Am I being unreasonable??

ArthurAdamson

I was in love with a girl who moved to Vienna 5 months ago. 2 months later she ditched me, by gmail chat. I haven't seen her since. The last time I met her was in her apartment in Vienna when I said goodbye to her and she told me she loved me, all teary eyed... 2 weeks later she broke my heart.

I booked a flight over to Vienna last week to go see her (face to face and just see for myself that things were over because I have been hung up on it for a long time) and I emailed her to tell her I was coming over. She told me I was being incredibly selfish...?

Any opinions?

I think she was out of order in every way. I was very good to her and was never selfish about anything when it came to her.

Is it wrong of me to expect her to meet me face to face?

I just don't get women or just constantly meet the wrong ones...

Silverfish

Moved from the ladies lounge.

minidazzler

OK Firstly definitely should be in RI.

Secondly. It's over dude, she doesn't want to see you.

Just because you are very good to someone doesn't mean they should stay with you forever.

The last line, constantly meet the wrong ones. Maybe she was just wrong for you.

What age are ye? If ye are young just leave it, let her live her life and have relationships over there!

When you booked you flight? Did you book accomodation? or did you just assume that your ex-girlfriend would put you up for a few day?

Silverfish

I think you are being a bit unreasonable, yes.

She broke up with you, 3 months ago. Flying out to see her face to face without asking her first could be making her feel threatened.

ArthurAdamson

Yeah, I had accomodation booked alright...

Why would she feel threatened? I just wanted to talk to her for 2 reasons - a) one last shot and b) closure.

I know it's over. Just wondering how someone can tell yuo that you mean so much to them and then switch it off completely. I know I sound naive and I probably am but what the hell is this game about?

Maybe I just need to rant...

Silverfish

ArthurAdamson wrote: »

Yeah, I had accomodation booked alright...

Why would she feel threatened? I just wanted to talk to her for 2 reasons - a) one last shot and b) closure.

I know it's over. Just wondering how someone can tell yuo that you mean so much to them and then switch it off completely. I know I sound naive and I probably am but what the hell is this game about?

Maybe I just need to rant...

I think you do.

But you can't fly out there for a) one last shot AND b) closure.

And you have the closure - she broke up with you. I understand it's a horrible feeling, but if you know its over, then there's nothing to be achieved by flying out there.

ArthurAdamson

yeah, cheers for that lads.,

Appreciate it...

minidazzler

ArthurAdamson wrote: »

Yeah, I had accomodation booked alright...

Why would she feel threatened? I just wanted to talk to her for 2 reasons - a) one last shot and b) closure.

I know it's over. Just wondering how someone can tell yuo that you mean so much to them and then switch it off completely. I know I sound naive and I probably am but what the hell is this game about?

Maybe I just need to rant...

She probably didn't switch it off completely, She more than likely just made the decision that was best for her. Which is fair enough. LDR's are hard and there is no reason for any young person to add that strain to themselves when they should be out enjoying themself.

She probably loved you, but not enough to stay with you and that is fair enough it's her choice if she wants to live her own life.

ArthurAdamson

Of course and I totally respect that. She cannot help the way she feels. i have no problem with that and particularly the LDR thing as before she was seeing me she had been in a pretty heavy LDR for a coujple of years. I knew that was going to scare her when she was leaving and that she was going to switch it off. That knowledge made me try to hard to make it work and it pushed her away.

I just wanted to see it in her face so I can leave it behind and move on with my life, not waiting and wondering... Email is no way to end a thing like that, no matter what you say. Surely?

Silverfish

ArthurAdamson wrote: »

Of course and I totally respect that. She cannot help the way she feels. i have no problem with that and particularly the LDR thing as before she was seeing me she had been in a pretty heavy LDR for a coujple of years. I knew that was going to scare her when she was leaving and that she was going to switch it off. That knowledge made me try to hard to make it work and it pushed her away.

I just wanted to see it in her face so I can leave it behind and move on with my life, not waiting and wondering... Email is no way to end a thing like that, no matter what you say. Surely?

No, but when both people arent in the same country, its sometimes the easiest way to do it. But she did do it, and I'm sure if she'd changed her mind she'd have been in touch with you.

I think the best thing you can do right now is to let it go, and pick up and get on with getting over it, rather than flying out there to get your heart broken again.

minidazzler

ArthurAdamson wrote: »

Of course and I totally respect that. She cannot help the way she feels. i have no problem with that and particularly the LDR thing as before she was seeing me she had been in a pretty heavy LDR for a coujple of years. I knew that was going to scare her when she was leaving and that she was going to switch it off. That knowledge made me try to hard to make it work and it pushed her away.

I just wanted to see it in her face so I can leave it behind and move on with my life, not waiting and wondering... Email is no way to end a thing like that, no matter what you say. Surely?

Would Skype work for you? Either way, it is over mate, whiile it will be hard to move on, it's the only thing you can do really.

ArthurAdamson

No man, skype doesn't cut it for me I am afraid. Face to face honesty. I don't think I ask too much.

Look, I know it's over and this is all a little pointless, this analysis. What I want I have.

I am just a little paranoid about what I see in people after this and I believe it will get me hurt again. It's hard to explain like this and it would take way way too long. The limitations of the internet you see...

And by the way we were still in contact... I am not being crazy when I say that I know she wanted to stay in contact...

minidazzler

Cutting contact, while hard to do is the quickest way to ease the pain. Trust me on this.

ArthurAdamson

Maybe for her yes, but not for me (particularly when she did not cut the contact completely). She should have had the guts to say it to my face...

minidazzler

ArthurAdamson wrote: »

Maybe for her yes, but not for me (particularly when she did not cut the contact completely). She should have had the guts to say it to my face...

Mate, I was on about for you. Trust me on this. I had similar PI's at the start of the year. Cutting contact for a few months can only do you good.

Staying in contact in the hope you can reinvigorate WILL NOT WORK.

Staying in contact so you can feel somehow closer will only make YOU feel miserable.

When she doesn't reciprocate your feelings again, you will resent her for it.

Mate, yes ye may be able to be friends in future, but if ye were in "love" then it is HIGHLY unlikely ye will be able to be friends until you get her out of your system.

If you are emailing every day things like "How was your day today, do anything interesting" That is you simply trying to prolong the relationship, IT WILL NOT WORK!

Let it lie mate, it's the best cure for it.

ArthurAdamson

Cheers Minidazzler.

Appreciate it that and I know it's the truth. Reason I posted this was because I have pretty much accepted that that is the truth of it. Just disappointed.

Sometime in the future, sooner rather than later, this pain will be insignificant and I can't wait for that day...

minidazzler

ArthurAdamson wrote: »

Cheers Minidazzler.

Appreciate it that and I know it's the truth. Reason I posted this was because I have pretty much accepted that that is the truth of it. Just disappointed.

Sometime in the future, sooner rather than later, this pain will be insignificant and I can't wait for that day...

I wish you the best mate, really, I know it can feel like the worst pain in the world, but you will come throught it wiser and more able for the next time.

SarahSassy

Silverfish wrote: »

No, but when both people arent in the same country, its sometimes the easiest way to do it. But she did do it, and I'm sure if she'd changed her mind she'd have been in touch with you.

I think the best thing you can do right now is to let it go, and pick up and get on with getting over it, rather than flying out there to get your heart broken again.

+ 1

Let her off and move on...

CDfm

OP I don't want to be unkind but she has been in this situation before.

No I agree you probably feel you deserve a proper explanation and you may feel she led you on a bit. It does seem a reasonable request and there is nothing wrong with it.You are not selfish for wanting that. However, if you expect to go over and have her fall into your arms that is totally unrealistic.

It probably is the case that she has found someone else. Substitute "inconvenient" for "selfish" is probably closer to the truth.

I don't think you should waste your money on the trip. It would be far better spent going on an 18-30 holiday and getting her out of your system.

Monkey61

Breaking up by email sucks man, but if you were in different countries it really was the easiest and probably the kindest way. Otherwise she would have had to invite you over to see her, cue you being all excited and planning a romantic holiday only for her to dump you upon arrival - now that would have been cruel. Or for her to come to visit you, same story.

You have your closure now though so it's time to pick yourself up and move on. Cut off all contact until you are over her, as it will only make you feel worse.

Good luck.