confused lol

candy-gal1

Im just wondering why so many girls under the age of 29-30 want to have a baby so bad?! i mean do these people not know that life is short and you can have fun and live your life, thats what your 20s are for!!
ok if your caught out by accident after using contraception and you dont want to get rid of it for some reason, fine!
but are young girls so bored that the only thing to do is get pregnant?
i mean its great if youve met the love of your life and want to spend forever with him, which is me too btw , but you can fully commit to him without having a baby before your old enough.
anyway, im just curious to find out why so many girls want this so young?!

Corb

+1 The thought of having a baby before at least my mid thirties scares the bejeesus out of me! I have a lot of growing up to do yet so having a baby in my twenties just doesn't make sense for me. I guess everyone is different but I am noticing lately women are having babies younger than they were 10 years ago. It's like it's going back to our parent's time again where people are getting married and starting families younger again. I have a lot more living to do and fun to have but each to their own.

Nervous Wreck

Same boat for me... but some people just want what they want. My idea of fun ain't the same as anyone else's...

shellyboo

candy-gal1 wrote: »

but are young girls so bored that the only thing to do is get pregnant?
i mean its great if youve met the love of your life and want to spend forever with him, which is me too btw , but you can fully commit to him without having a baby before your old enough.
anyway, im just curious to find out why so many girls want this so young?!

I think it's pretty short-sighted to imagine that the ONLY reasons someone might want to have a baby is out of boredom or as a show of commitment to their partner.

People have their own reasons for having kids. How old is "old enough" in your eyes? Whatever answer you give, it really doesn't matter - because that age matters only to you. Everyone has their own ideas about how young is too young and when they're ready or not. Looking down on someone because they've decided to have kids at a time that's too soon for you is pretty silly.

Corb

shellyboo wrote: »

I think it's pretty short-sighted to imagine that the ONLY reasons someone might want to have a baby is out of boredom or as a show of commitment to their partner.

People have their own reasons for having kids. How old is "old enough" in your eyes? Whatever answer you give, it really doesn't matter - because that age matters only to you. Everyone has their own ideas about how young is too young and when they're ready or not. Looking down on someone because they've decided to have kids at a time that's too soon for you is pretty silly.

She's not looking down on them! She's just wondering why they're chosing to have babies so young that's all. I didn't read anywhere in her post that she was looking down on them!

candy-gal1

shellyboo wrote: »

I think it's pretty short-sighted to imagine that the ONLY reasons someone might want to have a baby is out of boredom or as a show of commitment to their partner.

People have their own reasons for having kids. How old is "old enough" in your eyes? Whatever answer you give, it really doesn't matter - because that age matters only to you. Everyone has their own ideas about how young is too young and when they're ready or not. Looking down on someone because they've decided to have kids at a time that's too soon for you is pretty silly.

no no im not looking down on them, im just confused in wondering why!

Das Kitty

I don't think there's a right age to have children tbh. If you're ready and want them why wait for some arbitrary number to be your age? I also don't agree that having children stops you "living your life", changes your life and priorities sure.

There are good reasons not to wait to have kids if you want them; it gets more difficult to concieve as you get older, there are more risks of complications and genetic disorders. If you want more than one, chances are you'll have to have them in quick succession.

Xiney

To be perfectly honest, up until a couple months ago (coinciding with the arrival of our puppy) I was extremely broody. I'm 23 and I've been married nearly 4 years. (I'll be 24 before my 4 year wedding anniversary fyi)

I think some people are mature, in stable relationships, and see no reason to wait until age 30 just because that's what's "normal" right now. Also, past the age of 30, fertility starts to decrease, the risk of birth defects increases, etc. Personally I'd love to have my children before the age of 30 for these reasons.

trustno1

I had my first when I was 25 and have to say that I am so glad that I had them (two kids) in my twenties - they are both now 10 and 11 and starting to get very independent and in another year or two I will get my social life back into full swing while still in my thirties.. I would hate to be starting to have children now. But its all personal choice - I personally would hate to be 46 with my child only turning 11, now when I am 46 my daugher will be 21..

candy-gal1

Das Kitty wrote: »

I don't think there's a right age to have children tbh. If you're ready and want them why wait for some arbitrary number to be your age? I also don't agree that having children stops you "living your life", changes your life and priorities sure.

There are good reasons not to wait to have kids if you want them; it gets more difficult to concieve as you get older, there are more risks of complications and genetic disorders. If you want more than one, chances are you'll have to have them in quick succession.

but they will stop u living your life at some point.

Cookie Jar

candy-gal1 wrote: »

i mean do these people not know that life is short and you can have fun and live your life, thats what your 20s are for!!

As a "young mother" I'm offended. Some people have different views of what fun is. I am happy with my life. I am having a great time being a mother. I still get to go out and have fun with friends. Just because I don't go out and get wrecked every weekend does not mean I am not living my life. I never wanted to travel. I have been to college and plan on going back. What have I missed out on excatly?

TheInquisitor

1: Because it is safer to have a child when you are in your twenties both for the mother and the child

2: You have a better chance of getting pregnant when you are younger.

3: Starting a family in your late thirties might mean your youngest child has a 60-70 year old mother when they are 17-20.

4: Young moms are scientificly proven to be yummy. "Yummy Mummy" as the saying goes!

shivvyban

I want to have kids before I'm thirty - in fact I'd like to have two before then. I've always wanted to be a young parent, not as young as my dad who was 20 when I was born. I can't explain why I feel this way but I'm 24 now and with a great guy and if it happens, it happens. I'm not bored at all. I enjoy my NOW and try not to think of the future too much but I know that I see thirty-year old me with at least one kid. I won't stop living when I have my kids, I'll just consider whats best for them and work them into my plans. Judge me if you will but I've felt this way since I was about 13! :cool:

shellyboo

Corb wrote: »

She's not looking down on them! She's just wondering why they're chosing to have babies so young that's all. I didn't read anywhere in her post that she was looking down on them!

She's not?

candy-gal1 wrote: »

i mean do these people not know that life is short and you can have fun and live your life, thats what your 20s are for!!

Could have fooled me. I'm sure there are plenty of women in their 20s who've had babies that would take offence to this. I haven't had any and it's kind of offending me. Just because someone has a kid young doesn't mean they're stupid or "don't understand" what their 20s are for. Surely it's up to the individual to decide what they want to do in their 20s? Babies, fun, or both?

candy-gal1

Cookie Jar wrote: »

As a "young mother" I'm offended. Some people have different views of what fun is. I am happy with my life. I am having a great time being a mother. I still get to go out and have fun with friends. Just because I don't go out and get wrecked every weekend does not mean I am not living my life. I never wanted to travel. I have been to college and plan on going back. What have I missed out on excatly?

well i supoose your the exception then

Cathmandooo

candy-gal1 wrote: »

but they will stop u living your life at some point.

what? you stop living cos you have kids? eh who does that?

Novella

I think the desire to have children can come from many different places and probably varies from person to person.

Just because you want to spend your twenties doing things for yourself, travelling, going out or whatever, doesn't mean that everyone else wants this too. Some women want to have children young. There is nothing wrong with that. We don't all have the same ambitions in life.

I mean, I'm twenty and I wouldn't want to have a baby right now but a friend of mine is twenty two and pregnant with her first baby. She has been with her boyfriend since she was sixteen and living with him for almost three years. They both have jobs and planned on having a baby young. They are very happy and I think, at the end of the day, that is all that matters really.

If a woman wants to have a child and is able to support it etc, why should she put that want on hold just because she is young? That would be silly. Everyone has different aspirations and just because yours isn't to have a baby in your twenties, doesn't mean that everyone else's should be too.

Of course, I'm not saying that I think it's great for really young girls to want a baby. I think teenagers, sixteen, seventeen year olds etc who want children are really displaying traits of other emotional needs. They probably feel a lack of love in their own lives and think having a baby will fix that. It generally is some kind of psychological issue, afaik.

candy-gal1

TheInquisitor wrote: »

1: Because it is safer to have a child when you are in your twenties both for the mother and the child

2: You have a better chance of getting pregnant when you are younger.

3: Starting a family in your late thirties might mean your youngest child has a 60-70 year old mother when they are 17-20.

4: Young moms are scientificly proven to be yummy. "Yummy Mummy" as the saying goes!

theres nothing wrong with having a 17-20 yr old child at 60-70. tis kind of the average age imo
plus you can be a yummy mummy or just yummy in your 20s, i prefer the latter tbh

Cookie Jar

candy-gal1 wrote: »

well i supoose your the exception then

I'm sure I'm not the only young parent that feels this way.

Nuravictus

Basically a older woman may have increased risk of miscarriage, birth defects and complications such as high blood pressure, gestational diabetes and have a higher time in labour than a younger woman. Thats why most of the woman I know try to be finished having their babies before 30 :P

Even then the risk of having a baby who has down syndome is 1/385 in the age group of 25-29 year olds while it is 1/5000 in 15 - 24 year olds. Once you go 35+ it goes to 1/178.

So basically probally best to have the kids when your young.

trustno1

I find it interesting that everyone keeps refering to 'travelling' as something that seems to go out the window when you have kids - I wanted to travel around before I had children and then I feel pregnant - now I just take the kids along!.. if I want to go somewhere, I just book it and the kids just have to come with me as I can't leave them on their own.. end of..

shivvyban

candy-gal1 wrote: »

well i supoose your the exception then

Thats a bit rude!

candy-gal1

Cathooo wrote: »

what? you stop living cos you have kids? eh who does that?

no no what i mean is you dont just have to think of you and your partner when making decisions, theres another person too! i could be wrong for some people of course!:)

candy-gal1

shivvyban wrote: »

Thats a bit rude!

sorry didnt mean it to be rude at all, was just saying.

shellyboo

candy-gal1 wrote: »

theres nothing wrong with having a 17-20 yr old child at 60-70. tis kind of the average age imo
plus you can be a yummy mummy or just yummy in your 20s, i prefer the latter tbh

Yeah, in YOUR opinion, and YOU prefer, being the operative words. Not everyone holds the same opinion as you. I would much rather be a young Mum, my own mother was and I'm really close to her as a result. I'm 25 now, so chances of me having kids before I'm 30 are waning... but I'd still rather have them earlier than later.

Novella

trustno1 wrote: »

I find it interesting that everyone keeps refering to 'travelling' as something that seems to go out the window when you have kids - I wanted to travel around before I had children and then I feel pregnant - now I just take the kids along!.. if I want to go somewhere, I just book it and the kids just have to come with me as I can't leave them on their own.. end of..

Oh, I wasn't referring to it as something you can only do before you have children! I just mentioned it because spending a summer abroad is quite a popular thing for college students etc to do. I didn't mean at all that you can't travel once you have children.

Xiney

OP, you're probably quite young, and if you're not, you're quite immature, because you don't seem to understand that different women take different paths in life and not everybody wants the same thing YOU do.

LadyE

candy-gal1 wrote: »

Im just wondering why so many girls under the age of 29-30 want to have a baby so bad?! i mean do these people not know that life is short and you can have fun and live your life, thats what your 20s are for!!
ok if your caught out by accident after using contraception and you dont want to get rid of it for some reason, fine!
but are young girls so bored that the only thing to do is get pregnant?
i mean its great if youve met the love of your life and want to spend forever with him, which is me too btw , but you can fully commit to him without having a baby before your old enough.
anyway, im just curious to find out why so many girls want this so young?!

As a young mother I find this post so incredibly judgemental and short sighted.

You have your idea on what you want to do with your life, and others have theirs. There is no need for the bitchyness.

People want children for lots of reasons...a bit silly to assume because they are bored and being pregnant is the only thing they can do.

Oh and how old is old enough to have a child?

candy-gal1 wrote: »

no no im not looking down on them, im just confused in wondering why!

Why are you letting it concern you?? Why are you so bothered about how people want their lives to go?? Is your life so empty that you have to pass judgement and concern yourself with other peoples??

candy-gal1 wrote: »

but they will stop u living your life at some point.

Oh really? :rolleyes:

candy-gal1 wrote: »

well i supoose your the exception then

No she isnt. What an incredibly rude thing to say. I wouldn't say there is an exception. Some people want their lives to go one way, others want a different direction (applies to lots of things, not just children) - IMO there is no exception.

If you look back to a few decades ago, women were having children earlier (on average) than they are now...so you could say that your view is "the exception".

shivvyban

candy-gal1 wrote: »

sorry didnt mean it to be rude at all, was just saying.

But what were you just saying exactly? You see, just a bit confused, what is Cookie Jar the exception to? She's educated, loves her kid/s, has a life and intends to go on with that life. I think if you are looking for people's opinions and their experiences, just think a little before you respond so quick. It can be hurtful.

By the way - fair play Cookie!

candy-gal1

Xiney wrote: »

OP, you're probably quite young, and if you're not, you're quite immature, because you don't seem to understand that different women take different paths in life and not everybody wants the same thing YOU do.

yes i am quite young, and prob immature too lol

very sorry if i hurt anyones feelings here, twas never intended to do that btw, this was just something iv wondered about from hearing people in school before talking about it, and random chats with mates after school.

6th

Getting pregnant might seem like the easiest thing in the world. Its not. By all means wait til you're 35 but be prepared to be trying for a couple of years.

candy-gal1

LadyE wrote: »

As a young mother I find this post so incredibly judgemental and short sighted.

You have your idea on what you want to do with your life, and others have theirs. There is no need for the bitchyness.

People want children for lots of reasons...a bit silly to assume because they are bored and being pregnant is the only thing they can do.

Oh and how old is old enough to have a child?



Why are you letting it concern you?? Why are you so bothered about how people want their lives to go?? Is your life so empty that you have to pass judgement and concern yourself with other peoples??



Oh really? :rolleyes:


No she isnt. What an incredibly rude thing to say. I wouldn't say there is an exception. Some people want their lives to go one way, others want a different direction (applies to lots of things, not just children) - IMO there is no exception.

If you look back to a few decades ago, women were having children earlier (on average) than they are now...so you could say that your view is "the exception".

and no my life is not empty thank you, just thought this was a place you could ask questions about things your not sure of, share your opinions, and say ok fairplay, each to their own,

sorry again if you thought i was being rude or hurtful, that was never my intention

Das Kitty

candy-gal1 wrote: »

but they will stop u living your life at some point.

Maybe! I might die in childbirth! :rolleyes:

The Big Red Button

I'm twenty-four and it's unlikely I'll have children before the age of thirty. It's not practical, it would seriously disrupt my career plans, and I wouldn't be able to support them financially. Therefore I've never given the thought any serious consideration.

However I am engaged, and have been on the receiving end of plenty of criticism because of this. While my friends and family have been delighted for me, random busybodies who don't even know me well feel the need to inform me that I'm making the wrong choice and that I'm wasting the best years of my life by getting "tied down" so young.

I just don't see why others feel the need to have opinions on how other people are living their lives. It's judgemental and small-minded. If two people in a happy stable relationship feel that they're ready to take the next step and become parents, who are you to look down on them just because whatever you're doing with your life is, in your own opinion, better or more worthy?

Maybe thirty is the "magic age" when you reckon you'll be mature enough to become a mother and stop "living your life" (an absolute joke by the way, life doesn't end when you become a mother, far from it), however just because others may reach that stage in their lives earlier than you doesn't put you in a position to judge them.

Maybe you should focus more on your own life before putting forward your "confused lol" opinions on other peoples' lives.

shivvyban

candy-gal1 wrote: »

just thought this was a place you could ask questions about things your not sure of, share your opinions, and say ok fairplay, each to their own,

It is the place to share your opinions and ask questions but its also the place to listen to the answers - I think thats what Lady E was trying to say. Like I already said, be careful how you word responses and don't get bent out of shape if people pick you up for coming across as harsh, just think about what they are picking up on.

candy-gal1

chatterpillar wrote: »

I'm twenty-four and it's unlikely I'll have children before the age of thirty. It's not practical, it would seriously disrupt my career plans, and I wouldn't be able to support them financially. Therefore I've never given the thought any serious consideration.

However I am engaged, and have been on the receiving end of plenty of criticism because of this. While my friends and family have been delighted for me, random busybodies who don't even know me well feel the need to inform me that I'm making the wrong choice and that I'm wasting the best years of my life by getting "tied down" so young.

I just don't see why others feel the need to have opinions on how other people are living their lives. It's judgemental and small-minded. If two people in a happy stable relationship feel that they're ready to take the next step and become parents, who are you to look down on them just because whatever you're doing with your life is, in your own opinion, better or more worthy?

Maybe thirty is the "magic age" when you reckon you'll be mature enough to become a mother and stop "living your life" (an absolute joke by the way, life doesn't end when you become a mother, far from it), however just because others may reach that stage in their lives earlier than you doesn't put you in a position to judge them.

Maybe you should focus more on your own life before putting forward your "confused lol" opinions on other peoples' lives.

yet again, im not judging anyone.

and also being in a commited relationship and being in love with the love of your life is fabulous, i know it now since iv met him

im only asking why people have kids younger than others by choice, im also curious to why people dont want kids ever, or why they want to wait themselves.

nkay1985

I have to say I think a lot of you ladies are being extremely tolerant here. I find the tone of all the OP's posts very dismissive and condescending. I hope for her sake that she's onlt just turned 19 or 20 because if she's any older, she's highly immature.

I'm a guy. I'm 24. I'm engaged a year and a half. We've been going out together eight years. We've lived together for three years. We bought our house almost a year ago. We have three dogs (currently five puppies too, with one of them going to be our fourth dog). We have a great relationship and are very happy.

We both went to college. She's been working for four years, me for two. During that time we've done anything we wanted to do.

So if we decided to have a baby in the morning what would we be missing out on? You suggest that 30 is your ideal age for having a baby. So if I were to spend the next six years going out every weekend and getting hammered, would I be "living my life"?

I hope to start a family in the next two or three years and having two kids by the time I'm 30 sounds pretty good to me. Then I'll only be mid-forties by the time they're off to college, fifty by the time they're gone for good. Where is any of this wrong?

candy-gal1

nkay1985 wrote: »

I have to say I think a lot of you ladies are being extremely tolerant here. I find the tone of all the OP's posts very dismissive and condescending. I hope for her sake that she's onlt just turned 19 or 20 because if she's any older, she's highly immature.

I'm a guy. I'm 24. I'm engaged a year and a half. We've been going out together eight years. We've lived together for three years. We bought our house almost a year ago. We have three dogs (currently five puppies too, with one of them going to be our fourth dog). We have a great relationship and are very happy.

We both went to college. She's been working for four years, me for two. During that time we've done anything we wanted to do.

So if we decided to have a baby in the morning what would we be missing out on? You suggest that 30 is your ideal age for having a baby. So if I were to spend the next six years going out every weekend and getting hammered, would I be "living my life"?

I hope to start a family in the next two or three years and having two kids by the time I'm 30 sounds pretty good to me. Then I'll only be mid-forties by the time they're off to college, fifty by the time they're gone for good. Where is any of this wrong?

now thats a post i can relate to mostly, thats exactly what im saying, be with your soulmate, do everything you want to achieve, and then have babies if you want to

and i never said 30 is the ideal age or anything, i was just generalising an older age thats all, 25 could be perfect too, depending on the person

mandysmithers

A topic like this is always going to be decisive. People have strong feelings on both sides.

I, nor any of my friends, would have even considered having children until at least our late 20s. We're all in out late 20s/early 30s now, and only one is pregnant.

Personally (note the use of personally!), I find it hard to understand why anyone would want children before the age of, say, 26. Children do tie you down to a certain extent - just a few examples: you can't just up and leave and go backpacking, or head away for a weekend at a moment's notice, you have to spend your money on them etc. etc. I'm not saying that that's a bad thing - some people don't give a **** about all that, but I'm glad that I was totally free during my 20s. In fact, I want that to continue for a bit longer. I know there's more to life than the examples I gave, but you can do all that, and have children a bit later.

You do tend to want to settle down a little as you get older, so you don't miss not being able to go out as much anymore....so, for me, I think my 30s will be a much better time to have children.

Anyway, each to their own.

Novella

candy-gal1 wrote: »

im only asking why people have kids younger than others by choice, im also curious to why people dont want kids ever, or why they want to wait themselves.

Some people have children younger than others because they WANT to!

Some people don't have children ever because they don't want to. As I've already explained to you, we are not all the same. Some women physically can't get pregnant and that's why they never have a baby. Some may have had a far from ideal childhood and upbringing and have been left feeling that bringing a child into the world is not a good thing to do. There are many psychological reasons why women do not want to have children.

Some women do try to have kids but have recurring miscarriages etc and so give up. Some people like their life child free and so stay that way, just because it is what they want. Other people are career driven, have no aspirations to have a family. People may never meet a partner with whom they want to have a child with. There are LOADS of reasons.

People wait to have children for financial reasons, or because they just feel they are not ready to have a baby. Again, loads of reasons. Also, until you try to get pregnant, you don't realise that it isn't just, have unprotected sex, bam, pregnant! It can take some couples years to conceive and this may look like "waiting" from the outside.

Xiney

I think this thread will be a crash course for the OP in the necessary tone that one must put forward in order to undertake an online discussion so as not to piss everyone who thinks differently off.

candy gal, take note of mandysmithers' post. It is the perfect example of agreeing to disagree, politely, without being condescending.

Now everyone else, if candy gal's future posts are more respectful of other points of view, perhaps we can let the first few slide and have a fruitful discussion and exchange of ideas... although keeping in mind that nobody is going to change their mind based on an online debate. (As long as everyone reaslises that this shouldn't get messy!)

Haru

I and one of my friends just turned 26. She's a proud mom of two little girls and had them when she was 20 and 22, if I'm correct. It has never prevented her from having fun with her friends, and she's definitely happy she's a young mom.

The idea of having children has already crossed my mind, and I don't see what's wrong with having children while you're young. Besides as some other people here stated, why wait if you are in a great relationship and want some ?
It's up to everyone to decide when they'll feel ready for it.

Nevyn

29-30 is not young not be starting a family 19-20 would be.
And if you want to have children in the future then you need to be aware of the trail of in human female fertility once a woman reaches a certain age.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fertility#Female_fertility

Female fertility

The average age of menarche in the United States is about 12.5 years.[6] In postmenarchal girls, about 80% of the cycles were anovulatory in the first year after menarche, 50% in the third and 10% in the sixth year.[7][8] Women's fertility peaks around the age of 19-24, and often declines after 30.[citation needed] With a rise in women postponing pregnancy,[9] this can create an infertility problem. Of women trying to get pregnant, without using fertility drugs or in vitro fertilization:

* At age 30, 75% will get pregnant within one year, and 91% within four years.
* At age 35, 66% will get pregnant within one year, and 84% within four years.
* At age 40, 44% will get pregnant within one year, and 64% within four years.[10]

The above figures are for pregnancies ending in a live birth and take into account the increasing rates of miscarriage in the aging population. According to the March of Dimes, "about 9 percent of recognised pregnancies for women aged 20 to 24 ended in miscarriage. The risk rose to about 20 percent at age 35 to 39, and more than 50 percent by age 42".[11]

Birth defects, especially those involving chromosome number and arrangement, also increase with the age of the mother. According to the March of Dimes, "At age 25, a woman has about a 1-in-1,250 chance of having a baby with Down syndrome; at age 30, a 1-in-1,000 chance; at age 35, a 1-in-400 chance; at age 40, a 1-in-100 chance; and at 45, a 1-in-30 chance."[12]

The use of fertility drugs and/or invitro fertilization can increase the chances of becoming pregnant at a later age. Successful pregnancies facilitated by fertility treatment have been documented in women as old as 67.[13]

Doctors recommend that women over 30 who have been unsuccessful in trying to conceive for more than 6 months undergo some kind of fertility testing.

http://www.advancedfertility.com/age.htm

And the older a woman gets the higher the rate of possible miscarraiage.

Miscarriage and female age

Numerous studies have documented the increased risk for miscarriage as women get older. The following table is a summary of information from several studies:

Maternal age


Pregnancy loss rate

< 30 5%

30-34 8%

35-39 16%

40-41 30%

42-43 40%

44-46 60%

And the qualty in the ova also declines.

Chromosomal problems in aging eggs

We do not know exactly why there is an increase in chromosomal abnormalities in the eggs of women as they age. However, research studies have clarified some of the issues involved.

D.E. Battaglia, et al: Influence of maternal age on meiotic spindle assembly in oocytes from naturally cycling women. Human Reproduction October, 1996; (Vol. 11): Pages 2217-2222.

In this research project, 17% of the eggs studied from women 20-25 years old were found to have an abnormal spindle appearance and at least one chromosome displaced from proper alignment.

In contrast, 79% of the eggs studied from women 40-45 years old were found to have an abnormal spindle appearance and at least one chromosome displaced from proper alignment.

So if you don't want to have kids fair enough that is your choice.

If you do want to have kids be aware of the age factors and risk as you plan your family.

I do think that starting a family is something which should be planned rather then just happen cos it's what you think you should be doing at a certain age.

trustno1

Thaedydal wrote: »

I do think that starting a family is something which should be planned rather then just happen cos it's what you think you should be doing at a certain age.

While I certainly agree with you in that having a family is something that should be planned - it can also be an unexpected bonus!.. both of my children were not planned and I have to say I couldn't be happier - while this suited me (and shocked me at the same time! ), it obviously it wouldn't suit everyone!..

BUBBLES1978

had my son at 23 and never looked back (31 now!!). but it is a personnel decision i was mature at that age and was ready to take on the responsibility as a mother. i dont feel i have missed out on anything and i have enjoyed being a mammy!!!

now if you were to ask me to have one now at 31 i would say no!!! i enjoy my life now have a good career and would feel i was going backwards if i had to start all over again

personaly i think the earlier you have children the better i know of lots of people who have left it until their early to mid 30's and are only now finding out they cant conceive

metrovelvet

There are a lot of good sides to having a baby younger. One is that you have more energy and can cope with the sleep deprivation.

Secondly, you can be more assured that you will be alive to see your child graduate from college or meet your grandchildren.

Khannie

candy-gal1 wrote: »

do these people not know that life is short and you can have fun and live your life

You'd swear that being a parent removes your ability to have fun in your life somehow. :rolleyes:

I was a parent in my 20's and it's great. You're full of beans, there's less of an age gap between you and your kids. You "get" what's cool. This recent phenomenon of waiting 'til your 30's to have kids is madness IMO.

edit:

candy-gal1 wrote: »

be with your soulmate, do everything you want to achieve, and then have babies if you want to

Again, and I said this in the parenting forum to a post of yours there, having kids does not negate your ability to achieve things.

bronte

Everyone is different. I've got a mate the same age as me who's mad to have kids at the moment, I on the other hand never want to. Different approaches work for different folks. Do what makes you happy.

sporina

candy-gal1 wrote: »

Im just wondering why so many girls under the age of 29-30 want to have a baby so bad?! i mean do these people not know that life is short and you can have fun and live your life, thats what your 20s are for!!
ok if your caught out by accident after using contraception and you dont want to get rid of it for some reason, fine!
but are young girls so bored that the only thing to do is get pregnant?
i mean its great if youve met the love of your life and want to spend forever with him, which is me too btw , but you can fully commit to him without having a baby before your old enough.
anyway, im just curious to find out why so many girls want this so young?!

regardless of what you want etc this is when ladies get broody - it can happen earlier than 29 - its natures way of procreation. This is the time when the body is ready for reproduction. And on the other hand - one can be a cynical and one likes but the fact of the matter that if you leave it any later than 28/29 your chances of conceiving decline. You may menstruate every month but as you get older you ovulate less and less hence spend ages trying and then having to go down the whole IVF route. I know alot of people in their 30's who are not in relationships and do not have kids and are now very worried about not being able to hav kids when they do find someone to have them with.

candy-gal1

candy-gal1 wrote: »

anyway, im just curious to find out why so many girls want this so young?!

Maybe if little girls weren't handed "little baby craps-a-lot" dolls and play houses and so on and so forth, they might not be so brainwashed into thinking that's the goal of their life?

Xiney

Are you saying that when women want babies they're a) brainwashed and b) that's their ONLY goal in life?