Finding GF Unattractive

LegacyUser

Hi,
I have been going out with my GF for a number of yrs now and while I love her I have come to realise that I don't find her attractive anymore.
She has put on some weight in the past couple of years and she hasn't done a whole lot to get back into shape.
She knows that she's not in great shape and just moans on occasion about it but doesn't actually do anything. Then some evenings when she just sits there glued to tv, when I suggest going to gym or for a run she gets p1ssed off with me and gets all defensive.
I have been tempted to just say get off your arse and exercise but have held back thus far!

I'm getting sick of her moaning about it and then not doing anytrhing!

Any advice? What should I do?

Thks.

Lady Muck

I think the only thing you can do is tell her, if you leave things as they are she will get worse. Sign yourself up to the gym and see if that could motivate her to want to join you. If nothing changes then you can't go out with someone you don't fancy. If she doesn't want to improve herself then what does she expect?

squonk

You sound very shallow OP. If you find that she has changed physically and you're not attracted to her then you need to end it now. If you love her then what will you do when she gets older, even if she loses weight now. Things physically aren't going to get better you know, rather worse with time as we all know. For heavens sake if she's only guaranteed to be attractive to you always if she weighs anything under X stone, then what chance has she? Suppose she gets sick or something happens long term where it's hard for her to excercise in the future? What'll you do then?

You have to ask yourself whether you really want to be with this woman and whether you do really love her as you claim. Anything can happen any one of us physically but it won't alter the person we are.

I know you're trying to help her and it is unfair that she sees your LTR as an excuse to let herself go but maybe that's the sort of person she is? She mifght not be into gyms and not be a generally physical person. All I can suggest is to try and sound her out on what she might like doing. If she likes swimming for instance then that could be worth taking up rather than the gym. Personally I find gym's boring as hell. You know she sounds quite lazy but maybe gradually you could try and get her into something like hill walks or something, provided she's interested of course.

If none of this works then I'm afraid there really isn't much else that can be done.

fasty

squonk wrote: »

You sound very shallow OP.

Nonsense! What's wrong with finding someone unattractive if they've gained weight?

OP, don't suggest she hits the gym when you're lazing around. Why not go to the gym and ask her to come? It's hard for people to put themselves on show like that when they feel unattractive!

Definitely don't lose the rag with her and tell her to get off her fat arse!

robby^5

squonk wrote: »

You sound very shallow OP.

Bull, some people are not attracted to overweight people and that does not make them shallow.

OP do not listen to the people who will call you shallow, you are attracted to what you are attracted to and in this case the body you were attracted too has changed, this is not your fault and don't feel like you're some sort of prick because of how you feel.

Just as some people prefer larger partners, some prefer skinnier... you're not shallow for having a preference.

squonk

Maybe I shouldn't have said shallow but if you read the rest of my post there are some serious questions to be answered there. Don't just automatically assume that the Gym is the answer, walks etc might be better and would be something you can enjoy together. Not everyone thinks the gym is the be all and end all. They're actually quite ****e.

petethebrick

squonk wrote: »

Maybe I shouldn't have said shallow but if you read the rest of my post there are some serious questions to be answered there. Don't just automatically assume that the Gym is the answer, walks etc might be better and would be something you can enjoy together. Not everyone thinks the gym is the be all and end all. They're actually quite ****e.

Walks don't help you lose much weight - and neither on it's own does the gym to be honest. The only way to lose weight and keep it off is to adjust your diet.
OP - does you girlfriend eat a lot of crap - maybe you could try preparing healthier lower calorie meals for the both of you. Don't be keeping snacks etc around the house and certainly don't you be eating them in front of her.
Combine this with doing some more active pastimes and hopefully she'll lose weight.
I had the same problem as you to be honest OP and I certainly don't consider myself shallow - just don't find fatties hot!

ncmc

I don't think the OP is being shallow. We can't help who or what we find attractive. I get the impression, that it's her attitude as much as anything he finds unnatractive. It bugs me when people know they've put on weight, give out and moan about it, but won't actually get up of their arse and do anything about it. I think it's a very unattractive trait when people just let themselves go and lose interest in their health and appearance. It's different from the normal act of ageing (when people who take care of themselves can still look amazing btw)

OP, If you have tried to encourage your OH, I would go down the route of tough love. I would tell her that there's no point moaning about her weight if she's not willing to make lifestyle changes and that you won't listen to any more of her moaning unless she does something to help herself.

If this doesn't work, then you need to question whether she is the person you want to be with long term,

wexford202

It can sometimes not be just the weight.

When we first go out we are all sexy undies and, brazillian waxed, perfect make up and using the most seductive perfumes. This can go out the window after a while.

Maybe get a puppy or a dof that ye can walk together.

My husband was honest with me as I did let myself go for a little bit. I ended up nesrly depressed. I got my act together and feel better than ever.

She knows she has let herself go if she has gotten sour with you so you just need to try the right encouragement to her. Maybe point out some of your own flaws (Even if your perfect) but she will not feel victimised.

b3t4

newbiereg wrote: »

I'm getting sick of her moaning about it and then not doing anytrhing!

Here's my take, if she didn't go on about this so much you'd probably not notice as much. If someone tells you the same thing day in, day out, you start to believe it.

I think you've every right to just tell her that bit. Tell her you're fed up with her moaning and not doing anything about it.

I've been guilty of this in my relationship but thankfully my boyfriend simple told me to cop on or shut up. Not in those exact words but close enough. I agreed with him so I shut the hell up and I'm happier for it and so is he as he was tired of thinking I was gorgeous and hearing me say otherwise.

best of luck with it
A.

Trixielicious

My friend put on some weight when she moved in with her BF. She was always complaining and then never doing anything about it. So he bought her a wii fit for christmas. They had a row and he just said that he thought he was being helpful as she was always complaining about "how unfit" she felt. Those two words "how unfit" turned the row into a love fest coz he never mentioned the "fat" word and thought he was the sweetest most caring BF who actually listened to her and the put thought into her present! You could try something like that!