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loseing my mind

  • 15-09-2009 12:46pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,
    My problem might not seem so big to some,but to me,i feel im loseing control of my own life.I have been with my boyfriend for the past 5 yrs,and love him so much.The thing is he spends every wakeing hour in the bookies or in the casino.He never seems to want to spend time with me or my kids.I have twin girls from a previouse relationship and thier dad walked out and has no contact.they are 9.I also have a daughter with my current partner who is 3.
    I am left to care for them every day and evening while he bets.He rarely treats any of us with his winnings and is in foul form if he loses.He rarely pays towards clothes for kids,esb,or family days out.I am on social welfare so am skint almost always.
    I cant make him see the girls and me need him and that we cant live like this much longer.I am rattled with money troubles as i am not getting a fair share from him,and i feel so lonely as he is never here and when he is its night time and he is drinking.He works part time at a local butchers,4 hours a day but is gone for 9 hours a day.when he has day off hes gone all day.he is a great dad when hes here,and very loveing,but am i wrong in thinking this is too much freedom for a dad of 3???
    i dont get any break,no time from the kids AT ALL.he kicks up a fuss if i ask to.he is not controling or violent but just a bit selfish i think.any advise?????


Comments

  • #2
    Xiney
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,085 ✭✭✭Xiney


    The bad news is that it sounds like he is addicted to gambling.

    Addictions are hard to beat and it doesn't sound like he's interested in doing anything about it.

    I'd have a talk with him about him at least cutting down on gambling, contributing to the household, get some counselling... and that this isn't a request, it's a demand and an ultimatum. If he doesn't shape up he can ship out.



    The last thing you need right now is for him to start stealing money off you to gamble away, or get in trouble with a local loan shark and put you and your children in danger.

    One discussion, no second chances... he needs a reality check.


  • #3
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Let's be blunt about this.

    What exactly are you getting out of being with him?

    Do you feel loved?
    Do you feel respected?
    Are you cared for?
    Are your children cared for?
    Can you share your worries and concerns with him in a non-judgemental way?

    It sounds from your brief words that he is treating your home as a slop-house - somewhere to come and be fed, sleep and grumble when he loses.

    First off he needs help for his addiction.
    And as much as you love him - your first responsibility is to yourself and your children...

    It might seem like you are ripping their world apart, but are you really or is he.
    Totally with Xiney on this - lay out the law for him - help him get the help but let him know that as much as you love him the kids are your priority.

    Maybe reach out to some of the agencies out there for some guidance and help.


  • #4
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    unregistered wrote: »
    I cant make him see the girls and me need him and that we cant live like this much longer.

    There is a very simple way to make him see very quickly.
    Pack his bags and leave them at the front door.
    Tell him you've done enough talking/asking/pleading and begging for him to pay attention. His time is up.

    The above is what I would do if I were in your position.


  • #5
    SLUSK
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,156 ✭✭✭SLUSK


    Congratulations, you're in love with a loser. It is probably best for you and the kids if you leave him.


  • #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    This really sounds like your partner has a gambling addiction. This is something that only he can stop, it has to come from him but perhaps you could try talking to him about why he is gambling and where it is leading. Even though he has an addiction you still deserve to be treated better, especially for the sake of your children.

    If he accepts that he has a problem he can go to Gamblers Anonymous meetings for help. As someone who has been in your position I would really recomment that you get some support as well, you need to be as strong as you can for your children and partner. There are GamAnon meetings that you can go to for support, take a look at http://www.gamblersanonymous.ie/gam_anon.htm

    A really great resource on the internet is http://www.gamblingtherapy.org/, for both gamblers and their families. You will be able to talk to a lot of people on that who might be in similar situations.

    Good luck


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