for confident people

LegacyUser

How do you not care what people think of you? How do i get to be confident to do my own thing and not worry what people think of me? Just to be free. It must be heaven

Katgurl

Try and accept yourself as you are (easier said than done I know) and do things that make you happy / feel good. My sister recently rediscovered her childhood passion and finally admitted that the club/pub scene just wasn't for her, she's never been happier now she's no longer trying to be someone she's not.

Accept that other people's opinions often have more to do with them than with you.

Focus on things you like about yourself. When someone gives you a compliment, really work on believing them.

Remember that NO-ONE is completely confident in themselves, we all have our insecurities. Some of are very good at faking it even when we're not feeling it.

Give yourself a break. So what if you're not brimming with confidence? Over-confidence can be offputting in a person. I'm sure lots of people find you charming in your shyness (if you are shy, i'm guessing from your op).

VaioCruiser

confident?? wrote: »

How do you not care what people think of you? How do i get to be confident to do my own thing and not worry what people think of me? Just to be free. It must be heaven

Hi OP.

With most people it comes from their childhood. With others they gain confidence through achieving stuff in life. Whether it is a job, success with friends, sports etc.

When I was a teen I had a horrific time with girls. Yet I never cared about what people thought about me or my clothes for example.. I knew I was as good as anyone.

You must find a way .. to accept yourself the way you are. You are not perfect. No one is. But you are as good as anyone. What other people think, or what they approve of, is absolutely nothing to do with you and there is also nothing you can do to change whatever it is they think.
You do not need their approval for what you do in life or what you think or who you hang out with.

I suggest you think about these things... and also try to get involved with some activity outside work/school that enables you to get stuck into something worthwhile.

All the best

cufroige

confident?? wrote: »

How do you not care what people think of you?

This is not necessarily a quality of a confident person. You can learn to recognise this a good quality about yourself. That you are a feeling person, a sensitive person who cares about the impact of your own behaviour towards others, because by the sounds of it, you wouldn't be someone to hurt another.

confident?? wrote: »

How do i get to be confident to do my own thing and not worry what people think of me? Just to be free. It must be heaven

You are an individual and know that by doing your own thing you are living your life not harming others. You are not responsible for the thoughts of others, and if negative thoughts of others are expressed directly to you always remember you have the opportunity to address that person & express yourself to them.

However, if you are just worrying about what others think of you, without any basis, take comfort in the fact that chances are you are imagining something much worse than what's really the case.

The book "feel the fear & do it anyway" addresses this concern of yours, you should read it. What you're hearing is the voice of your own worst fears about what you fear could be thought of you. Not the actual thoughts or opinions of others, you can't assume that...;)

wylo

OP, have you delved into this anymore ? Have you made an attempt at trying to be confident, i.e. reading about confidence, reading what causes a lack of confidence, reading what way of thinking can make you confident.

Tbh , asking people "How do you not care what people think of you?" is a sort of self defeating question because the replies you seem to be getting are people pretty much saying in their own words "well, you just stop caring what people think of you".

Its probably just as hard for naturally confident people to understand why others have no confidence, as it is for you to understand how confident people think.

You want to know how??? You must read deeper into the psychology of it and find out why you have no confidence.

Soundman

I wouldn't exactly call myself confident but I always use the "Mind over matter" technique.


I don't mind because You don't matter.



Works for me. I am who I am. Why should I change for other people. If they don't like me then they don't like me. Simple as. Nothing I can do to change that, or rather I don't want to change myself just for them, especially when there are others out there who like me for who I am.

Porkpie

I'd just like to add that it's a myth that some people don't care what others think of them. Everyone does to a certain extent. I guarantee you that the people who seem full of confidence, not giving a damn about other people's opinions of them do in fact have their own insecurities and are self conscious to a degree.

shellyboo

Porkpie wrote: »

I'd just like to add that it's a myth that some people don't care what others think of them. Everyone does to a certain extent. I guarantee you that the people who seem full of confidence, not giving a damn about other people's opinions of them do in fact have their own insecurities and are self conscious to a degree.

I was going to say this... everyone does care, to some extent. Even if it's just one or two people in their life, everyone has someone whose opinion matters to them. The problem arises in the degree that you let it affect you.

I guess, OP, you have to have faith in yourself and know that while yes, you care about other people's opinions, the opinion that matters the most is your own. As long as you do the right thing for you and are able to look at yourself and say "I did the right thing there" or "I did my best" or even "Ok, I messed that up, but that doesn't make me a bad person" then what other people think shouldn't matter.

miaowsky

Soundman wrote: »

I wouldn't exactly call myself confident but I always use the "Mind over matter" technique.


I don't mind because You don't matter.



Works for me. I am who I am. Why should I change for other people. If they don't like me then they don't like me. Simple as. Nothing I can do to change that, or rather I don't want to change myself just for them, especially when there are others out there who like me for who I am.

That's quite good, I may steal that for my own use

R.D. aka MR.D

What helped me was to think that the world doesn't revolve around me.

If i do something, it's only a moment in some one elses life that they will probaly never think about again.

No one obsesses over what i do as much as I do.

Basically if I live my life without hurting anyone the only person who really cares is me.

My world revolves around me as does the billion other peoples world revolve around them.

LegacyUser

Hi, I had the exact same dilemma up to my mid twenties. I was seriously worried about what people thought of me ALL the time, it was so debilitating - I couldnt walk up to a bar to ask for drinks, I was worried crossing a road incase I did something wrong and people would think I was a fool etc etc, it was really awful. But there is light. One day I decided I couldnt deal with it any more and planned to try to be more proactive. I got a part itme job dealing with poeple, I jumped in the deep end and got a job in promotions which meant I had to approach strangers all the time - and guess what... they didnt bite! I'm not saying this is for everyone but the false confidence I used to approach people initially began to feel gradually more natural. It also dawned on me that 99.9% of strangers on the street or wherever dont have slightest interest in what way I walk, look, behave etc and the the rest really dont matter. Confdence does build with time and anyone who knows me now cant believe I had ever been that insecure (especially my Husband!). I hope that helps and wish you well because unless you've been there you have no idea how it effects every area of your life. Best of luck.

Agent J

Bear in mind people who look,act and seem confident may not always be.

They may just be good at acting like it.

Soundman

miaowsky wrote: »

That's quite good, I may steal that for my own use

Steal away miaowsky.

To be honest I think I robbed it off some comedian or something years ago and adapted it as my own.

Jessica-Rabbit

confident?? wrote: »

How do you not care what people think of you? How do i get to be confident to do my own thing and not worry what people think of me? Just to be free. It must be heaven

thats easy .. accecpt yourself .. if u dont like something change it and rememeber if people dont care about u why worry what they think.. care about what people that care about u think and thats it no one else.. as long as u feel good inside and out u wont need to give a toss about other peoples opinions as long as you kind and respectful but never make urself a door mat always be assertive

shellyboo

Jessica-Rabbit wrote: »

thats easy .. accecpt yourself .. if u dont like something change it and rememeber if people dont care about u why worry what they think.. care about what people that care about u think and thats it no one else.. as long as u feel good inside and out u wont need to give a toss about other peoples opinions as long as you kind and respectful but never make urself a door mat always be assertive

Accepting yourself is not easy, by any stretch of the imagination.

thethedev

I am very confident in myself these days, I used to be very shy just something clicked along the way, I think I met people who never knew me and simply acted confident around them for a while until I simply became actually confident. Its very hard to simple become a confident person in front of people who know you as shy.
Over confidence can be bad though and people will smell it off you and avoid you considering you a pain in the ass.

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

shellyboo

Scien wrote: »

In your opinion you mean...

I've never had any problems accepting who i am.

Telling someone with low self-confidence to "just accept yourself!" is like telling an alcholic to "just stop drinking!"

For someone who HAS had problems accepting who they are, accepting who you are is not easy, by any stretch of the imagination. Obviously it is easy for people who already accept themselves to accept themselves.

Jessica-Rabbit

shellyboo wrote: »

Telling someone with low self-confidence to "just accept yourself!" is like telling an alcholic to "just stop drinking!"

For someone who HAS had problems accepting who they are, accepting who you are is not easy, by any stretch of the imagination. Obviously it is easy for people who already accept themselves to accept themselves.

yeah shellyboo my attidude is get off ur ass and do something about it.. if u have attidude which YOU seem to have of "oh well its not easy so why bother try" then how on earth do u expect to get anywhere in life.. you have to start accepting who you are by controlling your thoughts and feelings not vise versa .. and tell yourself your going to focus on your strengths not weakness and do things to make you feel better about yourself

thank you

jimmycrackcorm

I find that as I can't control other peoples opinions, that it's much easier to ignore what I think they might think of me. I just concentrate on doing what I do myself the best way I can. If I find people responding to me well then I continue in that vein and I can feel that there is a respects there for me and my self-confidence earns a few extra points

Otherwise, you win some, you lose some. I suspect that the OP concerns his/her self with those people who are being lost and totally ignores the subtle indications being given off by those are respondent.

Confidence is gained either by a delusional self-belief or by observing the response of others to ones, words and actions.

injured365

"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are."
John Wooden

Along the same lines as another poster said......you can control your actions and your actions will influence others......how they influence them is dependant on your actions.....forget about what you have no control over and concentrate on what you can control

This isnt gonna be completely accurate but i was told long ago about a 80/20 split in life.......you have no control over 80% of what will happen to you in life but the 20% you can control will determine the 80%

Skapoot

Hey OP have you ever looked at people passing you in the street etc?


Theyre not all perfect, beautiful , etc. Some of them are awkward, some look downright silly. Some of them accept themselves. Some of them dont.

The thing is. If staring at other people and judging them is not something you'd normally do. Then I highly doubt many people look at you all the time and judge you!!

Seriously. Most people are so concerned about living their own life that they - to be blunt - dont care about you!

And the ones that do care about what clothes you're wearing and what you're doing - are the airheads that have to put on so much makeup and slutty clothes and straighten their hair just so they can muss it up for the "just out of bed " look.

Or the guys who judge you are nobs.

At the end of the day you should be the one looking at them and going "hang on.... they really are stupid"

As the saying goes - walk a mile in my shoes etc etc. Haha i dont know it but you know what I mean.

Anytime anyone questions my life. Or gives my outfit dodgy looks - in my head I just go "aaahhh **** off". And it effectively lets me walk on with other more important things in my mind! Haha it works for me! May not work for you!:rolleyes:

newbie2009

People are just like you with all their insecurities and doubts. Don't think that you're different in some way.

shellyboo

Jessica-Rabbit wrote: »

yeah shellyboo my attidude is get off ur ass and do something about it.. if u have attidude which YOU seem to have of "oh well its not easy so why bother try" then how on earth do u expect to get anywhere in life.. you have to start accepting who you are by controlling your thoughts and feelings not vise versa .. and tell yourself your going to focus on your strengths not weakness and do things to make you feel better about yourself

thank you

Eh, don't presume to tell me my attitude, thanks very much. Also, I have got places in life and am very happy with myself. I never said the OP shouldn't try either, I was maybe trying to make you see that we're not all as fortunate as to have been born being perfectly happy with who we are. Everybody in the whole world has insecurities, and it's very cruel of you to come on here and slate the OP, who simply does not have your natural self-confidence, with zero sympathy.

My point was that it's not as easy as telling someone to "accept themselves", it takes an awful lot of work for some people to do that. It's all very well to tell someone to "focus on their strengths" but for a lot of people with low self-esteem, they wouldn't be able to list their strengths if you asked them to. So to you that might seem weak and pathetic and sad, but that's reality for some... and a bit of compassion wouldn't go amiss.