Underage and Pregnant

pookie82

Just wondering if anyone else is watching this series? Truly scary stuff.

Tonight's episode features a girl who has wanted a baby ever since she had dolls as a kid. She begged her mum to have a baby for years and when she realised her mum was past childbearing age, vowed to have her own as soon as possible. Her boyfriend is 19, unemployed, and suffers from depression. The girl still smokes ten a day and has had to give up her ADHD medication due to the pregnancy. Even though her parents tried to ban her from having sex with her boyfriend, they used to go to the beach or down the back of the field behind the house to have sex. They tried for a baby for 18 months.

Her older sister was pregnant at 16 and she hated her for ages for "getting there first". She hasn't been to school for two years.

I'm just sitting here in shock. This girl and her boyfriend genuinely think that having a baby is going to be the best thing that could ever happen to them.

One thing I've noticed about almost all of the episodes in this series is that all of the girls featured come from families where their siblings/cousins have all had kids at 15/16, many, if not all, without a partner who has stuck around. Instead of this fact deterring them (presumably they've seen how tough it is to have a baby) it makes them want one even more. it's like a badge of honour. I often thought girls like this just craved love and attention which perhaps they hadn't gotten as a kid, but her family seems loving and supportive.

Just wondering why this happens, where society went so wrong ... does anyone else think this is nuts?? Yes I understand it's a natural instinct to want a baby, but without the life experience or means or money to do so... it just seems so foolish and selfish. There's no getting through to these girls either. They are hell bent on becoming young mums, whatever the cost.

Thoughts??

(p.s. I missed the age of the girl at the beginning but she looks to be about 15 or 16).

TelePaul

Just a socio-cultural norm in certain societies I suppose.

DancingQueen:)

Yeah i'm watching it too and agree with all of your points. She started trying when she was 14 and it took eighteen months to get pregnant but i'm not sure if she's 15 or 16.
I'm shocked watching this girl and her parents not doing enough to stop it at the start. I'm older than her but i know if i said i wanted a baby at that age my mam and dad would put me in my place sharpish.
I can't believe she still smokes either. I do feel sorry for her in a way missing out on being a teenager but if it's what she wants ..

pookie82

Still watching it here. The boyfriend has just split up with her weeks before the birth because his depression is too overwhelming to cope with it.

It just gets worse and worse.

esharknz

What channel is this on? I'm intrigued...

pookie82

BBC 3. It's just over now.

esharknz

Found it on youtube!

pookie82

It's a series, it's been on for a few weeks now I think.

Novella

I haven't actually seen this. I have heard about it though and meant to watch it.

I dunno.
The girl obviously suffers from mental health issues so it's pretty hard for anyone to condemn her or whatever, 'cause it's impossible for us to understand what she is going through. I think sometimes, when being depressed, you can start to think that certain things will make your life better. She may have felt isolated and thought that if she had a baby she would have someone to love her etc.

Of course, it's awful that she's pregnant so young but it sounds to me like this particular case has underlying factors (her mental status) rather than it being a case of something to do with society.

Statistically, the rate of teenage pregnancy in England has actually fallen since 1998, by about 12%.

SLUSK

I thought Irish law required teenagers to get pregnant

Anna Molly

I've been watching it here and there,
it's a joke some of these.
The girls give out about their parents or the baby daddy for not taking care of the child, it's insane. As if it is the job of GRANNY to take care of THEIR child, it bugs me to no end.
There are some good stories, that twin that got pregnant just after her 14th birthday, I mean, she has made the best out of her situation; they both attend school and her mom looks after the baby only then. They're still together and seem really happy. It's not all that bad!:D

tatabubbly

This sounds intriging, i'm off to find it.

Personally, my mum had us fairly young and seen as 3 of us are past 17 we are out of teenage pregnancy horror for her...

Tuesday_Girl

There's something very wrong when a girl starts "trying for a baby" at 14. Then add in ADHD, smoking 10 cigarettes a day, having left school 2 years ago, a teenage sister who already has a baby and a depressive and unemployed boyfriend, it's a pretty dire situation from our perspective but it was all her dreams come true and the happiest day of her life

Orla K

I seen this tread and watched 3 episodes and ended up dreaming that I gave birth:rolleyes: and to make it worse in the dream I was being kicked out of where I was living. I should not stay up and watch things like this, that dream was horrible.

rannerap

was watching this as well,was a bit shocking but its socially accepted now really,if her family/government werent supporting i doubt she would have been in such a rush,i was always told by my mam that she would absolutely kill me if i got pregnant at a young age!

Malari

Orla K wrote: »

I seen this tread and watched 3 episodes and ended up dreaming that I gave birth:rolleyes: and to make it worse in the dream I was being kicked out of where I was living. I should not stay up and watch things like this, that dream was horrible.

I dreamed that too last night, even though I didn't see this programme! Horrible dream, very upsetting

panda100

Razzle wrote: »

There's something very wrong when a girl starts "trying for a baby" at 14.

Is there?

Surely this is the optimum time for a women to have a baby? Young, fertile with new and exciting hormones emerging that means your body is ready for sex and to handle motherhood.
Its societal and financial pressures that makes it 'very wrong' for a 14 year old to have a baby.

Perhaps the unnatural thing is for a 14 year old to be sitting at a desk all day studying books instead of experiencing life?

Just throwing this out there........

pookie82

panda100 wrote: »

Is there?

Surely this is the optimum time for a women to have a baby? Young, fertile with new and exciting hormones emerging that means your body is ready for sex and to handle motherhood.
Its societal and financial pressures that makes it 'very wrong' for a 14 year old to have a baby.

Perhaps the unnatural thing is for a 14 year old to be sitting at a desk all day studying books instead of experiencing life?

Just throwing this out there........

Well I wasn't speaking in a vacuum. It's the societal and finacial pressures that made me write the post in the first place. I admitted that while it's natural to want a baby as a woman, it's not advisable to do so without having the maturity and sense to kick your smoking habit, for a start. Or to choose to have it without having the means or education to provide for it. The girl in question had issues far beyond the norm (including ADHD and anger problems) which meant that a baby could only add to her grievances, not dispell them. Her partner was no where near ready to become a dad and even paniced and left her weeks before her due date.

I got the feeling throughout the whole thing that she just wanted a little doll. She even mentioned that she was dying to dress it up. This is not merely a case of a well thought out and mature decision (to have a baby at 14) being ridiculed because society says she shouldn't be a mum due to her age. In fact, society seems to have no problem with it. She was surrounded by young mums.

I think it's advisable to wait until you can at least put its food on the table.

minidazzler

Babys having babys is one of the biggest shames in todays society IMO.

SeekUp

panda100 wrote: »

Surely this is the optimum time for a women to have a baby? Young, fertile with new and exciting hormones emerging that means your body is ready for sex and to handle motherhood.
Its societal and financial pressures that makes it 'very wrong' for a 14 year old to have a baby.

Perhaps the unnatural thing is for a 14 year old to be sitting at a desk all day studying books instead of experiencing life?

Just throwing this out there........

Oooooooooh, controversial!!

Even back in the day, wouldn't 14 still be a bit on the youngish side? 16, definitely, but 14? I dunno.

In any case, I'd have a big problem with the idea that it's preferable for a 14-year-old to be "experiencing life" rather than sitting at a desk studying all day. Not because I think it's particularly natural (but what part of our daily lives in the 21st century western world is natural?), but because the demands of the world are such that the important thing for a 14-year-old to do now is get an education -- including gathering knowledge from books. The dynamics of families and family planning is different. Life expectancies are longer, we're fortunate to have the option of various types of birth control, we don't need children to help around the homestead . . . added to the fact that children/adolescents/teens don't have to grow up as fast as they used to, I mean . . . I'd rather a 14-year-old be sitting at a desk, personally.

And why does "experiencing life" necessarily mean having a child?

Plus . . . I don't think that handling sex and handling motherhood are the same at all.

Fugly

I've seen a few of these shows, nearly all of the girls seemed to lack something positive in their lives, they focused on the "I'll be a mother" no interest in education, or doing something with their lives or at least trying to create a stable environment in which to have a child.

There was also a lack of parenting, their parents either said have sex if you want or don't have sex, with no sex ed. given, and by sex ed. I don't simply mean "use a condom", I mean an indepth discussion of the emotional/physical ramifications of sex/pregnancy.

Some of the girls returned to education, but in a previous episode I saw a mother and baby class, where the girls were discussing who in their school had gotten pregnant/miscarried/had a termination. :eek: shocking the amount of girls they listed off the top of their heads. And it seemed there was an attitude of peer pressure within the schools.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Razzle
There's something very wrong when a girl starts "trying for a baby" at 14.

Is there?

Surely this is the optimum time for a women to have a baby? Young, fertile with new and exciting hormones emerging that means your body is ready for sex and to handle motherhood.
Its societal and financial pressures that makes it 'very wrong' for a 14 year old to have a baby.

Perhaps the unnatural thing is for a 14 year old to be sitting at a desk all day studying books instead of experiencing life?

Just throwing this out there........

NO, 14 is not the optimum age to have a child, she is either entering or in the midst of puberty. Aside from the financial and psychological ways in which she is unequiped to cope fully with having a child, in biological aspects it is "wrong" for a 14 yr old girl to have a child. Biologically speaking the optimum age for pregnancy is ~23.
How on earth you can even suggest a 14 yr girl, who's hips haven't fully widened yet to fully accomdate the birth, is the right age to have a child really indicates to me, you are either trolling or lack any understanding of the concept of childhood, puberty and pregnancy.

pookie82

Fugly wrote: »

I've seen a few of these shows, nearly all of the girls seemed to lack something positive in their lives, they focused on the "I'll be a mother" no interest in education, or doing something with their lives or at least trying to create a stable environment in which to have a child.

There was also a lack of parenting, their parents either said have sex if you want or don't have sex, with no sex ed. given, and by sex ed. I don't simply mean "use a condom", I mean an indepth discussion of the emotional/physical ramifications of sex/pregnancy.

Some of the girls returned to education, but in a previous episode I saw a mother and baby class, where the girls were discussing who in their school had gotten pregnant/miscarried/had a termination. :eek: shocking the amount of girls they listed off the top of their heads. And it seemed there was an attitude of peer pressure within the schools.




NO, 14 is not the optimum age to have a child, she is either entering or in the midst of puberty. Aside from the financial and psychological ways in which she is unequiped to cope fully with having a child, in biological aspects it is "wrong" for a 14 yr old girl to have a child. Biologically speaking the optimum age for pregnancy is ~23.
How on earth you can even suggest a 14 yr girl, who's hips haven't fully widened yet to fully accomdate the birth, is the right age to have a child really indicates to me, you are either trolling or lack any understanding of the concept of childhood, puberty and pregnancy.

Some girls are not developed enough to have a child at fourteen/would have severe difficulty giving birth, despite having periods and sex. Others are very well developed even at that age and would have no physical trouble at all. Whether they would have psychological trouble is another story. It's not necessarily psychologically damaging if you've been brought up in a culture where you're married off at this age and this is deemed perfectly stable and acceptable. Centuries ago it was definitely the norm, difficulty or not. I'm not saying it's biologically not natural, just not really natural by way of reason.

Ps. Panda 100 is a regular contributor to these forums and usually has something very interesting to add to conversations. A troll she aint.

Novella

Realistically speaking, teenagers who get pregnant either know exactly what they are doing and intend to have a child or they haven't been correctly educated (or educated at all) about contraception. I don't think it's all that shocking. Teenagers have been having babies forever so there's no question that there is a problem with todays' society, in my mind anyway.

bambera

Is that Sonya from eastenders doin the voice over?

DancingQueen:)

Yeah i'm pretty sure it is.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

There was one girl on a couple weeks ago, fifteenish, smoking a cigarette. Documentary crew asked her was she afraid of the pain of labour and she replied along the lines of

"Well I was, but then I asked one of my friends and she says it's a bit like getting your stomach pumped except a bit worse, so that's okay"

So she was fifteen, a smoker, pregnant, obviously had no idea of what labour was actually going to be like, and she knew what it felt like to get her stomach pumped, it was really depressing to watch

Orla K

Oh god I've just found the episode that was on last night on you tube. 11 seconds in and I'm already shocked, she's dressing the cat in baby clothes! and to make it worse the cat isn't scratching her eyes out

pookie82

Jasiah Poor Varsity wrote: »

There was one girl on a couple weeks ago, fifteenish, smoking a cigarette. Documentary crew asked her was she afraid of the pain of labour and she replied along the lines of

"Well I was, but then I asked one of my friends and she says it's a bit like getting your stomach pumped except a bit worse, so that's okay"

So she was fifteen, a smoker, pregnant, obviously had no idea of what labour was actually going to be like, and she knew what it felt like to get her stomach pumped, it was really depressing to watch

Yep, that's pretty indicative of the type of things they come out with on this show. It's genuinely distressing.

pookie82

Orla K wrote: »

Oh god I've just found the episode that was on last night on you tube. 11 seconds in and I'm already shocked, she's dressing the cat in baby clothes! and to make it worse the cat isn't scratching her eyes out

Oh I know, i freaked out when I saw that too. Pretty obvious what she wants a baby for from the start.

pookie82

Novella wrote: »

Realistically speaking, teenagers who get pregnant either know exactly what they are doing and intend to have a child or they haven't been correctly educated (or educated at all) about contraception. I don't think it's all that shocking. Teenagers have been having babies forever so there's no question that there is a problem with todays' society, in my mind anyway.

Well it was more the circumstances into which teenagers are willing to bring a child that shocked me, the lack of maturity that comes alongside the one thing you need more maturity than anything else to partake in. I realise that it's very common to become pregnant as a teenager and it's certainly not all bad. But this show is focusing deliberately on the most shocking and distressing instances of teenage pregnancy in Britain and the absolute inability of the parents to be to make a rational decision about a cup of tea, let alone a baby.

Novella

pookie82 wrote: »

Well it was more the circumstances into which teenagers are willing to bring a child that shocked me, the lack of maturity that comes alongside the one thing you need more maturity than anything else to partake in. I realise that it's very common to become pregnant as a teenager and it's certainly not all bad. But this show is focusing deliberately on the most shocking and distressing instances of teenage pregnancy in Britain and the absolute inability of the parents to be to make a rational decision about a cup of tea, let alone a baby.

Yeah, but it isn't just teenagers who are making disgraceful parents, they are just the one's getting all the publicity! Jeez, it sounds like I'm an advocate of teenage pregnancy! I'm not, it's just there are plenty of thirty somethings getting pregnant who can't support a child, who smoke throughout the pregnancy etc etc!

Abi

I read the title in a Scottish accent - Pragnant :pac:

Novella wrote: »

Yeah, but it isn't just teenagers who are making disgraceful parents, they are just the one's getting all the publicity! Jeez, it sounds like I'm an advocate of teenage pregnancy! I'm not, it's just there are plenty of thirty somethings getting pregnant who can't support a child, who smoke throughout the pregnancy etc etc!

Teenage pregnancies are looked down upon, without a doubt. But as you point out, there are parents that escape the pointed finger due to their age, and thats not right either. I didn't see the programme brought up by the OP, but Electrobitchs' post was some eye opener. I understand that a teenagers peers influence their attitudes greatly, but while this is happening some parents are under the misunderstanding that their hard work is done - this is just not the case. In fact, more than ever they need to keep up with them and their attitudes towards changes in their lives. Once a parent, always a parent.

Malari

Abigayle wrote: »

I read the title in a Scottish accent - Pragnant :pac:

Can't get that out of my head either. I'm reading it with a scummy Belfast accent every time I see it. "Aye, I got pragnent, so I did"

pookie82

Malari wrote: »

Can't get that out of my head either. I'm reading it with a scummy Belfast accent every time I see it. "Aye, I got pragnent, so I did"

Lol, sorry about that! Didn't even notice it til now

Hrududu

In fairness not all of them were that bad. The one twin from a few weeks back seemed to have her head screwed on. Her boyfriend was living in the family home with them. Big support network around them. And both of them seemed to realise what the child needed.

minidazzler

Novella wrote: »

Realistically speaking, teenagers who get pregnant either know exactly what they are doing and intend to have a child or they haven't been correctly educated (or educated at all) about contraception. I don't think it's all that shocking. Teenagers have been having babies forever so there's no question that there is a problem with todays' society, in my mind anyway.

Or they get absolutely trashed one night and don´t care about a condom, sure it´s unlikely they will get pregnant.

This is what happens around my area a fair bit, and weirdly enough happened me a couple of days ago, girl I was kissing on a lanzarote beach asked me did I have a condom, I said no, she said "Ah, we´ll be grand sure" Needless to say I did not have sex with her.

I don´t see how someone can want a baby at such a young age, I am 20 and good with kids, but I don´t want them at this age. Do these kids not realise that they are not in a good position to take care of a child?

They haven´t made enough mistakes to try to prevent their kids making those mistakes.