Why can't I feel the pain?

LegacyUser

Im not going to drag this out short and sweet of it is I was with a gambler for along time.Starw broke the camel back a few months ago and I say good rid.Problem is Im not upset or feeling anything towards him or the relationship.Like the whole 10 yrs are just deleted from my head.Is this normal?I keep waiting to get upset.Im broke but Ive never been happier living on my own does this make any sort of sense?Thank for the input

MissFlitworth

Sometimes when you've been dealing with a lot of horrible cr*p for a long time in a relationship (especially when an addiction is involved) you can be relatively numb to things when it winds up. (Doesn't mean you didn't love the person if that's something that would worry you). Sometimes it's the absence of having to be constantly worried and afraid more than anything else, you just don't know how to feel when that's gone.

There's no 'normal' way to deal with the end of a really troubled relationship and moving on with your life so don't be stressing yourself out thinking that the way you're feeling isn't normal. If there's a support group in place for the relatives and friends of people who gambling addictions (like al-anon or narc-anon for families and friends of people affected by alcohol and drug addictions) then consider getting in touch and going to a few meetings, it's sometimes a massive relief to talk to people in the same position as yourself and it's a good plan to have a support system in place in case you do get hit by grief or sadness or anger further down the line

bambera

Sounds like what your feeling is a sense of relief. You dont have to put up any longer with what he was doing and a giant weight has probably been lifted off your shoulders. Enjoy your new found freedom.

P.s. Don't let this affect your next relationship, whenever that may be. Hopefully the next one will treat you alot better.

Oh The Humanity

I think its the mind's reaction to years of coping with the unpredictability of living with someone with an addiction. You have lived through a time where you may have had to be on high alert all the time and mop up a lot of his complex messes on a daily basis as well as remaining highly functional yourself....what others view as extremely painful perhaps became just routine for you.

So, now perhaps all you feel is relief. Also after years of being 'hypervigilant' for the next crisis, it is strange that nothing happens. Normality is strange.

You might find you never cry and shrug off supposedly stressful things as nothing to worry about. Other people may feel you are cold or tough but I think its just that the mind can only take so much so learns to disconnect from hurtful stimuli.

I am totally speculating here so apologies if I am way off the mark. I spent years with an alcoholic and I am quite disconnected from pain etc just as you decribe. I don't cry and take crisis and stress as a matter of course. Stressful or hurtful events would not provoke an instant reaction in me. Rather my brain would take in the facts and I would robotically go about trying to sort it out rather than feel it emotionally.

So, I dont exactly feel its a numbness but rather you may keep pain, discomfort and misfortune at arms length as your brain may no longer be able to cope with allowing it in.

I don't think this is a harmful way to be,but rather a legacy left over from your years with the gambler.

Are you worried all the pain is "in the post"and will come and destroy you later?

LegacyUser

Seems to me you are happy to be rid. Don't feel guilty about not having sad feelings after the break up. Obviously he gave you a hard time and life is better now without him. What's to feel sad about? Maybe you are feeling a sense of peace and you are not used to that feeling so are questioning it. Enjoy it girl! All the best in finding somebody new in the future that truly deserves you.