shot. On the other hand, if we are just being friends, I wouldn't want to mess that up by making a move again! Is she waiting for me to make a move or are we just good friends? I'm very happy with either situation but would like to know somehow!

To thine own self be true. Be honest about what you want. You would prefer to be her lover yes? Why settle for second best? why be passive in getting what you want? Now asking her out was active and as I say fair play, but sticking around and going along with her when you got the knock back was passive. I am not suggesting you scrape her off, but I would certainly not be as friendly with her. IMHO if you do you'll be the surrogate guy in her life, her "gay straight best friend" who fills her time, gives her a little ego boost and yes friendship. Until the day she meets some bloke she is interested in and whammo, she won't be around so much, she'll be snogging him and then where will you be. Be her mate yes, but life is too short to be one of those(very common) men who are hangers on.

workze

Have u been with any girls while she is around, see how she reacts to u kissin a girl den ul know ur ans without havin to even ask her

dirtydress

Wibbs wrote: »

Maybe I'm cynical, but.....Yep I'd say 9 times outa 10 that's a line. Unless it was a really bad breakup and he dumped her. If she dumped him, a lot more likely it's a line.Which put you by your own agreement in friendzone.

I have to admit I've used that on guys before...I WAS just out of a relationship but if i had felt any attraction or potential there I would have gone for it just like anyone else but i still liked the guy enough that I wanted to stay friends. Its usually the nicer way of saying "i dont like you THAT way" and to keep a friend...i know its not totally honest but its gotten me one of my best friends!