Cant push myself to talk to girls.

LegacyUser

I am a male in my very early 20s in my last year in University and I dont have have much luck with the opposite sex.

I have one real problem that is stopping me from going out and playing the game which is I am constantly doubting myself (yes I know everyone does it) but its crippling me. I cannot go over and talk to a complete female stranger with the intent of something happening out the resulting conversation but sure I have no problem when it comes to talking to girls I know have boyfriends. I see my friends going off, starting up a conversation with girls on nights out and even though they get rejected I am kicking myself that I am not able to do the same. Like any of the girls I have gotten with was a friend of a friend who I first got talking to on the train/bus or something but since I have left school the lads I have been hanging around with don't have many female friends or none to be exact.

If that is not enough I constantly get down about my height like I am 5'8" which is on the low side of average but I feel really small especially on nights out as most of my mates are 6ft+ and girls wearing high heels.
I constantly feel ugly about myself even though I know that I am not the worst looking and have a good dress sense.

I have posted here a few times about that there was a girl giving me all the signals to go over and talk to her but I ran away and kicked myself for weeks after but only to do the same thing again a few weeks later like I never learn my lesson.

I am still the exact same when I am drunk, yeah I might talk a bit more sh1te but still cant go over and talk to a girl.

It has been said to me to join clubs and that but I am already play sport but the only problem with that is its all males in my sport and don't have much time to join any other clubs.

Like its all well and good getting advice from here on what I should do but I know myself I wont do anything about it which is the worst thing because I know what I have to do but I wont do it because I don't want to look like a fool but yet I am perfectly happy with not doing anything and then kicking myself about it everyday there after thus getting myself really down.

Sorry if the post was all over the place but I haven't had much sleep over the last few days.

Kevster

What are you waiting for my friend? ...Life is short, and you will forever rue these missed opportunities unless you adopt a proactive approach to your life. This isn't exclusive to just girls - it applies to everythign. For example, at university, you will be the first to give a presentation from now on; and you will be the one who starts an assignment on the day that it's given. Get things done promptly and stop lazing around.

If my words come across as slightly harsh to you, then good, because that it what my intention is. I was in your position when I was your age, and I hated it. I thought to myself: 'Do I want to be 40 and still missing opportunities?' The answer of course is 'no', and therefore I adopted a truly amazing ability to just dive head-first into things and be as efficient as hell. So, stop wasting time - you have work to do.

Rejection can be fun, so don't fear any ounce of it.

Kevin

LegacyUser

OP I have the exact same problem youve described. Im quite a happy confident person generally but am a complete failure when it comes to approaching women. Im not even bad at talking to women and Im not that shy a person I just cant go up to them and spark a chat. I think theres extra pressure now because my friends are waiting for me to talk to women on nights out and I never do, so the rare time I actually do I think they kind of watch me. They dont do this to have a laugh, i think its more the opposite, they genuinely want me to pull.
I used never be like this when I was younger, like late teens.

I think Kevstars advice is great, but only manageable in theory, its much harder in practice. Theres something more doable about diving head first into things like presentations, or starting assignments etc, or even volunteering to lead or organize a group, but I cant describe the blockage that comes when it comes to approaching women.

Its such a waste of the one life we have!!!

Just thought Id empathize

LegacyUser

Agree with Kevstar, you just need to dive straight in and if you fail try again..not with the same girl of course..

One of my mates theories is if you approach about 50 girls in a nightclub at least one of them will be up for it!!Nobody cares if you get rejected.

It's all about confidence really and the more you do it the more confident/better you'll get with the ladies... and you never know you might even get approached by a girl on a night out then what would you do??

Just get plenty of vodka into you and away you go..

Eve_Dublin

Kevster wrote: »

What are you waiting for my friend? ...Life is short, and you will forever rue these missed opportunities unless you adopt a proactive approach to your life. This isn't exclusive to just girls - it applies to everythign. For example, at university, you will be the first to give a presentation from now on; and you will be the one who starts an assignment on the day that it's given. Get things done promptly and stop lazing around.

If my words come across as slightly harsh to you, then good, because that it what my intention is. I was in your position when I was your age, and I hated it. I thought to myself: 'Do I want to be 40 and still missing opportunities?' The answer of course is 'no', and therefore I adopted a truly amazing ability to just dive head-first into things and be as efficient as hell. So, stop wasting time - you have work to do.

Rejection can be fun, so don't fear any ounce of it.

Kevin

This is fantastic advice.

Kevster

ummm, you're welcome. I've gone from being so agoraphobic that I'd lock myself in the toilet at home, to actually hating being at home and preferring to be outside exploring my surroundings. I really have gone from one extreme to another.

Keep pushing hard and never be afraid to make mistakes. We learn from mistakes and it makes us better people.