really need advice

G86

Hey guys

I guess I'm just looking for some advice here. I'll give you some background info first.

I met my best friend when we were both 13 and we've been friends ever since. We both had family problems growing up and I think that's partly why we clicked so well, we understood each other. We became even closer as we got older and especially when we both came out of long term relationships a few years ago. I don't trust many people but she's one of the few people I know I can rely on for anything and I love her so much, she's like a sister to me and I'd do anything for her..I really would. She was even meant to come to my Grad ceremony this year with my Aunty, because if it wasn't for them I'd never have got through the last year of college - they both mean to world to me.

When she split up with her ex she moved back home for a while, but the thing is that she's still there. Her mum has problems with depression and my friend has ended up staying out of guilt from what I can see. She doesn't want to leave her younger sister on her own and she doesn't know if her mum can cope. She bought a car last year, but her mum has been using it even though my friend is paying the insurance, and now as her mum needs the car to get to work my friend can't sell it to get the money she needs to move out. She's living in the middle of the country and there really is nothing for her there.

I've never pushed her to move or anything though, because I think it was to be her own decision, but she's not happy there. Her degree is of no use really to her now in the recession as the area is extremely hard to get into. She talked about doing a masters but is having difficulty getting into a course or deciding where she wants to go. I personally think she should do a masters in an unrelated subject, but again it's her decision to make.

I'd love her to move to Dublin and she's been talking about it for a while, but she just can't gather the money together and she's worried about her Mum. I understand that, but I just want her to do something for her for a change, you know? She's always thinking about other people.

Anyway, it was her birthday today. I called her Sunday as I hadn't heard from her all week and was really concerned, but no answer. I was really worried so called non stop til yesterday evening when she text; she told me that she wanted to be on her own and basically that she thinks that none of her friends give a **** about her and only take pity on her and that she's better off alone. I tried so hard to talk to her but she just wouldn't listen or reply.

I text her today and said I'd get a bus Sat at 9 and would be there for 1 if she'd meet me in town to talk, but that I've have to travel back that evening. But she called me and went ballistic at me. She said that I'm completely insensitive and that I shouldn't have been taking about my college results when I know she only got a third and is having trouble getting into a masters. I honestly never ever meant to upset her, it's just I've worked so hard this year I was really happy get the results I wanted. She thinks that I (or any of her friends) don't give a crap about her and she thinks that I never tell her what I really think about her. She thinks that I think that she's not going anywhere in life. It's really not true, she's so so intelligent pretty, funny and so caring - and I would never ever think anything like that, she's an amazing person. I've told her in the past that if she's unhappy then she should move, so it's not like I don't tell her what I think, but she loves her mother and I didn't have that kind of relationship with mine so I can't judge her actions at all.

She told me that everyone comes to her with their problems and no one cares how she feels. I told her it was really insulting for her to say that because I care about her so much, but she just said 'oh there you go it's all about you again'. I told her that I can't help when she doesn't tell me whats wrong; she says this has been building up for a while, but how was I to know when she didn't tell me. I feel sick right now, she means so so much to me, I don't have that many people that I'm as close to and if I lose my best friend it's going to break my heart.

Everyone's telling me to wait and it'll blow over, but we've never fallen out like this, not once in 13 years and I'm sitting in work here crying like a fool over it. But I can't help it, I feel like she thinks I've let her down, and maybe I have - I just don't know. I mean I've been thinking and maybe me talking about things happening in my life gets her down, maybe I'm not sensitive enough about what I do and don't say, I just don't know how to make things better

I'm after getting a text from her there now saying she's sorry and that she's not herself, that she's going to see the doctor this week...so that's something...

humanji

It sounds like she's suffering from depression. Seeing a doctor is a start. The only thing you can really do is tell her that you're there for her if she wants to talk and leave it with her.

snowy2008

go down to see her on saturday and give her a huge big hug, your a brilliant friend and just go down and show her how much she means to you, dont be crying pet, you know she cares about you but when were upset the closest to us get the backlash, why dont you write her a letter she can read when you leave her and you can tell her what she means to you and all the good things she has in her life, hows that?