To all new parents (Dads)

yogidc26

Just to let you know thats it not as bad as us paernts make out you will have the best time of your life with your kids (and the worst) but that one little look up from them and your hart will melt.

This is more for dads as I'm one my self I used to be a bit of a Jack the Lad out every weekend on the piss with boys. If I was asked if I want childen " No way feck that may be when im 40 ill have one" but here I am with two kids 31 and I love them to bits I would not change my life for all the beer in Germany were all up since 5 30 this morning my wife and me joke that a few years ago we would just be getting in to bed at this time not like now 10pm and were all fast a sleep.

I found that when my wife was having our two that it ment nothing to me for the first nine months it all happens to her so if your feel like this as I know a lot of men do this is normal just tell her what she wants to hear if you dont with all the hormones flying around you wont have long to live:( but read up on everthing thats going on inside it helped me.

When you get to the hospital just try and stay out of the way, help your partner as much as you can ( it wont be much) and let the midwifes do what they do best and in a few hours you will have your baby. Id cry like a baby when our two were born it was the two best days of my life (a part from Leinster winning the heineken cup and Ireland winning the grand slam). After a few hours I thought something was wrong with me I was thinking to my self why dont I love this baby as much as my wife does from the moment they were their she love them like she had never loved anything before but for me it didn't happen like that dont get me wrong I would have done anything for them but I think cause they weren't in side me for 9 months that I didn't have that link with them.

To me anyway a Father love is a bit like a fire that will never go out it will start off small but the more you add the biger it will get and my even take over the world:D

You will never look back and best of all even if you dont know what you doing (like most of us dont) you will get to play with all their toys and have a lot of fun

Best of luck to all new parents

Sorry about the rant just something that was on my mind

Noffles

Personally I think it is as bad as parents make out... yes there are "nice" times but they're out weighed... well, initially they are.

Don't get me wrong things do improve, at some stage I'm sure, mine is 14 and I'm still waiting?????

yogidc26

Noffles wrote: »

Personally I think it is as bad as parents make out... yes there are "nice" times but they're out weighed... well, initially they are.

Don't get me wrong things do improve, at some stage I'm sure, mine is 14 and I'm still waiting?????

Sorry I just dont see it like that, they way i look at it is life can be bad as you make it if you look at it the wrong way, you have to try and just remember the good times forget the bad and just learn from them

ebmma

yogidc26 wrote: »

I found that when my wife was having our two that it ment nothing to me for the first nine months it all happens to her so if your feel like this as I know a lot of men do this is normal just tell her what she wants to hear if you dont with all the hormones flying around you wont have long to live:( but read up on everthing thats going on inside it helped me.

Hi! I'm a girl and expecting and funny thing is I feel like you do - means nothing to me, even though there's something growing inside me.
I just can't get my head around it, still dn't believe anything is happening. Probably will believe once it's born.

My husband is the opposite though - he accepted it all straight away and seems to understand it all way better.

Noffles

A tad sugar coated for me....

furiousox

Noffles wrote: »

Personally I think it is as bad as parents make out... yes there are "nice" times but they're out weighed... well, initially they are.

Don't get me wrong things do improve, at some stage I'm sure, mine is 14 and I'm still waiting?????

Agreed, the toll children take on a marriage is too high.
l'd take a bullet for my kids but if l had my time over again l would not have children, absolutely not.

ebmma

Noffles wrote: »

A tad sugar coated for me....

sorry for getting into thread for dads, but there seems to be a lot of sugar-coating in parenting. Which I find a bit annoying because it doesn't look like that can be true.
Is that because people think that they are being bad parents if they don't project the rosy sugary picture of their life out?

yogidc26

Hold on a min I'm posting for the hart this is how I feel and how my life is right now may be in a few years ill change my mind. Sorry if a lot of people dont find it like this but a lot of people I know feel the same as me. We are not rich far from it we just want to make our life and our kids the best we can we live ever moment we can to have fun YES we kill each other at time but this is life get and we just get on with it :mad:

furiousox

furiousox wrote: »

Agreed, the toll children take on a marriage is too high.
l'd take a bullet for my kids but if l had my time over again l would not have children, absolutely not.

l'm speakin' from the heart too, for me parenthood is overrated.
We have been in marriage counselling, problem wasn't us we still love each other, problem was the stress the children put on our marriage, counsellor said we needed to put ourselves first for a change not the children.

oldyouth

yogidc26 wrote: »

Just to let you know thats it not as bad as us paernts make out you will have the best time of your life with your kids (and the worst) but that one little look up from them and your hart will melt.

This is more for dads as I'm one my self I used to be a bit of a Jack the Lad out every weekend on the piss with boys. If I was asked if I want childen " No way feck that may be when im 40 ill have one" but here I am with two kids 31 and I love them to bits I would not change my life for all the beer in Germany were all up since 5 30 this morning my wife and me joke that a few years ago we would just be getting in to bed at this time not like now 10pm and were all fast a sleep.

I found that when my wife was having our two that it ment nothing to me for the first nine months it all happens to her so if your feel like this as I know a lot of men do this is normal just tell her what she wants to hear if you dont with all the hormones flying around you wont have long to live:( but read up on everthing thats going on inside it helped me.

When you get to the hospital just try and stay out of the way, help your partner as much as you can ( it wont be much) and let the midwifes do what they do best and in a few hours you will have your baby. Id cry like a baby when our two were born it was the two best days of my life (a part from Leinster winning the heineken cup and Ireland winning the grand slam). After a few hours I thought something was wrong with me I was thinking to my self why dont I love this baby as much as my wife does from the moment they were their she love them like she had never loved anything before but for me it didn't happen like that dont get me wrong I would have done anything for them but I think cause they weren't in side me for 9 months that I didn't have that link with them.

To me anyway a Father love is a bit like a fire that will never go out it will start off small but the more you add the biger it will get and my even take over the world:D

You will never look back and best of all even if you dont know what you doing (like most of us dont) you will get to play with all their toys and have a lot of fun

Best of luck to all new parents

Sorry about the rant just something that was on my mind

Self indulgent crap. Parenting is about seeing it through until they are self sufficient and beyond that if the wheels come off along the road. Give me your wisdom at the end of your journey, not the start

yogidc26

oldyouth wrote: »

Self indulgent crap. Parenting is about seeing it through until they are self sufficient and beyond that if the wheels come off along the road. Give me your wisdom at the end of your journey, not the start

I wasn't giving it to you. By the sound of it you have been throught it I was give what little i have to people that have just started out and im a few years a head of them

My be I have posted in the wrong place ill look for happier pople next time

Good luck to all new parents hope it turns out as well as it has for me and my wife so far

metrovelvet

Sorry but this is the kind of hallmark card **** that gives people post natal depression.

furiousox

yogidc26 wrote: »

I wasn't giving it to you. By the sound of it you have been throught it I was give what little i have to people that have just started out and im a few years a head of them

My be I have posted in the wrong place ill look for happier pople next time

Good luck to all new parents hope it turns out as well as it has for me and my wife so far

You expressed your experience of parenthood (so far)

So did l

So, do you want honest replies or just the "happy" ones?

mint man

yogidc26 wrote: »

My be I have posted in the wrong place ill look for happier pople next time

Good luck to all new parents hope it turns out as well as it has for me and my wife so far

thanks mate i appreciate the post,only startin a family now

yogidc26

furiousox wrote: »

You expressed your experience of parenthood (so far)

So did l

So, do you want honest replies or just the "happy" ones?

Sorry your right I just have seen that side yet

oldyouth

yogidc26 wrote: »

I wasn't giving it to you. By the sound of it you have been throught it I was give what little i have to people that have just started out and im a few years a head of them

My be I have posted in the wrong place ill look for happier pople next time

Good luck to all new parents hope it turns out as well as it has for me and my wife so far

On a bad day, didn't mean to knock the wind out of your sails

metrovelvet

Then you mustnt be doing the nightfeeds because after 4 months of no sleep you will looking for the nearest lorrie to run you over.

Voltex

Im a dad of 2 boys..and im 32..so about same age as OP.
So far parenting to me has easily been the hardest job Iv ever done...and its not just about the kids...its about how your lives, as a family are organised aswell. by that i mean..how you, your wife..your parents..inlaws..siblings all involve in your childrens lives and yours.

Iv had more arguments with my wife over my parents over involvement in my kids lives and vice versa....

Im sure Iv spent more time in temple street in the last 2 1/2 years than I ever did or all my brothers and sisters did. Theres the throw your face into your hands moment when you vist the GP only to be refered once again to the childrens hospital cause of this or that....

Then theres the times when they are sick..O.M.G..they are the hardest. You just feel so much for your kids that it actually pains you to the bones to see them upset,unhappy or unwell...and there is nothing you can do...its a total killer!!

Discipline....has any parent got this right?? I just feel like im making a toal ****fest of it. I swore as a new dad Id never smack my kids...but that was i toal load of fantasy crap. we set up the bold step....we put junior on it when ever he was naughty...and then he started putting himself on it cause it was fun!?!...when our second came along he got very very jelous..he was poking the baby in eyes..scraping at his face. In the end I had to sit him down and ex-laine that "Daddy will smack you on the hand if you hurt anyone". Iv since had to smack him id say 5 or 6 times on the back of the hand...now what i would say is that it only happens when he hurst someone and it always has to be in a controlled manner...not in temper or while agitated and only ever on the back of the hand...and it works!!

Look...being a parent..and in particulr a Dad is very very tough..its a thankless job...but i have to say Im so very proud of myself,my wife and my children...and i would do absolutly anything for them,totally...they are the focus and centre of my life...but hey lets be realistic about it all

rachael1987

I totally agree with the op.

Having my kids is the best thing that has ever happend to me and my family . I am a mother of two and a fulltime childminder in my own home for three other children .(Im NOT sugarcoating anything ) I know children are hard work !!!! I work with them everyday ontop of raising my two (3yr old daughter and 5 month old son ) But Being a parent and watching your child grow and learn and knowing that you are the one that has taught them how to walk and talk and get them through each milestone of their life is a joy like no other . It is tough but the good times will always weigh out the bad and when you feel like crying one look at your little one and the smile will be back on your face .:)

For people that say that if they could turn back time they wouldn't have kids ............A child doesn't ask to be born , parents have to be responsible for bringing their children into this world mistake or not! My first child was expected suprise and my second was planned .I don't regret having my children for one sec and never will.:mad:

To new parents don't be scared take each day as it comes and remember that they are only children and that you are in control . Most importantly relax and enjoy each moment of your little ones as they grow up so fast ! Have fun

yogidc26

metrovelvet wrote: »

Then you mustnt be doing the nightfeeds because after 4 months of no sleep you will looking for the nearest lorrie to run you over.

One night on one one off we try to take it in turn and our little lad is still not sleeping through after 6 months. Some nights i could kill him but even at 3 in the moring when he starts laughing I can't help smile at the little fecker

furiousox

For us the price is too high, the rewards not enough.
We can't go to restaurants, cinemas, shopping centres, markets etc because of the children....the stress, the arguments, the bickering...its not worth it.

And what about foreign 'holidays'?

The same stress, annoyance, arguing and bickering...just in a warmer climate!
And you pay 2 or 3k for the pleasure!
Next time you're abroad, check the facial expressions on the guys wheeling buggies around the resort at night-time..looking for the nearest game arcade...despair in their eyes, wondering how their lives came to this.

lt's only when my wife and l are away together alone (no kids) that we are truly ourselves again and not f'ing 'mammy' and 'daddy'
(We might get one weekend in Galway if we're lucky)
lt's liberating, and a reminder of how we used to be, the lives we once had.

Dublin141

I have four kids including twins (all still smallies) and my relationship is stronger than it's ever been. Stress affects you if you let it, any kind of stress can damage a relationship if you don't work hard at that part of your life too. It can be exhausting at times, especially on your first, but so can life - I don't regret a second of it.

Being a parent completely changes your life but there is no reason why it shouldn't be for the better. My house is crazy, between the animals and the kids I'll never have a clean home or even a quiet one but I can honestly say I'm enjoying life. I never felt content or truly happy before I had kids. Not saying it's going to work that way for everyone but it did for me.

VeryBerry

furiousox wrote: »

For us the price is too high, the rewards not enough.
We can't go to restaurants, cinemas, shopping centres, markets etc because of the children....the stress, the arguments, the bickering...its not worth it.

......

lt's only when my wife and l are away together alone (no kids) that we are truly ourselves again and not f'ing 'mammy' and 'daddy'
.

Snap.

My baby is only 3months old and I feel like this. Exactly like this. Being a parent is the worst job I've ever had.

I never wanted to have babies, because I knew that this is how I would feel; that I would resent giving up my own life for my child. And that is what you have to do- the child comes first. Everything else has to be sacrificied; nights out, holidays, your career, friendships.... your relationship with your partner.

I feel like I should say it's all worth it when the little baba smiles...but I'd not really sure I feel like that...

lyoto.machida

ebmma wrote: »

sorry for getting into thread for dads, but there seems to be a lot of sugar-coating in parenting. Which I find a bit annoying because it doesn't look like that can be true.
Is that because people think that they are being bad parents if they don't project the rosy sugary picture of their life out?

Its not sugar-coated at all,im relatively young to be a dad(25),but my little girl is the best thing in my life,you dont know what real love is until you have a kid yourself,trust me.someday youl see what i mean(if you choose)...

Voltex

furiousox wrote: »

For us the price is too high, the rewards not enough.
We can't go to restaurants, cinemas, shopping centres, markets etc because of the children....the stress, the arguments, the bickering...its not worth it.

And what about foreign 'holidays'?

The same stress, annoyance, arguing and bickering...just in a warmer climate!
And you pay 2 or 3k for the pleasure!
Next time you're abroad, check the facial expressions on the guys wheeling buggies around the resort at night-time..looking for the nearest game arcade...despair in their eyes, wondering how their lives came to this.

lt's only when my wife and l are away together alone (no kids) that we are truly ourselves again and not f'ing 'mammy' and 'daddy'
(We might get one weekend in Galway if we're lucky)
lt's liberating, and a reminder of how we used to be, the lives we once had.

Either your an outright liar or your someone who got "caught out" and resents their kids ( the worst type of parent).

How bloody selfish are you?... regardless if you never wanted kids...they are people..human beings with all of lifes potentials...how dare you castigate them to the level beneth yourself!!!

I absolutly idolise my kids...but im not making any bones of it..its hard work..but id never change 1 iota of my life.

have to say..no one who really has kids would say things like you did above!

VeryBerry

Voltex wrote: »

Either your an outright liar or your someone who got "caught out" and resents their kids ( the worst type of parent).

How bloody selfish are you?... regardless if you never wanted kids...they are people..human beings with all of lifes potentials...how dare you castigate them to the level beneth yourself!!!

I absolutly idolise my kids...but im not making any bones of it..its hard work..but id never change 1 iota of my life.

have to say..no one who really has kids would say things like you did above!

Get over yourself.

I'm sure you're one of those perfect parents who planned their kids from Day 1 and took folic acid from the minute you got married and are still breast-feeding at at age 5. But not everyone is as perfect as you.

I believe there are people out there who never wanted kids, and who, despite their best intentions, ended up with them. And who, depite all that, love their kids to bits. Even though it is the hardest thing they've evr done.

Just because you find being a parent exceptionally hard, doesn't mean your a bad parent. In fact, maybe it means youre pretty good at it - because your REALISTIC! Not everything is seen through rose-tinted glassed.

BABY poo still smells like **** y'know...breast fed or not

Voltex

VeryBerry wrote: »

Get over yourself.

I'm sure you're one of those perfect parents who planned their kids from Day 1 and took folic acid from the minute you got married and are still breast-feeding at at age 5. But not everyone is as perfect as you.

I believe there are people out there who never wanted kids, and who, despite their best intentions, ended up with them. And who, depite all that, love their kids to bits. Even though it is the hardest thing they've evr done.

Just because you find being a parent exceptionally hard, doesn't mean your a bad parent. In fact, maybe it means youre pretty good at it - because your REALISTIC! Not everything is seen through rose-tinted glassed.

BABY poo still smells like **** y'know...breast fed or not

The first couple of lines from above says alot TBH...you did get caught out!!..and feeling very resentful towards your children...shame on you!


Of course I PLANNED for kids...i was married and wanted children.
if you fully read my posts youll see that im honest about parenting. FFS I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old...2 very different tyoes of babies...both needing total care but in very different ways...probably the hardest of age splits.What Iv posted is not rose tinted..but honest.
My kids are singally the focus of my life...I cant say that enough...but IMO all parents will say that except the ones like yourself who have some sort of resentment towards their kids.

January

metrovelvet wrote: »

Then you mustnt be doing the nightfeeds because after 4 months of no sleep you will looking for the nearest lorrie to run you over.

WHAT?? Do people honestly feel like this?? I have done EVERY single night feed since my daughter was born 9 months ago, because I am SAHM and my DH works early shifts. I don't think it's fair on him to have to be getting up at 2/3am in the morning to feed a child and the again at 6/6.30am to get ready for work!! I have never once felt like I wanted the nearest lorry to run over me.

I'm not going to lie, my daughter wasn't planned and we discussed every option available to us before we decided to carry on with the pregnancy. To be honest, it's only made me and my partners relationship stronger. Yes, we don't only have ourselves to think about anymore and no, we don't always get to spend time to ourselves. But it's not the feeling of wanting to die!

We've been on nights out to the cinema, the pub, hotel without having to feel guilty. It's not all the time and it might only be every couple of months but I feel it's worth it.

To be honest I don't like the way people here think other parents are sugar coating the way their lives are.

We've had a rough couple of months with our daughter teething, being sick etc and never once have I felt like you felt metrovelvet... It is hard, but it's not THAT hard!

stovelid

If your kids cause you so much grief as to regret them and to complain about it at length on a parenting forum, I suggest that you put them up for adoption or stfu.

furiousox

your an outright liar...

the worst type of parent...

How bloody selfish are you?..

how dare you...

shame on you!

put them up for adoption or stfu...

Do you reckon you guys could express an opinion without using the hysteria and the personal abuse?

Maybe you're not getting enough sleep.......

metrovelvet

adrieanne__x wrote: »

WHAT?? Do people honestly feel like this?? I have done EVERY single night feed since my daughter was born 9 months ago, because I am SAHM and my DH works early shifts. I don't think it's fair on him to have to be getting up at 2/3am in the morning to feed a child and the again at 6/6.30am to get ready for work!! I have never once felt like I wanted the nearest lorry to run over me.

I'm not going to lie, my daughter wasn't planned and we discussed every option available to us before we decided to carry on with the pregnancy. To be honest, it's only made me and my partners relationship stronger. Yes, we don't only have ourselves to think about anymore and no, we don't always get to spend time to ourselves. But it's not the feeling of wanting to die!

We've been on nights out to the cinema, the pub, hotel without having to feel guilty. It's not all the time and it might only be every couple of months but I feel it's worth it.

To be honest I don't like the way people here think other parents are sugar coating the way their lives are.

We've had a rough couple of months with our daughter teething, being sick etc and never once have I felt like you felt metrovelvet... It is hard, but it's not THAT hard!

Well, it was that hard for me. But I have a different scenario to you.

No its not fair to have to get up six times and night and still get ready for work, work being taking care of a baby. but I had to do it.

Im glad you get to get out. I dont. 7:30 rolls around, that's it. Im in the house for the evening. No walks, no popping down to the shops. Nothing.

And yes I honestly did wish a lorry would run me over.

That doesnt mean I dont love my child or that there arent tremendous rewards, its just not all pink and fluffy like people make it out. This pink and fluffy picture is a crock of ****.

Noffles

At least it's not just me that thinks parenting isn't the "best" job in the world then... don't get me wrong here, I love my son and would give my life for him.

ebmma

lyoto.machida wrote: »

Its not sugar-coated at all,im relatively young to be a dad(25),but my little girl is the best thing in my life,you dont know what real love is until you have a kid yourself,trust me.someday youl see what i mean(if you choose)...

Well I already chose, I'm early 5 months pregnant with our 1st.
I'm glad it's happening, and we did have our reasons for having one now and not some other time (or not at all).

However, I am really hoping that the day my kid is born, it's not THE absolute best day of my life nad that it is not THE most important person in my life.

Sure, I'll love it a lot, but it is a new person. It is brought into this world to have it's own life one day and sure, I'll need to do the raising and looking after it for the first many years, but at the end of the day...
I really hope my OH is still the most important person for me. We CHOSE each other and love each other a lot and have been through a lot. We practically grew up together.

being completely honest it'll break my heart if turns out he loves the wrinkly pink mess that he's seen for the first time more than me.
(also, OP, best day of the entire life being birth of the child and some match? really?!!)

Maybe it is a bit selfish, but I found out the hard way that it is important to put yourself first once in a while..

sorry for rant

stovelid

furiousox wrote: »

your an outright liar...

the worst type of parent...

How bloody selfish are you?..

how dare you...

shame on you!

put them up for adoption or stfu...

Do you reckon you guys could express an opinion without using the hysteria and the personal abuse?

Maybe you're not getting enough sleep.......

In fairness, the gist of my comment was what I wanted to say, but the way I said was OTT.

I too would never shy from saying that parenthood is hard. For some more so than others. Also the restrictions on your liberty and personal life are quite hard to take.

That said, I would never change it as it has brought its own massive rewards.

I guess I found it a little shocking that somebody would express it in the way you did.

Dublin141

This thread has turned into something scary

I honestly can't imagine not having my kids or having a happier life without them in it. I can't understand resenting being a parent. Yeah, things have changed but nothing has been that bad because of the kids. If things went wrong in our lives they have been because of the adults, not the children.

We all know parenting is hard, that's a given. It can be scary and expensive and tiring and trust me I know that better than anyone - but I knew that before I got into this too.

I don't know, I guess I'm just surprised by how differently people see things.

Noffles

Dublin141 wrote: »

This thread has turned into something scary

I honestly can't imagine not having my kids or having a happier life without them in it. I can't understand resenting being a parent. Yeah, things have changed but nothing has been that bad because of the kids. If things went wrong in our lives they have been because of the adults, not the children.

We all know parenting is hard, that's a given. It can be scary and expensive and tiring and trust me I know that better than anyone - but I knew that before I got into this too.

I don't know, I guess I'm just surprised by how differently people see things.

You can't be that surprised surely, we're all different and it seems a fairly even split between the "best thing ever" and the "highs and horrendous lows"...

For instance, today was grand, nipper did his own thing and left us to do ours, a happy medium for everyone... and this is the way we all like it... To go back to when we were absolute slaves to the child would be a simple f*cking nightmare for me and I'm delighted it's over and never to return!

Each to their own OP..

furiousox

Look back at my first post and you'll see that l said 'l'd take a bullet for my kids' and l meant it, l would.
We tried long and hard to have kids, we lost 3 while trying so we weren't 'caught out' as someone suggested.
This is not how l want it to be, not how l thought it would be.
l don't want to feel this unfulfilled when it comes to my children, its just that our experience of being parents has not been at all positive so far.
The toll and strain on our marriage since having children has been immense, hence my comments.
l'm not proud of how l feel, l'm saddened, l wasn't advocating how l feel to be a lifestyle choice, far from it, l was being honest, isn't that the whole point of a forum?
At least respect my honesty without hurling abuse and calling me 'the worst type of parent'
My kids are happy and live in a stable loving environment, but in giving them so much my wife and l lost each other.
You have no idea, no idea...

ebmma

furiousox wrote: »

My kids are happy and live in a stable loving environment, but in giving them so much my wife and l lost each other.
You have no idea, no idea...

this sounds awful

How old are they now?

Nevyn

Dublin141 wrote: »

This thread has turned into something scary

I completely agree and I am very disappointed by the type of posting going on in this thread.

If you have an issue with a post please report it or the whole thread so that us parenting mods can look at it and if needs be take a mod action.

We are not online 24/7 and we ask that the community here play thier part in keeping a level head and reporting posts.

Less of the antagonistic posting, I suggest that you are not clear for the rules for posting in this forum that you please read them, you will find them here.

Nevyn

furiousox wrote: »

For us the price is too high, the rewards not enough.
We can't go to restaurants, cinemas, shopping centres, markets etc because of the children....the stress, the arguments, the bickering...its not worth it.

And what about foreign 'holidays'?

The same stress, annoyance, arguing and bickering...just in a warmer climate!
And you pay 2 or 3k for the pleasure!
Next time you're abroad, check the facial expressions on the guys wheeling buggies around the resort at night-time..looking for the nearest game arcade...despair in their eyes, wondering how their lives came to this.

lt's only when my wife and l are away together alone (no kids) that we are truly ourselves again and not f'ing 'mammy' and 'daddy'
(We might get one weekend in Galway if we're lucky)
lt's liberating, and a reminder of how we used to be, the lives we once had.

IT sounds like you were unprepared for what your life was going to be like and that unfortunately the ball was dropped when it came to your relationship
and there was damage done before you both figured out what was happening.

But it is up to you both to turn it around, I have had a rough time with mine over the last few years between post natal depression, breaking up with thier Dad, my son having a melt down and then him getting diagnosed with aspergers, but I would not want to not have had them.

Yes when things are tough and believe me the last 5 years have been hard going I have often found my self things gods how much better/easier/forfilling
my life would have been if I had not of had them.

But they are hear no and are my responsibility for at least the next 9 years so all I can do is my best for them and know that one day they will walk away to their own lives.

I am sorry to hear that you regret having them so much furiousox and I do hope you find away to cope better with your life, have you tried parenting courses?

Cos I can go out to restaurants, shopping centres, museums ect with my two
and they are fairly well behaved.

Quality

I feel sorry for the poor OH, He was obviously feeling like a proud father chuffed with himself happy that things are going well for him.. My god did he get a bashing down.:eek:


But everyone has their own views on parenting and some people can cope better with the stress of parenting than others. It doesnt make them a better parent though.
Its important not to lose your own identity and if you are finding things stressful it is important to confide in someone, If you cant talk with your partner a friend or relative. I'd be lost without my sisters mam and friends!

Moonbeam

It does sound like some people here really to resent their children but also take their responsibility towards them seriously.

I think life is what you make it and it is possible to have a life yourself and have kids.
It does depend on what you life was like before though too,we did not go clubbing or to the pub often but did enjoy meals out.Nothing has changed there dd just comes too:)

To the op your post was lovely and I think it would be comfort for fathers to be to read.

E39_Fan - I don't think it is fair to reply to Rachael1987 like that,we know nothing of her circumstances and once her and her kids are happy.Also I have no idea where she is from so dunno what the cultural differences are.

I don't think parenthood suits everyone,personally I have loved my whole 8 1/2 months of it so I am but a novice and when I have a few kids riving me mad I am sure my opinions might change and some days it will be the best job in the world other days I will be wishing that I could go back to the office!!

furiousox

ebmma wrote: »

this sounds awful

How old are they now?

hi ebmma:)

TBH l've already given out more personal info here than l probably should have done (albeit behind the anonymity of a username) and l'm feeling a bit done in by some of the vitriolic responses l've received.
Lets just say they're both in primary school....
Look, everyone's experiences of parenting are different, most are probably positive.
lt seems having a not so positive experience like mine simply isn't acceptable to some, but somehow l don't think l'm the only person in the country feeling like this.
l am however one of the few that will admit to it (and suffer the consequences)

PS The way l see it, there's no great secret to parenthood, all you need is ENDLESS Love & ENDLESS Patience for the child.

The love comes naturally, the patience.....well...not so naturally.
Thats something l'm still working on...

Nevyn

The patience can be hard and parenting can be a real struggle and it's something that a lot of people won't talk about at all and that can be very damaging esp as not talking about it means they are not reachng out for help and support.

Part of the point of this forum is for parents to talk about thier experiences and to help and support each other.

furiousox I don't think you are the only parent who feels this way.

yogidc26

Moonbeam wrote: »

.

To the op your post was lovely and I think it would be comfort for fathers to be to read.

Thanks Moonbeam that was the only reason I put up the post at im glad one or two people got it

Nevyn

I got it too yogidc26

When I was expecting the best bit of advice I got was, plan for the worsest, expect the best and enjoy it while you can.

Noffles

I feel partly responsible for some of this as I initially posted with my own opinion of being a father and parenting etc... which was in stark contrast to the OP...

Can't all feel the same can we though... and there was no harm done.

20goto10

furiousox wrote: »

l'm speakin' from the heart too, for me parenthood is overrated.
We have been in marriage counselling, problem wasn't us we still love each other, problem was the stress the children put on our marriage, counsellor said we needed to put ourselves first for a change not the children.

Sounds like you need super nanny. I'm a dad to be and I can't wait. I'm under no illusion it's going to hard, very hard. But that's life. I had an awful childhood so I see this as my second chance. I will do my best to make my kids life full of joy and happiness and in doing so my life will also be filled with happiness.

Anyone who says their kids have ruined theirl lives are simply bad parents.

furiousox

20goto10 wrote: »

Sounds like you need super nanny. I'm a dad to be and I can't wait. I'm under no illusion it's going to hard, very hard. But that's life. I had an awful childhood so I see this as my second chance. I will do my best to make my kids life full of joy and happiness and in doing so my life will also be filled with happiness.

Anyone who says their kids have ruined theirl lives are simply bad parents.

Come back in 3 or 4 years time when you know what you're talking about

20goto10

VeryBerry wrote: »

Snap.

My baby is only 3months old and I feel like this. Exactly like this. Being a parent is the worst job I've ever had.

I never wanted to have babies, because I knew that this is how I would feel; that I would resent giving up my own life for my child. And that is what you have to do- the child comes first. Everything else has to be sacrificied; nights out, holidays, your career, friendships.... your relationship with your partner.

I feel like I should say it's all worth it when the little baba smiles...but I'd not really sure I feel like that...

Yeah my father was a complete fcuk-wit too. Never wanted to have kids and reminded us of every single day. I totally agree people like this should not be parents. Ever hear of contraception?

Nevyn

Right any more smart arse posts and I am locking this thread.

reminder from the forum rules.

This forums is for those who are invovled with rearing and parenting children,
parents, grand parents, extended family ect.

Please remember that there are many different ways and styles of parenting
and if you disagree with someone then agree to disagree and keep things civil as per the rules.

Flaming
- Posts containing personal attacks on another user will lead to warnings/infractions and being banned from this forum.

Personal Abuse
- Posters who abuse others on here will be banned. Permanent bans will be handed out on a first offense if a moderator feels it is warranted. There is no argument on this one. Abuse someone and you will be banned. Calling someone an idiot is abuse. Don't attack the poster, attack the post. Posting PM's publicly without consent could be met with harsh consequences, especially if they do not have any place in the discussion.

20goto10 no it says to me they are struggling as parents and not coping with thier life and should be supported to get help and make changes to make thier life better.
IF a parent resents thier kids the kids can and will sense it.

So no condeming other parents here and calling them a bad parent.

furiousox just as you have had a different experience as a parent other people have had different experiences from you, just beacuse you are not happy as a Dad that does not mean other people are inexperienced, lying or deluding themselves, please do no project on to others what your situation is.

Have you undertaken any parenting courses/classes?
IT does sound like you kids rule the roost in the family and there is such a things as being too child centric and letting them away with too much.