Gaining sexual confidence in bed so can perform better for girlfriend.

LegacyUser

Hi,

Slightly embarased by this post thats why I am goining unregged for it.

Basically Im not that confident when it comes to having sex with women.(Im male )
I have slept with women, but to be honest they were all drunken romps, and on some occasions I couldnt actually perform! Due to the amount of alcohol consumed or stress, or maybe a mixture of both! But that shall not be happening again...EVER!!

TBH, do I didnt really care because at the times when I could perform I only cared about myself, a selfish lover so to speak so when I was done, I was done and I was happy. Didnt really care how the girl had faired!

But now im with a fantastic gorgeous girl who I care for dearly and I really want to up my game for her! I would love for her to be able to enjoy it and ultimately climax!

So im looking for help, would anybody have any suggeastions as to maybe some books to read or anything, that could help me have a better understanding of sex and how to perform better in bed so that its enjoyable for my girl! Basically I just want to be good in bed so any help, esp from the ladies I would love to her from you guys!

Thanks for taking the time out to read my post and look forward to reading your replies.

username123

The best teacher you can have is your new lady.

Ask her what she likes, ask her guidance, ask her to show you what she enjoys.

Most of all, relax and enjoy yourself.

Michellenman

Ask her what she wants/likes. Listen to her, take her suggestions on board and put them in to practice. If she doesn't like it it will be obvious, the same will be said for if she does like it. The fact that you're asking here shows you really want to make it good and I'm sure that's obvious to her too when you're with her.

Monkey61

Obviously communication is the key, but some people are rubbish at talking about stuff like that. In a new relationship I would rather poke my eyes out with pens then be asked exactly what I wanted in the bedroom. I'd much rather start off with trial and error and discover things together rather than being quizzed. I might be wrong, but if someone is confident enough to explain to someone exactly what they want then they are probably confident enough to bring it up without being asked.

Why don't you do a bit of internet research first. A quick google search will turn up loads of tips and ideas. Then you can try out some basic and simple stuff in the bedroom and gauge her reaction from that, ask her how stuff feels and such and modify it from there. Or it might raise specific questions and then you can ask her if she likes x,y and z, which gives her a much easier platform to answer from then just asking "what do you want?"

Lana80

Try to focus on how you can feel more relaxed and confident i.e. less stressed.
Try to be in the moment . Once you really do that you'll have a ball. The sex will be great. Try not to doubt yourself. Good luck.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, as said ask your gal what she likes or gauge her response to certain things yourself.
If however you want to get a bit sex savy before asking/tyring somethin new look, look up a few websites. Personally i would say some articles in on cosmopolitan.com, askmen.com, maybe the lovers guide..all will have sections devoted to pleasing her. Am sure she will be delighted your showin this effort to make her happy and being generous..best of luck and enjoy:D

I am with the other posters here, the only person who can help you with this is the girl herself.

The only thing you can really do is lose any notion you have that there are things girls like or do not like or that there is a “right” way to do anything in bed. What is good for one will be bad for another. What seems perverted and sick to one, will be the favourite thing to do of another.

They are as diverse sexually as they are in appearance and only she can tell you what works.

The key is talk talk talk talk and listen listen listen. I’m currently with two girls which makes the bedroom even more complicated and I can tell you that the only thing I am sure of after 2 years is that without communication, nothing else would work at all. So get communicating.

narac

What Monkey61 said was absolutely right. Don't just go in and say "how do you like it, honey?" Well, you probably wouldn't do that anyways, but you get the idea. A lot of people are more comfortable "doing" something than talking about it - it's daft, but it's true. So if you start questioning your gf about what she likes, you may turn her off completely. What you need to do is...explore. Trial and error is the only way you'll find out what she likes, and you'll know when she likes something and when she doesn't, even if she doesn't say a word

Also, you've got to remember that even if she doesn't like something at the beginning, as she gets to know, trust and be more comfortable with you, she may want to try more things and experiment more. So if she doesn't like something in the first few times you have sex, don't be afraid to try again after a while. But always, always, always be gentle...never appear over eager to do something that she might not like.

And best of luck! She's lucky to have a guy that's so eager to please her!

Fiend-Foe

To paraphrase something I heard on two and a half men yesterday, your much better off being able to do the simple stuff well than doing the fancy stuff badly. So take it slowly and get used to one another, you'll be able to judge what she likes.

togat

Im going to take a guess that the OP was asking specifically about intercourse (apologies if I am wrong).

This is a daunting job for a bloke these days. In my experience the lady contributes very little at this stage of the game, leaving all the tough physical work to the man. He is expected to be able to go for long periods of time always finding the mark. I dont think women appreciate just how hard this is. I get tired just thinking about it. Two minutes of missionary sex for me is more draining than 5k on the rowing machine!

My three pieces of advice.

1. Get thee to the gym. If you want to give your girl what she has come to expect from watching Sex in the City and similar, then you are going to need to build up some serious ab strength and general stamina!

2. Find some less exhausting positions that you both like. This can be awkward at the beginning of a relationship, but if youve got a clear idea of the position you would like to engineer, then you should be able to slowly lead her into it during foreplay without having to abruptly flip, bend or twist her like a rag doll.

3. Foreplay! Your probably more capable in this regard than you realise. Be gentle (at first) and creative, and look, listen and feel for her responses. You won't need to verbally ask her if "this is good". If its not, you will know.

Try to have a little confidence in yourself, but dont get cocky! (no pun).

LegacyUser

Personally, I enjoy sex the most when its obvious that my boyfriend is really enjoying himself. So maybe being a slightly selfish lover isn't a bad thing. Don't waste time doing anything with/to your girlfriend that isn't turning you on as well because chances are she'll know if you aren't into it and/or are getting bored and that's a real turn off.

So, while its really nice that you are trying to please her, it might work out better for the both of you if you just relax and enjoy yourself without thinking about it too much.

One other thing that makes for great sex (in my limited experience ) is if you are feeling really sexy. You can help out there by telling her how fantastic and gorgeous she is. It was very sweet to read that in your post and I'm sure she'd like to hear it herself.

VaioCruiser

OP. Listen to me.

Sex is not a 'performance'.

Follow your natural inbuilt feelings for her, show her how you feel when you are together, take it SLOW !!

Along the way talk to her and tell her you feel nervous and exchange feelings on what you both want.

Remember ... Sex is not a 'performance' ... most especially for a woman.


All the best.

LegacyUser

I agree with posters who say to just take things as they go...not to perform. However I'm in the opposite position (maybe you're my new boyfriend!) as I can't get him to relax and he loses his erection and stuff...and I know he's turned on but nervous. Any advice on calming him down? I don't want this to become an issue and make him more nervous!