New Girlfriend and my Mother

LegacyUser

Hi guys, I was wondering if anyone could help me here.

I've only started going out with a girl this past few weeks. We had been seeing each other this past 3/4 months and we just made things official recently. She is a wee bit younger than me. She's 19 and I'm 24. I dont have a problem with this and I am well aware that there could be issues further down the line. My problem is this - my Mother.

I dearly love my Mum. I get on very well with her and I couldnt do without her in my life. I get on a lot better with her than my father for example. But I know that she is a snob. She has very high aspirations for all her children and to be honest my family is a very highly respected one locally due to the lives my parents have led. One of my brothers has been going out with a girl this past year and my mother cant stand her. We are all convinced it is because she doesnt think she is good enough for my brother. It has created a bit of tension in the house but nothing that it is unbearable. My previous girlfriend always found my Mother snobbish as well and it wasnt until we had finished that my Mum actually said something nice about her. I have myself convinced that my mother wont approve of my new girlfriend because of her age. They havent met yet and I think its too soon for them to meet anyway. I just dont know what to do. I would hate to disappoint my Mum and I would hate for not to like my girlfriend. I would also hate for my girlfriend to have to put up with any snobbery from my mum and to feel belittled in any way.

Any advice here guys?

Kimono-Girl

well coming from a solved recent enough mother problem i would say, don't rush things, when they eventually meet you'll find out what she thinks of your girlfriend,

also don't omit her age if you feel tempted to do so it will ensure things don't get off to a good start. stay honest and upbeat.

as long as she see's you two are happy there shouldn't be a problem,
more importantly if she see's that YOU are happy your mum will be happy for you.

just if she does start on your girlfriend stand up to her (but in a polite respectful way)even though you love her she may need to see you are able to make your own decisions, its what my OH did and earned us alot of respect from his mother in the end...and i do mean in the end,but it was worth it because now we all get along even better.

wexford202

Mt mother in law is snobbish too. She is actually a snobby Biatch to be honest.

I knew when I first started going out with me now husband that she wasn't massive on me. Only and Soley because she thought I wasn't good enough for her son. In fact she though nobody was good enough for her son andcouldn't understand why her son would ever want to leave his precious mothers side.

I on the other hand come from a family were we were all raised to be very independant. Given great love and care from our parents but were by no means spoiled. All four children had their own houses by 25 and there were no hadouts let me assure, bought and insured our own cars.

Thre are 4 girls in my family and no boys apartment from Dad and it really seems like most mothers are like that over there son just like yours is.

My husband trusted his own judgement. I am a hard working girl and he a very hard working man. We had our own hous at 22 and his mother was still clinging onto him. I thankfully rarely see his mum now thank the lord and boys being boys he never vists either only once in a blue moon when I make him.

Your mother does not have to approve fully. She will never fully approve no matter who you bring home. You know that yourself from your last girlfirend. Suddenly she was great when she was gone.

You should be well able to trust your own judgement. Ages is irrelevant and if hat is her only problem well your poig that she is just being fussy is porven.

My husband warned me what his mother was like so I was prepared and then never took offence to her snobby ways and I think maybe if she ever does meet your girel make sure your warn your GF as that could hurt the girls feelings if she wasn't prepared.

LegacyUser

Who are you living your life for ? Yourself or your mother ?

Honeslty, just enjoy time with your girl and don't worry about this. if it comes time to introduce them then do. but you shouldn't give a toss whether your mum approves or not. Your mum can only give/withhold approval if you let her be in that position. if you just be happy with your girl then what will it matter what your mum thinks. and odds are if you have that attitude - without being ignorant about it - then your mum will eventually realise you get to make your own choices and she might as well respect them

finbarrk

You could also hint to your mother that the reason you haven't introduced the girl to her is that you know that she will fault her in some way.