How to make Long Dist. work?

LegacyUser

Hi,

Just started a long dis. relationship and am wondering how you make it work?

In particular, I need advice on how to assure her I'm not interested in anyone else and I don't intend on cheating. I genuinely can't see myself doing that.

It's possible for us to see each other at least 1/2 a month if not more.

We are mad about each other after knowing each other 2 months.

What do you think the odds are for us? I would love it to work out.... but at the back of my mind I can either see the distance getting in the way or just us growing apart. Am I being pessimistic or realistic?

Any advice or tales of ldr's would be greatly appreciated!

Faith

How long will you be apart for?

I did long distance for a college year, September to June, after knowing my boyfriend for 3 months. We managed to see each other about once a month at least. We talked every night on the phone, chatted through gmail and video-called each other. We also saw each other as often as we could when I was at home for Christmas and things. Communication is very important; let her know that you're thinking of her by sending her a little text or something.

I think having an end in sight is important. For me, I knew it was only 9 months.

Red Hand

Have things for you both to look forward to...be it a chat on gmail or the times ye actually get to spend together in a real life. Communication is key.

Don't neglect yourselves either....both should keep their interests alive as well (going out with friends, sports, whatever) so that yer not depending on sporadic email exchanges or pining for the other person

itac

Faith wrote: »

I think having an end in sight is important. For me, I knew it was only 9 months.

+1000!

I was with my (then) boyfriend for about 3 months in England before moving back to Ireland in Sept. a few years back. The original plan was I was to do my course, and move back to England in May the following year.
We talked, texted, emailed etc pretty much everyday, he came over here for a weekend every few months and I went there every few months-think the longest we spent apart was close to 3 months. Despite the distance, we stayed close-however, I ended up deciding to stay in Ireland after my course finished, and while I knew this, I didn't want to have to tell him...that in itself caused a distance between us, as he knew something was up. We ended up breaking up in the end, between the physical and emotional distance, on good terms (and we still are!).

The only warning I'd give you OP is without a plan and total honesty, it could go not so well....but that's a risk in any relationship, long distance or not! And if you're talking about seeing each other once/twice a month, that's a good thing!

In terms of reassuring her you're not cheating/not interested in cheating, regular contact and honesty *should* be enough. There's nothing more frustrating & paranoia inducing than no contact or evasive contact-I've been at fault for both of those, I'm really bad for replying/getting in touch at times, but didn't realise what it was doing to himself at the time.
Hope it all works out!:)

LegacyUser

What if there is no end in sight?! We met each other knowing that we live far apart. But we genuinely do get on. We can sit in silence and be as happy that way as talking and partying. It's the first time I've had that but can that go? Is that temporary? Can a woman deal with living far apart for years with no end in sight? Should I be realistic about our odds or should I be positive and fall head over feet for her as I could well do as I really like her?

itac

ldr advice wrote: »

What if there is no end in sight?! ..... Can a woman deal with living far apart for years with no end in sight?

I think thats something you'ld really have to take up with her-if she thinks there's a future in it, then I'd say go for it. Things are different for every couple, and it may work well for ye. Otherwise, cliched and all as it sounds, as time goes on, you might find yourself wishing you'ld given it a shot, even with the distance!

Dunno if that helps at all?! I'd say sit down and talk about it, honestly-explain the hopes & fears you have for the relationship and take it from there...and again, best of luck!