To leave it or not

swiggy

Hi all

I have been seeing this guy for about 5 months now and thought everything was going well. However for the last 4 days, I have not heard from him despite me leaving a few messages on his phone.

Part of me wants to call into house to see what is going on. But another part of me says just to leave it and accept the fact that it is over.(I also don't want to be seen as a stalker which calling into house might be seen as)

I am just finding it really hard to understand why he would cut all contact without any explanation.

any advice?

LegacyUser

Its only been four days, thats not so long.

You have been seeing him for awhile, you are within to rights to send me a friendly text and ask him if everything is ok? Or a jokey text and ask him if he's been abducted and should you send out the search party.

On the other hand, why are you insecure after four days? Have there been other signs that things aren't goin well? You are still entitled to initiate contact but make sure you give him the benefit of the doubt up front as you don't want to be seen as too clingy or insecure.

Good luck.

waterford1988

You at least deserve an explanation. But don't panic just yet, anything could have happened to justify him not contacting you. Give it a few days then call once again, if no answer call over to him.

SarahSassy

Looks to me like he has done the 'disappearing' trick.. It has happened to me. Either he met someone else or things were getting hot and heavy and serious at too fast a pace for him. If all was fine he would have replied to your messages to at least say hi but it seems like he has done a runner - sorry.

Miss Fluff

I definitely wouldn't call to his house. I always think that what a lot of people remember after a break-up is not so much the break-up but how they behaved afterwards that stick in their mind.

As SS said, it sounds like this charming individual, who would seem to be a shining beacon of decency and attractiveness has in fact done a "Now You See Me, Now You Don't" act, effectively a runner. Because his balls have obviously not dropped sufficiently to do the decent thing and call a halt to it, he has decided just to ignore you from hereonin.

He sounds like a prize-winning runt (replace the r in aformentioned word with a "k" and you get the drift). He didn't have the decency to dump you in person - actually he didn't have the decency to dump you AT ALL. I'm sure the immature little wally is just waiting for some begging texts and calls from you as well. Don't give him the satisfaction.

Onwards and upwards m'dear, he was no prize anyway and you've had a lucky escape by the sounds of things.

swiggy

thanks for the replies. I left him a message yesterday to see if everything was ok but have not heard back which is strange as he does always respond within a few hours, so just was a bit worried that something had happended to him.

Honestly I don't think I was being clingy or putting too much pressure on him (he was the one suggesting recently we go on holiday together,not me). As he works shift hours, we really only meet up once a week, but I have my own interests and friends and the arragement suits me as I get to do my own thing without feeling guilty.

sachamama

SarahSassy wrote: »

Looks to me like he has done the 'disappearing' trick.. It has happened to me. Either he met someone else or things were getting hot and heavy and serious at too fast a pace for him. If all was fine he would have replied to your messages to at least say hi but it seems like he has done a runner - sorry.

I think this is a bit extreme. You don't know this for sure, and the OP is worried enough as it is.

If you are leaving messages and texting the same phone, maybe he lost the phone, maybe the phone is dead?

is there any other way of getting in contact?

SarahSassy

swiggy wrote: »

he was the one suggesting recently we go on holiday together,not me.

Yep - sounds familiar - he scared himself with his plans and ran off.

Hope he did lose his phone cos otherwise is a an a-hole.

Terodil

sachamama wrote: »

I think this is a bit extreme. You don't know this for sure, and the OP is worried enough as it is.

Exactly. A whole number of things could have gone wrong. Maybe he is in serious trouble, mentally or physically. I don't think calling to his house under such circumstances would even remotely be considered stalking.

You care about him, he's disappeared, things could have happened. Only one way to find out.

Now if (and that's a big 'if', nobody knows for sure, and I have to chuckle at the 'dump him' brigade here...) he really has no good reason on hand for why he didn't react, you can still think about the consequences. But without finding out first what actually happened you're just being rash and irrational.

VaioCruiser

4 days ? Do you live in each other's pockets ? :rolleyes:

Call him, and otherwise .. relax.


.

SarahSassy

VaioCruiser wrote: »

Call him..

She has left him a few messages and normally he responds within a few hours so his is not normal behaviour for them and as such she has reason to be concerned.

If my OH didnt reply to me for 4 days, given the pattern within our relationship of regular contact, I would be calling interpol.... She knows if this is normal or not so no need to jump down her throat with yer '4 days??'

VaioCruiser

SarahSassy wrote: »

She has left him a few messages and normally he responds within a few hours so his is not normal behaviour for them and as such she has reason to be concerned.

If my OH didnt reply to me for 4 days, given the pattern within our relationship of regular contact, I would be calling interpol.... She knows if this is normal or not so no need to jump down her throat with yer '4 days??'

Not everyone lives in each other's pockets. 4 days is nothing. He could be in hospital. He could have lost his phone, it might have been stolen. His father might have died suddenly and he is too distraught. There is a plethora of possible explanations.

Get a grip - no one is jumping down anyone's throat.

.

meditraitor

swiggy wrote: »

Part of me wants to call into house to see what is going on.

Thats what I would do, you have nothing to loose


Good Luck

SarahSassy

VaioCruiser wrote: »

Not everyone lives in each other's pockets. 4 days is nothing. He could be in hospital. He could have lost his phone, it might have been stolen. His father might have died suddenly and he is too distraught. There is a plethora of possible explanations.

Get a grip - no one is jumping down anyone's throat.

.

You are not listening .... MOst relationships develop a pattern over tiem re contact and this is not the norm, it feels wrong for her and as such she is entitled to be concerned.

VaioCruiser

SarahSassy wrote: »

You are not listening (as usual). MOst relationships develop a pattern over tiem re contact and this is not the norm, it feels wrong for her and as such she is entitled to be concerned.

I resent your personal comment which is quite juvenile.

You also don't quote any evidence that they have a "pattern" that is being broken. You also don't comment on the fact that the OP herself has said they only usually meet once a week...... :rolleyes:

Please stick to the topic and if you don't agree with me, then fine. I don't need your criticism of my own personal opinions.

.

swiggy

thanks for all the varying opinions. This is my first time posting and I don't want to criticise anyones opinions, I find them all useful (I think!).

We certainly don't live in each others pockets. I have my own life as I said before and with his working hours it is difficult to meet up more than once a week. I may text him inbetween then or he may text me but I will always respond and he (up until now) has also.

I texted him Sunday to see how his weekend went but didn't hear back so rang him yesterday to see if he was ok but phone rang out and then went to voicemail so I left him a message. The last contact I had with him was Friday. Yes something serious may have happened or else he is just avoiding me, I don't know.

I suppose I am wondering if we have being seeing each other for 5 months now, should we not contact each other more frequently then we have been doing (usually just one text a week and then meet up). As a relationship progresses I would expect more contact.

thanks again

SarahSassy

VaioCruiser wrote: »

Please stick to the topic
.

I had amended it (upon mature reflection) and seeing as we are all giving orders - dont give me orders!!!

LegacyUser

If you're used to having contact by now, well then he's either a sh*t or something serious has happened. Go over to his house and see if everything is ok. If everything is fine, tell him to grow up and that he should have treated a girl he's being seeing for five months with a bit more decency.

VaioCruiser

SarahSassy wrote: »

I had amended it (upon mature reflection) and seeing as we are all giving orders - dont give me orders!!!

VaioCruiser

swiggy wrote: »

thanks for all the varying opinions. This is my first time posting and I don't want to criticise anyones opinions, I find them all useful (I think!).

We certainly don't live in each others pockets. I have my own life as I said before and with his working hours it is difficult to meet up more than once a week. I may text him inbetween then or he may text me but I will always respond and he (up until now) has also.

I texted him Sunday to see how his weekend went but didn't hear back so rang him yesterday to see if he was ok but phone rang out and then went to voicemail so I left him a message. The last contact I had with him was Friday. Yes something serious may have happened or else he is just avoiding me, I don't know.

I suppose I am wondering if we have being seeing each other for 5 months now, should we not contact each other more frequently then we have been doing (usually just one text a week and then meet up). As a relationship progresses I would expect more contact.

thanks again

I hear what you are saying OP - but the problem here is that no one can advise on something that is so specific to each individual couple.

As one poster correctly said above, each couple develops a rhythm, a pattern that is unique to them. 4 days may be a lifetime to some, while it may be perfectly normal to others. What matters is what it is to you and your partner. You yourself mentioned seeing each other only once a week, though you do exchange some texts. In this light 4 days doesn't seem a lot, without knowing more about you both.

Also OP, how can you or anyone else possible deduce from a 4 day gap what the possible causes are ? It is an impossible task and only guaranteed to produce wild and unhelpful speculation as has already happened.

After being together for 5 months one thing is clear - you yourself have a right, and an obligation to him, to make direct contact with him to find out WHY. If you have to call to his house to make contact then so be it. But for your own sake and his, and for your own emotional health - you MUST find out what is going on and do it sometime this week.

My two cents.