Am I wrong?

Whosbetter?

My only child(so far) started school last Monday.

Of course Mrs Whosbetter? was up to high doe, getting things ready & wondering how little Whosbetterette? was going to react to this change in her life.

Everything went well, no tears etc.

I was aware of the event & insisted on photos & bringing the little 'un down to my parents on the way. (They loved seeing her in her uniform)

Anywho? One story intrigued me.
One of the wife's friend's (Male) cried profucely at the School gates as his little son went to school.

Am I wrong in thinking that this 'individual'(I hate saying man) is letting the side down?

IRISH DAYWALKER

sounds a bit weird alright. but all men cant be as cool as us haha

Snowie

15 years ago yeah

but men are aloud to be sensitive.... and more emotionally sensitive........
I personally can't understand why the guy was crying.

Why was he crying?

Whosbetter?

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

Why was he crying?

Fook knows, but in this day & age of Metrosexuality, maybe some of the Wimmens think he's cool & not afraid to show his 'emotional side'.:rolleyes:

The Big Red Button

Whosbetter? wrote: »

Fook knows, but in this day & age of Metrosexuality, maybe some of the Wimmens think he's cool & not afraid to show his 'emotional side'.:rolleyes:

I'm a "wimmen" and I don't think he's a bit cool! And it's nothing to do with him being a man - whether male or female, his child could end up with a negative connotation of school because of him!

Whosbetter?

chatterpillar wrote: »

I'm a "wimmen" and I don't think he's a bit cool! And it's nothing to do with him being a man - whether male or female, his child could end up with a negative connotation of school because of him!

Yeah. I thought that too.
Very undignified behaveiour IMHO.

I saw some of the Mums gettin a bit 'teary eyed' on the day, but that's okay in my book.

Epic Tissue

Whosbetter? wrote: »

Yeah. I thought that too.
Very undignified behaveiour IMHO.

I saw some of the Mums gettin a bit 'teary eyed' on the day, but that's okay in my book.

Well then that's just sexist, right?

Why do you care if someone else is crying anyway? :rolleyes:

I doubt the child will get negative connotations of school. That just sounds like bull tbh.

My second day of school was a couple of months after my first.
Not because of me! I was born fiercely independant. My Dad missed me.
And when I did go back, he used to visit me at play time.

And when I used to get embarrassed, the teacher would defend him. Saying that he loved me very very much.

Snigger and I'll set 250lbs of Daddy on ya! Okay!

Jesus Wept

Whosbetter? wrote: »

Yeah. I thought that too.
Very undignified behaveiour IMHO.

I saw some of the Mums gettin a bit 'teary eyed' on the day, but that's okay in my book.

Because they got teary eyed instead of crying profusely
or
Because they had vaginas

?

Whosbetter?

Epic Tissue wrote: »

Why do you care if someone else is crying anyway? :rolleyes:

I don't care that much, just wondering what is acceptable these days in regard to the way blokes behave at an event like this.

Mrs Whosbetter? thinks I'm a bit of a Neanderthall sometimes, but she said she would be mortified if I did something like that.

Mackman

I have cried only twice in the last 10 years. my OH thinks im weird, i just havent been THAT sad.

Male crying should take place in the privacy of your own home, preferably locked in a closet :P

Jesus Wept

Some of the attitudes evident in this thread are the type that are likely (imo) a contributing factor to the fact that of all the suicides in Ireland, 78% are by men.

CDfm

This is totally wrong.

The guy should be dragged to his GP.

I know some women might think its cute and sensitive but if I saw a women doing that I would worry about them and their kid.Same thing.

EDIT - If it had been me I would have approached him or if a woman her and asked whats up as it is odd behavior. I mean was he drunk or what.

Hellrazer

The male hormones are really flying around in this thread

On a personal note I might have shed a single tear (just one mind you and it was a once off and no one noticed and I havent shed a tear since the 8 years ago) when my first started school.

Its like youre letting them out into the big bad world on their own for the first time and youre no longer there to protect them (like a real man should)

Ghost Train

I guess its okay to be a bit emotional, does seem a bit over the top crying

suey71

I cried at all of my childrens births.

And at all of Adam Sandlers films:D.

Seriously....

And I dont care what anyone says.

But that said, I didn't cry when they went to school, I was just so proud.

I wouldn't mind seeing a man cry over something like this, but only if he genuinly couldn't help it. I've come across some people that can turn on the water works at will. These people scare me.

Will

think about it, you help raise your kid with your wife/husband and usually see them everyday. if you go to work, usually the other half will be there minding them. then you bring them to school. they're going to be in a new place and more independent, and also not have you or your other half looking out for them.

i can understand the man crying, a flood of emotions must have been pouring over him. Proud that his kid is starting school, worried what will happen, hoping the kids day will go well, so many things going through his mind. It's a big day for both the parents and the kid.

Don't be so ridiculous and ignorant to assume that he has issues just because he is crying on a momentous occasion.

L31mr0d

Whosbetter? wrote: »

One of the wife's friend's (Male) cried profucely at the School gates as his little son went to school.

Maybe we don't have the full picture. Perhaps the kid wasn't happy about being sent to school and punched his Dad in groin shortly before you looked over at him.

Also tears of pride or tears of happiness are acceptable amongst men imo. I've seen fathers shed a tear at Weddings when giving their daughters away. This is not unusual imho.

goodlad

You should of given him a backhand across the face and told him to man the fcuk up! Or if you had a snickers bar handy you could of thrown that at him!

Will

goodlad wrote: »

You should of given him a backhand across the face and told him to man the fcuk up! Or if you had a snickers bar handy you could of thrown that at him!

The snickers bit had me in stitches I'll admit

CDfm

C'mon men, a guy doesn't burst out in tears dropping the kid off in school on the first day. You are the parent and it is your job to be the cheerleader and tell the kid they are going to big school etc.

I can't believe the excuses here. When was the last time you saw a guy burst into tears at work.

Now I would be able to handle it if another guy was distressed and it wouldn't bother me one bit.

This one sounds a bit tired and emotional to me.

sam34

CDfm wrote: »

The guy should be dragged to his GP.
QUOTE]

wtf?? just because he got overawed and emotional at what was a big milestone in his life and that of his child?

there are such things as normal human emotions, you know.

not every negative emotion has to be medicalised and pathologised.

not everyone who cries is depressed or ill in any other way.

suggesting medical input or intervention for this one isolated incident is quite frankly preposterous.

goodlad

sam34 wrote: »

wtf?? just because he got overawed and emotional at what was a big milestone in his life and that of his child?

there are such things as normal human emotions, you know.

not every negative emotion has to be medicalised and pathologised.

not everyone who cries is depressed or ill in any other way.

suggesting medical input or intervention for this one isolated incident is quite frankly preposterous.

Ppfffttt!!! You deserve a snickers bar to the head aswell! :eek:

r3nu4l

The-Rigger wrote: »

Some of the attitudes evident in this thread are the type that are likely (imo) a contributing factor to the fact that of all the suicides in Ireland, 78% are by men.

Bingo! We really need to cop on when it comes to our emotions and letting things out.

Hellrazer wrote: »

The male hormones are really flying around in this thread

On a personal note I might have shed a single tear (just one mind you and it was a once off and no one noticed and I havent shed a tear since the 8 years ago) when my first started school.

Its like youre letting them out into the big bad world on their own for the first time and youre no longer there to protect them (like a real man should)

Yup, exactly! When a child starts School they are entering the 'system' and while it's a very proud moment it's one that should fill any parent with apprehension as well. School is a time when kids learn that the world isn't as rosy as they have previously imagined, it's when they meet other kids that want to punch them and rob their pocket money. All of these things are good in their own right and important life lessons but at the same time, it must feel like a real pity that the innocence that exists within them is going to deteriorate at a much more rapid rate than the parent would like!

Will wrote: »

think about it, you help raise your kid with your wife/husband and usually see them everyday. if you go to work, usually the other half will be there minding them. then you bring them to school. they're going to be in a new place and more independent, and also not have you or your other half looking out for them.

i can understand the man crying, a flood of emotions must have been pouring over him. Proud that his kid is starting school, worried what will happen, hoping the kids day will go well, so many things going through his mind. It's a big day for both the parents and the kid.

Don't be so ridiculous and ignorant to assume that he has issues just because he is crying on a momentous occasion.

Yup, it must be hard for any parent to leave their kid in a totally foreign environment like that.

CDfm wrote: »

C'mon men, a guy doesn't burst out in tears dropping the kid off in school on the first day. You are the parent and it is your job to be the cheerleader and tell the kid they are going to big school etc.

I can't believe the excuses here. When was the last time you saw a guy burst into tears at work.

Yet we see thousands of me choking back the tears or just outright crying when some overpaid plank kicks a leather ball past another overpaid plank who's paid to make sure a ball doesn't get between too wooden posts. The outpouring of cheers and tears in sport seems perfectly acceptable but crying when giving up your child to the system and being unable to protect it from harm isn't? What a messed up world we live in, if that's the case.

Dr Galen

i'm not sure what the deal is tbh.

on one thread we have people saying that men need to stop bottling things up, that they need to be a bit more in touch with themselves and that they shouldn't subscribe to sterotypes meanwhile on another a dude who we nothing about or whose circumstances etc we also know nothing about is getting a bit of a slagging about the very thing we say we should be doing?

sure, from the outside, it might seem a bit OTT, but like I say we know nothing about the circumstances involved. Maybe he's just mega proud and there is nothing more to it than that. Either way, a big of gentlemanly camaraderie would be more fitting I think

norrie rugger

Mystik Monkey wrote: »

i'm not sure what the deal is tbh.

on one thread we have people saying that men need to stop bottling things up, that they need to be a bit more in touch with themselves and that they shouldn't subscribe to sterotypes meanwhile on another a dude who we nothing about or whose circumstances etc we also know nothing about is getting a bit of a slagging about the very thing we say we should be doing?

sure, from the outside, it might seem a bit OTT, but like I say we know nothing about the circumstances involved. Maybe he's just mega proud and there is nothing more to it than that. Either way, a big of gentlemanly camaraderie would be more fitting I think

Very true

I mean there could be loads of reasons why the man was crying (letting your wee one off into the big bad is bad enough)
The kid could have been seriously sick as a toddler etc and may not have been expected to make it to school level.
The father could be a lone parent, whose wife passed away.
He could just be overwhelmed by emotions.

This crap about men not being allowed to express emotion really annoys me.

Epic Tissue

CDfm wrote: »

This is totally wrong.

The guy should be dragged to his GP.

I know some women might think its cute and sensitive but if I saw a women doing that I would worry about them and their kid.Same thing.

EDIT - If it had been me I would have approached him or if a woman her and asked whats up as it is odd behavior. I mean was he drunk or what.

Yeah.. I doubt that:rolleyes:

CDfm

Epic Tissue wrote: »

Yeah.. I doubt that:rolleyes:

If I was somewhere and someone I know was crying profusely I think it would be the normal reaction to go up to them.I mean you don't just toddle off and leave someone you know in distress.

Note to self - must ask g/f what would she do if it was me.

norrie rugger

So to answer the original question

Yes, you are wrong!

CDfm

sam34 wrote: »

wtf?? just because he got overawed and emotional at what was a big milestone in his life and that of his child?

Wow. Thats me told off :pac:

You must agree its very unusual now I am not saying its wrong to have feelings or emotions. What I am saying is that if I saw it to me it would look like a guy who might have difficulty coping just now.

It would take an awful lot for me to cry and I cant see that as traumatic.

Sorry if that comes across as harsh but it would concern me if a mate burst into tears. A childs first day at school wouldnt be a credible cause IMHO.

norrie rugger

CDfm wrote: »

sam34 wrote: »

wtf?? just because he got overawed and emotional at what was a big milestone in his life and that of his child?

Wow. Thats me told off :pac:

You must agree its very unusual now I am not saying its wrong to have feelings or emotions. What I am saying is that if I saw it to me it would look like a guy who might have difficulty coping just now.

It would take an awful lot for me to cry and I cant see that as traumatic.

Sorry if that comes across as harsh but it would concern me if a mate burst into tears. A childs first day at school wouldnt be a credible cause IMHO.

Emotional range of a teaspoon (á la Ron Waesley)

CDfm

norrie rugger wrote: »

Emotional range of a teaspoon

TY:pac:

I can't get it. I would be sensitive to others and cant see it.

I even moisturise.

r3nu4l

CDfm wrote: »

What I am saying is that if I saw it to me it would look like a guy who might have difficulty coping just now.

Everyone is different.

It would take an awful lot for me to cry and I cant see that as traumatic.

I would say that not feeling a bit emotional or crying could be seen as a sign of a lack of emotional connection to your child and that would be worrying to me!

Sorry if that comes across as harsh but it would concern me if a mate burst into tears. A childs first day at school wouldnt be a credible cause IMHO.

My wife's father and mother still choke up everytime my wife does anything new in her life. Whether it's passing her driving test all those years ago or getting a new job. Why? At birth my wife was given one hour to live and she was baptized and confirmed and taken from her parents and underwent a number of procedures in an attempt to save her life. She was in an incubator in ICU for 6 months and had numerous progressions and failures. Her parents had to watch and wait every day for those six months being unsure if she would live another night. She's still here. So I don't look at my father-in-law and think he's unmanly for crying just because she got a new job. I recognise the enormity of each new event in her life, for them.

My point is that just because something from the outset doesn't appear traumatic to you doesn't mean it isn't for someone else.

Case in point, I know people who have moved out of their homes after they were burgled because they felt 'violated'. When it happened in our house my response was 'So will we bother cooking or will I go get a take-away while we're waiting for the Gardai to arrive?'. for others it's traumatic, for me it's not at all. I'm not going to think less of other people for that though.

r3nu4l

oh, and let's play nice, we can take the bait without getting overly involved so that we end up throwing insults...norrie rugger

CDfm

r3nu4l its ok - i found the teaspoon comment very funny.

norrie rugger -it doesn't mean that because I dont experience those thngs I cant be sensitive to people who do.I am.

I never thought I would be discussing this on line so thats progress.

r3nu4l

CDfm wrote: »

r3nu4l its ok - i found the teaspoon comment very funny.

Ah I know, it was funny but I don't want someone else to take it as license to start name-calling Better to say something now than have to infract or ban someone later...I'm not a fan of either if it can be helped!

Discussing this stuff online is progress for me too I suppose. I've always been 'in touch with my emotions' but not many people would know that, my wife and one or two very close mates but no more than that So admitting it online is a nice release!

pikachucheeks

Whosbetter? wrote: »

Am I wrong in thinking that this 'individual'(I hate saying man) is letting the side down?

I wouldn't say your wife's friend was "letting the side down" at all.
For a lot of people, regardless of sex, seeing such things as their children starting school, is a very emotional time, for a variety of reasons.

Just because he's a man doesn't mean he shouldn't be allowed express himself and show emotions.

Obviously if the man was prepared to cry in public, he was particularly moved.

Everyone responds to things differently. His reaction was to cry... which was a natural reaction for him.

metamorphic

Takes balls for a man to cry in public, as ironic as the statement is. Anyway, unless you went over and interviewed the chap there could be a whole host of extenuating circumstances. Get as fanciful as you like, but unless you know every part of the story the crying part deminishes in relevance.

It could be a huge deal that the child even got as far as the school gates.

Khannie

Epic Tissue wrote: »

Well then that's just sexist, right?

Let's not try to pretend that men and women are the same.

On the original question: I dunno, it's a tough one. On one hand I'm thinking "that's a bit much" and on the other hand I agree with the arguments that he had no control over it.

I think it's bollox to try and blame male suicide on not blubbing at your childs first day in school though tbh.

Hellrazer

metamorphic wrote: »

It could be a huge deal that the child even got as far as the school gates.

Agreed 100%

In my own case it was the fact that 4 years earlier our daughter had a 25% chance of making it out of the hospital.

Even know when she does something that surprises us we look back and think what might never have been and honestly I think thats always going to be the case with everything she does with her life.

norrie rugger

r3nu4l wrote: »

oh, and let's play nice, we can take the bait without getting overly involved so that we end up throwing insults...norrie rugger

Sorry, it was just a throwaway comment that anyone how has watched Harry Potter would get.

Exact same conversation about crying and on of them gets landed with "Emotional range of a teaspoon"

If this was BGRH I would be asked to leave, for admitting tha tI had watched a Harry Potter (enough attention also paid to quote it!!)

r3nu4l

norrie rugger wrote: »

Sorry, it was just a throwaway comment that anyone how has watched Harry Potter would get.

Exact same conversation about crying and on of them gets landed with "Emotional range of a teaspoon"

If this was BGRH I would be asked to leave, for admitting tha tI had watched a Harry Potter (enough attention also paid to quote it!!)

Aye, I got the reference (and loved it) just don't want anyone else to use it as an excuse to refer to someone else in less flattering terms

CDfm

r3nu4l wrote: »

Aye, I got the reference (and loved it) just don't want anyone else to use it as an excuse to refer to someone else in less flattering terms

If it helps the debate I will accept being described as a shallow man with a shovel trying to dig deeper;)

Epic Tissue

Khannie wrote: »

Let's not try to pretend that men and women are the same.

On the original question: I dunno, it's a tough one. On one hand I'm thinking "that's a bit much" and on the other hand I agree with the arguments that he had no control over it.

I think it's bollox to try and blame male suicide on not blubbing at your childs first day in school though tbh.

Not the same but both can cry and both have emotions. Why should it be alright for only one to express their emotions and laughable for another?

Jesus Wept

Khannie wrote: »

I think it's bollox to try and blame male suicide on not blubbing at your childs first day in school though tbh.

I don't think anyone suggested that.

Khannie

The-Rigger wrote: »

I don't think anyone suggested that.

Fair enough. I must have mis-interpreted. It's not something I really want to debate tbh.

Whosbetter?

metamorphic wrote: »

Takes balls for a man to cry in public, as ironic as the statement is. Anyway, unless you went over and interviewed the chap there could be a whole host of extenuating circumstances. Get as fanciful as you like, but unless you know every part of the story the crying part deminishes in relevance.

It could be a huge deal that the child even got as far as the school gates.

Glad to see that my thoughts on the matter provoked such a discussion!

To give a bit of background on this.

1. The little child in question is perfectly healthy.

2. The 'big child' in question (& we know him quite well) is a 24 carat wimp in every other detail in his life.

Loved the Snickers bar comment BTW.:D:D:D

Khannie

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