What kind of a parent would I make?

LegacyUser

I knew from a young age what I wanted to do for a living - working with children. I'm a childminder loving what I do.

Have always wanted kids but no sign of it happening yet.

Lately I've been having a lot of unwanted thoughts.

Theres a child in my care (4) whos beautiful and I really do adore her. However it takes ages to help her get dressed. Shes forever jigacting around the place, and when she's finally dressed she'd often change her mind and change into a different outfit. And then sometimes she'd change her mind again and mix and match the two outfits. So it takes forever to get her dressed, no matter what kind of tactics I use to help. Thats not a problem. I've plenty of patience.

Lately I've been having unwanted thoughts. Parenting must be so hard for people. I've been thinking that, if I was to have a child and be a parent to a child that won't cooperate, I would give 1 sharp smack and it would solve the jigacting around the place and there wouldn't be any of this bullsh!t about spending 30 to 40 minutes getting dressed. I'm thinking 1 smack would solve any unwanted behaviour quickly. I'm thinking if she was my child I'd smack her and she'd get dressed fairly lively.

Now these thoughts scare me because I don't like smacking. Would never smack a another persons child - no way. I believe smacking a child is wrong. It teaches violence. It teaches a child to a solve a problem by smacking. What kind of a parent would I make whenever I do start having children.

opinion guy

Question for you OP: Is this the extent of your unwanted thoughts or is there more ?

LegacyUser

opinion guy wrote: »

Question for you OP: Is this the extent of your unwanted thoughts or is there more ?

Thats it. Theres nothing more. I love all of the children I mind.

sunnyside

not.a.mommy.yet wrote: »

I I'm thinking if she was my child I'd smack her and she'd get dressed fairly lively.

Now these thoughts scare me because I don't like smacking. Would never smack a another persons child - no way. I believe smacking a child is wrong. It teaches violence. It teaches a child to a solve a problem by smacking. What kind of a parent would I make whenever I do start having children.

Maybe it's because the in the fantasy about having children everything is so perfect but the actual reality of caring for them is much different. The fantasy never includes a bold screaming child or sleepless nights.

reesa

i assume you have taken a some kind of childcare course - how do they teach you to discipline a child?

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Its normal to feel reservations about having children yourself but it would be totally different with your own,

The way to continue is to respect the other parenting skills of the children who you mind and realize your handing them back at the end of the day,


As regards to smacking, you may need to address the surge in anger that comes up when you are frustrated with a child, because you can never blame a child for how it makes you feel, if your parents smacked you then it is a learned behaviour but there are always other ways and means to teach a child how to behave.

I personally believe it is an issue with the person who wants to smack rather than the child. I know a lot of mothers condone smacking and this is where the mind set is supported but it should not be tolerated.

rainbowtrout

not.a.mommy.yet wrote: »

I knew from a young age what I wanted to do for a living - working with children. I'm a childminder loving what I do.

Have always wanted kids but no sign of it happening yet.

Lately I've been having a lot of unwanted thoughts.

Theres a child in my care (4) whos beautiful and I really do adore her. However it takes ages to help her get dressed. Shes forever jigacting around the place, and when she's finally dressed she'd often change her mind and change into a different outfit. And then sometimes she'd change her mind again and mix and match the two outfits. So it takes forever to get her dressed, no matter what kind of tactics I use to help. Thats not a problem. I've plenty of patience.

Lately I've been having unwanted thoughts. Parenting must be so hard for people. I've been thinking that, if I was to have a child and be a parent to a child that won't cooperate, I would give 1 sharp smack and it would solve the jigacting around the place and there wouldn't be any of this bullsh!t about spending 30 to 40 minutes getting dressed. I'm thinking 1 smack would solve any unwanted behaviour quickly. I'm thinking if she was my child I'd smack her and she'd get dressed fairly lively.

Now these thoughts scare me because I don't like smacking. Would never smack a another persons child - no way. I believe smacking a child is wrong. It teaches violence. It teaches a child to a solve a problem by smacking. What kind of a parent would I make whenever I do start having children.

The child is running the show here, and getting to do whatever she wants - and you're letting her. Take that choice away from her, choose her clothes and put them on her, end of discussion, she does not get to choose and she does not get to change her outfit. She's only four, why is she making the decisions? Let her have the hissy fit she'll probably have but don't back down. Or at the very least let her choose her outfit but do not allow her to change. She'll soon learn to make a choice and know she can't change it. That'll soften her cough and you won't have to feel like smacking her. I'd say the same if it was your own child.

Show them who's the boss early on and you won't need to resort to any sort of physical reprimand now or in the future.

LegacyUser

I know she's not your child, and that makes it difficult. But does she behave like that with her parents? If she doesn't, then I think you need to remember - you're the adult. Not her.She's 4. She puts on what she's given, then out the door and that's it. No negotiation.Let her have her fit of temper - she'll get over it and move on. And she'll learn pretty quick that's how it is. You don't need to smack. But you do need to remember that you're the adult and you need to be firm. Don't give her a choice. She will be the better for it, trust me.

metrovelvet

If youre thinking one smack will solve all your problems, you will be sorely mistaken.

No one can tell you waht kind of parent you would be. Only the future knows that. Your children change you.

January

reesa wrote: »

i assume you have taken a some kind of childcare course - how do they teach you to discipline a child?

To be honest I don't think that has anything to do with it. The way you deal with your own children and the way you deal with other children are always going to be two different things.

She already said she has NO desire to smack this child whatsoever, only that if it was her child she would give her a smack.

OP I personally believe smacking is never the answer. This can cause children to become bitter in the end, especially if you do it on a regular basis and believe me, from someone who has experienced smacking (not first hand, a relative smacked her kids), they do not learn the first time. Quite often, kids can run away and taunt you to hit them as in "nar nar nar nar, that didn't hurt me!!!"

opinion guy

rainbowtrout wrote: »

The child is running the show here, and getting to do whatever she wants - and you're letting her. Take that choice away from her, choose her clothes and put them on her, end of discussion, she does not get to choose and she does not get to change her outfit. She's only four, why is she making the decisions? Let her have the hissy fit she'll probably have but don't back down. Or at the very least let her choose her outfit but do not allow her to change. She'll soon learn to make a choice and know she can't change it. That'll soften her cough and you won't have to feel like smacking her. I'd say the same if it was your own child.

Show them who's the boss early on and you won't need to resort to any sort of physical reprimand now or in the future.

No way! wrote: »

I know she's not your child, and that makes it difficult. But does she behave like that with her parents? If she doesn't, then I think you need to remember - you're the adult. Not her.She's 4. She puts on what she's given, then out the door and that's it. No negotiation.Let her have her fit of temper - she'll get over it and move on. And she'll learn pretty quick that's how it is. You don't need to smack. But you do need to remember that you're the adult and you need to be firm. Don't give her a choice. She will be the better for it, trust me.

Agree with above posts. No need for any smacking OP. Just be more authorative. be the adult in the situation!

Ishindar

i think your thoughts are normal enough.
with your own children you will have a stronger life bond which makes you less likely to feel the way you do now.

also smacking them for your own efficiency simply doent work because young children will make the same mistakes over and over and over again. so u will literally have to beat them daily to train them to your wishes, im not sure your consience will let u do that? u will simply realise its totally wrong way to handle children which you know already!

martdalto

I agree with the posters that have said you need to be firmer with her. Let her decide what she's going to wear.. at 4 you can reason (to a point!) with her. Before choosing her clothes, look at her, get her to look at you, and say something along the lines of... "You can pick out your clothes, and I'll help you put them on, but you ARE NOT allowed to change your mind once you've decided what to wear" and then don't let her change! Whatever she does.. ignore her, distract her with something else etc. If you do this once or twice, and tell her what you are doing, then she knows what's happening.

Kids learn in different places what they can and can't get away with.. For instances, a child might chance being a bit cheeky with their parents, but wouldn't dare act the same way in school, as they know the teacher wouldn't stand for it. (Generalisation I know.. but I hope you get my meaning).

Start afresh with her tomorrow. Tell her what you are doing... do it, and then end all discussion about it. She'll learn soon enough!

kittenkiller

Hi OP.

Try not to stress about these things, we all have little freak outs when the reality of a responsibility settles in and we're not sure if we're up for it.

With kids, there's such a huge responsibility it's very difficult to even imagine until you're in that particular situation.
Each child has it's own personality and is used to being treated in a particular way by its parents.
As a child minder you can't fully "get" how each parent treats their child and so it can be frustrating when your usual "tricks" don't work on one particular child.
Don't let it get you down and shake your confidence.

You *know* that you don't want to smack any child, so at least you haven't given in to your frustration.

Instinct will kick in once you have a child of your own.
You know that you don't believe in smacking, so when pushed you have to make sure you're able to breathe through any temptation that might arise.
I'm sure it'll be no bother to you.

metrovelvet

It seems to me that shes using her getting dressed time to play dressup.

Could you let her pick out her outfit, tell her she has to stick to what she will wear for the day, but tell her you will put aside a half an hour later in the day, to play dress up with her?

And after she chooses her outfit and gets dressed, tell her how gorgeous she looks.