Slave in my own home

LegacyUser

Ok so Im going un-reg with this one as Im a regular poster. 9months ago I gave birth to a lil baby girl, Im in my early 20s and it came as a total shock. myself and my boyfriend parted due to the pregnancy and a few other things.

When I had my lil girl I had no money so my only option was to move back in with my parents. They have been so supportive and I am really appreciative to them, but heres my problem

I feel like a total slave in the house, everyday I hoover the whole house, make the dinners,do the washing etc etc I didnt mind until the other day when my mother passed a comment saying "this house is a total mess" and then said "am I the only one that does anything around here". Hello for the past 9 monts she hasnt done a thing and then she makes out like Im some lazy bitch that does nothing all day except watch the tv.

Just looking for other peoples opinions on the matter

wexford202

The reality is OP that when you move home you are fully expected to do ver and above to earn your own keep.

Maybe your mother was a little harsh nt to notice but I am sure she is at a stage in her life where she doesn't overly enjoy abby things lying around and nappies in the house again.

Be grateful that you have somewhere to go and the time will hopefully come where you can get your own place.

lolli

Op,

Are both your parents working? if they are I'd say its only fair that you do your share of housework when they are out working. If your mother is home then too the house work should be shared.

I know it can be tough but its great that your parents are being supportive. Many wouldn't be. Perhaps sit down with them and talk it through with them. Tell them how you are feeling

tinkerbell

Errr hang on ... why are you hoovering every single day? A house does not need to be hoovered every day.

Are you working at the moment? Are your parents working?

Whynotme

I posted a long time ago about my daughter and feeling the way your mum does. My main problem was not the dusting and the hoovering, it was the childs mess. The toys, utensils etc that I tripped over every day when I came in from work. It was my beautiful grand-daughter meeting me at the door every day asking what was for dinner! I vented. It frustrated me. But it did not mean I wanted them gone, or that I took her for granted. It was what I saw not what she saw/did. It was also the fact that once her daughter was in bed and if I had no plans she took off. It meant if I wanted to do something on the spur of the moment I couldn't. Unfortunately things went bad one night and I flipped. She only heard the negative and she walked. For weeks she wouldn't look/speak to me. I had to push and threaten to go to court for access to my gd. She then slowly came round. We talked. And talked. She now lives alone with her daughter, I have gd over sleepovers, and we see each other all the time. We get on brilliant, we just couldn't live together.

What I am saying is, speak to your mum. Don't leave it til a row erupts. She may be seeing what I saw and is a bit frustrated. She probably loves having you there but has also done her 'time'. She has raised her family and was enjoying some peace and quiet. Let her know you appreciate her, she will come back with the same, believe me! Also let her know that it isn't easy for you being back in the family home, that you miss your independence. She will totally understand and appreciate your maturity.:D

chuckles30

I'd say whynotme has spoken a lot of sense there. Perhaps your mam was after having a bad day? She's gotten used to her own space. Now her house has all the baby stuff around.......and babies do require a lot of stuff that takes up space.....even when you've cleaned and tidied as much as you can. My neighbours are always saying how big my kitchen is....now we all live in identical houses in an estate & the kitchens are the same size.......but they all have babies and toddlers & all the stuff.....high chairs, bouncers, walkers, toys etc etc.....is taking up all the spare space.

Have you tried looking for a council house or apartment? It might help if you could look into moving out into your own place......sometimes a bit of distance can help the relationship.

xzanti

chuckles30 wrote: »

Have you tried looking for a council house or apartment? It might help if you could look into moving out into your own place......sometimes a bit of distance can help the relationship.

I'd agree with that, I've heard it said numerous times that 2 mothers living under the same roof never works, there's always conflict whether it be over the house being messy or the grandmother interfering (or it being seen as interfering) in the raising of the child etc...

Are you not entitled to rent allowance?

eviltwin

Slave when I was 20 I was in the same boat. I was living at home with my parents and my daughter while saving for my own place.

My mother would give me a really hard time about everything even though I was living with my brother and sister who were just as messy and didnt do a tap

Looking back on it I think it was just that she hated sharing the house with a baby, it put her out and she wouldn't have put me out of the house but at the same time it really annoyed her and I suppose this was just her way of venting.

But in saying that I think you are doing a LOT!!

Have you tried talking to her about it? Your daughter is still tiny and will be taking up much of your time, does your mother even realise this do you think?

nesbitt

Many years ago I returned from UK with my eldest daughter on my own... I worked full time and ended up having to live with my parents.

However the dynamic of the relationship between my parents and myself changed dramatically during this time and must say they treated me like a teenager and very differently to my other siblings. I saved up for the deposit for my first house and moved out as fast as I could.

I do agree with other posters that your parents may want to help you but feel overwhelmed with you being back under their roof with your baby.

Sit down and talk to your parents about the situation. Research all your options for housing, get yourself on the housing list etc.