is this harsh

i was having a discussion with my teenage daughter about college...if she gets into the college she want..i live just about near enough for her to commute there by car.....some of her cousins do that...

now im dead set again that and my reasons are

at 18 she'll be an adult and i want her to go away to college

i want her... to realise that if you don't budge properly and spend all you money on drink or what ever youll go hungry

if you don't do your laundry you'll run out of clean clothes

to learn that you have to get yourself up in the morning

i want her to make new friend, have different experiences, cook for herself

to learn that you parents wouldn't always be there to rescue you.

her cousins that commute to college still hang around with the same friends they had in secondary school...with the parents getting them up for college, making there lunch and doing there laundry :eek::eek:

i think that like saying have the privileges of being an adult with out the responsibility.

instead of parents helping fund a car for the children they could be using that money to help them move out and live near college...

am i the only one that thinks a 20year old siting in there room ..with the Internet, xbox..ipod ..telly..and a car outside......while being funded by their parent is a bit mad!

galwayrush

You'll still have to fund her going to College, even if you want her to be independent.;)

Schism

Most people at that age want to move out. It's not harsh, learning life lessons and all.

phasers

Why do you hate your daughter OP?

mariaalice

mariaalice wrote: »

am i the only one that thinks a 20year old siting in there room ..with the Internet, xbox..ipod ..telly..and a car outside......while being funded by their parent is a bit mad!

Which is probably what she'll be doing once she gets her degree and can't find a job.

ScumLord

Throw out all her stuff and change all the locks, it worked for my parents.


I had to move back home for a month or two when I came back from travelling around Europe and it did my head in, I'd rather go hungry, smelly and be late all the time than live at home, it's nothing against the ol queen it's just impossible to live at home and do what you want.

FlutterinBantam

mariaalice wrote: »

i was having a discussion with my teenage daughter about college...if she gets into the college she want..i live just about near enough for her to commute there by car.....some of her cousins do that...

now im dead set again that and my reasons are

at 18 she'll be an adult and i want her to go away to college

i want her... to realise that if you don't budge properly and spend all you money on drink or what ever youll go hungry

if you don't do your laundry you'll run out of clean clothes

to learn that you have to get yourself up in the morning

i want her to make new friend, have different experiences, cook for herself

to learn that you parents wouldn't always be there to rescue you.

her cousins that commute to college still hang around with the same friends they had in secondary school...with the parents getting them up for college, making there lunch and doing there laundry :eek::eek:

i think that like saying have the privileges of being an adult with out the responsibility.

instead of parents helping fund a car for the children they could be using that money to help them move out and live near college...

am i the only one that thinks a 20year old siting in there room ..with the Internet, xbox..ipod ..telly..and a car outside......while being funded by their parent is a bit mad!

Most of the goons on here fall into that category Missus, so I wouldn't worry.

Biggins

mariaalice wrote: »

...Am i the only one that thinks a 20year old siting in there room ..with the Internet, xbox..ipod ..telly..and a car outside......while being funded by their parent is a bit mad!

I think your doing the right thing.
As a parent of 4 kids, at some stage I will want them to appreciate progressively and eventually that things cost money.
They can only have it easy for so long but sooner or later, you have to cut the cord and they have to learn to fend for themselves.
Mam and dad is not going to be there all the time to hold their hand, be it on home soil or in foreign lands!

LD 50

Basically, you want her to move out for college? I could'nt wait to move out when I got to college.

Alot of the things you've given as reasons for wanting her to move out can be done while she's living at home. Don't wake her in the morn. Have her do her own laundry as much as possible, or to help with the whole household's. Have her cook for herself, of once or twice a week, have her cook a meal for the whole family instead.

Lots of these things can be learned while she is still at home, if you let her learn them with a helpful suggestion, rather than just bumping her out of the house which she seems against.

This might be better suited to P.I though.

humberklog

Not harsh but if it comes to them as a shock to the system when you tell them to sling their Uggs then you may be at some fault in that there was a chink in their rearing from earlier on.
If they dance off on their merry way; job well done in the rearing stakes.
If however they "diss you on da bebo" in a huffy sulk then maybe you've question s to ask yourself.

Fling their Uggs either way.

PhysiologyRocks

I'm a college student. I live at home. I work hard. I spend little to no money on drink and am very thankful to my parents.

Maybe it's a good idea for her to go away, but living at home does not necessarily make you a waster!

TheCardHolder

I'd gladly move out but my parents want me at home for my first year of college.

MagicMarker

mariaalice wrote: »

am i the only one that thinks a 20year old siting in there room ..with the Internet, xbox..ipod ..telly..and a car outside......while being funded by their parent is a bit mad!

Well it depends on how you look at it, you can either fund her in your own house, or you can spend a HELL of a lot more and pay her rent & bills for her if she moves out.

If you're going to fund her education you may as well save yourself some money.

mountain

being 18 makes her an adult legally, but emotionally she may not be ready to move. It may not suit you, but your parenting role is not over yet.

Provide her with the love and support that it seems she still needs, when she is ready to go she will, dont force her to leave the place she calls home.

JuliusCaesar

LD 50 wrote: »

Alot of the things you've given as reasons for wanting her to move out can be done while she's living at home. Don't wake her in the morn. Have her do her own laundry as much as possible, or to help with the whole household's. Have her cook for herself, of once or twice a week, have her cook a meal for the whole family instead.

Lots of these things can be learned while she is still at home, if you let her learn them with a helpful suggestion, rather than just bumping her out of the house which she seems against..

My 16 year old has been getting himself up for school for years (since starting secondary school), makes his own lunches, cooks dinner a couple of times a week, and can do EXTRA chores for an increase in pocket money. (Normal chores include washing up when he's not the cook, hoovering and sweeping/washing kitchen floor) Can also work the washing machine (not so good at folding and returning clothes to the right room yet though...

He's dying to be able to move out but as I live within reach of 3 universities and can't afford to help him out financially (he'll have to earn his fees, just as I did when I was young), it'll be after he graduates.

Train them young is my motto!

dr.bollocko

Too many of these fecking students with cars these days. As an owner of no less than 4 overpriced on campus off licences I am absolutely fed up with it.

Biggins

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

My 16 year old has been getting himself up for school for years (since starting secondary school), makes his own lunches, cooks dinner a couple of times a week, and can do EXTRA chores for an increase in pocket money. (Normal chores include washing up when he's not the cook, hoovering and sweeping/washing kitchen floor) Can also work the washing machine (not so good at folding and returning clothes to the right room yet though...

He's dying to be able to move out but as I live within reach of 3 universities and can't afford to help him out financially (he'll have to earn his fees, just as I did when I was young), it'll be after he graduates.

Train them young is my motto!

Sounds like a son you should be proud of.
He will know the value of money, be willing it appears to put in the hard work, etc.
If any employer can see that, they might hire him a lot quicker to be honest.

of course i love my daughter ...i love her to bits we mostly get on great except for her untidiness...but thats not what im on about ...if the choice is to spend my limited amount of money on a car for her so she can commute to college or spending my money on supporting her to live near college ..so she can fully talk part in college life...i think im being the responsible parent by wanting her to go to college and not live at home i think its part of personal development and growing up.
...it seem to be getting more and more common for student to commute very long distance to college rather that move out and go to college...for example someone was telling me about a student that was driving from Roscrea to the university of Limerick ...
i moved out at 19 i think its good for you

Dankoozy

there isn't a ****ing job available for every student if they wanted one. it is recession after all. and i never got this business with kids who want to move out when they're 16, these lads are not ones you should be proud of because most of them are douchebags who refuse to get along with their parents. probably because their parents have a problem with them living their life as a douchebag

Biggins

For me, I'd prefer her to move out more so and find out for herself what it is to take on tasks (on her own two feet) such as study, cooking, clothes cleaning, etc.
It can also be a further character building experience for her. Hard at first maybe (for you and her) but later on it should pay dividends.

DublinWriter

ChocolateSauce wrote: »

I'm not too sure what you're getting at OP because the post wasn't clear, but I find the idea of a parent refusing to assist (to the best of their ability) their child going to college abhorrent.

That's a little harsh.

I 'get' what the OP is intending to do, and I think it's a good thing.

A family friend has a 'perpetual student' of a daughter and he and the wife have to drive every evening from North County Dublin to Bellfield Halls of Residence to assist their little princess with whatever the crises de jour is.

She's 26 and doing a MA, has always been a student in UCD and never worked a tap, cleaned any of her own clothes or cooked even a boiled egg for herself.

A lot of parents pull out all the stops for their beloved when University hoves into view without realising that a third level education also involves a lot of life's basic lessons that don't necessarily get taught in the lecture hall.

Biggins

DublinWriter wrote: »

...A lot of parents pull out all the stops for their beloved when University hoves into view without realising that a third level education also involves a lot of life's basic lessons that don't necessarily get taught in the lecture hall.

Couldn't agree more.

"Third Level" also means that also that they should be ready for more multi-tasking functions including more independence and more life daily making decisions.
There is a time and a place to start moving out. Each case is different but sooner or later it has to happen to all.
It can come gradually to them to survive outside in the world with life learning tasks along the way or they can suddenly sink or swim with shock.
Which is the better way?

ChocolateSauce

mariaalice wrote: »

of course i love my daughter ...i love her to bits we mostly get on great except for her untidiness...but thats not what im on about ...if the choice is to spend my limited amount of money on a car for her so she can commute to college or spending my money on supporting her to live near college ..so she can fully talk part in college life...i think im being the responsible parent by wanting her to go to college and not live at home i think its part of personal development and growing up.
...it seem to be getting more and more common for student to commute very long distance to college rather that move out and go to college...for example someone was telling me about a student that was driving from Roscrea to the university of Limerick ...
i moved out at 19 i think its good for you

I moved out at 19 too. I think she should move out. The experience will be important.

Sorry, I misunderstood your post.

Mrmoe

If she is 17 she should have been able to look after herself a long time ago. Some one does not really need to be trained how to look after themselves, it is not rocket science. I would have no problem with someone living at home if they do not treat it as a hotel service as it is a good way of saving money. I wouldn't necessarily kick her out straight away as it would be good to give her a leg up going to college for the first 3-6 months or so. I have seen many 25/26 year old students who are still at home with mammy or daddy and have no idea about how to budget or survive independently, but I guess life isn't fair.

Royale with Cheese

When I did my undergrad I had a part time job working short shifts about 5 days a week. That gave me enough money to be comfortable (bus ticket, food, anything else), but definitely not enough to rent a place. That was working about 10 hours a week, most colleges will heavily advise their students not to work anymore than that, especially as the years go by and the workload gets much greater.

I don't know where this 'just move out' attitude comes from. Renting a place costs money, and although students in Ireland certainly aren't poor, the majority don't earn enough to be able to rent a place without it financially crippling them. I got/get on very well with my parents so I had no problem living under their roof, I'd much rather live at home and have enough money to actually enjoy my life, rather than rent some shíthole digs and have €30 a week to live on.

kelle

Not harsh whatsoever, OP. Those are the best lessons your daughter will have for life, along with the degree she will hopefully get.

Like yourself, I left home at 19 to go to college in London and it was the best thing I ever did. Though I have to admit moving out was affordable as my rent was only £9 per week (average was £35 then), so with rents as high as they are today I can't really speak for all students.

deadhead13

Whether she learns to be self-sufficient now or in 3 years time when she leaves college.... whats the difference? It will happen anyway.

WeeBushy

mariaalice wrote: »

of course i love my daughter ...i love her to bits we mostly get on great except for her untidiness...but thats not what im on about ...if the choice is to spend my limited amount of money on a car for her so she can commute to college or spending my money on supporting her to live near college ..so she can fully talk part in college life...i think im being the responsible parent by wanting her to go to college and not live at home i think its part of personal development and growing up.
...it seem to be getting more and more common for student to commute very long distance to college rather that move out and go to college...for example someone was telling me about a student that was driving from Roscrea to the university of Limerick ...
i moved out at 19 i think its good for you

Not being smart or anything, but wouldn't supplying a car be waaay less expensive than funding her life if she were to move out of the house?

Whether someone is ready to move out, or if its a good thing, is completely dependent on the child. When I was 18 starting out in college I'm glad I lived near enough the college I ended up going to, to live at home. I wasn't mature enough to look after myself. Living at home gave my parents the chance to teach me how to budget, realise that the dinners don't just appear on my plate, that there are no such things as the cleaning up fairies etc. It would have been very tough for me to deal with starting college as well as learning how to fend for myself. It's a lot to handle all at once.
In saying that there are people who really should/need/want to move out of home for various reasons and that's great, but it's completely an individual thing.

So depends on the reasons for you daughter wanting to stay at home; is she scared? not ready? lazy? Try and sort out a way so that she is comfortable and you are able to teach her how to look after herself.

My dad always says that parenting doesn't stop when your children are 18, that when it begins because now they have real life problems instead of cut knees and maths homework.

Novella

mariaalice wrote: »

am i the only one that thinks a 20year old siting in there room ..with the Internet, xbox..ipod ..telly..and a car outside......while being funded by their parent is a bit mad!

That is harsh. I pay for my own internet!!!!!

Elessar

Harsh alright, I'd be disgusted if I was pushed out of home. I love my home, bed, area, everything and I would feel betrayed by my mother if she kicked me out. It would create a rift between us that would take a long time to mend.

Encouraging your daughter to move out is another thing. Don't force, encourage. As another poster said, it'll happen eventually, what's the rush?

I think it's awful that you would want your daughter to move out of her home so young. You can easily allow her to learn the lessons of life by her still living under your roof. Wouldn't you prefer to know that she is home safe at 3 or 4 in the morning? She may be just entering adulthood, but she's still only a teenager.

As someone already said, living at home does not make you a waster.

If she's not ready to leave home, you shouldn't force her.

AckwelFoley

OP, you are wishing your daughter grows up and moves out..

dont be so anxious for that.. in a few more years she will be gone and you will see little of her..

Professey Chin

So you want her to be in her own place where she can go out,get stupidly twisted,come home at whatever hour she wants and get buggered silly all over the place by many many guys at once



Nice

Ultimate Chin

Ultimate Chin wrote: »

So you want her to be in her own place where she can go out,come home at whatever hour she wants and get buggered silly all over the place by many many guys at once



Nice

exactly what I was thinking, just didn't want to say it out loud!

Professey Chin

Deleted User wrote: »

exactly what I was thinking, just didn't want to say it out loud!

Then I like how your mind works

liah

Dear lord, the amount of mollycoddlers in this thread is upsetting.

I don't know what it is about the culture here but the amount of people who are in their early to mid twenties (and even into their 30's) who are still living at home is absolutely mental.

So you want her to be in her own place where she can go out,get stupidly twisted,come home at whatever hour she wants and get buggered silly all over the place by many many guys at once

Uh.. and? She's going to be doing that in a few years regardless. I think the OP is being a mature and realistic parent to be completely honest. You can't keep your kid in a bubble forever mate, she's gotta experience the real world at one point or another. If she's ready to go to college then she's ready to be thrown in feet first. 18 is definitely not too young to be doing these sorts of things-- the age of 18 is the age of adulthood for a reason.

Give me a break.

People just don't seem to want to learn responsibility these days. I mean it's one thing if you honestly cannot find work but even then, you can go on the dole and find a cheap enough place to rent. Most of the "adults" I see still living with their parents not only use their parents for everything (car, extra cash, university funds, food, laundry, etc) but go out boozing every weekend with their dole money instead of doing anything smart with it like saving it or using it for their own place and food.

Quite often they won't bother to leave until their parents truly force them out because they just plain can't be bothered supporting themselves; I mean, why would they, if they've got mammy and daddy looking out for them no matter what they do?

Sad, really. People need responsibilities, relying on your parents to support everything you do isn't fair on yourself or them.

Professey Chin

liah wrote: »

Dear lord, the amount of mollycoddlers in this thread is upsetting.

I don't know what it is about the culture here but the amount of people who are in their early to mid twenties (and even into their 30's) who are still living at home is absolutely mental.



Uh.. and? She's going to be doing that in a few years regardless. I think the OP is being a mature and realistic parent to be completely honest. You can't keep your kid in a bubble forever mate, she's gotta experience the real world at one point or another. If she's ready to go to college then she's ready to be thrown in feet first. 18 is definitely not too young to be doing these sorts of things-- the age of 18 is the age of adulthood for a reason.

Give me a break.

People just don't seem to want to learn responsibility these days. I mean it's one thing if you honestly cannot find work but even then, you can go on the dole and find a cheap enough place to rent. Most of the "adults" I see still living with their parents not only use their parents for everything (car, extra cash, university funds, food, laundry, etc) but go out boozing every weekend with their dole money instead of doing anything smart with it like saving it or using it for their own place and food.

Quite often they won't bother to leave until their parents truly force them out because they just plain can't be bothered supporting themselves; I mean, why would they, if they've got mammy and daddy looking out for them no matter what they do?

Sad, really. People need responsibilities, relying on your parents to support everything you do isn't fair on yourself or them.

Did you just ignore the "nice" and decide to lecture me

liah

Ultimate Chin wrote: »

Did you just ignore the "nice" and decide to lecture me

I assumed the nice was sarcastic and it implied you thought the OP would be an irresponsible parent to allow her daughter to partake in these things. Was I wrong?

phasers

Erm... alright then, since this is getting serious.

Basically, I, and probably most other students, don't have ten grand to live away from home and my parents' house is nice and close.There aren't many jobs going right now (Especially if you've no experience). I do stuff around the house and understand the value of money.

Why do students have to move out and get themselves into debt in order to "experience life"? A lot of people here are under estimating college students. We're not all retards who think money appears out of thin air.


I understand a student paying for their own education but forcing them to move out for no good reason is ridiculous.

Sofiztikated

A swift slap in the ovaries, and she'll be running out the door.

/End AH answer

Can't see whats wrong with her moving out, need to grow up and get on your feet sometime, and college is great way to do that.

I moved out when I was 19, working 5 days a week, one day release college, and did me the world of good.

(Still can't manage my money, but thats my own fault because I like nice things, and I hoard ****)

I did nothing when I was at home, I was spoilt, but cooking, cleaning, budgeting, socialising and time management all came calling quickly.

MagicMarker

liah wrote: »

Dear lord, the amount of mollycoddlers in this thread is upsetting.

I don't know what it is about the culture here but the amount of people who are in their early to mid twenties (and even into their 30's) who are still living at home is absolutely mental.



Uh.. and? She's going to be doing that in a few years regardless. I think the OP is being a mature and realistic parent to be completely honest. You can't keep your kid in a bubble forever mate, she's gotta experience the real world at one point or another. If she's ready to go to college then she's ready to be thrown in feet first. 18 is definitely not too young to be doing these sorts of things-- the age of 18 is the age of adulthood for a reason.

Give me a break.

People just don't seem to want to learn responsibility these days. I mean it's one thing if you honestly cannot find work but even then, you can go on the dole and find a cheap enough place to rent. Most of the "adults" I see still living with their parents not only use their parents for everything (car, extra cash, university funds, food, laundry, etc) but go out boozing every weekend with their dole money instead of doing anything smart with it like saving it or using it for their own place and food.

Quite often they won't bother to leave until their parents truly force them out because they just plain can't be bothered supporting themselves; I mean, why would they, if they've got mammy and daddy looking out for them no matter what they do?

Sad, really. People need responsibilities, relying on your parents to support everything you do isn't fair on yourself or them.

So what you're saying is, anyone who still lives with their parents from 18 onwards is irresponsible?

Bollox.

How is your mammy paying your rent for you to live on your own being responsible? Where you live has no bearing on how responsible a person you are. Not everyone who lives with their parents rely on their parents for everything.

Professey Chin

liah wrote: »

I assumed the nice was sarcastic and it implied you thought the OP would be an irresponsible parent to allow her daughter to partake in these things. Was I wrong?

Nope.I got it from here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hdbns1Xdk0

104494431

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

My 16 year old has been getting himself up for school for years (since starting secondary school), makes his own lunches, cooks dinner a couple of times a week

All while you sit there strung out on smack...

liah

MagicMarker wrote: »

So what you're saying is, anyone who still lives with their parents from 18 onwards is irresponsible?

Bollox.

How is your mammy paying your rent for you to live on your own being responsible? Where you live has no bearing on how responsible a person you are. Not everyone who lives with their parents rely on their parents for everything.

I never said that scenario WAS responsible. Not sure where you got it from tbh.

I was giving out about the people who do take advantage of their parents and don't think twice about how their parents may feel about it. It's disrespect and selfishness tbh.

Anna Molly

Is there something wrong with her that she doesnt want to move out?
I coudn't wait!

Professey Chin

Anna Molly wrote: »

Is there something wrong with her that she doesnt want to move out?
I coudn't wait!

For my reasons stated above :pac:

Hrududu

This thread is gas, so many people getting offended that you want your daughter to learn to take care of herself. She's 18, she's going to college this is the perfect time and age for her to move out. Thousands of students that don't live near University and don't have the option to live at home do this every year. It's part of growing up. I work with a lot of people pushing into their late 20s that still live with Mammy. And a shocking number of these get their washing, cooking etc still done for them too.

I'd be seriously embarrassed if I wasn't able to get myself up for school at the age of 17. So yeah, encourage her to move out. But make sure she knows that its always her home if she needs it.

Elessar

I will continue to live at home until I am 30 in glorious protest at the high-horses in this thread. :pac:

"Ma, what time is dinner at?"

Hrududu

As time goes by it takes less and less to be accused of being on a high horse

"I wash mahself with a rag on a stick"

"Get off your high horse"

This_Years_Love

Have you considered that it might be better for her to live at home due to the way the economy is at the moment? She might not be able to get a part-time job to help support herself. You could end up paying all her bills for her. That could be very expensive... definitely much more expensive then a cheap secondhand car would cost. Can you afford that?

deisedude

mariaalice wrote: »

i was having a discussion with my teenage daughter about college...if she gets into the college she want..i live just about near enough for her to commute there by car.....some of her cousins do that...

now im dead set again that and my reasons are

at 18 she'll be an adult and i want her to go away to college

i want her... to realise that if you don't budge properly and spend all you money on drink or what ever youll go hungry

If an 18 year old doesnt realise that then they are prob too stupid to get into college

if you don't do your laundry you'll run out of clean clothes

Shes a student, clean clothes isnt that high on the agenda

to learn that you have to get yourself up in the morning

Many students will dispute that

i want her to make new friend, have different experiences, cook for herself

She can do that living at home too

to learn that you parents wouldn't always be there to rescue you.

Rescue her from what? A fire?

her cousins that commute to college still hang around with the same friends they had in secondary school

They can still hang around with their secondary school friends regardless where they live

Basically the point of my post is that just because your daughter moves out of home for college doesnt mean she will become a responsible adult overnight. They can be equally as immature living away from home