Meeting your lover through friends

AKfortyjimbob

Im very PO'd that 90% of relationships happen through mutual friends. The problem is that i moved to another country a few years ago, and although i have some good friends here, they are only about 5 or 6.
The last few girls ive been with ( few and far between) have been through these few mates i have.

The last 50 or so girls ive tried to chat up that were complete strangers, 99% turned me down. The last 5 girls ive hit on that i knew through a buddy, 0% of them turned me down.

What is up with the necessity for mutual friendships for a relationship to happen. I hate that, because i just dont know that many people.

In fact I see girls with scrawny wimps for boyfriends, and they are only together because the scrawny wimp with his 5 inch biceps happens to know another scrawny wimp in a ralph lauren shirt who knows the girl, so he can chat her up without looking like hes trying to get some! Whereas i have to actually approach a girl i dont know, act funny, charming, cool, confident, nonchalant and all the while trying to make conversation.And the whole time the girl will think " hes only being nice cos he wants sex" ( which isnt true i would kill to have a long term relationship.

I know i should join some sports club to meet people, but im already busy enough with boxing and working out at an intensive level , that i dont really have the energy or time to join some college sports society to meet people.

I guess my problem is that the really good friends i have spend their time playing sports on a high level which means they dont go out much.

Im very frustrated.
Sorry for ranting, im really not a A hole like i may come across in this post

puglover

AKfortyjimbob wrote: »

Im very PO'd that 90% of relationships happen through mutual friends. The problem is that i moved to another country a few years ago, and although i have some good friends here, they are only about 5 or 6.
The last few girls ive been with ( few and far between) have been through these few mates i have.

The last 50 or so girls ive tried to chat up that were complete strangers, 99% turned me down. The last 5 girls ive hit on that i knew through a buddy, 0% of them turned me down.

What is up with the necessity for mutual friendships for a relationship to happen. I hate that, because i just dont know that many people.

In fact I see girls with scrawny wimps for boyfriends, and they are only together because the scrawny wimp with his 5 inch biceps happens to know another scrawny wimp in a ralph lauren shirt who knows the girl, so he can chat her up without looking like hes trying to get some! Whereas i have to actually approach a girl i dont know, act funny, charming, cool, confident, nonchalant and all the while trying to make conversation.And the whole time the girl will think " hes only being nice cos he wants sex" ( which isnt true i would kill to have a long term relationship.

I know i should join some sports club to meet people, but im already busy enough with boxing and working out at an intensive level , that i dont really have the energy or time to join some college sports society to meet people.

I guess my problem is that the really good friends i have spend their time playing sports on a high level which means they dont go out much.

Im very frustrated.
Sorry for ranting, im really not a A hole like i may come across in this post

I don't think that's true tbh. I've had 3 long term boyfriends and lots of other guys that I would've dated for a bit and I'd say I met about 75% by myself definitely the current beau and 2 other long termers.

If you don't have the time to make more friends quite frankly I don't see how you would have the time to have a relationship.

AKfortyjimbob

I do have the time i just dont have the ability to join some college sports thing to make more friends, cos im all sported out, so to speak. And i cant really think of any other college society things where i would meet people other than sports activities.
There must be other activities, i just cant think of them.

puglover

I'm presuming you are in college. How about getting involved in the students union etc. or being friendly with your class mates? When I was in college there were social event every second week, and it still seems to be pretty much the same. It shouldn't be that hard.

Ickle Magoo

I think it's less about having a person in common & more about having lots of other things in common - and being attracted to each other, of course.

If you have few friends and no time for any other activity - and are having little joy with hitting on randomers then I'm not sure what you can do other than make more time for other activities - have a look at your college noticeboard for clubs or ask the admin what formal clubs have been formed - or set one up yourself...a dating club maybe?

AKfortyjimbob

Hmm that would be great... mayhaps ill check out students union. Theres some student initiatives that organize business conventions and stuff like that, but they are more work than play. Still worth a try i guess.

im not in college in Ireland, and there really arent that many social things at my uni sadly.

I guess ill leave my bubble of mates in class and sit with some other people. Maybe find some cute nerdy girl to study with

LegacyUser

In fact I see girls with scrawny wimps for boyfriends, and they are only together because the scrawny wimp with his 5 inch biceps happens to know another scrawny wimp in a ralph lauren shirt who knows the girl, so he can chat her up without looking like hes trying to get some! Whereas i have to actually approach a girl i dont know, act funny, charming, cool, confident, nonchalant and all the while trying to make conversation.And the whole time the girl will think " hes only being nice cos he wants sex" ( which isnt true i would kill to have a long term relationship.

I think you'd wanna check that attitude for a start. Relevance of size of guys biceps ? Maybe the girl likes the 'scrawny wimp' - has that occurred to you ? Maybe bicep size isn't actually all that important to alot of girls ?? And if its all that much effort to talk to the girl - why bother ? She's gonna notice the effort your putting in.

That said - if you are all sported out. Try taking a language class, salsa dancing hmmm i'm sure there's tonnes more stuff you could do

MojoMaker

lol. I thnk we can all see from your references to physicality exactly why you're single OP

You can work on the body all you want, but ultimately it's the mind that will land the mate.

prinz

Unregistered wrote: »

I think you'd wanna check that attitude for a start. Relevance of size of guys biceps ? Maybe the girl likes the 'scrawny wimp' - has that occurred to you ? Maybe bicep size isn't actually all that important to alot of girls ?? And if its all that much effort to talk to the girl - why bother ? She's gonna notice the effort your putting in.

MojoMaker wrote: »

lol. I thnk we can all see from your references to physicality exactly why you're single OP .

tbh that definitely struck me too. Sounds to me like you're working out and have the body and whatnot and you're wondering why the girls aren't fawning all over you without any effort on your part. (a) Just because the fella on the creatine tub has a lithe young one hanging off his arm doesn't mean that's real life. (b) Get out and meet people. tbh sounds to me like you're making 0 effort and waiting for girls to come to you.

Ive never had a gf that I met through mutual friends. All my own work.

boarddotie

AKfortyjimbob wrote: »

In fact I see girls with scrawny wimps for boyfriends, and they are only together because the scrawny wimp with his 5 inch biceps happens to know another scrawny wimp in a ralph lauren shirt who knows the girl, so he can chat her up without looking like hes trying to get some!

Scrawny = Whimp
I happen to like them scrawny :cool:

Reflector

AKfortyjimbob wrote: »

( which isnt true i would kill to have a long term relationship.)

Classic, you should say this to them and see how they react.

Anyway although you may be genuine 99% of blokes that hassle the ladies are arseholes so they just brush them all aside even if they are nice. But if you get a stamp of approval from a mate then that lets her defence down and she is willing to talk to you. Also having massive biceps isn't the only requirement. Irish people aren't really a dating culture. If you ask girls, how many would go out with a stranger if he just came up and asked her out?.