shy

neversuitedher

I'm a 20 year old girl and have always been shy. Untill recentally it has'nt really bothered me. Last year when i was college in the first few weeks i was tormented by a over confidend guy who tought he knew it all. I'm the type of peson who doesnt feel the need to talk all the time, when people are in confersations which include just them i dont start interuping, trying to add to situations that i know nothing about or dont concern me. If it was a open disscusion i would pertisapate, but if not i dont fell a need to. This serioulsly bothed this guy and he would comment on my shyness and make me feel even more uncomfortable. One day he pointed out in front of a group that i was obviously unfomforable being in the situation. I was, as i often feel over powered when in a group of confindent people. But i dont know why it bothers people so much? I work with a large group of people who are all young and really confindent and loud. They often comment on my shyness and say it bothers them? Why? I really dont under stand why someone else would be conserned about something that doesnt effect them in any way.

Does someone being shy make you feel uncomfortable or something?

And do you think asking them "why are you so shy" helps them in anyway?

Sorry for this but i really just dont know why people comment on the way i act, of course id love to be as loud as them but unfortuanally im not.

Porkpie

OP,

I'm a little shy too, especially among a big group of people. I wouldn't worry about it too much. I find I'm the one who's always listening and doing little talking in groups. Maybe you come across as disinterested? The main thing is that you listen to what's being said, maintain eye contact, smile when appropriate and look interested. I've heard it said before that when you open your mouth you're not learning. If you can be a good listener that's a great quality. Not everyone is the life and soul of the party. It was wrong of that guy to point out your shyness in front of the group. I'm sure it was embarrassing. I would much prefer a person who's a good listener and talks little than someone who yaps away and loves the sound of their own voice. You said you participate in conversation if you have something to contribute - good! Some people don't know when to shut up!

If people ask why you don't talk more, simply say that you are more interested in hearing what other people have to say, are content enough to listen and only feel like contributing to conversation when you have something worthwhile and relevant to say. And if you like, admit you are shy. So many of us are. Nothing wrong with it!

MyPeopleDrankTheSoup

Guy in college sounds like a w*nker to be honest. What kind of crowd are you hanging out with? Are you sure you're not confusing confident people with annoying, loud and brash people?

Also, a lot of guys find shyness in a girl incredibly hot if that's any consolation!

LegacyUser

That guy is a complete eejit with no tact and having no tact is a major personality flaw in my opinion, being shy isn't. Being loud and brash is often a way of covering up insecurity so i wouldn't for one moment believe that these young people are all brimming with confidence, far from it.

I'm a relatively shy guy but i'm also caring and considerate of other peoples feelings and i value these qualities in myself and other people far above anything else. You are a normal person so don't beat yourself up over other peoples misguided opinions.

I know confident people who are quiet and i know loud people who are racked with insecurity. There is mixture of different personality types amongst my friends and we all bring something to the party. How sad the world would be if we all loved the sound of our own voice to the point missing out on what other people are all about. Take no notice of daft comments.

Theres a saying, "People that matter don't mind and the people that mind, don't matter".

Keep that in mind the next time David Brent offers his opinion on your shyness.

Porkpie

georgiecasey wrote: »

Also, a lot of guys find shyness in a girl incredibly hot if that's any consolation!

Agree 100%. I'd much rather a shy girl than someone who's the life and soul of the party.

LegacyUser

Don't mind your man he's just a twat.

I'm a guy and like you quite shy. If there is a group of people talking I'll often not say a lot and be quite happy to listen. My mates joke about it a bit but its just jokin and they and I know thats just the way I am.

Anyway there is nothing wrong with silence, some people just can't deal with it, they get uncomfortable if there is no talking. I'd quite happy to go for a walk with someone and have there be periods of no talking but most people feel weird in this situation.

"why are you so shy" this question annoys me too its like asking 'why are your eyes blue' they just are.
You could try come back with something like, I'm not shy I just don't think you are worth talking to, although I realise this would take a lot of confidence, I know I wouldn't be able to do it.

Anyway, accept who you are and **** those who don't they are not worth it. There are plenty of other shy people out there they probably just completey avoid group situations.

So be the best you can be i.e. Be yourself

dreadlocks

Honestly distance yourself from those people who ask stupid questions like why are you shy. It they can't accept you for who you are then you should find a group of friends who will. Alot of their conversations are probably inane anyway so why bother contributing?!

claiva

Hi Op,
Hope this helps to explain why people are behaving like that towards you.

Overly confident people are generally hiding their own inadequacies and they find the fact that you are quiet un-nerving. They are assuming that you feel above the conversation or whatever.
Shyness is often mistaken for Aloofness. As you know aloofness is being quiet and uninterested and appearing to be bored. These overly confident people feel threatened by someone who appears aloof and uniterested in them.

That is why they behave like that towards you.
Just laugh it off and say you are quiet and shy but enjoy listening to the banter and will become more vocal the longer you know people.

entropi

And to add further insight to your situation OP, the fact those people feel uncomfortable with your shyness, is that they dont know every facet of your life due to their, for lack of a better word, "nosiness". I used to be quite a shy fella myself, now i grew out of it naturally but know exactly how you feel as that stuff happened to me also. I would ask you to carry on with your life as per usual and things will sort themselves out in time:)

thefeatheredcat

That guy sounds a bit meh... but you sound like a level headed woman who I'm glad smartened up to that guy's behaviour quickly. And people that are too loud that have only self interest are not worth putting up with.


It's people's perceptions that are at fault, not you.

You may not wish to participate in an activity and this would be seen as self-alienating, unwilling to cooperate or muck in on the fun and being of poor social skills.

Some people can be really needy of others in needing a constant interaction, a constant conversation with someone and are puzzled when they meet someone who isn't as needy.

They realise that you don't have that need as urgently as they do and become insecure and their self confidence falls because they realise how needy they are. They realise that you're comfortable in yourself and with yourself.