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How to be tactful?

  • 19-08-2009 5:10pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Ok so back in January i moved in with my friend/work colleage. We've always been good mates and we're pretty similar so it seemed like a good plan and it has worked out really well on all accounts except for one thing. His boyfriend. I am single and I actually get on great with both of them but he has practically moved this guy in. I get up in the morning and am thinking i'm alone in the place running down to grab a bra out of the dryer and i hear him coughing and get the fright of my life. We work opposite hours and this boyfriend tends to be in the apartment a lot without my friend. Watching TV, using the oven, taking a shower etc.

    Now, my friend is a bit of a slob and i've become used to cleaning up after him, but i really resent cleaning up over the 2 of them...i don't wanna cause a rift, especially as my friend is kinda sensitive. Should i just grin and bear?


Comments

  • #2
    Novella
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,713 ✭✭✭✭Novella


    OP, that isn't on at all. His boyfriend is not paying rent and therefore should not be there all the time. It is not his home, it's yours. You should bring this up with your friend before the situation gets out of hand. If you let it go on for too long, your friend will think that you don't have a problem and hence, when you do eventually get sick of it, he'll wonder why you never said it previously.

    Ask him can the two of you have dinner together one night or something and then casually bring it up. Say "I really like your boyfriend, I think he's great but he is spending a lot of time here and tbh, it's bothering me" etc. It's better to get these things out in the open because if you let it build up, you will become more frustrated and possibly blurt it out in a way that could be hurtful and cause a rift in your friendship.

    Best of luck :)


  • #3
    prinz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,598 ✭✭✭✭prinz


    Tactful? I think the time for tact may have come and gone on this one OP. Your friend is, I take it, an adult? Why are you cleaning up after him? The bf should not be in the place a lot when your friend isn't around. That's a fairly big no no in my book. A couple of times, ok let it slide... frequently then that's not on at all. Tbh I think the two of them are taking advantage of the situation and of you and if I were you I wouldn't be slow about calling a halt, neither would I be worried about tact at this stage.

    Tell them to clean up after themselves ffs, oh and by the way if your buddy there wouldn't mind coughing up a share of the money for bills etc...


  • #4
    JonathanAnon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,718 ✭✭✭✭JonathanAnon


    yeah tough one this. I was in the same situation with a friend of mine before. He moved his girlfriend in, not quite to the same extent, but she wasnt paying rent and it pissed off the rest of the people in the house. They moved out after a while, which meant that the situation resolved itself, but I was getting a lot of heat from the other flatmates at the time (as I was closest to the guy and expected to raise the issue).

    To be honest it's gonna be awkward. Because what you are suggesting is that either a) the lad pays rent or b) he doesnt come round as much, either of which is gonna piss them off. But you have to say something. It's his fault for putting you in this situation, but raising the issue may well end up in him getting insulted and moving out. Either way I think you HAVE to raise the issue, or they will both continue to walk all over you.


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