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how many arguments/how much fighting is acceptable in a relationship?

  • 28-09-2009 10:06am
    #1
    This
    Closed Accounts Posts: 191 ✭✭


    I average one big argument a week and a few smaller ones.

    start off as stupid things but build up then. we dont like fighting and always promise to try not to again.... i know a few small ones are normal... but neither of us can take it much longer. we are both pretty strong headed and hot headed and stubborn and it often ends with one of us in the spare room and the other one eventually going in to them and bringing them back to bed.

    it leaves us drained for a few days after where talking is sometimes awkward.

    we both admit we are both to blame but we dont know how to fix it!!!!!


Comments

  • #2
    shellyboo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    So, if you're both drained and awkward for a few days after a fight, and you fight more than once a week... then surely it's draining and awkward pretty much all the time?

    Don't get me wrong, fighting is inevitable and normal, but if you're pretty much *always* in a state of pre-fight or post-fight, then something's wrong.

    What are you fighting about? You say small things build up to big things, that indicates to me that you're not talking about or sorting the big things when they do actually come up, leaving them to be thrown at eachother again afterwards. Fights that aren't about the thing you're fighting about are bad news.


  • #3
    Permabear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39,022 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


  • #4
    Peggypeg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 578 ✭✭✭Peggypeg


    Wow, that sounds exhausting!! And really painful, I rarely fight with my boyfriend but I know how crap I feel when we are fighting. I would wonder if either of you have anger management issues? If you feel an arguement coming what do you do? Do you stay there as it esculates? I wonder maybe if you guys could work out a strategy for stopping fights before they start i.e. walk away till you're calmer. I think you guys could probably benefit from some councelling, maybe together.


  • #5
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    I couldn't do that.

    What are the arguments about?


  • #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I was in a relationship just like this. Because I am (relatively) young, and inexperienced I thought that this was the way normal relationships are. My gf used to say 'it's not about the row, it's about how the row is resolved'.... we used to make ammends (I am not the brooding type)... until the next round.

    Eventually we broke up, fairly mutually. I am with a different girl now.

    The difference is unreal. I would say i fought more with the first girl in a week than I did with my current gf since we started going out a year ago. I could count the arguements on one hand I'd say.

    Fights this regular are not normal and your relationship won't change. Don't put yourself through this unnesessarily. When you find someone you really do click with then you'll realise how crappy the other relationship was.


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