Dont want to upset a friend

LegacyUser

Hi, I have a mini issue, not too serious but I have a friend who is a nice girl but she has a habit of taking over things, therefore I prefer to meet her on a 1 to 1 basis as she is very pleasant. However she asked me can she come along on hols with me and my friends to New York. TBH, I would prefer if she didnt as I know if she mixes with thos friends she will just tag along with everything and I prefer to keep it separate. Normally I always mix friends but I have a bad feeling about her, plus she would never really introduce me to her friends. How do I get out of this one without hurting or falling out with her?

sachamama

im confused. you dont want to hurt her or fall out with her yet you dont want her tagging along with your friends?
I guess either

1. come out straight and say what you feel
2. let her come with you and put up with her behaviour
3. let her come with you and point out her behaviour when it affects you.

but telling lies and avoiding the issue isnt going to be healthy for a friendship. what is friendship anyway only two people being honest with each other and enjoying each others company?

LegacyUser

Hi, I would regard her as an acquantence but it I dont want to confront her as I have been down that road before with people and even though the idea sounds like your are being straight its unfair. She is nice but I just want to hang out with my friends on hols without someone being bossy and once we are home just tagging around with every plan we go. I introduced her to a friend I run with and she got her number and wanted to arrange training with her. Also, we have another mutual friend, for my bday a while back, she couldnt make it and rearranged the other girl too so that it would be another night. I have a bad feeling about her.. I probably have trust issues just I know once I open that group to her, she will be constantly around!

sachamama

so she isn't actually a friend then..

LegacyUser

Not really, just an acquantence but I still dont want to hurt her. Do you understand what Im saying??

Daisy Dalzer

Just tell her that you and your friends haven't had much time together of late and have made the decision that the holiday will be just the small group so you can all catch up with one another..

SarahSassy

Daisy Dalzer wrote: »

Just tell her that you and your friends haven't had much time together of late and have made the decision that the holiday will be just the small group so you can all catch up with one another..

+ 1

This is good advice and she should take the hint

LegacyUser

Thanks Daisy Daizer, thats a good way to brush her off without upsetting her and its true aswell!

LegacyUser

Hi OP,


Its a perfectly normal situation to have with different friends, and you sound like you are trusting your instincts- fair play to you and i dont think it is a good idea to confront her your right because you dont owe her any explanations,

She is pushy as you have said so you do need to put up a boundary with her now and if she takes it bad then this is her problem, you are being respectful to her but you are not prepared to sacrafice your holiday you have been looking forward to for her, i feel under no circumstances is she to go, when i have to make decisions like this i first of all say that to myself- right she is defo not going and thats a decision made now how do i tell her,

As another poster said to say...... the truth is that these are close friends of yours and you have all planned this for some time now and you are very close and maybe you fear she would be left out if she came because you are all like sisters??? I dunno but if you practice a response to her you will be sorted,

I have a saying....... you can withstand your discomfort for the sake of becoming your own person, this will actually make your friendship better with her because you do need to outline some boundaries with her because she is crossing your boundaries.

If she is pushy then she is being manipulative and if you let her away with it now imagine what she would do next time, now is the time to nip it in the bud and let her know in the best way possible that she is not part of your immediate close friends, and you are well in your rights to feel that and not feel guilty, actually you will be teaching her in the grand scheme of things that her pushyness is something she will not get away with, with everyone in life.

Best of luck OP no way is she to go and rain on your New York Parade!!!!

LegacyUser

Hi, I was actually feeling really guily about it and thought there was something wrong with me for not wanting her to go but its great to hear other peoples persepctives, I suppose if you are going to splash out on a holiday, you may as well enjoy it! Thank Tear and other responders!