Lonely in university

LegacyUser

I started a new university this week. Im feeling so low and dont like the area at all. Im a mature student and already have a degree and the thought of another 4 years in university is filling me with dread. I loved my last university even though it was further from home. Im quite homesick and lonely. My boyfriend stills lives at home but as Im quite a distance from home and because he works we won't be able to see one another very often. Im hoping this feeling goes away soon, but Im afriad that it wont. Anyone have any words of wisdom? I know the usual join clubs and societys and keep myself busy but I have very few hours of lectures a week and am not very interested in any sports of activities. Im not very interested in anything at the moment. Does anyone relate to this or am I the only one who feels like this. Im so isolated at the moment and feel like if my boyfriend was here then it would all be ok. Im beginning to wonder if I should have come back to education at all but this is something Ive wanted to do for a long time and when I think of a few years along the line when Im working in this area it makes me happy.

I guess it's not really a question, just wondering if anyone can offer any advise. Thanks in advance.

Taltos

Lonely&Confused wrote: »

but Im afriad that it wont. Anyone have any words of wisdom? I know the usual join clubs and societys and keep myself busy but I have very few hours of lectures a week and am not very interested in any sports of activities. Im not very interested in anything at the moment. ... Im so isolated at the moment and feel like if my boyfriend was here then it would all be ok.

Hi OP - well first off well done on going back and following your dream - I wish I had the guts for that I really do. It is not easy going back to college - esp now as you describe yourself as a "mature" student - but that should pass.

I have highlighted your comments above as they jumped out at me - if I am taking them out of context sorry - but maybe you should consider talking to your GP or a campus counsellor - I am not a professional but to me these are signs of depression. Words like Isolated & No Interest just set off alarm bells in my head (along with the voices it is crowded there )

You might not actually be depressed, you might just be heading down that route - and that is why maybe reaching out for help right now before it gets worse is the thing to do.
See the thing is you have already highlighted the advice most of us would have given you and closed the door on it - activities clubs etc. Who knows maybe even part-time jobs. Maybe sit back and reconsider that - you know try something that you would not normally ever ever look at - this will do 2 things (at least) 1 - it will get you out and meeting people & 2 - doing something so different might just shake you out of the malaise you have slipped into - you know out of your comfort zone.

It is always tough starting something new and esp away from family and friends but it should get easier - but only if you work at it or seek help.

Will keep my fingers crossed for you.

LegacyUser

Hi OP
Well done on returning to education.
I am returning soon as a Mature Student, leaving my home and all that I know. It is so daunting but I try to visualise WHEN i get my degree and I'm in a job I like going to, that is what helps me get through the anxiety and loneliness.
I first went to college years back and dropped out because of loneliness, fear and it seemed to be the easiest option.
It's hard to leave your comfort zone of boyfriend, family etc but I think these feelings you have now will fade in time. It really is a great healer.
At least you are recognising your feelings and you know to reach out for help.
Best of luck and I hope you feel better about things soon

LegacyUser

I don't think I'm depressed. By that I mean that I know that if I wasn't here or if I had my friends and OH here with me I would be feeling on top of the world right now. I've already spent most of the summer apart from him because of work commitments on both our parts and seeing couples walking around holding hands makes my heart ache. I miss him so much and feel totally irrational about it because I've become used to seeing him very little in the past few months but it's gotten much much worse since I got here. I'm thinking about him all the time and I feel like nothing will improve without him here. I know how desperate that sounds.

I'm also afraid that despite wanting to do this for years that I will hate the course. Maybe irrational but I feel so scared of spending a few months here and then deciding that it's not for me, even though I know that I want to be doing this work in the future. I guess it's being in college for a long time.. again.. that's worrying me. Is this totally irrational? I said I was a mature student, which I am, but I'm still only 24. So shouldn't I still want to be having crazy parties and staying in bed all day watching day-time telly? None of that appeals to me though because I feel I've outgrown it, but I don't want to spend the next number of years willing the days to pass until I've graduated. I've spoken to my OH about it and he's trying his best to cheer me up but I feel so helpless right now

Larianne

I'm returning to college too. Freshers week next week and it is quite scary thinking about it! I have also had negative thoughts creep in. Things like "Will I like the course?", "Will I be able for the course?" etc. But I think that's all fear of the unknown. I've wanted to do this course for about 10 years!

You have obviously thought about doing this for a while. It takes a lot of organisation to apply as a mature student so it won't have been done lightly. I'd suggest joining the Mature Student Society at your college. You'll meet plenty of people who will have the same concerns as you and will be able to give you support. At my orientation this week I spoke to a guy who is 26 (like me) and we both had the same concerns - fitting in, joining societies, money etc. I know it won't be the same as having your boyfriend or friends there (hugs are great things!) but being able to talk to people feeling the same as you will bring some comfort.

Firetrap

Yes, good advice there. Don't rule out meeting up with other mature students and making an effort to make friends with them. It takes guts to go back to college as a mature student and it's a pity you're unhappy. I think too that you're constructing an utopia in your mind along the lines of "It would all be so much better if my OH was here."

LegacyUser

I've met some mature students but most of them live around the university so aren't living away from home. I'm now back at home for the weekend and the thought of going back there tomorrow makes me feel sick. I haven't stopped crying since I got home. Everything seems to be making me feel worse. I cheered up a little yesterday and thought maybe it won't be so bad but every time I'm alone for even a few minutes I feel physically sick at the thought of being there for the next four years. I really don't like the area and miss home a lot. I've been to college before to get my first degree and while I was a little nervous and homesick at the start, it was nothing like this. I'd feel like a failure if I gave up so soon so I'm going to try and stick it out for another while but I don't know how long I can last feeling like this. I won't be able to make it home every weekend and that thought makes me feel much worse. I don't know what to do

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm in third year now and when I started I felt the exact same. I'ts worse that you have another college to compare it to that maybe you feel like your missing out and your not as busy as you feel you should be to take your mind off being away from home. May I ask what college you are in. If we are in the same one I am always looking for friends

LegacyUser

It has been some time since I last posted because I really tried giving this uni a fair go. However I now feel worse. I'm disliking everything about the place more and more. I think that I'm going to try another week and after that I'm considering just giving up on the idea and going home for good. There have only been one or two nights that I haven't cried myself to sleep and those were when my OH was here with me and even at that, I did have a good cry in his arms both days he was here but he tried his best to take my mind away from how dreadful I was feeling.

It's awkward being a postgrad. You're sort of older than most other students but not on the same level as staff. It's hard to find a place to fit in. Would you not consider joining some societies at least? I would also be in a huge fit of depression if I was attending my six lectures a week and then coming home. I still feel a bit lost, but it's 100 times better getting out there and meeting people than sitting in.

It sounds like your boyfriend is holding you back a lot, tbh. It sounds like a lot of your wanting to go home is to be with him which is understandable, but you'd be sacrificing a hell of a lot. My boyfriend is a very long way away but on the plus side it means I really have to work on making friends and doing stuff. If he were an hour away, I probably wouldn't bother with society stuff and would just go and see him all the time. It's much easier in the short term but I'd dare to say that in the long term, probably not great. I ended up delaying my education because I wanted to be with a guy, it all ended and I wound up feeling resentful and also annoyed with myself for giving up on my own dreams (albeit for a relatively short time).

From what you've posted, it sounds like the problem lies with yourself rather than the uni. You say you hate the place, but do you really hate it or do you hate your personal situation? Have you *really* made an effort to join in and enjoy yourself? What do your classmates think of the place and the course? It's possible that you are at a boring college with horrible people and nothing to do, but it's more likely that you're constantly wishing your OH was there and not appreciating the opportunities in front of you. I understand that, but I would want to be very clear on the reasons I was dropping out and make sure I wouldn't regret it down the line.

banquo

Maybe start posting in the related forum here on boards? They often have drinks/meetups and you could make lots of new friends.