He works: I live

LegacyUser

Been with Ben a year and a half.

He works all the time. No joke. 16 out of 24 hours.

We were meant to go on a date tonight. he said so on thursday. But he went to work and told me he doesn't want to go out tonight anymore because he's in work early tomorrow.

As understanding as I am, I see him at about 4 in the morning, he sleeps, , then i hope for the following time again a few hours later,the following morning at 3, 2 if I'm lucky.

It's not that I don't trust him, but he's never at home. I think he's happier in his job than he is at home.

Here I am, for yet another Sunday, wondering what I could do to not be in the house later, to make him notice I'm no longer here waiting on him. Which is what I do when I'm not working or gone home to my parents.

I feel like an army wife.

lolli

Is he self employed? If he is hes probably worried about the future of his business in this recession. Hes probably stressed out. Talk to him about because it certainly is not healthy for him to work that many hours a day. He will crack under the pressure... he must be getting hardly any sleep, let alone any time to himself.

LegacyUser

No he is a manager. Takes his job very seriously. Gets really angry if I ask him about it.

He left with this bottle of cologne, his bank card (he only takes that out if he's going to use it, shopping or pub etc, we're sensible with money) his jewelry and his sports bag. To go to do his shift. Which probably means he won't be back until tomorrow morning.

I don't have many friends here. I gave up my life at home to come live with him, home's over 2 hours train journey away, but I might just get a few things done here and head off there. I'm lonely.

mood

If there was no recession and he is not self employed I would consider this unreasonable to work those hours. I assume he is on a salary not paid hourly.

However, he could be worried about loosing his job etc so see how things go when the economy improves. I'm hoping that will happen soon.

Did he work these hours before you moved in?

LegacyUser

Not like this, he'd always take two days off, make time for us, make time for his family etc. He got a new job since we moved in.

Now he goes in on his days off, rings in constantly to make sure things are going alright.

There do be big meetings where they discuss figures etc, and there was one recently where he was worried.

I suppose it is my fault, he works, I shouldn't be thinking of myself in all this. I feel pretty silly now!

Suppose these are the times when one should be supportive in a relationship.

Ok then I see the light now. Thank you for the replies

Zaph

hesgoneagain wrote: »

I suppose it is my fault, he works, I shouldn't be thinking of myself in all this. I feel pretty silly now!

Why is it your fault, and why shouldn't you be thinking about yourself? There's little point in being in a relationship is you don't see the other person, so it's only natural you'd be thinking about yourself and where you stand with your boyfriend.

hesgoneagain wrote: »

Suppose these are the times when one should be supportive in a relationship.

Supportive is one thing, but your boyfriend appears to have forgotten that he's in a relationship. You need to sit down and talk to him and find out how much longer this situation is going to go on for. If it's just until the economy gets back on its feet, fair enough, now is not a good time for someone to lose their job. But if he sees it as a permanent thing then you need to re-assess your relationship and whether you can continue like this indefinitely.

mood

It could be just until he finds he feet in the new company. No harm having a chat about it but I wouldn't be making major decisions regarding the relationship yet.

It's not your fault but maybe it's not his either. With the economy as it is I bet a lot of relationships are suffering (if this is the reason).

lolli

My other half is a manager too and they have him working 12 hours a day no extra pay either. They are scaremongering... they are telling people who complain that they'll fire them.

He took a week off last week but the previous 6 weeks before that he worked 12 hours a day at least 7 days a week. I can see the pressure hes under its not healthy for anyone. People are scared for their jobs at the moment but some companies are really pushing it.

Also Op, of course you should be thinking about yourself. You moved there to be in a relationship with this man but instead you are stuck at home on your own. Thats hardly fair on you.

LegacyUser

I ran into one of his friends down at the shops and told him about the hours he's working and that it's killing him. His friend said he'll have a chat with him, for his own safety , as I put forth that it was my main concern, rather than me being stuck at home on my own.

I rang him earlier and told him I'm lonely and he said it's not his fault, and that he is doing the best he can. So I didn't give him any grief.

Time will have to tell on this one. A good long chat at the end of the week will have to reveal all.

Thanks again for the posts guys. Looks like I'll just have to take care of him while it seems he'll need that.

Suppose I can't get everything my own way!

MugMugs

hesgoneagain wrote: »

He left with this bottle of cologne, his bank card (he only takes that out if he's going to use it, shopping or pub etc, we're sensible with money) his jewelry and his sports bag. To go to do his shift. Which probably means he won't be back until tomorrow morning.

I hope I am not upsetting you here but this smells worse than his cologne.... Is it an office job ? Have you been there ? Is it a public area ? I would be considering a trip to his office to "suprise" him and see what lies in store for you....

Lady Muck

MugMugs wrote: »

I hope I am not upsetting you here but this smells worse than his cologne.... Is it an office job ? Have you been there ? Is it a public area ? I would be considering a trip to his office to "suprise" him and see what lies in store for you....

Must admit, that sounded a little dodgy.

Don't want to upset you or anything but is there a possibility something may be going on that isn't work? For him to get so angry when you mention it just doesn't sound right.

We all get stressed at work but most people like to offload to their loved ones, not get angry when it is mentioned.

LegacyUser

I work very hard too I do 12 14 hours many days, but the cologne bit and other parts of how you describe the interaction sounds very dodgy to me too

what type of job does he do? is it office based or more active?

of course we just know bits of the story, only you know how good or bad this really is