Apprehensive about college

LegacyUser

There seems to be a loads of these posts lately, but I also have the same problem. I'm 24 and returning to college to do a Master's degree. I have been saving up for 2 years to do this and was very excited, but I'm also a bit apprehensive. One of my issues is that my sister is going to the same college and my parents pressured me into sharing a flat with her. I know this sounds babyish but it has sort of taken the shine off things - I like being independent, I've been living away from home for 6 years now and I was sort of hoping to be able to live in a houseshare or something. I took this flat for practical reasons - it's close to college, so I'll be able to stay there late and so on, but I'm worried I'll find it stifling living with my sister. We don't get along great and I feel more 'myself' when I'm away from my family. I guess I'm sort of torn - it might be nice to have someone I know there, but at the same time, it might hold me back. It sounds silly, but I'm single at the moment and might meet a guy over there - I wouldn't feel comfortable bringing him back if my sister was there! I guess with 'randomers' as flatmates you just come and go as you please, but with your family you feel more restricted.

I also don't know where I fit in as a postgrad - a lot of the literature I've received from the uni is all about Freshers Week, club nights etc, and to be honest I feel a bit old for all that! Do postgrads generally go clubbing and stuff? I suppose it might be fun to get back into it but I haven't really done it since I was 18 or 19. Do postgrads tend to make friends with and hang around with their class the way undergrads do or do they have their own busy lives? It's hard to imagine what it's going to be like and I'm pretty nervous! I've been working for 2 years, so I don't really remember what being a student is like anymore!

parker kent

Hey I don't think it is babyish at all. I am really glad that when I moved away from home I did not have family living with me. It freed me to find who I was, make silly mistakes etc. I'd be in the same boat as you too in that I'd never bring a girl back if my brother or sisters were living there. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is totally understandable to feel like you do, so don't worry. However, you never know but you might be lucky and find that outside the family home you get closer to your sister. Maybe if you both went to the cinema, theatre etc for a night out, you might begin to bond and talk. Or even something like suggesting a DVD night.

As for doing a postgrad, the most I have ever went out is whilst doing my postgrad. I seldom if ever went out during my undergrad but when I came back to college 2 years later, I found I was much better at making friends. Our class did a variety of nights out, from typical pub then club nights to quizzes. Plenty of us got on really well. So I am pretty sure you will find like minded people who are at a similar age and viewpoint to yourself. Yes it will be a bit different from undergrad, but I found it much, much better.

Monkey61

Firstly OP, I wouldn't stress about living with your sister. If the decision has been made and it is too late to do anything about it (personally I would have just said no) then you will just have to deal with it. You are an adult and she is an adult. Treat her exactly the same as you would a friend or acquaintance that you live with. Of course you can bring guys home - it's not like you are living in a bedsit with your mother or granny. It wouldn't be weird at all and that is just you projecting weirdness onto it.

As for the college, well personally I never found being a student any different to being in the workplace. I was still just me and doing whatever things I would normally do in my spare time. For instance if I was starting an MA in Dublin this year I wouldn't be going to college nights in Redz or Tripod or whatever, because I wouldn't go to those places anyway.

Most people I know made loads of new friends and went out drinking with people on their Masters courses, though it probably depends what course you are doing and where the college is. I didn't myself, because my class was full of people much older than me, most of whom had children and husbands and the younger people tended to have grown up in the city that we went to college in and thus had their own lives already in place and as our course only had 4 hours a week there wasn't much chance to get to know each other as I was constantly racing to and from work. I found as well that people who did very hands-on types of courses with lots of contact hours tended to become very close to their new classmates, as they were spending a lot of time together and working on projects together. It really does depend.

Biggest thing of all is not to worry though. Don't feel that you have to fit into any kind of idea of what a postgraduate student should or shouldn't be and just do whatever you feel like doing.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice. As for living with my sister, I initially said no, but I'm having a lot of health problems and complications right now, so it would have been very difficult to go over to the UK and look for accommodation in my state. This is bad luck, but I guess I should feel lucky I had the option of living with my sister, it's taken a lot of hassle out of it. Also, I've had some really bad experiences with flatmates in the past, people making me feel uncomfortable in the house and so on which hopefully won't be a problem this time. I just hope we can be normal flatmates and get over the awkwardness. I'm trying to see the positives, like I won't be lonely in a studio flat on my own, or subject to all kinds of rules in postgrad halls. I just feel like I got a bit bullied into it by my parents and that I will regret not having applied for halls or moving into a big shared house. As for the guys thing - I just feel a bit awkward about it, I've never gone out clubbing with my sister or anything like that and we're very private about our love lives. It's one thing to have a boyfriend stay but I'd be a bit embarrassed bringing a randomer or friend back!

It's encouraging that Masters students seem to have good social lives, I really hope I meet some nice people on my course! I did a TEFL cert thing last year and had the time of my life, got really close to a good few people and looked forward to going in every morning. I hope it'll be like that this time!

going un-reg

The one thing that jumped out at me was that you thought you wouldnt fit in with the younger crowd.

You do know you're only 24 right?...really?...are you honestly THAT mature that you've forgotten to have fun?

I know your masters are important, and I've have the same concerns as you would, but you need to loosen up a bit. I'm 25 and finished college and I relish that fact that Im still only 25.

And hey, the ladies like the older gent anyway

All the best..

reesa

going un-reg wrote: »

The one thing that jumped out at me was that you thought you wouldnt fit in with the younger crowd.

You do know you're only 24 right?...really?...are you honestly THAT mature that you've forgotten to have fun?

I know your masters are important, and I've have the same concerns as you would, but you need to loosen up a bit. I'm 25 and finished college and I relish that fact that Im still only 25.

And hey, the ladies like the older gent anyway

All the best..

yeah i know - i was gonna say - you're 24 and you're actually worried you might find it a drag hanging around people a few years younger than you?
Heck i'm in my thirties and thinking of doing a masters next year. I like hanging around younger people (to an extent) - i like their energy and the fact they are not as jaded as older people.

Anyway i'm sure you'll have fun once you actually start.