What would you do ?

troubleshooter

I met this girl, we are both in our thirties, we have had two dates, we live 60 miles from each other, second ended in a serious snogging session, the whole vibe has felt really good, she said the same. She called me today to ask if we could meet next Saturday. I said what are you doing tomorrow, she said shes meeting a male friend they are going for a 5 mile walk in the country together then having lunch, I also know she has not known him long.

This has pissed me off, I told her previously I am not into games. Shes a nice girl we got on really well. One half of me now says dump her, the other half see what happens. I dont have a problem getting dates.

Am I being oversensitive ?I know she likes me, She cant be so insensititive to think this would not piss the other party off. Your opinions please.

Oryx

She is being 100% straight with you, the complete opposite to playing games. Youve seen each other a few times, did you expect that to be exclusive, did you tell her that?

And you dont even know the score with the male friend, he could be just that. Id take things a bit more lightly, enjoy her company and expect no more than a fledgling relationship should right now. Or you could find yourself the dumpee rather than the dumper.

troubleshooter

Oryx wrote: »

She is being 100% straight with you, the complete opposite to playing games. Youve seen each other a few times, did you expect that to be exclusive, did you tell her that?

And you dont even know the score with the male friend, he could be just that. Id take things a bit more lightly, enjoy her company and expect no more than a fledgling relationship should right now. Or you could find yourself the dumpee rather than the dumper.

I dont like multiple dating, if hes just a friend then she should have said so or said nothing, if she thinks she can play me, well, shes picked the wrong guy.

Im sure you would not feel so charitable if someone you were seeing phoned you up with the same message.

In a month we have to go to the same work function, I found it weird she said we better not just be around each other, must be cause her boyfriend will be there too.

Still I dont now plan on being around her, rather from now on just picking her up and putting her down as need requires.

But thanks, my mind is now starting to work, it says sleep with her then ignore her,sleep with her igore her, knowing in the future we will have to see each other on occasion, we share some friends. Some women just cant handle nice guys.

The Hill Billy

Oryx wrote: »

She is being 100% straight with you, the complete opposite to playing games. Youve seen each other a few times, did you expect that to be exclusive, did you tell her that?

And you dont even know the score with the male friend, he could be just that. Id take things a bit more lightly, enjoy her company and expect no more than a fledgling relationship should right now. Or you could find yourself the dumpee rather than the dumper.

+1 - I couldn't have put it better myself.

Edit: Now that I've read your second post - The only thing that I'd add is that maybe this (or any other) relationship isn't for you at the moment.. Just because this girl is going for a hike with a 'male friend' you are considering dumping her. I think that you would be best staying single until you mature a bit more & get comfortable with how adult relationships actually work.

Micky Dolenz

Honestly, you sound like you have some baggage you are carrying around. Let it go, relax. What ever happens, happens.

If you are feeling like this at this early stage, it will only get worse.

troubleshooter

Hill Billy wrote: »

+1 - I couldn't have put it better myself.

Edit: Now that I've read your second post - The only thing that I'd add is that maybe this (or any other) relationship isn't for you at the moment.. Just because this girl is going for a hike with a 'male friend' you are considering dumping her. I think that you would be best staying single until you mature a bit more & get comfortable with how adult relationships actually work.

Really, I was in the same relationship for 15 yrs.So dont patronise.

The Hill Billy

That's as may be. However, my comments were based on your description of the current situation with the new girl.

G86

You've had two dates, you're far from exclusive. She was straight up with you, would you rather she lied?

Two dates is not a relationship, it takes alot more than that to get to know someone and work out whether you want to put all your eggs in that particular basket.

VaioCruiser

Well well OP.

Having read all of your posts it seems to be that you have some really serious personal issues and it's going to be a quite lonely time for you until you get a grip with them.

You appear to suffer some from some serious control issues, for the start, and some serious problems with it comes to respect for women.

Please drop this nice honest girl as soon as possible so that she can be spared your personal issues. Then start thinking about how to get a grip on these issues so that you can enter a proper healthy relationship.

All the best

Cleopatra12

troubleshooter wrote: »

But thanks, my mind is now starting to work, it says sleep with her then ignore her,sleep with her igore her, knowing in the future we will have to see each other on occasion, we share some friends. Some women just cant handle nice guys.

Yeah, you sound like a really nice guy...

So she went for a walk with a male friend. So what!. Women are entitled to male friends. Whats the problem with that! Get a grip.

Cleopatra12

troubleshooter wrote: »

she said shes meeting a male friend they are going for a 5 mile walk in the country together then having lunch, I also know she has not known him long.

How is going to a walk with a male friend multiple dating? She said he is a friend. You have to take it at face value or else forget pursuing her.

LegacyUser

troubleshooter wrote: »

I met this girl, we are both in our thirties, we have had two dates, we live 60 miles from each other, second ended in a serious snogging session, the whole vibe has felt really good, she said the same. She called me today to ask if we could meet next Saturday. I said what are you doing tomorrow, she said shes meeting a male friend they are going for a 5 mile walk in the country together then having lunch, I also know she has not known him long.

This has pissed me off, I told her previously I am not into games. Shes a nice girl we got on really well. One half of me now says dump her, the other half see what happens. I dont have a problem getting dates.

Am I being oversensitive ?I know she likes me, She cant be so insensititive to think this would not piss the other party off. Your opinions please.

After two dates, without discussion, you've decided that this girl thinks the same way as you do. She doesn't and you're upset that she doesn't. She's had a completely different life to you, all her life experiences, her family, friends, have made her what she is today. Just as your life experiences have made you what you are. To assume that this girl thinks of and views life the same way as you do shows an alarming lack of maturity, and a large amount of naivety and selfishness.

Saying that you feel like picking her up and using her whenever you want is childish. You're hurt by her apparent indifference, so you want to hurt her back. You have to grow up and start dealing with these feelings in a mature fashion rather than just throwing a tantrum (which is essentially what you're doing).

Good luck

CDfm

troubleshooter wrote: »

In a month we have to go to the same work function, I found it weird she said we better not just be around each other, must be cause her boyfriend will be there too.

I wouldn't go reading too much. Maybe its a gay friend and my girlfriend had a life before I met her and has such a friend. An extreme example I know.

Now on the work do. Some people do not want dating to interfere with work before a relationship becomes established and don't want to be "outed" for the complications which can arise.

Maybe she is trying to appear not desperate but also some of what she is saying is sensible if you look at it.

SarahSassy

The intense and threatening tone of your post makes you sound very spooky...

She told you about it which means she has nothing to hide but in fairness if you are this possessive at this stage what would ye be like if ye were going out... Let her off.

troubleshooter

unregee wrote: »

After two dates, without discussion, you've decided that this girl thinks the same way as you do. She doesn't and you're upset that she doesn't. She's had a completely different life to you, all her life experiences, her family, friends, have made her what she is today. Just as your life experiences have made you what you are. To assume that this girl thinks of and views life the same way as you do shows an alarming lack of maturity, and a large amount of naivety and selfishness.

Saying that you feel like picking her up and using her whenever you want is childish. You're hurt by her apparent indifference, so you want to hurt her back. You have to grow up and start dealing with these feelings in a mature fashion rather than just throwing a tantrum (which is essentially what you're doing).

Good luck

She not indifferent, she calls and texts me,I never call or text her first, she just another woman of low self esteem, if I treated her well she go the other way, I know how such types tick.

Let her play her game, means nothing to me, did anoy me on saturday, but from now im indifferent.

No more compliments, from now on gentle put downs.

LegacyUser

troubleshooter wrote: »

She not indifferent, she calls and texts me,I never call or text her first, she just another woman of low self esteem, if I treated her well she go the other way, I know how such types tick.

Let her play her game, means nothing to me, did anoy me on saturday, but from now im indifferent.

No more compliments, from now on gentle put downs.

You do know the woman you are describing above, low self esteem, playing games is exactly the type of person you are coming across as in your posts.

CDfm

troubleshooter wrote: »

She not indifferent, she calls and texts me,I never call or text her first, she just another woman of low self esteem, if I treated her well she go the other way, I know how such types tick.

OP maybe this is the type of woman you attract. Have you thought how you would interact with a happy successful woman.

You seem to be looking for a relationship and were a bit miffed that she had another male friend. So maybe if you took the approach that you will not play games and pay her compliments instead she might start thinking troubleshooter is a nice fellah.

Have you concidered that you are sabotaging the relationship and maybe thats why you have had the same outcome from women in the past.You liked her enough to post about her??

troubleshooter

CDfm wrote: »

OP maybe this is the type of woman you attract. Have you thought how you would interact with a happy successful woman.

You seem to be looking for a relationship and were a bit miffed that she had another male friend. So maybe if you took the approach that you will not play games and pay her compliments instead she might start thinking troubleshooter is a nice fellah.

Have you concidered that you are sabotaging the relationship and maybe thats why you have had the same outcome from women in the past.You liked her enough to post about her??

I know how to get in someones head my friend, and that is not the way.

LegacyUser

Lucky escape for her! You sound like a very cliched movie character - "being played", "my friend" - jaysus...

Peggypeg

Do you realise you are coming accross as selfish, possessive, cruel and immature in the extreme? You're doing exactly what you said you didn't like in your OP - playing games, and not very nice ones at that. Seriously shame on you, treating a girl like that just because of your own childish issues. Grow up seriously, and do break it off with that girl, sounds like she's done nothing to deserve that kind of treatment, she's be well better off without you. Honestly part of me is wondering is this thread a wind up, surely you can read back and see what we're talking about here:

I like girl.
Girl may like another guy.
I'm going to treat girl really badly (not answering calls, using her etc).

All of the above does not equal healthy relationship. You know you could probably do with some conselling to figure out where the heck these feelings are coming from, you are going to end up as a very unhappy bunny if you don't change your ways.

CDfm

troubleshooter wrote: »

I know how to get in someones head my friend, and that is not the way.

Its still boils down to the same thing. You like the girl.

Even if you do date its hardly a solid and positive way to build a relationship.

OS119

nice.

you've had two dates, she's pleasant, attentive, and has friends - obviously your first reaction should be to be a complete c0ck.

have you started murdering prostitutes yet, or are we still killing cats?

Wibbs

OS119 lets ease back on the vitriol please. It helps no one. Lets all keep some civility going. Thanks.

prinz

troubleshooter wrote: »

No more compliments, from now on gentle put downs.

troubleshooter wrote: »

I know how to get in someones head my friend, and that is not the way.

.....but you hate people playing games right?

Insecure. Unhealthy interest in this lady etc etc. You probably know that already, I'm sure you've heard it before.

Oryx

troubleshooter wrote: »

She not indifferent, she calls and texts me,I never call or text her first, she just another woman of low self esteem, if I treated her well she go the other way, I know how such types tick.

Let her play her game, means nothing to me, did anoy me on saturday, but from now im indifferent.

No more compliments, from now on gentle put downs.

At first, I thought your op was a one off overreaction. But this one is downright scary. You are the game player here. She must be baffled by your attitude.

You know how her type ticks? Youll treat her mean to keep her keen? Imagine for a sec if this were how she was referring to you, youd run a mile from her. Its a cruel and superficial attitude.

Read your post again as if it was written by someone else. If this doesnt illustrate to you that it it YOU who has the problem here, nothing will.

onimpulse

I feel sorry for this poor girl who did nothing but be completely honest with you. You sound like you disapprove of her having friends or a life... You obviously have major baggage - she'll eventually see this & that will be that, hopefully sooner rather than later for her sake.

SarahSassy

troubleshooter wrote: »

I know how to get in someones head my friend, and that is not the way.

You really are comical..

OS119

SarahSassy wrote: »

You really are comical..

oh no, he really does know how to get into womens' heads - he uses a hammer.

before i get told off, this guys attitude is very, very disturbing - like reading Peter Sutcliffe's defence of diminished responsibility put forward during his trial. he needs real help with his attitude to women; entitlement, suspicion, anger, contempt - 'i know what they're like' - and an expressed desire to punish them for their behaviour...

OP, you need to talk to your GP, you display signs of being very, very ill.

seriously.

Wibbs

This is going nowhere and I can see it going even more downhill on all sides. Closed.