im sure this has happend to lots of you...

LegacyUser

ok, this is a pretty simple post.

Iv liked the same guy for 3 years and considering 1 1/2 years of this I was in a relationship with sombody else, its quite a bit of a deal. We have never been together, but would be friends to an extent, so it is a serious case of unrequited love on my part. Im in my mid 20's, as is he, so its a bit more then a school girl crush. But im so frustrated at the moment with this, that i just want to do somthing about it so i can move on one way or another.

I have never been so strongly attracted to anyone in my life, we like all the same things, have a very simalar sense of humor and when he is around me he sets my heart racing quicker then anyone else I have ever been with. When we talk, he shares a lot of personal things with me, especialy about people he is seeing or how he feels. He was quite a shy, normal person until 2 years ago when he started a new job, broke up with his then girlfriend and became really well known in the area and came out of his shell. Its quite sweet, but to be honest, i know he would never ever be interested in me. He would be now more attracted to people who would be "cooler" then me and while we are friends, he would never invite me out to things or make an effort to meet up with me on a regular basis.

anyway, i have one or two simple questions here. first one is, should i do somthing about this or just leave it? what do I do? tell him? and what can i do to stop liking him if i dont want to tell him? Im at a stage now where i find myself thinking about him regularly, judging most men i meet by him and changing myself to try and impress him. Im not happy about this.

anyway, any suggestion, comments or even if people are in the same position, please let me know.

dazberry

Deffo, just ask him out on a date, just something casual, maybe a coffee or a couple of drinks and take it from there. If he's not interested at-least you can then move on instead of being in this state of limbo.

D.

LegacyUser

hmm... i dont think its that simple. Iv never asked anyone out, then again iv never been asked out. I really thiink if i did, it would just make things more awkward and he would probably never speak to me again, just know me as the "freak that asked hime out". Plus, i dont think he is into going on dates (like most men in their 20's)

LegacyUser

What makes u so sure he would never ever date u? maybe he would but maybe your not very confident and thats why u think he wouldnt.
Well what i say is if u really are certain that he wouldnt want you and youre not just being down on yourself then it probably is best just to leave it as its easier for u and it could ruin your friendship with him if you do. If you want to stop liking him u will have to really distance yourself from him i think and even then it could take a while, or try looking for his bad points or if possible try and get out more on dates and stuff, i know u said u keep comparing bt youve got more chance of meeting someone that u like better the more new peope you meet.
However if u think that there might be a chance he is interested in you then i say youve got nothing to lose as youve liked him for long enough and lifes too short to sit there wondering, and even if he did turn u down then maybe at least it might asctually help u get over him more?

LegacyUser

uh, readin your post was actually kind of weird for me, I was in pretty much the exact same situation about a year ago! gave me goosebumps readin it a bit!

Only thing I wonder is, how long are you broken up from your boyfriend, cos you don't want this to be a rebound thing.

What I did was ask the guy along to a gig, in a very casual way, not a 'date' because I also felt awkward about askin a friend out. Once you're out in a social situation it's much easier to get chattin and make a move. What happened with us was we had a very passionate six months which unfortunately ended mutually a few months ago. I definitely think if you really like this guy, you should go for it though. You never know how it might turn out.