Age Difference?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Just a quick question - Does an age difference really matter?

Last friday night while I was out i met a guy who is 42. Im 22. We had such a laugh.

He ended up coming back to my apartment and we had a few drinks and ended up in bed - depsite my initial thoughts.

Anyway we when we woke up on Saturday - we continued to laugh and chat and spent the whole day in bed till about 4 o clock when i dropped him home to his folks house where his car was and i went out to the girls.

On speaking to the girls - the general consensus was that to give it a chance should he text and see what happens.

He is 20 years younger then my dad and 20 years older then me. My eldest sister who is 34 reckons i should give this a shot.

So sunday night i get a message asking me out for dinner during the week - so i replied lastnight and agreed.

I just need to know your general opinion. I know men go for younger women but am i to young?

On speaking to a male friend - he said im young enough to be his daughter and he reckons the fact im just out of a bad relationship my confidence is low and im looking for comfort and compliments. He also said im a goodlooking girl and no wonder this guy is chasing me. Imagine him walking into the locals with a young 22 year old blonde on his arm.

I kind of agree.

Appreciate your opinions!

LegacyUser

Age doesn't matter but what is going to matter is how you react to what other people think of the gap. I know it's not a major deal but I'm 24 going with a gal who's 19. Some people think that's a bit of a gap but when you're confident in your relationship it doesn't matter. With your age gap you will get it on all fronts! In public, family, friends.... Make sure it's what you want. It might end up getting you down!

From the sounds of it I'd say you might be jumping the gun. Do you even know him that well? It sounds like a one night stand. You might consider keeping it quiet until you find out if you really really like him....

GigaByte

How do you think you'll feel in 10 years time when he's 52 and your 32 etc...

Wagon

unregistered wrote: »

On speaking to a male friend - he said im young enough to be his daughter and he reckons the fact im just out of a bad relationship my confidence is low and im looking for comfort and compliments.

He's talking sense. I know that people say "age is just a number" but I think that at 22 and 42 you are both at very different stages in life and realistically a relationship won't work. It's even less realistic if you are harbouring feelings for an ex and are just looking for comfort with someone. And say for instance that he is genuinally interested and you realise that you aren't really interested in a relationship with him after the initial stages. You could really hurt the chap. From what you said above though...

He also said im a goodlooking girl and no wonder this guy is chasing me. Imagine him walking into the locals with a young 22 year old blonde on his arm.

I kind of agree.

...i doubt this is likely.

I wouldn't be considering a relationship with anyone, regardless of age, until you're completely over this ex. It just won't work otherwise and it'll save you many headaches if you just give yourself a little time.

cruizer101

I think you have to ask yourself what is it you want out of the realtionship before you can really answer that question.

If its just a bit of fun, and if thats all he wants too, fine, enjoy yourself let him treat you have fun.

If its more you need to think about it a bit more, even find out what he is looking for. In my opinion it is quite an age gap and I wouldn't do it myself but if it works for you go with it.

Elmer Blooker

Lucky b******

Silverfish

Elmer Blooker wrote: »

Lucky b******

Unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

Please read the charter before posting

thank you.

Peggypeg

Hey, I went out with a guy for 5 years that was almost 15 years older, it didn't end well and I regret being in that relationship now. It was a huge waste of both our time, he wasted 5 years of his life when he should have been getting married, having kids etc (that's what he wanted) and I wasted 5 years when I should have been out having fun with people my own age. I would steer clear of going out with anyone that much older than you.

snowy2008

if you like him fire ahead, what do u like about him? i dated a guy who was 15yrs older that me but saying that i was younger and he was very wealthy but after a while found my idea of fun and his was completly different, so in a nutshell if it feels right go for it, its only dinner not a marriage proposal

Wibbs

Well speaking as a member of the elderly brigade and the same age as this guy I would have serious doubts personally with a 22 year old woman. Even for a fling funny enough, but defo for anything more solid. Not so much the 20 year gap but as wagon said different stages in life. 30 and 50? Not so much of an issue at all. For me I would be concerned about us going out for a few years and she then figuring she wanted to move on. That's a risk with any relationship, but at that age a much bigger risk IMHO.

The ex situation is not a good sign, but that also depends a lot on the nature of the ex relationship. If that was a toxic one it will take time to process, but a new person can help that way. Then again I would be concerned that when I helped she would move on(common enough IME). If it wasn't toxic and there were feelings still there, danger Will Robinson.

In the end though what we think really doesn't mean squat. Its what you and he think. All relationships have things set against them. Some have few, most have some and others have a lot. Even still that doesn't mean this won't work for you. I can think of two relationships not a million miles away from this age gap that work and work well, long term too. I know it's an awful cliche, but age is a number and it depends so much on the individual. I can think of a fair few 40yr olds and up that are more full of life(and look it) than many 20 yr olds.

helimachoptor

OP.. you dropped him to his parents house.. if he's still still living at home @ 42...

Wagon

helimachoptor wrote: »

OP.. you dropped him to his parents house.. if he's still still living at home @ 42...

Could be good reason for it, what with people losing their jobs and not being able to afford the rent etc... It happens.

Then again, if it was just laziness and wanting to remain at home, it's a different story...

Emme

helimachoptor wrote: »

OP.. you dropped him to his parents house.. if he's still still living at home @ 42...

That's why I thought as well! :eek:

I'd say to the OP take time to get over your ex, date a few different guys and don't tie yourself down for a while. There's no harm in meeting the 42 year old once or twice but your friend is right, you could probably do much better in the long run.

LegacyUser

Thanks all.

He is a very wealthy man - so not living at home. He has a house out in the countryside but stays out in the folks the odd weekend when he is sailing.

I know "off" him obviously we are both from the same area and its small enough that his repuatation proceeds him.

Obviously i am attracted to him and to be honest im not your average 22 year old. I grew up in a house with older sisters and brothers. The next to me is 29 so im mature for my age which apparently is the reason the this man doesnt find this a problem.


But i agree that we are at completely different life stages - i want to travel and see the world and surely he is 42 owns his own house and businesses - he cant just up and travel you know?

But then who am i not to give it a chance?

Barracudaincork

There is a saying "Id rather be a old mans darling, than a young mans slave"

If you like him as much as you appear to, then why not give it a try. grab the bull by the horns and live a little, who knows what will happen, but you gotta try to find out!!!

Emme

unregistered wrote: »

Thanks all.

He is a very wealthy man - so not living at home. He has a house out in the countryside but stays out in the folks the odd weekend when he is sailing.

I know "off" him obviously we are both from the same area and its small enough that his repuatation proceeds him.

Obviously i am attracted to him and to be honest im not your average 22 year old. I grew up in a house with older sisters and brothers. The next to me is 29 so im mature for my age which apparently is the reason the this man doesnt find this a problem.


But i agree that we are at completely different life stages - i want to travel and see the world and surely he is 42 owns his own house and businesses - he cant just up and travel you know?

But then who am i not to give it a chance?

Indeed, why not? And you might even get to do a bit of travelling to nice spots with him seeing as he is comfortably off.

Now, I'll probably get red carded for this but here goes anyway, does anybody know of any poor 42 year old men who attract 22 year olds? :rolleyes:

snowy2008

im wondering if hes a lovely person and loaded, why isnt he married by now, id take it handy regardless, go with the flow and let us know how you get on

dogbert27

Your eldest sister who is 34 told you to give this guy a shot?! Is this because of who this guy is? (as in a rich guy)
Would your eldest brother tell you to give this guy a shot or your mom and dad??

I know if I had a 22 year old sister or a daughter who told me she's with a 42 year old guy I'd go through the roof and start looking for the shotgun!!

You say you knew who this guy was because you live in a small area so you knew about his circumstances, i.e. rich business man, but if some random 42 year old tried to chat you up on a night out would you really give him the time of day?

LegacyUser

I will keep it in mind.

I will let you all know how dinner goes tomorrow.

My brother is 32 and is in the same club he is in. I havent mentioned it to my brother or folks yet. As i dont really think there is anything to tell given that we havent been out together yet. Tomorrow being the first night.

I dont think he is single for any reason that i should be worried about. And just because he is wealthy - thats not the reason im interested in the first place. I was none the wiser of the money and other things untill he told me on the saturday - AFTER i had kissed him. I knew of him when i met him but not how wealthy he is.

Wagon

Ah here, if it's cos he's rich and old and exiting then don't expect it to be long term. The attraction will wear off when the crusty old man shows up in him but hey, its your life.

LegacyUser

Sorry - its nothing to do with him being old and exiting. I cant believe you all would think that.

Clearly its not all about the money and him " exiting" and i should hope at 42 he still has years left to have children should he wish and to be happy.

My problem is the age difference and nothing more. I find him attractive and funny.

Terodil

dogbert27 wrote: »

Would your eldest brother tell you to give this guy a shot or your mom and dad??

I know if I had a 22 year old sister or a daughter who told me she's with a 42 year old guy I'd go through the roof and start looking for the shotgun!!

Why? And who would you go after?

Just to be clear before I hit the red button...

dogbert27

dogbert27 wrote: »

Your eldest sister who is 34 told you to give this guy a shot?! Is this because of who this guy is? (as in a rich guy)
Would your eldest brother tell you to give this guy a shot or your mom and dad??

I know if I had a 22 year old sister or a daughter who told me she's with a 42 year old guy I'd go through the roof and start looking for the shotgun!!

God forbid a grown woman have the freedom to make her own decisions

stick a burka on her as well there

Emme

unregistered wrote: »

My brother is 32 and is in the same club he is in.

Sounds good, you won't have to get a PI to check this new fella out so.

unregistered wrote: »

I was none the wiser of the money and other things untill he told me on the saturday - AFTER i had kissed him. I knew of him when i met him but not how wealthy he is.

Ah come on now. He's from the same area as you, you knew "of" him as you said yourself and he's in the same club as your brother. And you didn't have an inkling how wealthy he is. Right.:rolleyes:

I wish you the very best on your date but something tells me you wouldn't touch this chap with a barge pole unless he had a big.....


.....wallet!!!:D

Toto Wolfcastle

Wibbs wrote: »

Well speaking as a member of the elderly brigade

And a hawt one at that.

Emme wrote: »

Now, I'll probably get red carded for this but here goes anyway, does anybody know of any poor 42 year old men who attract 22 year olds? :rolleyes:

Of course there are people like that out there. Not all 22 year old girls go for guys based on age. A lot of people go for personality, whether they get on well with someone.

Speaking as a 23 year old who is with a wonderful 42 year old (not Wibbs, unfortunately ) I say go for it OP, but only if you are in a place that allows you to give it a good go. If you are getting over a relationship you may well be looking for comfort and compliments. This is normal. But if you are it may not be the best idea to rush into anything. Only you can tell whether you want to have something with this man. By all means, go for dinner with him, have fun, but try not to get too close until you are sure about what you want. Age is not the issue here. The issue is whether you are ready to see another man after your break up.

Silverfish

Emme, Unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

Please read the charter before posting

thank you.

Emme

Silverfish wrote: »

Emme, Unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

Please read the charter before posting

thank you.

As I said earlier:

Emme wrote: »

Now, I'll probably get red carded for this...

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Silverfish

Emme, 7 days off.

Read the charter.

hornyfemale

unregistered wrote: »

My problem is the age difference and nothing more. I find him attractive and funny.

It's as good a place as any to start. I'm in a very similiar situation although a bit older than you, the gap is the same. It's very early days for us and we are taking one day at a time. My advice would be to do the same.

Please let me know how you get on. Good luck

draward

you say that he is young enough to have kids. Yes he is but when child is 21 you will be in your 40's he will be in his 60's just someting to consider.

dogbert27

Okay, for those of you who think my reaction was over the top, when does a 20 year age gap become acceptable?

42 to 22
40 to 20
38 to 18
36 to 16

By law at 18 it's acceptable but has a person really matured enough from 16 to 18?

But on a personal level when do people here think a 20 year age gap is acceptable?

Silverfish

dogbert27, if you wish to conduct a survey, please use a different forum.

This forum is for advice on problems.


Many thanks.

dogbert27

Fair enough Silverfish, I'm giving up on this thread as I'm strongly against such age differences and cannot offer objective advice.

LegacyUser

I didnt know of the money - obviously i knew off him and that he sailed against my brother in the leagues but i didnt know that he owned the boat or any of his other personal circumstances untill he told me on the Saturday.

Well he said he would call me this evening after work to organise dinner - so i guess i will update you all tomorrow.

Why wouldnt i be comfortable having a 21 year old in my forties?

Anyway its a first date - hardly an invitation to move in with him and have children.

Thanks for all your thoughts and opinions - Granted its not Ideal but who knows what could happen.

As for me being just interested in his wallet - i think i earn quite enough in my job and have my own apartment and car - why would i need to have a man to support me?

Moomoo1

age is just a number. Stages of life are different with different people.

Just treat him like a man of your age asking you out. This is _all_.

lynzul86

Hey OP,
For what its worth, my current OH and I have a similar age difference if not a bit more and we've been dating for the best part of a year now! I had a lot of doubts when we started dating first and of course everyone else felt like they were free to comment on it to, however when people started seeing us together they were genuinely suprised at how compatible we were. And after a while you don't even think of the age difference..I'd say give it a shot anyways - where's the harm in dinner? If it doesn't work out, no harm done (at least you won't regret not giving it a shot) but you might be pleasantly suprised at how much in common ye have!

snowy2008

well op, how did lat night go?!

LegacyUser

Hi All,

Well lastnight went amazingly well - He text and said hope your not expecting anything Fancy - House at 8. So i said House is perfect see you there.

So as i went to leave my apartment he was outside in the car waiting for me. Which was nice. Dinner was lovely and we talked for hours. It was really nice and we had such a good time and he called me when he got home and said he had a great night too.

There was small moments where i was aware that a couple he knew we staring over at us but it was such a good evening that majority of the time i felt that it was just the two of us.

He asked to see me tonight for an Arthur Guinness pint but i said i would be with friends and i would let him know if i was around.

Want to take it slow!

Thanks all - Didnt feel there was an age gap at all.