Morbid Fascination?

LegacyUser

Hi all. A few months back my dad unfortunately passed away. It happened at a hugely inconvenient time for me (not that any time would ever be convenient for me!) and it was a huge personal setback. I was absolutely devastated and have attended counselling since, and consider myself to have dealt with this.

However, in more recent weeks I have found myself in various situations chatting up women etc., where I cannot help feeling the need to mention the fact. It isnt like I actively steer conversations towards the topic of my dads death, but it seems to always end up there, and unsurprisingly is a major turnoff as I would normally be chatting up said women in a nightclub etc where they are out to have a good time. I was wondering if anyone has had similar experiences, or even if anyone has been the same and managed to stop acting in this way?

Obviously I dont want to forget about my dad and any memories I have of him, but I am beginning to fear that my relationship with him, and thereby my focus on his death, are having a detrimental effect on my ability to form new relationships with people. Any advice/observations would be greatly appreciated, and sorry for the essay!!

tbh

give it time. You're still processing it, and processing it throws up strange quirkes. I remember when my nana died, my own "morbid fascination" was wondering what stage her body was in. Even tho it upset me to think about it, I couldn't help it. It passed, and so will this.

Sorry to hear about your Dad, RIP,

LegacyUser

Is there any more information you can give,background info.
what do you say to these women?? I could probably help more if you could share that.

pawrick

I found myself doing the same one night near the anniversary of my dad's death - talking about things on your mind like this can ease it and help you work through it better. That said it's not something which you should focus on and do a lot of - if it's something which you keep doing maybe you need to talk to someone who is a close friend.

The_Conductor

While you have attended counselling to come to terms with your father's death, and you may feel that you have to terms with it, to a certain degree- you really should explore further sessions. Its very obviously on your mind and your subconscious, and you need to learn how to come to an acceptance with what has happened. You have not yet reached that point at this time.

miec

Hi Op

No offence but there is no way you have come to terms with your dad's death, I'm sorry to sound so absolute here, but like you I lost a family member and it take at least two years before I could come to terms with their death, and yes, I went through the morbid fascination aspect, you may want to on a conscious level get on with your life, ie: go on like you did before but I don't think you can now, sadly there is a huge gap in your life and I believe that you are saying this to new people you meet as a way of letting them know on a subconscious level that you are grieving, it sounds to me that you like the idea of forming new relationships but emotionally you are unable to at present, give it time and I would suggest more counselling as it is a long, drawn out process. Good luck with it and give yourself time to heal.

VaioCruiser

Hi OP ... I agree with the advice above.

Who are you able to talk about this with ? brothers/sisters ? family ?

It sounds like you haven't had time to work through it... by talking about it and talking about it. We all have to grieve and the best way is to have people to talk about our lost one .. our feelings .. old stories .. etc. That is what we do ... our home made counseling system .. the family.

All the best

LegacyUser

You say you discuss this with women you are chatting up?

So you enjoy the caring attention you receive?

Is it that you enjoy the tlc? Or does it give you an advantage?

I wouldn't worry about it too much. We all 'share' with strangers in pubs or even (especially?) on dates... you are probably just still processing as above posters say. Just be careful you're not getting stuck in a female-sympathy-feedback-loop, where its become part of your getting laid routine.

Sorry to be crude, its just my ex-husband's mother died when he was eight... you can imagine how many women that helped him shag... til 'soft touch' here married him... and he still had his 'issues' ("How dare you criticise me for leaving used toothpicks in the caserole dish... you don't know what its like to grow up parentless, do you?")

I'm being facetious, in a year or so you won't be doing this, its just part of the process, and I'm sure you're making the ol' fella proud ;-)