Long for a baby

LegacyUser

I think I need to give a little bit of background here.

A few years ago I was in a bad relationship. My ex was manipulative, abusive, controlling and just not a niice person. I still don't understand how I ended up there because I'm really not a doormat type of person, anyhow I did and I was miserable and looking back I think I was also depressed.

I fell pregnant after about a year and altough it was a shock I accepted it and was happy to have something in my life that I knew I would love. I was really looking forward to being a mother which was never something I had put much thought into. Just over 3 months in I unfortunately had a miscarriage. I was really grieving and all I wanted to do was have another baby, the bf didn't want to but he agreed reluctantly, I wanted i so badly and I was very assertive so I think he felt he had to. I got pregnant again quite quickly, and again 2 months in I had another mc.

I became obsessed with getting pregnant again, my bf's abuse didn't even hurt me anymore, I didn't care. I even had it in my head that if I could just get pregnant again I could break up with him and it would just be me and my baby. He had lost his hold over me and he didnt like it, things got worse and worse between us and he got more abusive, even physical a times. So about 9 months later I got pregnant again, and again suffered another mc. At this point I was really low, I didn't care about myself, thought about suicide on a number of ocassions, this lasted about another month and I hit rock bottom. I was quite good at hiding my feelings but I suppose at this point my family started to notice and stepped in.

They were great, and very supportive. I kicked the bf out and started getting my life back on track. I still wanted to be a mother in the future but I was able to see things rationally and knew that I wanted to a mother bu the obsession was gone and I new it would happen when the time was right.

I started dating again but my heart wasn't really in it with anyone and I decided to take a break. But Murphys law I suppose, no sooner had I decided to take a break than I'd emt someone. He is wonderful, considerate, loving and a really good person. I've never been happier and I'm very much in love for the first time ever. We've talked about the future and kids and we both want them in a few years which is great.

My problem is though, now that I'm in a loving relationship the broodines has crept back in. I get that longing feeling again when I see couples with a new baby or mothers pushing a pram. I'm afraid I am going to become obsessed again and I really don't want to mess things up. Rationally I know that we should wait a few years until we've had some time to ourselves and are ready (it would have very detrimental consequences for my career now).

How to I keep it at bay and stop myself from becoming a psycho again???

iguana

Are you in a position to get a pet? Caring for an animal can divert broodiness for a while. As long as you treat it like the animal it is and not a baby it can be a good way to start nurturing and caring for a dependent, without all of the stress and responsibility.

LegacyUser

iguana wrote: »

Are you in a position to get a pet? Caring for an animal can divert broodiness for a while. As long as you treat it like the animal it is and not a baby it can be a good way to start nurturing and caring for a dependent, without all of the stress and responsibility.

I have 3 dogs :O ... started getting them during my last bout of broodiness and they did distract me for a time. I love them dearly but they aren't kids.

iguana

Unregistered wrote: »

I have 3 dogs :O ... started getting them during my last bout of broodiness and they did distract me for a time. I love them dearly but they aren't kids.

No they aren't, but the OP feels she is in a relationship where kids are on the cards in the next few years, so a pet could help fill the need in her for that time. Though it's only a good idea if you see a pet as part of your ultimate family, which an awful lot of people do, and treat it as a pet not a child. We got our dogs a few weeks after we got married and they had the combined effect of giving me something to nurture but also giving me just enough responsibility to be able to appreciate the freedom I still had while I had it. They were also my number one salvation after I had a miscarriage last year.

LegacyUser

iguana wrote: »

No they aren't, but the OP feels she is in a relationship where kids are on the cards in the next few years, so a pet could help fill the need in her for that time. Though it's only a good idea if you see a pet as part of your ultimate family, which an awful lot of people do, and treat it as a pet not a child. We got our dogs a few weeks after we got married and they had the combined effect of giving me something to nurture but also giving me just enough responsibility to be able to appreciate the freedom I still had while I had it. They were also my number one salvation after I had a miscarriage last year.

Sorry Thats was me OP who posted about the 3 dogs.

Sorry to hear about your MC, my first dog was also my saviour when I had my 3rd MC. It's strange but very comforting that they can see when you are suffering

lolli

hey op,

You need to talk this through with your current partner. How long are you guys together? What age are you?

Perhaps you could just focus your energy elsewhere until the time is right. I'm sorry about your miscarriages.