confussed?

turkelton

hi guys first post not sure if its the right section..


i have been with my current girlfriend for just over 4 years, we love each other so much but recently she graduated college and took a temperory job in dublin(We are from Galway) i would have gone with her but i work for my father and i couldnt get work up there, its ok she comes home most weekends. Anyways while shes away i have been spend alot of time with my friends at home who recently moved in across the road from me.Its a young couple and another girl, i know them very well we went to school together, The other girl and me are good friends and recently i feel like im falling for her,and from the way she acts around me i think she could be too. What should i do? i dont wanna tell my girlfriend for fear of leaving me and i dont want to tell her because i could be made a fool of and ruin our friendship.. but its eatting away at me. i cant tell anybody because i dont want anyone to know..

please help, for for the long post..

minidazzler

AVoid the other girl like the plague. You are already thinking of cheating it seems so just stay well away.

She is only gone temporarily, why don't you keep applying for work in Dublin and eventually when you get a job move there.

turkelton

im not gonna lie i have tought of cheating, but thats as far as it would ever go, as for avoiding her its alot easier said then as we work next store to each other and she always calls into me,Also she calls over to my place alot because of the young couple she lives with need there space sometimes! I cant tell not to vist it or i would have to explain why.. i have been appyling for ages now and still waiting to hear back..

Terodil

turkelton wrote: »

im not gonna lie i have tought of cheating, but thats as far as it would ever go, as for avoiding her its alot easier said then as we work next store to each other and she always calls into me,Also she calls over to my place alot because of the young couple she lives with need there space sometimes! I cant tell not to vist it or i would have to explain why.. i have been appyling for ages now and still waiting to hear back..

You're lying to yourself there. If you really wanted to not have contact with her, then you could. So what if she comes round to your place? Say you're busy. Be as distant as you should be and she'll get the message without you having to explain.

Realise what you have and what you don't want, and act accordingly, don't look for excuses not to act as required.

opinion guy

Terodil wrote: »

You're lying to yourself there. If you really wanted to not have contact with her, then you could. So what if she comes round to your place? Say you're busy. Be as distant as you should be and she'll get the message without you having to explain.

Realise what you have and what you don't want, and act accordingly, don't look for excuses not to act as required.

Gotta say I disagree with this. I think that's kinda rude (and if hed does this we'll be reading a post from someone saying my friend won't talk to me anymore and i don't know why - men are bastards...etc etc). If someone I thought was a friend treated me like that I'd be pissed and want to know why. I think there are 3 options here OP without being rude to someone
a) talk to the girl, tell her u need a bit of space - u don't necessarily have to say why
b) realise that whatever u feel - telling either of them will only make life more complicated. stop worrying, put it to the back of your mind and ce cera cera
c) ask urself really really hard. is this just a passing crush or is this something u need to have a serious think about?

I realise my 3 answers are contradictory. I'm ok with that. Life is complicated.

Now I do have one other question - what the hell is the following sentence about? :

i have been appyling for ages now and still waiting to hear back..

turkelton

the sentance was about how i was appyling for jobs in dublin cuz thats wer my girlfriend is,

tonite i was over at hers cuz i was helping the lad that lives with her wit a few jobs and she wasnt there and wasnt suppose to be coming home, she arrived home and there was a few of us there watchin a dvd, everyone left and it was just us 2 we were chattin away and she went to kiss me, i pulled away in time, now i really dont know what to think .. should i tell my girlfriend she tryed to kiss me? i know its awful but at the back of my mind i kinda wish i didnt pull away, this makes me think its more then just a passing crush.. i want to tell my girlfriend but i dont want to hurt her feelings its eatting me inside..

Terodil

Look, OP, make up your mind and make your choice! Your indecisiveness is the heart of the problem. As long as you don't know who you want to be with you're going to hurt people, your girlfriend, your friend, and yourself.

You know this already yet you fail to act on it. Nobody can get you out of this plight if not yourself. Realise that you cannot continue sitting on the fence like that, you need to make a decision, and fast. Wondering if you should tell your girlfriend about the friend's attempt to kiss you or not is opening a side issue, which is convenient because you don't need to worry about the main thing... which is where your heart is.

I don't think I need to point out how unfair you're being on your girlfriend and on your friend. You are seriously stepping in (emotional) cheating territory.

Make up your mind and either break up with your girlfriend so you can be with your friend, or draw a clear line to your friend (~ I like you as a friend, but please respect that I'm in a relationship and do not want to take this any further).

Good luck.

minidazzler

turkelton wrote: »

the sentance was about how i was appyling for jobs in dublin cuz thats wer my girlfriend is,

tonite i was over at hers cuz i was helping the lad that lives with her wit a few jobs and she wasnt there and wasnt suppose to be coming home, she arrived home and there was a few of us there watchin a dvd, everyone left and it was just us 2 we were chattin away and she went to kiss me, i pulled away in time, now i really dont know what to think .. should i tell my girlfriend she tryed to kiss me? i know its awful but at the back of my mind i kinda wish i didnt pull away, this makes me think its more then just a passing crush.. i want to tell my girlfriend but i dont want to hurt her feelings its eatting me inside..

You have a choice here. Your GF of 4 years who you claim to love. Or this new girl who you are friendly with.

Make it.

Does the New girl know you have a GF? OP, personally I think you actually just like the attention of the new girl. Going to eachothers apartments, she seems to be just a surrogate for your GF.

If you want to leave your GF then fine, but DO NOT tell your GF tht this girl tried to kiss you if you don't want it to end.

Explaining to this girl that you can't remain friends is bound to be alot easier than explaining to your GF that you are breaking up with her.

But it's your choice, who do you want more?

You work NEXT to this girl, not with her, that is an easy case of just avoiding eyecontact after you explain why ye can't be friends

Taltos

Turk

there is a good chance here that what you are feeling is all just transference...

Here's how I see it without actually being in your head.
> with GF for 4 yrs - pretty constantly - loads of affection etc
> now alone for most of the week; this affection - whether it is holding hands etc is missing.
> so subconsciously you are craving this.
> now you get attention from another person - your mind latches onto this like a drowning man...

Do I think you are attracted to this girl - Yup.
But - do you really think it will work - Nope... Why?
1) well she is willing to go after a guy who is in a LT relationship
2) will she trust you when she goes away?
3) will you trust her?

You might be friends with her - but you need to sever all ties if you want to stay with your GF.
Should you tell her this girl tried to kiss you? No - why torture her - she is miles away and this will just prey on her mind.

So - walk away - do not get left alone with her - tell her in NO uncertain terms you are in a long term committed loving relationship and nothing can happen & (most importantly here) you do NOT want anything to happen.
Then redouble your efforts to join your GF
& finally - DO NOT get left alone with other girl - or go out for drinks in a group - we all know what alcohol does to inhibitions.

As someone faced with a similar scenario I am really glad I had the gumption to just say no...