Agro at work

gaeilgegrinds · 22-09-2009 4:38pm #1

Two young teachers in my school are not getting along. Now it's not that they are at each others throats, more that he constantly cuts her off and laughs inappropriately at her. The female teacher has come to me and her other senior friend on the staff and said she can't cope. How would any of ye deal with this? The issues are minute but he really is bordering on bullying in my professional opinion.

ulysses32 · 22-09-2009 4:45pm

The teacher, or confidante, must approach the colleague in question and say what behaviour they find inappropriate/ demeaning and ask for it to stop. This doesn't need to be done in a confrontational manner, it may just be something that the confidante has "noticed".

gaeilgegrinds · 22-09-2009 4:49pm

It's very underhand though. Genuinely, he's a smart man. Always seems to be when she's on her own or very subtley. I've only picked up on it as I see her shaking afterwards. She's well able to go and this surprises me. She won't even tell us what it's all about but she had a panic attack in the bathrooms today and broke down. He's a real jock and everyone loves him but I really feel he's got some strange hold on her. She's a fantastic teacher and a real asset to the school.

daisyjane · 22-09-2009 4:51pm

Do you not have someone in your school to report bullying within staff to? It's never come up in my own school but we have 3 designated staff members who bullying is to be reported to.
It's a disgrace that it should continue. Go to management immediately imo

gaeilgegrinds · 22-09-2009 4:55pm

She's afraid they won't believe her though. And I can see her point...how does one get evidence for a bullying issue? I've decided to meet her outside school and asked her to pop up here later as all I can think of is seeing her in bits today. We have no designated bullying person on our staff.

gaeilgebeo · 22-09-2009 5:46pm

gaeilgegrinds wrote: »

She's afraid they won't believe her though. And I can see her point...how does one get evidence for a bullying issue? I've decided to meet her outside school and asked her to pop up here later as all I can think of is seeing her in bits today. We have no designated bullying person on our staff.

Gaeilgegrinds, my only advice is to thread carefully on any bullying issue. I realise you are being a good friend and I know the young teacher needs someone to confide in but I would be reluctant to get too involved. If it turned into a bullying or harassment case, I'm sure you wouldn't want to be dragged through all the paperwork and procedures that go with such a serious issue.

(As for her getting evidence, she should be keeping a record of ALL incidents no matter how serious)

Fad · 22-09-2009 6:18pm

ulysses32 wrote: »

The teacher, or confidante, must approach the colleague in question and say what behaviour they find inappropriate/ demeaning and ask for it to stop. This doesn't need to be done in a confrontational manner, it may just be something that the confidante has "noticed".

That sounds like the ideal solution, but surely you realise, real life doesnt really work like that?

Sounds like he never left secondary school for long enough.

ulysses32 · 22-09-2009 6:40pm

This is how the real world works! Each school/ workplace should have a bullying/ harrassment policy.

Usually the first step would be to approach and request the behaviour cease. It might be as simple as "Do you mind not doing that, it really offends me."

As mentioned earlier, one of the staff designated to assist in such practices should be used, or at least accompany the person.

The next step may involve official complaints, mediation, etc.

freire · 22-09-2009 6:56pm

gaeilgebeo wrote: »

I would be reluctant to get too involved. If it turned into a bullying or harassment case, I'm sure you wouldn't want to be dragged through all the paperwork and procedures that go with such a serious issue.

It only takes people to stand idly by for evil to prosper. I'm paraphrasing but you get the idea.

roxychix · 22-09-2009 6:56pm

that poor girl should not have to tolerate that sort of behaviour from another member of staff. what he is doing is a form of bullying and harassmet and should be dealt with immediately. maybe dont get yourself to involved in the situation maybe just tell this girl to speak to the other in teacher in private when he is not in front of the other "lads" etc. realistically this fella has issues of his own if he feels the need to hurt this girl. she needs to stand up to him. just to clarify has there been any personal dealings (relationship) between these two teachers outside school hours.

ytareh · 22-09-2009 7:32pm

Hmmm...lots of self assured people jumping to conclusions here ...(I bet ye know which way youre voting in the referendum)Id hate to see some of you lot on a jury of a guy falsely accused of rape ...How can we know the real background to this case -even the OP seems a bit unsure of the seriousness of this ...

"The issues are minute but he really is BORDERING on bullying"

Id be far more interested in :

"She's well able to go and this surprises me. She won't even tell us what it's all about but she had a panic attack in the bathrooms today and broke down. He's a real jock and everyone loves him but I really feel he's got some strange hold on her"

There could be ANYTHING behind this and while it does seem yer man is just a bit of a loudmouth I cant believe none of you ladies in touch with yer emotions havent considered INFATUATION/UNREQUITED LOVE .My 2c worth...

TheDriver · 22-09-2009 10:51pm

think I have seen this happen in my staffroom and other places and I agree with the poster regarding stepping back and seeing what this is about. It may not be bullying at all and it really needs to be addressed by the staff member approaching the other guy and asking why he keeps making comments etc. I would be very slow to go down any official routes until it is established what exactly is the problem. I have seen people say things which they don't realise cause harm, I have seen people take too much to heart, and I have seen genuine bullying. Thread carefully and advise to keep it simple and see how it goes until the FACTS are established.

Rosita · 22-09-2009 11:47pm

ytareh wrote: »

Hmmm...lots of self assured people jumping to conclusions here ...(I bet ye know which way youre voting in the referendum)Id hate to see some of you lot on a jury of a guy falsely accused of rape ...How can we know the real background to this case -even the OP seems a bit unsure of the seriousness of this ...

"The issues are minute but he really is BORDERING on bullying"

Id be far more interested in :

"She's well able to go and this surprises me. She won't even tell us what it's all about but she had a panic attack in the bathrooms today and broke down. He's a real jock and everyone loves him but I really feel he's got some strange hold on her"

There could be ANYTHING behind this and while it does seem yer man is just a bit of a loudmouth I cant believe none of you ladies in touch with yer emotions havent considered INFATUATION/UNREQUITED LOVE .My 2c worth...

I'm not sure it is a case of people jumping to conclusions. More a case I would say of people assuming that the case as presented and elaborated on further by the original poster can be taken as a reasonably accurate picture of how the issue is seen from the perspetive of one of the players at least.

Your are right "There could be ANYTHING behind this" but assumptions of such amateur psychology regarding the genesis of the situation does not make the situation either acceptable or tolerable. Panic attacks and breaking down is hardly normal behaviour whatever the previous form, and it hardly deserves to be dismissed out of hand.

It sounds like an American school in fairness, one teacher's a "real jock" and the other is breaking down in the "bathrooms"!

spurious · 23-09-2009 5:47pm

Has somebody pointed out to him that it is possible his remarks and comments are hurting someone?

In CDVEC we have a set of volunteer 'resolution facilitators'. Often times, people who are being experienced as hugely intimidatory and 'bullying' by another staff member are genuinely shocked when it is pointed out to them and in the majority of cases, stop.

gaeilgegrinds · 27-09-2009 8:05pm

It was pointed out to him. He laughed it off. Other way around regarding the unrequited love, she's got a man, he wanted her to cheat. Not what this is about though according to her. Been handed over now so hopefully someone more senior than me will get to the bottom of it.

Agro at work

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