Prostitute friend

newbie2009

Hi all,

A friend of mine is seriously in debt as she has told me often. She has gone back to college which means she has third level fees to contend with 2. She has told me that she is meeting men for sex in exchange for money. I was shocked but she seems pretty blasé about it saying noone has ever been violent towards her or asked her to do anything too weird. I hav'nt asked exactly how many men or what she does with them as I know deep down she can't be happy with doing this in life. Dunno how I can help her out of it but she seems determined to carry on especially as she wants to see her college course through.

star-pants

All you can do is advise her and tell her your concerns. At the end of the day she'll do what she wants, as you said she seems set about her decision. Just make sure she's very careful.

John Mason

tbh i dont really see the problem with this, if she has a few regulars and looks after herself.

i mean it no different to going out in templebar and giving it away for a vodka and cokes. at least this way, she getting some benefit out of it.

sex = money and power

also she is an adult she can do what wants - sorry

VaioCruiser

newbie2009 wrote: »

Hi all,

A friend of mine is seriously in debt as she has told me often. She has gone back to college which means she has third level fees to contend with 2. She has told me that she is meeting men for sex in exchange for money. I was shocked but she seems pretty blasé about it saying noone has ever been violent towards her or asked her to do anything too weird. I hav'nt asked exactly how many men or what she does with them as I know deep down she can't be happy with doing this in life. Dunno how I can help her out of it but she seems determined to carry on especially as she wants to see her college course through.

Stay friends with her. The less you say the more she will listen. Limit it to expressions of concern about safety, self esteem and health once and a while.

All the best.

Emme

I hope that your friend is getting regular check-ups and ALWAYS practices safe sex. After STDs my main concern would be violent clients. She is very lucky so far that she hasn't met anyone who wants something strange or who has hit her or worse. She'd want to steer clear of drugs or rohypnol - some of her clients might try to slip her something in a drink or cigarette so they can have unprotected sex or do something she might not agree with.

If there's a student counselling service in her college she should go there for advice. Most colleges will try to help students in financial hardship as best they can but the resources are fairly limited.

Stay friends with her, she needs a lifeline at the moment.

iguana

irishbird wrote: »

i mean it no different to going out in templebar and giving it away for a vodka and cokes. at least this way, she getting some benefit out of it.

It's completely and totally different. If you have a one night stand with someone you meet in a club it's generally because you are in the mood for some no strings sex. You aren't "giving it away" in exchange for a few drinks. You are having an enjoyable (depending on his skill) experience with someone you are attracted to, which is mutually beneficial. Women enjoy sex every bit as much as men, we don't give anything away that we are not taking in turn.

Having sex as your job means you probably are having sex with someone who you may have no attraction to, when you may not be in the mood. The sex is for money rather than fun. It's possible that she only has clients who she finds sexy and only has sex when she's in the mood, but it's unlikely.

In addition for concerns for her safety, one of the big worries I would have if she was my friend is her mental health. She may be feeling blase about what she is doing right now, but it's very possible that years from now she may greatly regret this. She may not, but if she does she may find this period of her life hard to "file away" comfortably.

Another concern is that Ireland is a very small country. I doubt there is even 6 degrees of separation at work in Ireland. In my experience it's closer to 3 or 4, so she may find that years from now when she has put this behind her that she meets a new friend/partner who is an acquaintance of one of her current clients. It could all get very awkward.

partyguinness

It is clearly a very difficult time in her life.

Be there for her and to comfort her and to make sure she is safe as possible. Even get her to tell you when she is going/place/ time etc

sachamama

newbie2009 wrote: »

Hi all,
Dunno how I can help her out of it but she seems determined to carry on especially as she wants to see her college course through.

Don't even try to. Its not really your issue, just be there for her if she needs you. being an adult is respecting other people to make their own choices. if she's happy hanging around you knowing you dont approve of it but yet you dont lecture her about it, then thats cool.

AARRRGH

newbie2009 wrote: »

Hi all,

A friend of mine is seriously in debt as she has told me often. She has gone back to college which means she has third level fees to contend with 2. She has told me that she is meeting men for sex in exchange for money. I was shocked but she seems pretty blasé about it saying noone has ever been violent towards her or asked her to do anything too weird. I hav'nt asked exactly how many men or what she does with them as I know deep down she can't be happy with doing this in life. Dunno how I can help her out of it but she seems determined to carry on especially as she wants to see her college course through.

Just because you don't like it doesn't mean everyone else should think or does think the same as you.

She has already told you she's ok with it. I understand you're not, but she's told you she is. You may not be able to understand this, but you know what, I can't understand how people can go to mass every Sunday, but that doesn't mean "deep down" they're unhappy.

Let her live her own life, and be there for her should she ever need you.

r3nu4l

The other problem she may face in the future is that when she wants to give this up, some of her current clients may not be too happy and either constantly call her/harass her or attempt to blackmail her.

To stay safe in this regard, she should be using a different SIM card in her phone, should be using a fake name and should not carry identification with her when she is with them. She should also avoid letting herself be photographed or filmed in any compromising state.

However, even fake names can become awkward if she's with friends and some 'gombeen' (client) says to her 'Hi Candy' (stereotype name) and she tries to explain that one away...

Lots of pitfalls apart from health/safety.

AARRRGH

r3nu4l wrote: »

The other problem she may face in the future is that when she wants to give this up, some of her current clients may not be too happy and either constantly call her/harass her or attempt to blackmail her.

This is true. I know a prostitute who used to be stalked by a senior figure in the Irish judicial system. He then started stalking me as he thought I was her boyfriend (I was just her friend).

Creepy.

Tough industry, but the pay is exorbitant.

LegacyUser

My GF was an escort for 3 years.

She was an escort when we starting going out first but quit when we got serious. We are together 2 years now.

She has been in therapy for the last 6 months and is on anti-depressants as she suffered a breakdown all related to guilt and depression she got from working as an escort.

Negative implications from working as an escort:

1. She suffered a breakdown, felt ashamed and guilty and started selfharming.
2. She has trust issues as she thinks all men cheat. 90% of her clients were married men.
3. For a while she was unable to have "normal sex" with me as she was trying to perform like she did when she was working. She couldnt make love, only wanted sex. There is a difference.
4. One guy stalked her and tried to run her over in his car when she stopped working. She changed phone, apartment, email address to get away from him.


Im not saying that everyone who becomes an escort will have the same issues that my GF has but I am advising those who are considering it to be aware of the psychological impact that it can have a few years down the road.

Amy33

It's no different to going out every weekend and having sex with random strangers if you ask me...

partyguinness

Maybe you could pass on her number to all the guys here and we can all chip in to get her out of her situation in double quick time..;)

Wibbs

partyguinness Please stay on topic and helpful.

VaioCruiser

trish990 wrote: »

It's no different to going out every weekend and having sex with random strangers if you ask me...

I would suggest that it is somewhere in between. The girl who is being described above by "..." was clearly mentally unsuited to the situation and had psych problems before she started. I do not buy into the idea that being an escort caused this condition with her for one moment.

We have to remember that escorts chose who they have sex with, and are not street side prostitutes.

There are clear safety risks. But then again life is risky and this forum is riddled with guys and girls who have slept with partners on their first night and regretted it.

All the best.

partyguinness

Yeah sorry..I cldnt help it.:o

VaioCruiser

Emme wrote: »

If any of these three children are daughters, how would she feel about them putting themselves through college the way she did? I'm not judging this woman, but her behaviour indicates a certain ruthlessness which probably helped her get to the top of her profession. Different strokes for different folks I guess.

I don't know where this obsession with this 'imagining how people would feel if they knew" thing is.

Our parents and grandparents did all kinds of nasty, undesirable and god knows what secret things to stay alive and bring up their children. It does not matter what they did, they made their choices and we got the benefit. it is really ridiculous to be so obsessed with this concept and to label it ruthless is an appallingly callous response.

This woman clearly saw an opportunity that transformed her life and allowed her to gain an education that gave her incredible advantages and passed on those advantages to her children. She took advantage of it. She did not suffer any downsides. She came out a winner.

I congratulate her and any woman who has this kind of bottle and strength of ambition for her and her children to be. And it seems to me that the condemnation comes more from a resentment that she came out of it so well and a moral judgement than anything else.

Emme

VaioCruiser wrote: »

I congratulate her and any woman who has this kind of bottle and strength of ambition for her and her children to be. And it seems to me that the condemnation comes more from a resentment that she came out of it so well and a moral judgement than anything else.

OK, she's done well, fair play to her. I don't suppose she'd mind then if her husband is paying an escort for services rendered because his wife is too busy with her job and 3 children. Maybe he isn't, but if he is then it's a case of what goes round comes round.

I went to college at night and worked full-time by day and it was very tough. I couldn't afford to go to college full-time but wasn't willing to compromise MY morals to do so. I believe in the sanctity of marriage so would not have been willing to work as an escort. I wouldn't date a married man either. That's not saying I'm telling other people how to behave. I did what was right for me. You set your own standards in life and if you're strong enough to stick to them you'll find a way to fulfil your ambitions AND live by your moral code.

Lady Athame

I don't mean to be rude her but why can't she just get a normal job? Shes putting herself in danger doing this. Also she shouldn't seem so coy about it, its quite a big deal! Talk to her before she gets hurt

panda100

VaioCruiser wrote: »

I would suggest that it is somewhere in between. The girl who is being described above by "..." was clearly mentally unsuited to the situation and had psych problems before she started. I do not buy into the idea that being an escort caused this condition with her for one moment.

We have to remember that escorts chose who they have sex with, and are not street side prostitutes.

There are clear safety risks. But then again life is risky and this forum is riddled with guys and girls who have slept with partners on their first night and regretted it.

All the best.

Hmmm I think you are looking at prostiution in Ireland through rose tinted glasses and a bit abstractly.

I 100% think prostitution should be legalised in this country for numerous reasons. However at the moment its not and this is why you cant compare escorting to one night stands.The op's friend is regularly breaking the law and the more she does it the more likely she is to get caught.
Having something like this on your record could really harm you for life. A criminal record for soliciting sex means no visa's,no working in any job that requires garda clearance etc etc.


Op, I think the most important thing for you to do is not pass moral judgment but ensure that your friend knows you are there for her. Let her know that she can call you If she ever finds herself in trouble. I think thats all you can do really.

RossFixxxed

Ah to be fair there are risks. Now obviously there are risks with crossing the road, but this has got to be a more dangerous occupation. I could, for all you know, be a murderer. I'm well spoken, polite and respectful so you couldn't screen me in any way until it is too late. Obviously I'm not a murderer but you don't know, maybe I hate women, maybe I want really sick acts that I'm gonna get no matter what.

Point is, that you can't really choose who you are with in these circumstances and there is a lot of weirdos out there. Throw drink, drugs etc into the mix and it COULD go badly wrong. Why can't she get another job?

This line of 'work' seems to be a quick fix solution to her financial crisis. Nothing worth earning or keeping is that easy. It is a struggle, and quick fixes tend to be a disaster in my experience. It's grind that makes you.

Surely the clientelle are not a representative sample of the population, there has to be more weirdos involved, or more frustrated men if nothing else? There'll be the 'ah it beats buying someone drinks and it's fun' crowd, but what about the rest? This cannot sit well with many people, you would need the right personality and mettle to come out for this unscarred.

My 2c on this.
R

Wagon

Be her mate, tell her your concerns but this is her own decision. Let it to her. Nothing you can do.

VaioCruiser

panda100 wrote: »

Hmmm I think you are looking at prostiution in Ireland through rose tinted glasses and a bit abstractly.

I 100% think prostitution should be legalised in this country for numerous reasons. However at the moment its not and this is why you cant compare escorting to one night stands.The op's friend is regularly breaking the law and the more she does it the more likely she is to get caught.
Having something like this on your record could really harm you for life. A criminal record for soliciting sex means no visa's,no working in any job that requires garda clearance etc etc.

An extremely unlikely scenario. The only girls likely to get busted here are street girls and those working in 'Massage parlours'. I am not however discounting the possibility and it needs to be taken into account, just the likelihood.

I also agree 100% about legalisation but that's another days' discussion.

All the best