A frustrating one-sided friendship but I love him.

door

I am in college and began making friends with a guy in my year about a year ago. He's five years younger than me. It just happened that one day he started chatting to me when I was on my own one day, which was kind of strange because he doesn't talk to everybody and is very selective of who he talks to, as he appears shy and soft. We hardly said two words in 1st year and I didn't find myself having any desire to get to know him. I am very different to him. He is slightly camp and feminine while I would be very masculine. He is very confident despite carrying off a shy image where its the reverse for me. He does what he wants and goes for it without hesitance where I'm the sort who ends up avoiding doing something out of fear.

He frequently comes running to me in the mornings of college, constantly texts me and will always PM me on facebook. However, despite this overwhelming attention I get from him there seems to be a huge distance between us. We don't socialise outstide of college despite my attempts, asking him to cinema which was met with an excuse. Our only contact is text and facebook. His conversations are mostly about what he does or what he going to be doing.

Our conversations have always been superifical and trivial for the last year but I have really enjoyed the small talk just because its him. This is where I realised I was attracted to him and began to let out my well concealed homosexuality. I couldn't study because of my feelings and its all that went through my mind day after day. I finally told him I was gay but it was like he didn't want to know, even though he's openly gay and is joined the lgbt. He mysteriously shyed off telling me anything about the lgbt when I asked. I then, drunk one night, texted him that I was in love with him. I know, yes I admit a stupid thing to do but then I followed it with apologies. I had to pry a response which was just that we would be friends. I can work on accepting that he doesn't love me but regards the friendship I am not sure what to do. Nothing changed despite my revelations to him. He still texts and facebooks me frequently but I don't want to appear like a fool anymore. Obviously I still have feelings for him but it was clear the friendship was always one sided as he was usually the centre of the conversation. I have just avoided responding to him over the summer but I know when I see him in college soon I will be back to my old feelings. What confuses me the most is why he was so devoted to being in touch with me. Why did he bother making friends with me but yet can't actually be a friend? and what should I do to try and remove him in sweetest possible way from my life.

renraw

Hi OP. Seems like you have tried everything possible to make your feelings known. He continues to respond on texts and facebook which is good. Maybe, all he does need is a friend and see's you as such. don't be nervous about going back to college, because if the feelings become mutual, then all the better.

My advice would be to keep it as friendship at the moment as he may not want to get serious in a relationship but obviously enjoys your friendship. Keep going with the friendship and see what happens. Patience is a great thing and it will work itself out. You may even meet someone when the new semester starts. It happened to me in the second year in college and it was by pure accident. He obviously enjoys your company, so at least thats a good starting point. Keep up the friendship and just see what happens when ye return to college. Hope it works out

Stark

door wrote:

Why did he bother making friends with me but yet can't actually be a friend? and what should I do to try and remove him in sweetest possible way from my life.

There are many different types of relationships and having someone with whom you make regular small talk is as valid as any even if it is shallow. He hasn't done anything wrong really. If you're tired of it, then just brush him off gently. A few one word replies like "Fine", "Good" etc. when he asks you how you're doing and he'll soon leave you alone without anyone's feelings being hurt.

Tight Jeans

You seem like a real genuine guy and I pay tribute to the fact that you have tried to bridge the gap between you and your friend. A guy like you is rear and even if you dont get together with your friend you are going to have no trouble meeting other guys. I am glad you are expressing your true self as this will make it easier on you and your inner person. Wish I knew you and more like you take care all the best

Boston

First impressions;

Do you really think you sending him an "I love you" txt was the first clue for him that you liked him? I doubt it, and that explains why he was slow to engage with the homosexual you.

You ask

"Why did he bother making friends with me but yet can't actually be a friend?"

It's unlikely he expected more than friendship, and now that you've shown interest, it makes it difficult to remain friends.

door

Tight Jeans, thank you for your kind words. While I would like to think I could find somebody else easily I'm not sure if that will happen as I am too shy

Boston, thank you for sharing your views. My feelings would have only come clear long after I revealed I was gay. I feel although it appears he's not battling it, its a sensitive subject for him and thats why he didn't want it to be a topic of conversation. He also comes from a strictly Catholic background which I think is a factor. Even though he joined the lgbt, I believe he only ever went out with them once and I am not aware of him ever having a boyfriend. Regarding the friendship, I understand what you mean that this is probably all he wanted. However, this is where I feel the issue for me moves from sexuality to just a general friendship subject. It has never been a real friendship despite all the attention he pays to me and thats the problem I have. He still pays me so much attention, even despite me revealing my feelings. I know a romantic relationship is not possible but I don't think from the start there ever was even going to be much of a deep friendship. He likes me a lot for some reason I will never know but I don't think its a healthy friendship and I must try and end whatever is there because as I said it was one sided. As Stark suggested, I think short responses is going to be the only way.

Beruthiel

door wrote: »

He likes me a lot for some reason I will never know

Cut yourself some slap.
He liked you because you are worth knowing and spending some time with.
As Stark said, all kinds of friendships are valid and he obviously enjoyed the banter with you during his time in college.

I don't think its a healthy friendship and I must try and end whatever is there because as I said it was one sided. As Stark suggested, I think short responses is going to be the only way.

Aye. It would be the best approach considering.
You must look out for number one.

brandodub

Yes I think I would end it too and fight your shyness. Unfortunately only you can solve that