Terrorism in Donegal Town

irish1967

As Reported By Disassociated Press

Terrorism in Donegal Town

Investigations are ongoing into today’s attempted bomb attack in Donegal Town. The viable explosive device was removed after Irish army rushed to the scene in under 6 hours and removed what was termed a ‘viable explosive device’ by the army press office.

Earlier in the day the Gardai had skilfully evacuated the area within a remarkable 2 hours. Full credit must be given for their speed and efficiency in this matter.

The date of this attempted atrocity cannot be overlooked – 11th of September. Sources within the United States intelligence agencies including the NSA and DHS have long since suspected a rogue Al Qaeda cell may be operating from a base deep in the Blue Stacks. The cell codenamed The Ahbejaysus are believed to have been training in the rugged mountainous area for some months now.
One recent mission by The Ahbejaysus resulted in the destruction of several hanging baskets on the bridge on the KIllybegs Road in the now terrorized town. Hanging flower baskets have long been seen by the Ahbejaysus as sacrilegious and a threat to their extreme views.

Ahbejaysus is thought to be led by Givus An Udder, a Donegal native who is thought to have been trained by Al Qaeda experts in the hotbed of fanaticism – Ballindrait. Recent attempts by U.S agencies to infiltrate the Ahbejasus have proved unsuccessful. One attempt involved training a U.S agent to speak perfect Donegal Gaelic. Having spent months in training the agent was perfectly fluent and Gweedore natives who heard him could not tell he was not a lifelong native. The attempt failed miserable however with the agent being discovered almost immediately. One factor seemingly overlooked by the NSA was that the agent was black.

Today’s attack marks a stark escalation in the Ahbejaysus’s campaign of terror. Only a few nights ago one suspected member was witnessed dropping what is thought to have been an empty crisp bag near the town’s Abbey Hotel. Due to EU regulations the Diamond area of the town had to be cordoned off for several days for an environmental impact study. A landslip in the county recently has yet to be connected to the group.

The kidnap of a local lollipop man in Donegal Town last week is believed to have been carried out by The Ahbejaysus. Authorities still maintain that the lollipop man is just off on sick leave but it bears all the hallmarks of a daring Ahbejaysus raid.

So as the town of Donegal slowly returns to what it classes as normality more and more business are pulling out of the town in fear, under the guise of being hit by the recession. The Sarin Gas attack in 1995 on the Tokyo underground system by The Aum is believed to be directly responsible for Subway leaving the area as they feared a similar attack by the Ahbejaysus. The group are believed to have been testing noxious gas in the Drumrooske area of the town for several months.

It is also believed that at least two major commercial projects have been effected by the presence of the Ahbejaysus who are believed to have splinter groups operating in Kildare and Scotland codenamed Al Bord Planeada.

All the population of this sleepy regional town can hope is that with the introduction of draconian security measures, such as the weight limit on the Iron Bridge and a new padlock on the Bosco Centre gate, that they can sleep soundly in their beds and deposit their hard earned dole money in the EBS confident that they are safe. (even if their money isn't)

FOOTNOTE: (12th September). A local in one public house in the town who had not read this story was heard to say last night "Ah be jaysus ! Who would plant a bomb in Donegal Town?" I think that says it all !

DenMan

Givus An Udder....this has to be bull****. Can't see this thread remaining open.

Deer Hunter DL

Ahbejaysus , Best post ever lmao :D:D:D:D

BlackEdelweiss

DenMan wrote: »

Givus An Udder....this has to be bull****. Can't see this thread remaining open.

At least the op's post has a purpose, yours is just sh1te, why bother putting up posts like this???

ferrigan101

Well done op, entertained me on my tea break!

DenMan

BlackEdelweiss wrote: »

At least the op's post has a purpose, yours is just sh1te, why bother putting up posts like this???

I thought it was a fcuking wind up, like half the threads that get shut down in After Hours. What's it's purpose?

Ahbejaysus....:D

Of all the days he puts it up.

muffler

We can do without the back seat modding DenMan.

irish1967

I wrote the above piece as a tongue in cheek commentary on local issues which has all been covered here on the Donegal Board in recent weeks/months. It was in no way meant to trivialise the events of yesterday or any of the other subjects which it covers. I hope it was taken in that light. If we can't smile about the things around us well then we are going to be frowning for an awful long time.

For those of you who are not familar with the Donegal Town area and its many and varied topics of discussion this story covers at least 11 of them

1. The fact that since the rearranging of the army locations in the county i.e the closing of Rockhill & Lifford bases and the ending of the troubles there is no longer an Explosive Ordanance Unit in the county. Hrnce the rather long wait for them to arrive.

2. Wanton vandalism in Donegal Town recently including the destrustion of hanging flower baskets.

3. The fact that when a local school crossing guard went on sick leave a recruitment embargo meant that he could not be replaced. (Since been sorted out apparently.)

4. The closure of several businesses including 'Subway' in the town recently due to the recession.

5. The awful smell of sewerage and its associated gases in the Drumrooske area of the town. (just been past it 20 minutes ago.. Phewwwwwwwww)

6. The imposition of a weight limit of 7 tonnes on the Iron Bridge next to the post office. I have personnally seen this broken on dozens of occasions.

7. Obviously the viable device found yesterday in the town.

8. The ongoing and confusing debacle on planning permissions
and 'observations' regarding at least 2 large retail developments.

9. The how safe is your money in any monetary institution quaestion.

10. The fact that the unemplyment rate in Donegal Town has increased by 61% in one year.

11. It was reported in local media that gardai took 2 hours to evactuate the area. Again this highlights recent concerns that there are not enough gardai in the local division.

puffdragon

irish1967 wrote: »

As Reported By Disassociated Press

Terrorism in Donegal Town

Investigations are ongoing into today’s attempted bomb attack in Donegal Town. The viable explosive device was removed after Irish army rushed to the scene in under 6 hours and removed what was termed a ‘viable explosive device’ by the army press office.

Earlier in the day the Gardai had skilfully evacuated the area within a remarkable 2 hours. Full credit must be given for their speed and efficiency in this matter.

The date of this attempted atrocity cannot be overlooked – 11th of September. Sources within the United States intelligence agencies including the NSA and DHS have long since suspected a rogue Al Qaeda cell may be operating from a base deep in the Blue Stacks. The cell codenamed The Ahbejaysus are believed to have been training in the rugged mountainous area for some months now.
One recent mission by The Ahbejaysus resulted in the destruction of several hanging baskets on the bridge on the KIllybegs Road in the now terrorized town. Hanging flower baskets have long been seen by the Ahbejaysus as sacrilegious and a threat to their extreme views.

Ahbejaysus is thought to be led by Givus An Udder, a Donegal native who is thought to have been trained by Al Qaeda experts in the hotbed of fanaticism – Ballindrait. Recent attempts by U.S agencies to infiltrate the Ahbejasus have proved unsuccessful. One attempt involved training a U.S agent to speak perfect Donegal Gaelic. Having spent months in training the agent was perfectly fluent and Gweedore natives who heard him could not tell he was not a lifelong native. The attempt failed miserable however with the agent being discovered almost immediately. One factor seemingly overlooked by the NSA was that the agent was black.

Today’s attack marks a stark escalation in the Ahbejaysus’s campaign of terror. Only a few nights ago one suspected member was witnessed dropping what is thought to have been an empty crisp bag near the town’s Abbey Hotel. Due to EU regulations the Diamond area of the town had to be cordoned off for several days for an environmental impact study. A landslip in the county recently has yet to be connected to the group.

The kidnap of a local lollipop man in Donegal Town last week is believed to have been carried out by The Ahbejaysus. Authorities still maintain that the lollipop man is just off on sick leave but it bears all the hallmarks of a daring Ahbejaysus raid.

So as the town of Donegal slowly returns to what it classes as normality more and more business are pulling out of the town in fear, under the guise of being hit by the recession. The Sarin Gas attack in 1995 on the Tokyo underground system by The Aum is believed to be directly responsible for Subway leaving the area as they feared a similar attack by the Ahbejaysus. The group are believed to have been testing noxious gas in the Drumrooske area of the town for several months.

It is also believed that at least two major commercial projects have been effected by the presence of the Ahbejaysus who are believed to have splinter groups operating in Kildare and Scotland codenamed Al Bord Planeada.

All the population of this sleepy regional town can hope is that with the introduction of draconian security measures, such as the weight limit on the Iron Bridge and a new padlock on the Bosco Centre gate, that they can sleep soundly in their beds and deposit their hard earned dole money in the EBS confident that they are safe. (even if their money isn't)

FOOTNOTE: (12th September). A local in one public house in the town who had not read this story was heard to say last night "Ah be jaysus ! Who would plant a bomb in Donegal Town?" I think that says it all !

Please leave this on, remember we're all just stupid Irish Paddies who dont know right from wrong!!

ednwireland

BlackEdelweiss wrote: »

At least the op's post has a purpose, yours is just sh1te, why bother putting up posts like this???

to up his post count you dont get that many by sensible posting.
bit like this one , oh c**p....................................

great post OP

sonyaoldham

Registered especially to say brought a smile to my face! Live in Ballyshannon and used to live in Donegal town.

X_X

I have to say that i only arrived back from Galway to Donegal Town when I saw all these Gardaí around the place, not to mention the bomb squad.

A bit of a scare though for the town I have to say...:eek:... and let's talk about coincidence... on Sep 11 and all... :O