Mad about her and drove mad because of her

freyners

this is hard for me to talk about.
recently ive bin seeing a girl who most would consider way out of my league. I'm not the most confident type of person, and due to a knee injury, have weight issues too. She is a slim, beautiful girl but that isnt the attraction, she is one of the nicest girls ive ever known, and has a great personality.
However she used to go out with a lad who treated her like **** and ever since, she doesnt want to go out with anyone seriously, i know this cause her sister has told me.
I can handle that, but her definition of "not serious" is her being able to rely on me but still try it with other lads, i know at least two lads who got off with her in the month we've bin doing this
Things came to a head last weekend when she abandoned me to run off after a lad who i know likes her, leavin me on my own. I had a silent explosion and went home. She hasnt text me or anything since, i dont even think she knows how badly i get affected by this.
Thing is, even after all this, i still really care for her, but i dont think that i should keep doing this, because ive never been as angry as i was last weekend
Anyone have any advice for me????????????/

VaioCruiser

Hi OP.

This is not a healthy 'relationship' - You see her as a GF and she sees you as someone to fill in the gaps between her 'encounters'. She knows you are dependent on her and she is in the power position.

If you want to stay like that then continue and be the guy who picks up the crumbs from the table ...

If you want what you deserve, a healthy equal relationship with a GF who wants YOU....then you need to walk away.

I know it's difficult. She is a peach .. but believe me, it's not worth it.

All the best.

tbh

she has been honest with you, time to be honest with yourself. Nothing is going to happen with this girl. You can accept that now, and get on with your life, or you can have her prove it to you over the next year/18 months and get on with your life. The only difference is the world of hurt you'll go through if you pick the option that seems easiest now - i.e. assume that if you stick around long enough, eventually she'll change her mind.

she won't change her mind.

freyners

thanks for the advice
ended it yesterday, hardest thing ive done in a while but probably the best thing in the long term

good thing you ended it.. cant believe ya think she's one of the nicest girls you've ever known tho? sounds like a user tbh

freyners

i suppose put it this way
she was the nicest girl i knew before we started going out!
shes had it hard tho, i dont hold any hard feelings over it.

TimeonmyHands

Ach, you poor wee thing. You've made the right decision...it'll hurt for a while but you will realise your lucky escape.

LegacyUser

First of all , How do you know what her sister says is true?
Why are you even talking about her to her sister?
Why is her sister explaining her actions , and explaining why she does not want to be in a serious relationship.

Sounds like the sister has an acute case of "I don't know how to stop , or how to not interfere in my sisters life! "

_______________________________________

Next thing is , how or why do you know that she "got off" two people in the last month?
Are you just guessing?
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And then the last thing is, you said "but i don't think that i should keep doing this"
Well , what is *this* that your doing?

Are you her friend? Do you guys have a friendship? Is she there for you also? Can you rely on her for friendship?
What do you want from her? If she has been a good friend to you , then there is no reason for you to withdraw your friendship really is there ?

You say you were angry , because she left you alone. Are you afraid of being alone?
Is being alone difficult for you? I guess , nobody likes to be alone.
I don't know what else to advise you , other than , whats the trouble with remaining friends with this girl ?

Have you actually been SEEING This girl in a romantic sense ? And does she know that you guys actually started "going out" ? Or is it possible that she considers you to be just a friend.

freyners

was seein her in the romantic sense oh course
saw the first lad see got off with, was told by a close friend about the second
we were friends before this and we still friendly as well. and i never suggested "withdrawin my friendship" from her, im not scared of that changin either. We agreed to leave it friendly

LegacyUser

So is it all sorted then ?

When you say ... "saw the first lad see got off with" - what do you mean?
that she got off with him in front of your very eyes ! ?

And what does seeing someone in a romantic sense mean these days?

Were you looking at her in a romantic sense , but maybe , she wasn't looking at you in a romantic sense , but in a more platonic way.

Maybe she is completely platonic in her admiration for you?

Beruthiel

freyners wrote: »

ended it yesterday, hardest thing ive done in a while but probably the best thing in the long term

Stay strong and know without doubt you did the right thing.
You deserve to be with someone who will treat you with respect and care for you as much as you do them.

btw - cut ALL contact.
Seeing her while you still have feelings for her will cause you nothing but mental torture and heartache.
It will also delay the healing process.

freyners

i dunno, maybe your right, i cant read her mind:p
tis all sorted, we worked things out and agreed to leave tings friendly, i no that breakin off contact might help more but i dont want to lose a friend as well. thanks for all advice given by everyone, it really helped