Not Feeling Great/Making The Adjustment

DigiGal

Hey Guys,
First time post, please don't be too harsh
Yesterday I was accepted to my 1st choice course in NCAD, Of course I'm chuffed but I'm terrified at the same time

I didn't really have that many friends in school, I'm not sure why as I though I was a nice person,didn't talk about people behind their back and go out of my way to be friendly, however I found myself left out of everything.
Someone told me the reason for this was that they thought I was Gay and all presumed I fancied them, odd seen as I'm in a long term relationship with a guy!
Anyway I doubt I'll remain friends with any of them, none have been in touch, I see other peoples facebooks and bebos and they all seem to still have school friends in their lives, is it normal not to stay in touch....

I want college to be a fresh start.Its really important for me to make friends as I barely have any and I'm worried i'll be this lonely forever. All I want is to be normal, go to parties, gigs, birthdays, not be left out of everyhting, have someone to sit next to in lectures.I have pretty much no self esteem and am worried I'll do something wrong.
How should I put myself across cause whatever i've been doing so far isn't working

Also i just found out that I didn't get my dream job, they told me they would email me the night after the interview and never even got in contact 2 weeks later despite me sending them 3 emails. It was a group interview and the people in the group were quite nasty to me after the interview.........
Please tell me where I'm going wrong.
Thanks

Oh and any tips for college

The Recliner

OP I have 1 friend left from my time in school, he has lived in another country for the last 9 years and we still keep in touch and try and meet up a couple of times a year

I am only in contact with a couple of people I went to college with and we don't see each other that often

My sister on the other had still has the same group of friends she went to school with, augmented with a group of friends she made in college plus others she has collected along the way, her social circle is huge

Different things suit different people, my sister spends most of her free time meeting up with people and rarely has any free time in her calander, personally I prefer to have some time to myself

As you get older people change and mature, people may not have appreciated you at school but are more accepting as you get older, there is less of a herd mentality and people will take you for who you are

You will make friends as you go through life and the ones who fit in with your view of life will be the ones who stick around

In the last year I ahve met a wonderful group of people through various Boards meet ups so there is no time frame as to when you ahve to make friends

On the job thing whilst it may be your dream job it isn't the only dream job out there for you, you might just have to go looking a bit more for it, don't give up though

*Jesus this is probably my longest post on Boards, I am turning into Wibbs*

DigiGal

Pimpey wrote: »

OP I have 1 friend left from my time in school, he has lived in another country for the last 9 years and we still keep in touch and try and meet up a couple of times a year

I am only in contact with a couple of people I went to college with and we don't see each other that often

My sister on the other had still has the same group of friends she went to school with, augmented with a group of friends she made in college plus others she has collected along the way, her social circle is huge

Different things suit different people, my sister spends most of her free time meeting up with people and rarely has any free time in her calander, personally I prefer to have some time to myself

As you get older people change and mature, people may not have appreciated you at school but are more accepting as you get older, there is less of a herd mentality and people will take you for who you are

You will make friends as you go through life and the ones who fit in with your view of life will be the ones who stick around

In the last year I ahve met a wonderful group of people through various Boards meet ups so there is no time frame as to when you ahve to make friends

On the job thing whilst it may be your dream job it isn't the only dream job out there for you, you might just have to go looking a bit more for it, don't give up though

*Jesus this is probably my longest post on Boards, I am turning into Wibbs*

Thanks thats very reassuring, I've always envied the girls like your sister, but maybe if I had that many friends I wouldn't enjoy it.

I am honoured to have recieved your longest post on boards

Monkey61

First off, don't worry about not having any friends from Secondary school. Plenty of people don't. People that I know seem to fall into one of two categories. They either have absolutely no contact with anyone from school or they are still hanging around solely in a big group of people they went to school with and haven't really made any new friends since - which I think is the far worse option.

College is a fresh start. You can be whoever you want to be as nobody knows you or has any preconceived ideas about you. From the first day that you turn up, everything is new and everything you do is a brand new impression. So smile, be friendly and try and talk to loads of new people.Join societies and clubs and put yourself out there. Find other people that share your interests.

Don't worry about it too much though. The majority of my friends are just people that have been thrown into my path over the last few years - workmates, friends of girlfriends, friends of friends etc - very few people from school or college.

As for the job, well there will be others. You're only just out of school, sure it is much too early to be landing your dream job now and anyway, let it be an inspiration to work hard to get a better dream job one day.

shellyboo

DigiGal wrote: »

Thanks thats very reassuring, I've always envied the girls like your sister, but maybe if I had that many friends I wouldn't enjoy it.

Don't be jealous of people who still hang around with their mates from school! Of course there's nothing wrong with it... but having a wide variety of friends from all walks of life (as opposed to people you were randomly stuck in a class with) is just as valid and can be a lot more interesting and stimualting.

I don't know if you're from Dublin, but if you are I guess it's different for you. Here's how it happened for me though. I'm from Donegal, so I had to move out of home to travel to college - not one person from my school, never mind any close friends, were in any of my classes. I had one friend doing the same course, and of course we were great mates - but during the day, I never saw her.

On the very first day on my way into college, a girl turned to me and said "have you any idea what we're supposed to be doing?" I laughed and said no. She's my friend to this day. That same day, we picked up four other girls, and we remained firm friends the whole way throughout university. That's just from opening our mouths and saying hello to people! I also made lifelong friends from getting involved in college activites (the newspaper, for me).

Just remember that the majority of people will be in your exact situation - going into that class not knowing anyone, just exactly as nervous as you are, hoping that they'll make new friends, same as yourself. And if you take the initiative and speak to someone, you might find yourself with a friend for life

DigiGal

I'm in such a slump today, really feeling down on myself...anyone any idead how to cheer myself up, don't want to sit around moaping

LadyJ

DigiGal wrote: »

, I see other peoples facebooks and bebos and they all seem to still have school friends in their lives, is it normal not to stay in touch....

Let this cheer you up: I used to envy the girls I was in school with because I would sometimes see all of the photos of various parties and girly nights they went to out posted up on bebo etc. Then about 2 years ago I went to the 21st of one of my school friends who lives near me (we don't hang around together but were good childhood friends so I was invited along).

Anyway, this other girl (who I always envied because she always had lots of photos of her and her friends posing on a night out) arrived. She made everyone pose for about 20 photos and then left to do something else. Honest to God, she stayed about 30mins.

Then and there I realised that, while I may not have a million photos of my social life plastered all over bebo/facebook etc. I do have friends. It may be only a small number compared to some and I always would like to make more but I'm glad that they are real friends and not just a group of people who pose for all my pics....

DigiGal

LadyJ wrote: »

Let this cheer you up: I used to envy the girls I was in school with because I would sometimes see all of the photos of various parties and girly nights she went to out posted up on bebo etc. Then about 2 years ago I went to the 21st of one of my school friends who lives near me (we don't hang around together but were good childhood friends so I was invited along).

Anyway, this other girl (who I always envied because she always had lots of photos of her and her friends posing on a night out) arrived. She made everyone pose for about 20 photos and then left to do something else. Honest to God, she stayed about 30mins.

Then and there I realised that, while I may not have a million photos of my social life plastered all over bebo/facebook etc. I do have friends. It may be only a small number compared to some and I always would like to make more but I'm glad that they are real friends and not just a group of people who pose for all my pics....

Thats exactly the same as me,that was great to hear...thanks

Larianne

Congrats on getting into NCAD. That is some achievement first off.

College is completely different from school. And then Art college is completely different again. You'll meet a lot of people with the same interests and ideas (and some off the wall people too) as you're going somewhere specifically to do with what you are interested in.

Personally I don't like being in big groups of girls - it can be nasty. Did it when I was younger and I have no friends from secondary school. Not that it bothers me. I made some really good friendships in college and picked up some more from working on different things too. You'll soon realise it's better to have a few good close friends than 10+ okay friends that might let you down or be nasty whatever, whatever!

Shame about the job but keep looking and sometime will turn up. Maybe you were better off without if the other people at the interview were nasty.

It's gonna be a nervous time for you starting college (I'm starting back myself in a few weeks!!) but just go in, be yourself, smile and turn to the person beside you and say hello. Everyone will be in the same boat as yourself. Honestly, you'll have a ball. NCAD is meant to be great social life as it's out on its own so you'll get to know people pretty quick!

prinz

DigiGal wrote: »

I'm in such a slump today, really feeling down on myself...anyone any idead how to cheer myself up, don't want to sit around moaping

Want to swap places because I've got a banging hangover and I'm stuck in work..

You got your first choice. :pac: Congrats. Why are you feeling down again? Go out and celebrate!

As regards the friends thing. Don't even think about it. I have no contact whatsoever with people I went to school with. Sucks to be them. Most of them are still friends with each other, living in the same town, doing the same things they were doing 10 years ago. They need to get a life and experience something new.

Like you I made college a fresh start and made the best friends I have there. People who I wanted to get to know and be friends with... not just people I happened to be in the same class as. Most of my friends weren't even on my course, actually had a chat with a couple of lads about it a while back, we were trying to remember when/how/why we became friends in the first place and we weren't able to in some cases.

Firetrap

Congratulations on getting the course

Now, onto the schoolfriend thing. I am yet another person who hasn't stayed in contact with any of my old classmates. It doesn't bother me one bit and it hasn't hampered my life in any way. On the other hand, I'm still good friends with some people I met in college (and it isn't today or yesterday since I was a student).

Look at going to college as a fresh start. You will be coming into it with a clean slate - nobody knows or indeed cares about the life you lived up until this point. Everyone else in your year will also be a bit nervous about things and will be eager to make friends and find friendly faces. Just try not to come across as desperate. Chat to anyone and everyone you come across. Take advantage of any clubs/societies that are in the college.

Don't get too despondent about your not getting the dream job. Sh!t happens and all you can do is roll with the punches and look to the future.

DigiGal

Getting loads of great advice here. Thanks
I'm glad to know i'm not nearly as abnormal as I thought

LegacyUser

So your going into NCAD ? Great ! Know how hard it is to impress the ncad heads ? !
I remember feeling exactly how your feeling years and years and years ago !
Focus ! Focus ! Focus ! this is exactly what you want ! Go to those lectures .Be a grade A student ! and be fantastic !

ReacherCreature

Hello OP.

Yesterday I was accepted to my 1st choice course in NCAD, Of course I'm chuffed

Congratulations on getting your course.

I didn't really have that many friends in school, I'm not sure why as I though I was a nice person,didn't talk about people behind their back and go out of my way to be friendly, however I found myself left out of everything.

I, found it a little difficult to constanly make friends in secondary school. People had their own groups and seemed content to hang out with the people they had went to school since 1st year. College is different, a majority of the time, people want to be in college wheras in Secondary School they sort of have to go so therefore they only settle into the same old routine of going to school and not bothering with anybody else. I made friends with my current best friend in 5th year cos the classes had changed up but mainly cos I had made the effort. Effort is what you're going to need in college.

Anyway I doubt I'll remain friends with any of them, none have been in touch, I see other peoples facebooks and bebos and they all seem to still have school friends in their lives, is it normal not to stay in touch....

Tbh, if your school buddies aren't contacting you even by simple things like a phonecall or a text then I'd even find it hard to understand why they're not contacting you. I wouldn't want people to be my friends if they stayed out of contact and 'expected' me to be their friend.

I want college to be a fresh start.

It really will be. You're entering into a new insitution and things are gonna change, for the best. You'll mature and grow up. This sounds stupid when you're 18/19 but trust me, you will.

Its really important for me to make friends as I barely have any and I'm worried i'll be this lonely forever. All I want is to be normal, go to parties, gigs, birthdays, not be left out of everyhting, have someone to sit next to in lectures.

Like I said above, it's important to make the effort. Go to your lectures/classes whatever it is. This is very important. If you don't then you won't get to know no-one. Smile, laugh, talk with people. Ask them "How're you getting on?" "Enjoying the course?" or even a simple "Hello" will do. The important thing is to be friendly with people and they'll like you instanly. Even better if your class size is smaller than some of the lectures I've been to (some had over 400 people in them). A smaller class guarantees a close knit group. I had a small class for one subject of my course with about 12 in it and became best of friends with two in it.

I have pretty much no self esteem and am worried I'll do something wrong.

Don't be thinking like this. Be positive. If you keep worrying that you'll do something wrong, you won't enjoy yourself and then if you're not enjoying what you're doing, there's no point in being at college imo.

How should I put myself across cause whatever i've been doing so far isn't working

Look above. Just relax, chill, smile and talk. I'd rather talk to a person like that over anyone else in the room.

Also i just found out that I didn't get my dream job, they told me they would email me the night after the interview and never even got in contact 2 weeks later despite me sending them 3 emails. It was a group interview and the people in the group were quite nasty to me after the interview.........
Please tell me where I'm going wrong.

I'm not sure on this but maybe you just didn't get the job I'm afraid.
If people in the group were nasty like that, would you want to work with those kind of people? Chin up, focus on college and keep looking for a different job is all I can say.

Oh and any tips for college

Enjoy it. That's the main thing. Stay on top of your work and assignments. Don't think "Ah shur, I'll do it later" Attack it and get it done. Focus too. Focus on your work and ultimately kick a**. You obviously worked hard to get here and you got accepted so well done and continue your hard work.
Hope I've been helpful.
Best of luck.

cafecolour

I'd say I have 2 friends I kept in touch with since school, and then a few more friends from school entirely because they popped up again later in life (uni, moved to the same city, etc.). I have a few more friends from Uni, but most are actually from my adult life.

Simply, I got better at being extroverted and making friends as time went on. Just be relaxed, and don't care too much - ie be friendly to everyone, some will bite, some won't. Don't care about the ones that don't (e.g. never be sitting there thinking 'i really want x to be my friend, why won't she?' - next person.)

oil painting

Hi OP,

Im a recent graduate of NCAD, the first year is hard i found- and you only form your real friends in 2nd year when you specialize in your chosen area, the core year is quite competitive and you can feel a bit insecure a lot of us did anyway but in the second year you settle down and people bond together as a class.

NCAD has many different people from different backrounds, by second year you really form your personality and a lot of people come out of themselves, eg dying hair green, coming out of the closet, forming art movements etc!

It was a fantastic experience for me anyway, it really opened my mind and gave me a great perspective over life, My best friends are all from college now but funnily enough they were not my best friends in the beginning,

I can link you up with me on facebook if you like, and you can keep in touch if you ever need any support! Il PM you my link xxx