Intimidated by Irish women

LegacyUser

Hi all. Ok this probably seems like a strange one but here goes.
I've pretty much only ever dated/went out with foreign women. I am 29 now and have lived 4 years abroad until a few months ago. Before that i was going out with a girl from Germany for a couple of years and before that another nationality for a couple of years. Most of the flings etc that i've had have been while living abroad, with the locals or other non nationals.
Anyway now i'm back home and happy enough and have a good job. I go out most weekends as i'm single and looking to meet girls but the only ones i seem to be able to strike up conversation with and impress are foreign girls. I just don't feel intimidated at all by them and have no qualms about asking them for phone numbers etc. There are no shortage of them here anyway. Anytime i talk to Irish girls they just dont seem interested at all and make no effort to converse with me. And over the years this has rotted away at my confidence around them to the fact that i've given up already before even starting with them. Maybe it's a confidence hangover from my years of non-action with girls in college or something? I just don't get it, it's not a big deal i'll be quite happy with a girl of any nationality but why don't i get any vibes from Irish girls? I'm decent looking and in very good shape and educated good conversationalist etc etc.
Anyone have similar issues or advice? Thanks.

Oh The Humanity

You sound fine by your post! I don't think its you!

I notice a sort of underlying contempt between Irish men and women on the 'scene' at times. It's almost like both men and women have to 'prove' that they are better than being friendly. A lot of game playing goes on and the worst crime they can commit seemingly is to show someone they like them in a straighforward way.

It doesn't seem enough for people to show they are not interested in someone in a polite or cool way, it had to be total ridicule and contempt if they are not interested instead of a polite decline. Overkill, if they like so as not to lose face in front of their friends or something.

I mean I observe even when people do like each other they may spend months ignoring each other and trying to fathom each others meanings through little or no actual face to face interaction. Or they fall into the cycle of ignoring each other/jumping into bed when drunk but never discussing it when sober buzz!

Anyway, maybe I have it all wrong but thats just what I observe!

Lux23

There is another side to this, foreign women will generally be more friendly just because you are Irish. I know myself whether you are male or female other nationalities show alot of interest in Irish people.

What is it that intimidates you about Irish women?

Eve_Dublin

Uh oh Spagettio....I can see exactly where this thread is going to go....

No advice. You can't force anyone to be interested in you OP...it could be just a case that they're just not attracted to you. If they're being rude, then they shouldn't be and you should develop a "feck them" attitude to this carry on and not let it knock your confidence. Perhaps you're more exotic to the foreign ladies and that's why you've more luck. I don't know. From my experience Irish guys abroad are very popular with the women.

I'm slowly coming to the realisation that the Irish as a nation are unique in that a lot of us don't really fancy or even like each other all that much....judging from posts on the other forums, I'm getting that impression anyway.

Personally I love Irish men...some of the finest men in the world...they can make me laugh like no other nationality so don't give up if you specifically want an Irish girlfriend.

Eve_Dublin

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

You sound fine by your post! I don't think its you!

I notice a sort of underlying contempt between Irish men and women on the 'scene' at times. It's almost like both men and women have to 'prove' that they are better than being friendly. A lot of game playing goes on and the worst crime they can commit seemingly is to show someone they like them in a straighforward way.

It doesn't seem enough for people to show they are not interested in someone in a polite or cool way, it had to be total ridicule and contempt if they are not interested instead of a polite decline. Overkill, if they like so as not to lose face in front of their friends or something.

I mean I observe even when people do like each other they may spend months ignoring each other and trying to fathom each others meanings through little or no actual face to face interaction. Or they fall into the cycle of ignoring each other/jumping into bed when drunk but never discussing it when sober buzz!

Anyway, maybe I have it all wrong but thats just what I observe!

Yep, I might not have agreed with you up until about 2 months ago but jaysus, the "courting" scene over here is a disaster area! I lived away for 5 years and came home 5 months ago and to be honest, from what I've observed in pubs in Dublin, I'm not sure how anyone meets the Love of their Life in this country and I'm talking about BOTH sexes, by the way. Don't loose heart OP...this is not your problem. You continue what you're doing and rise above this b*ll****.

LegacyUser

op here. Yes i don't know why i'm intimidated, but in the past i've been shot down by irish girls a lot, and i can't really engage in the "banter" and slagging that my friends do with them that seems to be the way to hook up with them. Maybe they're just not attracted to me? Well i have always had good looking girlfriends, and I'm hardly exotic to Canadians, Kiwis or wherever else I've been living, we all look the same, and from experience you don't get girls with your accent alone!
I'm not another boards poster who says all irish women fat, bitches, ugly etc. I have some very good Irish female friends that never understand why I don't get lucky here either, so it's obviously some mental block that has built up in me. But yeah i guess i'll just have to ignore the block and try and get over it. It's hard though, I was out on Saturday night, having a smoke and chatted away to a girl beside me, when she found out i was just back from abroad she goes, "oooh jesus here we go i suppose you're going to bore the tears out of me with your story of spending a year in australia...".
Well I wasn't in Australia and that put me right off her, I mean why such rudeness?

LegacyUser

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Yep, I might not have agreed with you up until about 2 months ago but jaysus, the "courting" scene over here is a disaster area! I lived away for 5 years and came home 5 months ago and to be honest, from what I've observed in pubs in Dublin, I'm not sure how anyone meets the Love of their Life in this country and I'm talking about BOTH sexes, by the way. Don't loose heart OP...this is not your problem. You continue what you're doing and rise above this b*ll****.

Well thanks, I'm glad it's not purely a Male thing, on the other hand i shouldn't be glad it exists for either sex!

Xiney

exexpat wrote: »

when she found out i was just back from abroad she goes, "oooh jesus here we go i suppose you're going to bore the tears out of me with your story of spending a year in australia...".
Well I wasn't in Australia and that put me right off her, I mean why such rudeness?

Because she was a tactless auld wagon in disguise as a nice looking girl. They exist, but at least you found out early and didn't invest much time or energy in getting to know her

Lux23

exexpat wrote: »

I was out on Saturday night, having a smoke and chatted away to a girl beside me, when she found out i was just back from abroad she goes, "oooh jesus here we go i suppose you're going to bore the tears out of me with your story of spending a year in australia...".
Well I wasn't in Australia and that put me right off her, I mean why such rudeness?

I have to admit I have said that to one or two people, I must be one of those bitches.

I don't know mate, it may have something to do with your college/school years and you found when you went away all your worries disappeared. Its easier to chat people up while away because you automatically have something to talk point, a selling point if you will so maybe you have just gotten used to it. Next time when you are in the smoking yard and you see a good looking girl just remember to ask her loads of questions about herself whether than talking about yourself and see where it takes you.

LegacyUser

Lux23 wrote: »

I have to admit I have said that to one or two people, I must be one of those bitches.

I don't know mate, it may have something to do with your college/school years and you found when you went away all your worries disappeared. Its easier to chat people up while away because you automatically have something to talk point, a selling point if you will so maybe you have just gotten used to it. Next time when you are in the smoking yard and you see a good looking girl just remember to ask her loads of questions about herself whether than talking about yourself and see where it takes you.

Look I'm well aware talking about your bloody years abroad bores the tears out of people who don't know you so I wasn't going to go there, but before I got a word in edgeways she came out with that. So you should watch what you say, no need to be rude to strangers.

Lux23

Unregistered wrote: »

Look I'm well aware talking about your bloody years abroad bores the tears out of people who don't know you so I wasn't going to go there, but before I got a word in edgeways she came out with that. So you should watch what you say, no need to be rude to strangers.

I always mean it as a joke though. Do you think she may have been the same? You said yourself you can't really do the slagging thing people do, so maybe you need to lighten up a bit.

LegacyUser

Lux23 wrote: »

I always mean it as a joke though. Do you think she may have been the same? You said yourself you can't really do the slagging thing people do, so maybe you need to lighten up a bit.

It's not a great joke tbh. No I can't do the slagging thing it doesn't mean i need to lighten up. You know you sound like the very type of lady I'm trying to avoid!

LegacyUser

Hi OP,


Believe it or not you still are exotic to a Canadian... I should know, I'm married to one!

I think you've answered your own question here. The banter and the slagging can be a bit scary if you're not used to it. I know some of my foreign friends have really struggled with it. Many foreigners can be very straight, especially if they don't have full use of the language, and perhaps you are a shy guy who's used to interacting in that 'straighter' way.

Personally I love the craic and the banter and really miss it when I'm abroad.

It also seems that you've built up Irish girls as scary women. Its not really the case, many of my female friends have a preference for Irish guys, perhaps you simply need to approach them with a bit more confidence and laugh off a knock back. It might help the girls relax with you too.

Remember, when in Ireland, unlike abroad, you are inside the culture. You understand people here. That means that it is easier for you to judge and maybe be judged too. Its something we all come to terms with when we move back here. Its alot harder to be critical of other cultures and peoples because we don't have that insight. But don't let it become a trap for you.

As for the girl who made the Aussie travelling story comment, ok, it was a bit presumptuous but I know where she was coming from. (Maybe you could have given her a sharp and witty response, as a practice run, like?) As someone once said, the only time travel stories were fascinating was when they were told my Marco Polo, and that was in the 14th century ;-)

Wibbs

I have tended to end up with foreign women too. I have great mates who are Irish women and it's not a looks thing either, it's just how it turned out. My personality such as it is, seems to gel more with foreign women as a general thing(mostly the latin countries so maybe it is some part of their culture). This is not to say an Irish woman and me couldn't end up together, it just hasn't happened in a long time.

I think the difference isn't so much the foreign part. I'd say it's down to things like the fact that someone has chosen to leave the country of their birth and maybe those type of people are more outgoing, or easygoing by nature? Their stay at home sisters from the same culture may not appeal to me or me to them. I've met Irish women abroad that would have appealed to me so maybe that's part of it.

I would say that the dating scene here in Ireland is a difficult one to navigate. We're not as good at it as others IMHO. Both men and women. So just having a chat with someone while having a ciggy can be over reacted to. I have been in and seen situations where a harmless conversation was reacted to in one of two black and white ways. Either "you're in here mate" even if you didn't want to be, or "how dare you".

I would say regardless of the whys and wherefores, the practical answer is staring you in the face. Go for women that you find yourself more comfortable with, IE foreign women in your case. You may meet a French woman or an Irish woman, either way you'll be more chilled.

Oh The Humanity

exexpat wrote: »

Well I wasn't in Australia and that put me right off her, I mean why such rudeness?

I've thought about this as well. I think its a sort of 'bravado' of some sort. Its as if people believe they will lose man or woman points by merely being nice and kind and polite.....even if they are not interested in the person.

What galls me is that people don't get that being normal, nice and polite does not necessarily indicate you fancy someone at all. Just that you are human and capable of speaking to another human on a normal level.

Its sort of a case of people expecting to be slagged so they 'get in there first' or something. Being cynical is one thing but the out and out arrogance and rudeness that goes on really is no fun.

Banter is something seperate from what I am talking about. Banter is fine but scathing contempt and hatred is just ridiculous as far as I'm concerned!

I really, really don't think its you.

Eve_Dublin

Unregistered wrote: »

Look I'm well aware talking about your bloody years abroad bores the tears out of people who don't know you so I wasn't going to go there, but before I got a word in edgeways she came out with that. So you should watch what you say, no need to be rude to strangers.

Absolutely. I got the same crap after I spent a year travelling South America from random strangers...they thought I was boasting but I was only telling them what's been going on in my life recently, merely stating a fact so I shut up about it now...except on Boards!! It's spooky, it's like it never happened at all because nobody wants to hear...even the fact that I've gone at all! Irish begrudgery pure and simple.

Do you mind me asking how old you are, OP? I know I used to get a bit stressed back in the day with this Irish "slagging" sh*te. I enjoy the craic as much as the next person and I can give as good as I get but...(now I sound like an 80 year old party-pooper...haha)there's no need to be rude about it. You can be friendly and have a laugh. Some Irish have to have this edge about them the whole time...put this massive guard up that I hate but I think it's definitely lessened as I reach 30...people don't give a damn as much about coming across as cool, nonchalent and just pure rude for the sake of a cheap laugh. I don't think it's conducive to romance, tbh...not when you see how it could be elsewhere....like you Wibbs, I think the latins have it sussed.

Sorry, I've a ferocious hangover today so I'm very grouchy...probably shouldn't be giving any advice today :cool:

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Believe it or not you still are exotic to a Canadian... I should know, I'm married to one!

I'm divorced to one!! And believe me i don't go on about travel stories I'm well aware it's boring, I would only discuss that with people i knew

Lux23

exexpat wrote: »

It's not a great joke tbh. No I can't do the slagging thing it doesn't mean i need to lighten up. You know you sound like the very type of lady I'm trying to avoid!

You are turning me on now. But yes it is a crap joke and really stems from the joker's inadequacies that they haven't travelled as much as you.

LegacyUser

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Do you mind me asking how old you are, OP?

I'm 29 tomorrow, yikes! With the slagging/banter thing, I hope I don't come across as someone who doesn't joke and laugh, I certainly do, just unless i'm on fire I find it hard to come out with something extremely witty each time i want to talk to a girl!

Polleta

I have to say I would say something like that in jest if I was chatting to a guy but I would actually be really interested to hear about as I love travel and visiting different places, getting recommendations etc.

I think the Irish wit and banter is something that you may need to get back in tune with. Personally I slag everyone including myself and I see it as part of the fun of getting to know someone. My poor ex wasn't Irish but he got use to it soon enough and he got even better than me.

It can be easier to talk to other nationalities because as someone else says there is a talking point whereas when you are chatting up an Irish person where do you start.. I know most of the guys I've chatted to of late out have been a case of a random bantery comment that would only work in that moment. One guy and I started chatting cos for some reason his friends shirt was around his neck.

Anyway perhaps use your female friends to get chatting to their friends and build up your confidence talking to Irish girls. Though at the same time there is nothing in the rule book thats says an Irish person must date and Irish person you know?!

Best of luck

boarddotie

I was only away in in the US for Uni for 3 months and I missed the Irish banter with Irish boys SO SO much! And yes I must admit I would be one of the first to say something beeacthy to a fella who came to chat me up especially if I wasnt that interested. But 2n will be my first night out back at home and I will be sure to chat away to the Irish boys as normal again.

I missed ye and sorry I was ever mean!

dblennon

Just my opinion but with irish girls, you have to plough on through that defensive sarcastic wall they often put up,

It does make it tough for the genuinely nice guys, I had to train myself to have no reaction to these kind of remarks.

If I got a response like that now, I wouldn't bat an eyelid I'd probably say "thank god I'm sick of telling it aswell, most people hound me about when they are planning on going etc and it's an easy conversation"

Then switch straight to another subject if after 3-4 points of converstaion have been had without any positive responce she's pretty much a super B**ch, and not worth your time and energy.

the hardest part is not getting down if it doesn't work out with the first few openings

playfull slagging is a def. requirement as well but this takes time to build up, slagging where she's from is alway a winner for me

LegacyUser

i think this has all stemmed from a trip i was on a few weeks ago. I was visiting my friend
in munich (irish, has lived there for years) and on the sunday we went to a bar to watch the GAA games and most of the munich irish community was there. Anyway we were drunk after a while and he starts asking me if i've ever had an irish gf, which i haven't! Anyway then he starts telling the irish girls there that i don't like irish girls and i spent the rest of the evening enduring filthy looks and a tirade of abuse from said girls!
of course this was of much amusement to my mate but god i was in their bad books after that, especially that we had all been drinking away and having a good time all day.

Eve_Dublin

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm 29 tomorrow, yikes! With the slagging/banter thing, I hope I don't come across as someone who doesn't joke and laugh, I certainly do, just unless i'm on fire I find it hard to come out with something extremely witty each time i want to talk to a girl!

Happy Birthday to you...you're the same age as myself! Yeah, it can be relentless sometimes but I know I personally go for funny men (read: funny and NOT rude) but I also go for friendly men and men that can be serious for a few minutes...I'd say don't over think it and be natural about it. I come across some Irish men and it's never ending sometimes and it's hard to see past this act if they're just a friendly fella or not or if they're even interested in me beyond having a laugh...they're not always the quickest to "bring it to the next level" and when I was single, it was usually me having to seal the deal (just bleedin' kiss me, will ye? haha). If you're finding a girl is too much like hard work, leave her and move on. This is a different culture though and you can't expect women to be the same the world over so you do have to adapt a little bit.

johnsmith

I can relate to a lot of the comments on this thread, I generally find myself going for foreign women recently. I was in a relationship with an Irish girl for four years (ended a year ago) and ever since that ended I've found myself going almost exclusively for foreign women.

I might not be popular for saying this but there is definitely an attitude thing among *some* Irish women that transcends 'a bit of banter'. If you're going to banter with somebody that you don't know who has just plucked up the courage to say 'hi' then at least smile as you deliver your deprecating line, otherwise it can be misconstrued as a put-down. Personally, I put it down to low self-esteem when a girl is rude right off the bat; there is really no need for it, exchange pleasantries first and then when you are on the same wave-length you can engage in the banter.

I was out last week and feeling sociable, so I talked to a group of foreign people, they were 2 lads and 5 girls, I wasn't chatting anybody up just being friendly. The girls were very happy to talk away and I scored a coffee date with one of them, one of the lads even offered to buy me a drink (I politely refused).

Later on I decided to go over to and say 'hi' to a group of Irish girls (I wasn't even attracted to any of them, just felt like saying hi), I literally just said 'hi' (while smiling) and they looked at me with a look of disdain that I've only ever seen an Irish girl deliver. I don't mind if girls aren't interested in talking to me, there are polite ways to express it. But here's the thing, I think the girls actually were interested in talking and I had just experienced their standard greeting. I suspect that this gives them a self-esteem boost to act like they are somehow superior. Irish girls know that when a guy has plucked up the courage to go over and say hi, he will usually plough through and give the girls compliments until they come around because otherwise it feels like outright rejection. Anyway, I said 'have a good night' and simply walked away and I will make a habit of doing the same in the future. I could see that they were a bit surprised that I didn't try to get them on-side. Honestly, why bother when most people are much more open to conversing politely.

I can imagine Irish girls will get very defensive having read this post. Just to be clear, I'm not saying all Irish girls are like this. I'm simply saying that in my experience there is an element of this kind of behaviour among some Irish girls that I haven't seen with girls from other countries. I've got some female Irish friends that are amazingly friendly and outgoing and I know that most fall into this category

Eve_Dublin

Johnsmith, I've heard it all before...you should take a look at Humanities at a thread called, "Why don't men approach women?"...it has to be one of the longest threads on this forum but plenty of men feel like you do.

That's grand...no one is going to convince you otherwise and why should they try (I tried on that thread and gave up...futile)? They're not your type! If you're not into Irish women, you're not into Irish women and no one is forcing you to be. As someone mentioned before, there's no law instructing us to "stick to our own kind"...God help us we need the "foreign genes" after years of inbreeding!! We need fresh blood on this island in a big way for our physical health, our mental health and just for the sake of diversity...I'm from a family of 5 kids and only one of us is going out/married to an Irish person (my brother) and it just makes life that bit more interesting. I personally think Irish men are great friends...but nothing more...not at the moment anyway but that's just MY taste.

Wagon

I just never bother with Irish women as a whole. Got a great girlfriend now and suprise suprise, she isn't irish. I've talked to girls from plenty of different nationalities and the rudest ones are from my own country. i dont know why they need to be unfriendly, sarcastic, arrogant and self centered anal gee bags that open their legs to anything with a foreign accent but that's how it is! There's some nice ones too, but they are in the minority. This isnt really bitterness, just observation. so you arent alone mate.

Wibbs

Wagon wrote: »

that open their legs to anything with a foreign accent but that's how it is!

Which in fairness you could say about Irish men and non Irish women. Don't get me wrong that's grand. As I said if a certain type of women doesnt do it for you, well then look for the woman who does(similar for the women with men too BTW). If all your life you perceive bad vibes from blondes then maybe brunettes are where it's at. Once in a while a blonde may even surprise you. It's good for the gene pool anyway.:)

Raekwon

Wagon wrote: »

I dont know why they need to be unfriendly, sarcastic, arrogant and self centered anal gee bags that open their legs to anything with a foreign accent but that's how it is!.

You are going to get flamed to death for this comment

I do agree with you as I am not a fan of Irish women either, I actually really dislike them! But then again we are only talking about a very small minority on a planet of billions, so I wouldn't lose too much sleep over it if I were you guys

Eve_Dublin

Wagon wrote: »

I just never bother with Irish women as a whole. Got a great girlfriend now and suprise suprise, she isn't irish. I've talked to girls from plenty of different nationalities and the rudest ones are from my own country. i dont know why they need to be unfriendly, sarcastic, arrogant and self centered anal gee bags that open their legs to anything with a foreign accent but that's how it is! There's some nice ones too, but they are in the minority. This isnt really bitterness, just observation. so you arent alone mate.

Well I think we're on the same wavelength there then, bud. I'm not up for "mating" with an Irish guy any time soon...and big deal! Maybe this is natures way of forcing us to mate with people not from our own gene pool in order to save ourselves...by making us all utterly repulsed by each other. IN fairness, I've no interest in "mating" with a guy who looks like and acts like my brother anyway so it's all good. Variety is the spice of life and all that. Happy days!

bangersandmash

Wagon wrote: »

i dont know why they need to be unfriendly, sarcastic, arrogant and self centered anal gee bags that open their legs to anything with a foreign accent but that's how it is!

The same criticisms could be correctly levelled against Irish men. Us Irish are a pretty homogeneous bunch to say the least - 4 million people living on an isolated island on the fringe of Europe with very little cultural diversity until the last decade. The idea that Irish men and women are somehow culturally distinct is pretty hard to believe. Speaking generally we share the same narrow cultural nuances, demeanour, dating behaviour, and the same weaknesses regardless of gender.

As Eve pointed out, there's already a thread in Humanities where Irish people of one gender can point out the flaws of Irish people of the other gender, while exhibiting the very same flaws themselves.

Eve_Dublin

Wagon wrote: »

I just never bother with Irish women as a whole. Got a great girlfriend now and suprise suprise, she isn't irish. I've talked to girls from plenty of different nationalities and the rudest ones are from my own country. i dont know why they need to be unfriendly, sarcastic, arrogant and self centered anal gee bags that open their legs to anything with a foreign accent but that's how it is! There's some nice ones too, but they are in the minority. This isnt really bitterness, just observation. so you arent alone mate.

bangersandmash wrote: »

As Eve pointed out, there's already a thread in Humanities where Irish people of one gender can point out the flaws of Irish people of the other gender, while exhibiting the very same flaws themselves.

I think Wagon's post is a case in point bangersandmash. Unfriendly...check! Sarcastic...check! Rude and arrogant ...check! Will only sleep or date foreigners...check! Geebag? Well, I can't say your post made me your biggest fan after reading it, Wagon (which is disappointing actually because usually I agree with a lot of what you post...but turns out you dislike me by default) . Bitterness?? Course it is, what else is it!

No other Irish women read it and reacted to it because they don't need to point out the irony or state the obvious like I do. I'm an idiot for reacting, I suppose.

LegacyUser

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Well I think we're on the same wavelength there then, bud. I'm not up for "mating" with an Irish guy any time soon...and big deal!

OP here. How can you say that? You're writing the male population of this island off because of their nationality? Who cares where anyone's from? Is this some kind of self-loathing-irish thing? I thought that was for the jews?

Wagon

I didn't say all Irish women were like that but from what i've seen, the nice ones are in the minority. And yes i coud be looked upon as a sarcastic arrogant ****er but im just going on revious experience. I've always had more fun talking to another girl from a different nationality because i know when i try to strike up a conversation the chances are that she'll at least be friendly are much higher. I've been called ugly, retarded, a prick or a **** or told to **** off so many times ive lost count. I dont actually do the whole sleeze thing either. I just try being friendly.

After a while, your patience wears out.

Eve_Dublin

exexpat wrote: »

OP here. How can you say that? You're writing the male population of this island off because of their nationality? Who cares where anyone's from? Is this some kind of self-loathing-irish thing? I thought that was for the jews?

Well in fairness you did the same in your original post, OP but that's okay. I'm the same as you, I've always found Irish men hard to get to know past friends, not because I dislike them, just because that's the way it goes, they're not my cup of tea at the moment and because I want a bit of variety...I've had Irish boyfriends and the current guy I'm seeing is not and that's what I was referring to (I'm not the cheating kind). As I said before, there's no law saying we have to date each other. I'm not against ever going out with an Irish guy...just not at the minute.

I don't loath the Irish but we do hold contempt for each other that I just don't get and to be honest, the kinds of comments made before mine on their views of Irish women make me less inclined to bother trying anyway.

Not sure why you reacted to my comment and not theirs, to be honest. Mine were pretty benign in comparison.

Eve_Dublin

Wagon wrote: »

I didn't say all Irish women were like that but from what i've seen, the nice ones are in the minority. And yes i coud be looked upon as a sarcastic arrogant ****er but im just going on revious experience. I've always had more fun talking to another girl from a different nationality because i know when i try to strike up a conversation the chances are that she'll at least be friendly are much higher. I've been called ugly, retarded, a prick or a **** or told to **** off so many times ive lost count. I dont actually do the whole sleeze thing either. I just try being friendly.

After a while, your patience wears out.

So would you not just rise above that instead of coming on here and doing the same as what was done to you? You don't come across particularly well yourself. Why would Irish women bother with a guy who clearly dislikes them? Maybe that shows in your actions. Makes no sense and does nobody any favours.

LegacyUser

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Well in fairness you did the same in your original post, OP but that's okay...
Not sure why you reacted to my comment and not theirs, to be honest. Mine were pretty benign in comparison.

I didn't say I didn't WANT to go out with Irish girls, I just said it never seems to happen. To be honest after years of going out with foreign girls and the issues that arise with it, i.e. distance from home, family in other countries etc etc I'd like nothing more than to meet a nice girl from Dublin. Plus I'm starting to think there's something feckin' wrong with me if my fellow citizens don't see me as a prospective partner!
I'm picking up on your comments because it's interesting to hear a female perspective on our hatred of the other sex, I'm used to reading the usual comments from male posters on boards telling us about how fat, ugly, and total bitches from hell Irish women are!

Eve_Dublin

Why can't we all just get along? At least as friends if not lovers? Come on Ireland...we need a bit of love to get us through these tough time. Lets not do a Lord of the Flies on it here.

Eve_Dublin

exexpat wrote: »

I didn't say I didn't WANT to go out with Irish girls, I just said it never seems to happen. To be honest after years of going out with foreign girls and the issues that arise with it, i.e. distance from home, family in other countries etc etc I'd like nothing more than to meet a nice girl from Dublin. Plus I'm starting to think there's something feckin' wrong with me if my fellow citizens don't see me as a prospective partner!
I'm picking up on your comments because it's interesting to hear a female perspective on our hatred of the other sex, I'm used to reading the usual comments from male posters on boards telling us about how fat, ugly, and total bitches from hell Irish women are!

No, I've had many Irish boyfriends...the majority of them have been Irish but I've lived abroad for 5 years and just so happened that I met foreign men. As i said before, I love Irish men's sense of humour and obviously our common culture is a plus (in that I dont have to explain the way I am)...to a point. The problem I felt with Irish men for me was getting past the friends thing...I've accumulated loads of Irish friends on the way...and one or two of them I've fancied but I always felt they lacked the confidence to be straight without the assistance of alchohol. I do like Irish men and the funny thing is, I get them because I can see a lot of myself in their actions. We probably understand the insecurities of Irish men more than foreign women do. I found myself defending Irish men when I was travelling because foreign girls didn't get why Irish men (and women) had to get hammered all the time in a social setting.

Self-loathing and a dislike for each other comes down to lack of confidence, would you agree OP? It would be nice if we all acknowledged that this is the case instead of making it worse with the type of abusive comments up here. It just adds to the already existing contempt.

In fairness, if Irish women had such contempt for Irish guys, why aren't there as many threads posted up by use about how repulsive and hideous we find you? Because it ain't true, that's why.

Listen, don't worry about it. I'm not joking when I say we have to broaden the gene-pool for health reasons so lets take advantage of the multi-cultural island we live on now like other countries worldwide.

BusterHighman

Wow i cant believe how seriously people took took this topic, to the point of arguing and having to seemingly defend their gender. I seem 2 be in a minority here but im an Irish bloke who thinks Irish women are great but having said that i can definitely understand where the OP is coming from.

I have rarely encountered women from outside of Ireland who engage in such mindf***s as the Irish(both genders really are 2 blame) , be it the chatting up banter or the 'fun' game of seeing who can ignore the other the most during the whole chase period.

That said the banter can be one of the most enjoyable ways of getting 2 know someone, especially in a club where you're not going 2 be exactly swapping life stories. During your time away you probably got used 2 simple conversation starters and pleasantries and although there is certainly nothing wrong with these most of the time they wont work here, well on the Irish ladies anyway. Although a lot of people judge the banter 2 be boorish and rude i think it actually is a far better determinant of someones wit and intellect than them being able 2 rattle on about something they did in college.

Essentially if you ever do find yourself having an interest again in the Irish wimmen then the banter and rough introductions are just something that requires practice,something you can get plenty of in a night out.It can actually be a fair bit of craic once ya get the hang of it. So no theres def not something wrong with you OP, its simply that most of the Irish females these days are a very different animal to that you used 2 dealing with. But as they say the harder the hunt, the better the bounty. >ignore username<

Lux23

BusterHighman wrote: »

I have rarely encountered women from outside of Ireland who engage in such mindf***s as the Irish(both genders really are 2 blame) , be it the chatting up banter or the 'fun' game of seeing who can ignore the other the most during the whole chase period.
<

God this is so true. Why do we feel the need to ignore each other during the chasing part? Its like its ingrained, e.g. I get a text message from a guy I like but I decide to wait a couple of hours so I don't seem eager instead of texting him back straight away when I am free to do so.

My opinion is that as a nation we are still in our early teens when it comes to sex and realtionships, we only had our sexual revolution in the last ten years. So we are still behaving like kids in a playground, standing around gawping at each other and showing our interest by pulling hair and scraping faces.

So I guess OP its not you thats the problem, its the whole bloody island. How to get around this? I would love to know!!

LegacyUser

bater this, slagging that... Ok so I'm just not cut out for that carry on with strangers in nightclubs etc, I guess I'm just not compatible then. I'm lucky it's not the 80s or something when there were no foreigners here or i'd be dying a lonely old man.

LegacyUser

Wagon wrote: »

I didn't say all Irish women were like that but from what i've seen, the nice ones are in the minority. And yes i coud be looked upon as a sarcastic arrogant ****er but im just going on revious experience. I've always had more fun talking to another girl from a different nationality because i know when i try to strike up a conversation the chances are that she'll at least be friendly are much higher. I've been called ugly, retarded, a prick or a **** or told to **** off so many times ive lost count. I dont actually do the whole sleeze thing either. I just try being friendly.

After a while, your patience wears out.

oh my god where are you going that girls talk to you like this?And what are you saying to get that reaction?


Is it possible these moments, where the opposite sex put down and reject the other in rude and sarcastic ways, take place in cheesy clubs?Or kind of pick up/meat markets? I would never be so rude to someone who came up to chat to me. The worst I would do would to say sorry and walk/turn away if they were annoying or drunk. But to be honest I dont get many guys coming up to me. I am single and have been told I am pretty. Id love if a nice Irish guy came up to me. In fact I go up to them more than they come up to me.

I go out to bars/pubs/gigs mainly places along Camden st or my local. I think the clubs or pick certain bars have a sleazy and shallow vibe(like Dakota..?just off the cuff, I remember lots of sleazy people there) so maybe this is where it is taking place?

Oh The Humanity

It is so true of both genders. Men are just as bad Im sorry to say!

I am a friendly person and when I was single would talk to anyone. What never failed to amaze me was how contemptuous guys could be. So up themselves assuming if you were shooting the breeze with them you would be trying to chat them up. I mean I don't fancy clean cut types but it doesn't mean I wouldn't pass the time of day with anyone but basically I like rockers so with most lads if I chat to them I would be only passing the time.

But all these wet sops with plucked eyebrows seem to be labouring under the misapprehension that every women on the planet is just dreaming of getting into their shiny 'slacks' :rolleyes:

I'd be laughing internally at them thinking they are 'knocking you back' when you wouldn't fancy them in a month of Sundays!

Im a tomboy and very at ease in a pub but I started to steer clear of even making normal eye contact for the filthy looks you'd get and Im not an ogre to look at! However seeing as Im not a 'page 3 stunna' apparently I was dirt on the floor for daring to show my face in public!

And this thing where you get the fellas in the street walking along craning their necks to look at themselves in the glass of buildings! Where did that come from?

Anyway, screw them I say, leave them to each other and as Eve said we need the fresh blood!

Eve_Dublin

BusterHighman wrote: »

Wow i cant believe how seriously people took took this topic, to the point of arguing and having to seemingly defend their gender. I seem 2 be in a minority here but im an Irish bloke who thinks Irish women are great but having said that i can definitely understand where the OP is coming from.

I have rarely encountered women from outside of Ireland who engage in such mindf***s as the Irish(both genders really are 2 blame) , be it the chatting up banter or the 'fun' game of seeing who can ignore the other the most during the whole chase period.

That said the banter can be one of the most enjoyable ways of getting 2 know someone, especially in a club where you're not going 2 be exactly swapping life stories. During your time away you probably got used 2 simple conversation starters and pleasantries and although there is certainly nothing wrong with these most of the time they wont work here, well on the Irish ladies anyway. Although a lot of people judge the banter 2 be boorish and rude i think it actually is a far better determinant of someones wit and intellect than them being able 2 rattle on about something they did in college.

Essentially if you ever do find yourself having an interest again in the Irish wimmen then the banter and rough introductions are just something that requires practice,something you can get plenty of in a night out.It can actually be a fair bit of craic once ya get the hang of it. So no theres def not something wrong with you OP, its simply that most of the Irish females these days are a very different animal to that you used 2 dealing with. But as they say the harder the hunt, the better the bounty. >ignore username<

Good points. All this over-analysis and petulance kind of takes the fun out it for me, tbh. I do find it hard to take comments like Wagon's on the chin though and the lack of self-awareness to realise that responding in kind to the abuse he received from Irish women is equally as bad.

But I think Buster and Oh the Humanity hit the nail on the head posts ago (and I was only rambling). Dont' think we're going to change any time soon so I suppose you just have to go with the flow, OP.

LegacyUser

So i don't often leave messages on this forum, mainly because its "relationship issuses" and it seems like so many others on boards I am single. The amount of forums that have started lately about people saying... its so hard to meet someone, how can i approach someone... why are girls so unfriendly... is not surprising at all! I am in a single girl in Dublin and I am waiting for some nice guy to chat to me on a friday or Saturday night in a pub in dublin. I completely agree that there are girls out there that make this difficult and give the rest of us a bad name! Most of my friends are settled now and going out with people they met in college. When we go out I make a point of going to the bar on my own rather than spending the whole time with a unapproachable group of couples!.. hoping that one of the nice posters on boards who writes in these forums will be there to sweep me off my feet.:-) Maybe i wouldn't want to spend a whole night talking about someones travels but It is so rude to say what someone said to the OP. People have to start somewhere when striking up a converstation! so to the OP, there are girls out there happy to have a conversations... without the slagging and b*lls**t that not all of us find so easy! So don't give up hope, there will be girls like you looking for a chat, it's just a matter of finding us! Don't ask me how... i'm still trying to fugure out that one!

ciagr297

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

The problem I felt with Irish men for me was getting past the friends thing...I've accumulated loads of Irish friends on the way...and one or two of them I've fancied but I always felt they lacked the confidence to be straight without the assistance of alchohol.

yep, i hear ya on this one, and it used to annoy me alot. but then i realised that it could have been my fault as well for not paying attention to the signals he was sending me. i've got a little better at picking up these things, i hope!

i worry sometimes that us irish gals have a tendancy to dominate (in the wrong ways) irish boys, then it all goes wrong and the next time round we are all mean to them cause we still haven't got a clue. i try to be nicer to irish boys cause i'm thinking of that. i don't see the point in being nasty to a guy trying to chat me up. 'course if he is totally legless and i'm sober, thats different.

As BusterHighman said "the banter can be one of the most enjoyable ways of getting 2 know someone, especially in a club where you're not going 2 be exactly swapping life stories." - although it can be difficult to find someone to banter with, when you do its just the best thing:D:D

ciagr297

Unregistered wrote: »

People have to start somewhere when striking up a converstation! so to the OP, there are girls out there happy to have a conversations... without the slagging and b*lls**t that not all of us find so easy! So don't give up hope, there will be girls like you looking for a chat, it's just a matter of finding us! Don't ask me how... i'm still trying to fugure out that one!

ditto...we are out there...don't give up OP!

angelfalling

I hear you OP. Have loads of Irish guy friends who have had serious difficulties finding partners. They are nice guys, but god help them during a night out.

I'm an American expat (female) and I have to say that I have found it very difficult to even make friends with Irish women. Most of my friends are expats (of all different nationalities)- we often commiserate this same fact. When I was simply out in the pub, I used to get the death stare just for going out and sitting alone watching my boyfriend play in bands. I'm probably too nice-- I'm attractive and I smile at strangers if they meet my eye out of kindness, say excuse me, etc and look "approachable". I'll happily have a nice little chat with someone as long as they are being nice to me, even though I'm not looking for a partner. The most common thing I hear from friends is that Irish women don't put themselves out there as approachable or friendly and won't give a guy two seconds.
I don't find rudeness the same as funny banter or the slagging you do amongst friends. Rude is rude. I'm sarcastic, there is line, though. If you have to play some sort of ridiculous game to get through the cold icy orange coated shell, she's probably not worth the trouble! You're best bet for finding a nice Irish girl probably won't be in the pub, anyways. My partner has 5 intelligent, attractive sisters, but they wouldn't be out dressed to the nines in the pub on a Friday night, either.

That said, I know a lot of female American expats. All with Irish male partners. I don't know any American guys over here married to Irish women. What that says exactly, I don't know.

Eve_Dublin

angelfalling wrote: »

I hear you OP. Have loads of Irish guy friends who have had serious difficulties finding partners. They are nice guys, but god help them during a night out.

I'm an American expat (female) and I have to say that I have found it very difficult to even make friends with Irish women. Most of my friends are expats (of all different nationalities)- we often commiserate this same fact. When I was simply out in the pub, I used to get the death stare just for going out and sitting alone watching my boyfriend play in bands. I'm probably too nice-- I'm attractive and I smile at strangers if they meet my eye out of kindness, say excuse me, etc and look "approachable". I'll happily have a nice little chat with someone as long as they are being nice to me, even though I'm not looking for a partner. The most common thing I hear from friends is that Irish women don't put themselves out there as approachable or friendly and won't give a guy two seconds.
I don't find rudeness the same as funny banter or the slagging you do amongst friends. Rude is rude. I'm sarcastic, there is line, though. If you have to play some sort of ridiculous game to get through the cold icy orange coated shell, she's probably not worth the trouble! You're best bet for finding a nice Irish girl probably won't be in the pub, anyways. My partner has 5 intelligent, attractive sisters, but they wouldn't be out dressed to the nines in the pub on a Friday night, either.

That said, I know a lot of female American expats. All with Irish male partners. I don't know any American guys over here married to Irish women. What that says exactly, I don't know.

I had the exact same experience as you when I lived in the States...a lot of American girls just did not want to know. Back-stabbing, dirty glances, competitiveness, b*tchiness and accusations of trying to steal their men if I even spoke to them. A vast majority of my friends were foreign. You're going to find this attitude among females everywheere you go...I've lived in a few cities around the world and I came across this everywhere...I would have a few local friends but generally they were from other countries...we'd more in common because we left our sheltered lives. People who've seen a bit more of the world tend to be more open-minded...don't forget that. This is not exclusively an Irish thing Angelfalling...and not all of us have a propensity to wear orange coloured fake tan (nice bit of catty backstabbing there, btw as if to hightlight my point)

Eve_Dublin

angelfalling wrote: »

That said, I know a lot of female American expats. All with Irish male partners. I don't know any American guys over here married to Irish women. What that says exactly, I don't know.

I'm going to have a stab in the dark here and guess this means that your American friends are going out with some Irish guys. What's you're point? Kind of a pointless thing to highlight...because you don't know any American men going out with Irish women, they don't exist?? Rrrrright. Silly line of argument.

Most of my female Irish friends living here are going out with or marrying Irish guys and my sister and best friend are married to American guys; my sister living here and my friend living there. I went out with an American guy for 2 and a half years in my early twenties. This also proves nothing just that people have different tastes. I think it's quite obvious what you're trying to imply but that makes you no better than those b*tchy Irish women as far as I'm concerned.