Met a girl but....

LegacyUser

Ok, so I was recently out in a club and I met this girl, got talking to her for a while and we kissed and decided to meet up later on during the week. So I call her during the week and arrange a time and a place to meet. We meet up and everything is going well, until she mentions hormone tablets. At first I kind of pass it off, but then she noticed my concerns and asked me if I knew. I told her I wasn't sure what she meant. She then proceeded to tell me that she was a pre op transsexual woman. Now you could never tell by looking at this girl, by all accounts she is a girl. She told me she had been taking hormone tablets since she was a teenager.

Here is my dilemma, I really like this girl, I haven't met anyone who I connected with so well in the past, plus I'm really attracted to her but at the same time I'm not gay. I so confused at the moment, should I just do it and reconsider my sexuality. How could I tell my friends that at this point in my life Ive suddenly decided to change what I like? Not to mention the slags I will get about it.

If I do continue to see her, am I gay? This girl is really making me change my mind about this whole thing.

I have met up with her since, and she almost completely reassured me about the whole thing, told me that she liked me, but can understand any decision I would make. Which only makes me like her more.

Any advice would be helpful. I never thought Ireland would be the kind of place where this would happen.

Xiney

Let me take this opportunity to warn people - any funny business will earn swift bans so keep it above board.

That is all.

minidazzler

Personally I could not do anything with a Pre-Op transexual.

I don't know about a Post op as telling the difference can be difficult.

But, you like this girl, the question is, could you have sex with her/him knowing he/she has a penis. That sounds like it may be the only difference really.

It doesn't make you gay I don't think, because you were unaware she was male when you were first attracted.

I can't help you make a decision as this is very much one of those, you have to be in it situations. But if you are attracted to this person could you wait until post op?

One question though, are you sure she's not fcuking with you? I know girls who would say that sort of thing and keep it going just for a laugh!

Being attracted to a pre-op doesn't make you Gay IMO, although I believe on some level we all have attractions to the same sex, this doesn't make you gay. For all intents and Purposes she totally resembles a woman except she has a 3 piece set for now.

Oryx

You connected with this person as a female. Nothing about her gave any impression that she was other than female, to the point that she had to tell you of the issue with her gender. So I think you can safely say that you werent attracted to her in any homosexual way. So leave the question of you being gay aside, its a non issue.

Your problem is that you are attracted to this person, and it is confusing you. This girl is to all intents, female. The reason transexuals go to such trouble to swap genders is because internally, in how they are to their core, they are female wrapped in a male body (or vice versa). But the problem for you is a) she is pre-op, and b) you are worried about what people will think.

If you think you are strong enough to withstand the flak you will get from those who dont understand or think its funny, then go ahead. If you would find that unbearably hard to take, then spare this girl the pain of it too, she will have had enough of it on her own without having you buckle under it for her sake.

And also, if you have the right mindset to put away any question marks about your own sexuality, and if you can deal with a physical relationship with this person (even if not fully now, but in the future) then please, go ahead.

And remind yourself that you fell for this person. You connected with them, and you like them. Essentially any relationship has to begin with that spark and connection. If you think its got enough potential to cope with the inevitable and considerable problems you will both face, then why not? Life is for living and taking chances.

G-Money

I've never been in that situation so I can only imagine your confusion. It must be very difficult to connect with someone then they drop that bombshell. It's very tricky to know what to do. On one hand you seem to really like this girl as a person but I don't think it's unfair that you consider the other biology/physical aspect of it.

To be honest I don't think it makes you gay that you like this girl. When you met her, it was your assumption that she was female which is perfectly normal. For all you knew, she was female and you'd no reason to suspect otherwise. Of course the fact that she hasn't had the operation raises lots of questions in your mind. It would be very confusing to see her as a female but should things become physical, then that will be much more difficult. Sex isn't everything but assuming you both don't plan to remain celibate, there could be problems when the more intimate aspects come into focus and that may be where things stop. You might be attracted to her as a person but see her as a man if things ever got as far as sex and you might then feel that you can't proceed. Which is perfectly fair.

I don't know a lot about transsexuals but the fact that she's pre-op, does that mean that she will be getting the operation at some point? Or is she going to stay as is?

It's going to be tough for the both of you, but I think you maybe should get a bit of distance and get your head straight. I know she won't be happy to hear that but I'd like to think she'd understand your confusion. At the same time, don't mess her around as I'm sure she's been fearing this exact situation.

As for your friends slagging you. You yourself didn't know anything about it and unless either you or her say something, how would they ever know?

Good luck with everything.

CDfm

I dont know any transexuals but I imagine if she is pre-op she should be giving it time before getting into a relationship as she will have big personality and lifestyle changes.So this will affect the relationship.

I dont think it makes you gay BTW - you met a girl and liked her. I wouldn't go blabbing to friends and family though.

Now it wouldn't be for me and if I were you I would thread carefully. You need to be ok with it physically as well as mentally.

Emotionally it could mess me you. So be careful.

Red Alert

I'd be very unsure about it. On one level, it sounded like the two of you got on very well, but personally I just don't think I could go through with it. I'm surprised and encouraged in a way that she was so upfront about it, considering the possibility for someone to really freak out on the spot. That's assuming, of course, that she wasn't joking.

One other thing: I know some people will tell you to ignore what other people think, but how accepting would your family or friends be of her? And I'm asking the question for both of your sakes. There's no point having to hide or feel miserable, no matter how good the relationship may be otherwise.

How pre-op is she? Or does she have a definite plan to get the operation? But these questions are only relevant if you're planning a long-term future with her.