Two miscarriages - now pregnant again

rustynutz

I may have posted this in the wrong section so feel free to move it.

My partner of three years became pregnant last January.All was going well and we were looking forward to becoming parents until we went for the 12 week scan,we were horrified to learn that our little baby - clearly visible on the ultrasound,had no heartbeat and had stopped growing at 10 weeks. We were gutted at he thought of the baby being dead for two weeks without us having a clue(my gf pregnancy symptoms - sore breasts and sickness - eased around that time but we put that down to reaching the magical 3 month mark) and to make it worse my gf had to undergo a horrible surgical procedure (D&C) to remove the faetus.Needless to say my gf (us both,but her moreso)went through a horrible time but we agreed we'd try again asap.
Fast forward three months after the D&C ,we were on holidays we booked to try and forget the miscarriage and we found out my gf was pregnant (Very early stages) but sadly at 5 weeks this one was lost as well.

Now thankfully my gf is 9 weeks pregnant:) and all is going well except for one thing:we are absolutly s##ting it!I know it's natural to be worried but we can't relax at all which I know can't be good for the baby.The worst thing is the fear that we have another missed miscarriage,the thoughts of carrying the first baby for those couple of weeks dead has really destroyed my partner,she is having nightmares,gets very worried if her morning sickness eases at all(she is extremely sick,vomiting after every meal).
I'm just looking for anyones thoughts or advice if you've gone through anything similar,how can I get my gf to relax?

sunshinegirl

maybe get her to talk to a gp about her worries and concerns. Also maybe a diary to write down her feelings,it can help with stress alot you feel better its out of your mind so to speak and on a page.
Maybe try and get her to go for walks or try meditation something to take her mind of it.

good luck

MizzLolly

First off, congrats on the pregnancy news.

Also, I'm very sorry to hear about the two miscarriages you two have suffered. I can only imagine the shock it was for you to see your baby's scan with no heartbeat. But then to go through it a second time is dreadful.

It's normal enough that both you and your partner are more cautious and worried this time around. All the worry and stress is not good for her though, especially in the early stages now. To help put your mind at ease, both of you should probably go visit your GP together and explain how she's throwing up after every meal and about how she's waking up with nightmares. Your partner (and yourself) could well do with speaking to a counsellor if she's become so traumatised by what happened. You said specifically that it's knowing she carried her baby for two weeks after it died that's the hardest part to deal with. Given her previous losses, would your doctor not allow for more regular check ups? You've got less than a month to go until you reach the 'magical three month mark' as you said but I realise your partner is only a week away from when she lost her first baby so I can just imagine how much this is playing down on her mind. Hopefully once this week passes she will begin to relax more and start to feel that she can be excited about this baby. At the moment she's probably too anxious and scared to be feeling anything else.

Explaining your fears with your doctor should help put your mind at ease and if the nightmares don't fade away soon, maybe your GP can put you in touch with a counsellor.

I really hope everything works out for you two this time. Keep us posted on how the pregnancy goes. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

newbie2009

I know this will probably sound like a horror story to you but I have a friend who had seven miscarriages before she eventually had a healthy child followed by another child soon after!You just gotta keep trying and remember the chances are extremely good regardless of the amount of miscarriages.

mcyclist

Have you and your GF had any investigations concerning previous miscarraiges? This is an area where consulting with GP might set your and gf minds at rest.

Doctor Rowlf

Hi OP

First up, congrats on the pregnancy - great news! I completely understand where you're coming from; my OH lost a baby at 20 weeks and then our second at 10 weeks but we now have a gorgeous baby girl who lights up our lives. Look, there's no point sugar coating it: what you've both (and your GF in particular) have been through is awful. Just awful. You'll never forget it, but it does get easier. Trust me on this, I've been there. And I'm not just saying that 'cause we now have our bundle of joy.

I understand that you're both up the walls (hopefully not literally!) this time around. If you haven't already talked to your GP or consultant about your worries and your GF's pregnancy symptoms, do it as soon as you can. If your GF is anything like my OH, telling her to relax is like pouring petrol on a fire, so it's probably not the best option. Both of you will worry, particularly until you get past the dates when it all went wrong before, but more likely you'll worry right up until you get to hold your new baby in your arms (and then it all really begins ...!).

What can you do? Don't pretend you're not concerned, even if you're a good actor. Honesty is not just the best policy, but the only one. Be positive, no matter how hard it is. Keep telling yourself, and your GF, that it will work out this time. And when she (or you) says/thinks: "well, it didn't the last two times" just remember, every pregnancy is different, every baby an individual totally unlike any other - even if it's twins! Just because it's gone wrong before, doesn't mean it will again. You have to focus on that, no matter how hard it is.

Do as much as you can to help her out. Listen to her. Always. Even if she wants to have the same conversation umpteen times a day, have that conversation. If you can, try getting her the odd treat. Pregnancy is hard enough for any woman, let alone someone who has gone through what your GF has gone through. Keep telling her you love her, and don't put off talking about the future and what you'll do with your new baby WHEN he/she arrives. You might be tempted to almost ignore the pregnancy until you think it's safe, but here's the thing (and you know this already) - it's awful when things go wrong and you can't ignore it then anyway, so why give up on the fun stuff that comes with having your first child?

My OH got some acupuntcure while she was expecting the third time. I was the biggest sceptic (and still am when it comes to a lot of "alternative" medicine) but it really seemed to help, and even if it was only psychological (the sense that she was DOING something proactive to help the pregnancy along) then it was well worth it. Try the Parenting forum here, or post on Rollercoaster.ie if you want a recommendation for someone in your area.

Has your GP/consultant scheduled your GF for an early "reassurance" scan? Some doctors will send her for more/earlier scans than someone without her history because they appreciate that worrying her way through the entire 9 months isn't ideal. Ask whoever it is she is seeing about early/extra scans to help reduce the stress. My OH was sent for an early scan on her third pregnancy, sometime around 8 or 9 weeks I think, can't remember for sure, and we both got the most immense sense of relief when we saw our little one's heart beating away madly on the screen. And then we had additional scans in the following weeks/months. Don't forget too, if you can afford it, there are places you can go for private scans (some of them in 3-D) if you end up going in and out of the maternity hospital so often you're worried they'll get a barring order!

The fact that you've made it through all you have speaks volumes about both of you, and your relationship. Stick together. And be positive.

I wish all of you - all 3 of you! - the very best. I really do.

CathyMoran

In a simular position as the op at the moment and the last post made a lot of sense. One of our babies died at 9 ish weeks but stopped developing 2 weeks before that but we have the next scan at 9 weeks (am diabetic). I have found that the hospitals expect you to put up and shut up and are not sympathetic.

My advice to the op would be to try to take her mind off worrying where possible but also remember to spoil yourself too - it is very stressful on both of you.

wexford202

OP

I am 20 weeks myself and I can understand he concerns you have.

Firstly you are garanteed extra care. More Scans and more regular doctor check ups to ensure all is ok.

Also worry although almost impossible to avoid will give the baby stress too so you and your other half need to relax.

The sickness thing is always a great sign of a fully healthy baby. I am still getting sick at 20 weeks. With regards to the heart beat. It took 15 weeks to get my babys as some move away from the sounder so don't even panic if that does not show the first time the doctor does the checks.

Also many people lose a baby and not even know they were pregnant as they just would thinkt heir period was late. A miscarriage is unfortuantely a very common occurance that people go through.

I sincerly wish ye both the best of luck with everything and I look foward to your post in a few months time asking how to settle a baby. These are the things you need to look forward to. Unfortunately we cannot change the past and we will never know why some have to go through so much heartbeak before they can hold their first child.

The one thing you both have now is the knowing that ye are both going to have a baby soon and know you want it more than anything else in the world especially after what ye have been through. It will be one very lucky little boy or girl with the love that ye both will give it.

Every night I pray for my baby I will honestly say a prayer for ye both.

xzanti

Hi OP.. I had a similar situation happen to me recently.. Well I had a bio chemical pregnancy which I lost only days after finding out, was pretty gutted with that. But then in June I got pregnant again, went to 10 weeks and started to bleed.. Baby had stopped growing at week 5, so I went 5 weeks thinking everything was going swimmingly.. That tore me up pretty bad, I'm actually still feeling pretty raw about that..

However the nurse in the Early Pregnancy Unit at the Rotunda gave me the number of their Berevement Councellor and said I should talk to her if I'm planning to try again, simply because, as you are saying, it's very hard to relax and look forward when you're so worried. I don't have the number on me at the moment but I'm sure if you ring the Rotunda or which ever hospital you are with they will organize for your and your gf to speak to someone, even just to dispell any concerns you may be having and make this time a more enjoyable one for you both.

Best of luck

rustynutz

Hi, op here, I remember posting here2 years ago, myself and my girlfriend ( now my fiancé) were at our wits end with worry about the pregnancy, well I'm happy to report all the worry paid off.....we ended up having a baby boy who is now 18 months, he is running around like a lunatic as we speak! 4 months after his birth my r became pregnant again which unfortunately she miscarried at 4 weeks. A couple of months later we were successful again and we now have a beautiful 3 month old daughter to join our lunatic son I'm glad to say it does work out in the end although having two kids under 2 brings a whole other set of problems thanks to all who replied, I hope things worked out for ye all in the end.


P

I am a friend

Congrats and thanks for the update.

CathyMoran

Glad that you have two wonderful children now, we have two also, that pregnancy that I mentioned at the time is a little boy who has stolen my heart, as has his little sister. Thrilled for you

qwertytlk

Hi,
um soo sorry for all you both have been through. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriaage too, so i went through it all aswel.
Its normal for anyone to worry during pregnancy but when youve lost babies before, the worry is multiplied by a thousand. The only thing i can think of that may give you and your partner peace of mind is getting a fetal heart beat monitor.you can buy them in most places now. Ie. Mothercare, eurobabies, smyths. Prices vary from 50-90euro. Basically it means that you can listen to your ittle ones heart beat at any time. It would probably give you both peace of mind untill you get the 12 week scan.
Best of luck with everything and congratulations.

I am a friend

Qwertyl

You might want to read his last post.,,