Is he cheating?

LegacyUser

He had told me about this girl from Galway he met years ago (we live in Dublin). They had a kiss but nothing more and talked for a while by phone after that. He was telling me from day one she was calling him at all hours of the night completely drunk and I didn’t pass much heed cos some people are mad. We were out on sat night and his mobile was in my bag and at one stage about 12 midnight when we were just home it started ringing so I passed it to him and it was this girl. He was about to cut it off and I said answer it and maybe this is the time to tell her to stop drink calling you. He did answer, said hello etc and told her he was out with his gf. I heard her tell him ' you said you would call me back this week'. I nearly died and told him to put it on loud speaker… Anyway he said I was there and asked what she wanted and she said to talk to him…I took his phone and in front of it check and saw he had called her on the 4th. There was also a text there saying ‘sorry I am on a call and will be in touch soon, thanks’. That was sent as she was calling when I was there at 12.05 but he said he has a automatic text that goes if he rejects a call – didn’t know if this is possible but he did send the same one back to me when I tried to call him.

Her calls went on and on even though she knew I was there so he turned off the phone cos she kept ringing - she was v drunk…

I cant go into it but he works in an industry in which there are just a small number of large players in Ireland. He heard that his job is on the line and also that another of the competitor companies are about to let a lot of people go– this would flood the market with people with his qualifications all looking for the same jobs. He heard rumours that one of the companies was about to close this week and said he called her cos her Dad is a close friend of the owner and he wanted an update. I don’t know what to believe. If she is so nuts then why call her about this?

He has lied to me about other big issues before, which he fully justified, but I always trusted him with regard other women…. He has female friends and I have no issue with him talking to them and meeting them etc. I don’t know if I am being taken for a fool here..

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What was the last time he was actually IN Galway?

LegacyUser

I dont know when he was in Galway but he has a home in the west (not Galway) and goes there from time to time on his own. he also works away up the north approx 5 days per week. Its a small country. I am not paranoid and dont want to have him on a lead but it sounds dodgy to me. If she is such a nuisance why call her?

blairbear

Even if that text back to her wasn't automatic, it's a very formal text to send to anyone, even a friend, let alone someone you're cheating with! So either it was automatic or it was a business related text. He could very well be telling the truth about her business connections and wanting to get info from her dad, which may be why he was being nicer to her of late.

She's sounds like she's very upset and attached to him though for someone he only scored once.. Maybe prior to you guys going out there was more to their relationship but he fudged the truth slightly on that count? You really can't know everything about your boyfriend and there may be slightly more to the story than he's let on, but objectively it doesn't sound like he's cheating on you to me anyway. If it's imperative that he gets this info for work off her, then he should fire ahead, but if he can avoid contacting her even about this, he really should. It's not fair to her either to use her to squeeze some classified business information out of her.

puglover

I have to say it does sound a bit suspicios, but there really isn't enough evidence to say if it's a case of cheating.

I've seen alot where guys stay in touch with someone like this who they know is interested in them because they like the ego boost. Do you think it could be this?

I think the best thing you can so is sit him down, tell him that it's been on your mind and you'd like an explanation.

LegacyUser

Thats part of my issue... She is not involved in the industry and could only be able to update him on heresay and may have some general info. Dont see why he would drag it all up again and start her calls again for this level of general info. If the company is going bust then she would be of no use to him getting him a job there.. HE said it was a long distance flirtation but thats the height of it cos she started the drunk calling at this time and he wasnt into her after that.

Little Miss Cutie

OP
I have a function on my phone (its a nokia phone) that if I reject a call it will send a text to the caller, you can set it to say whatever you want so I would believe him when he says that.
Also not that I know much about cheating but if he was cheating surely he wouldnt leave his phone around for you to see?
I am not saying that he defo isn't cheating but I imagine she is just a bunny-boiler and that he is willing to put with that if he can find out about his job.

VaioCruiser

Show a little trust in the guy... sometimes we have to deal with difficult people and it's not always easy to explain every time.

Taltos

VaioCruiser wrote: »

Show a little trust in the guy... sometimes we have to deal with difficult people and it's not always easy to explain every time.

+1
The big thing in his favour here is he answered the phone and put it on speaker with you. Knowing full well that she was prob out of her tree... So gawd know what she could have said.

That aside though - the fact that you are feeling this way is an indicator that all is not rosey in the land of your relationship. You both need to address this to figure out what is going wrong here.

However from little we can see above - we cannot tell if he really is cheating. He might be - but then again he might not. So sit down and figure it out before your fears consume you and ruin what might be a really good relationship. The only thing about your post is that he has lied to you before - so it is no wonder really you are worried... Let him know this.

Just keep your eyes open and don't jump to any conclusions without proof or an admittance of guilt.

LegacyUser

Well I was sneaky and she has an unusual name so I got her phone number from enquiries. I checked his phone bills from May and June which he had left lying round and he has not been in touch with her. I hate doing this but I was cheated on before and I will not just take strange things at face value any more.

Taltos

Confused gf wrote: »

I hate doing this but I was cheated on before and I will not just take strange things at face value any more.

Do you know if I was your OH I would not be able to cope with being snooped on and would just walk.
Be aware though that sometimes by trying to prevent something you can in fact cause it to occur.
Really think you need to deal with the emotions from that last relationship and not allow them to ruin this one on you cause trust me - unless he is very easy going and forgiving you will ruin this one...

TBH - I would be totally disgusted if my OH tarred me with the same brush as one of her ex's, there is a strong risk that I would lose all respect for her - and as above more than likely I would skip away merrily down the road humming "Dodged a Bullet, tra-la-la-dee-dee.." ...

LegacyUser

He doesnt and could not know I did that. Am not proud but I am only getting back t try to trust him after he told me a big lie and this happens. I have talked it over with him and it wont come up again but I will keep my eyes open..

puglover

Confused gf wrote: »

Well I was sneaky and she has an unusual name so I got her phone number from enquiries. I checked his phone bills from May and June which he had left lying round and he has not been in touch with her. I hate doing this but I was cheated on before and I will not just take strange things at face value any more.

Well I am sorry but that behaviour is wrong. You are at risk of losing his trust for this, it's as bad as any he told you would have been.

You need to start being open an honest with each other or you'll both be on the fast track to singledom

LegacyUser

I know its wrong and I have with him 16 months and have never checked up on him. It was just the way he reacted that seemed so odd but then we had been out for dinner and had a few drinks on board so I could be wrong...

He is very secretive with his phone but i just put that down to him being the way he is... The story is always chaning with him even on innocent things like today. He called when he got up this mroning, said he was on call til 4 and would be home after (from where he works - 2.5 hours away). I normally call him when he is on the road for a chat and called assuming he was but he was still in the house above cos he is on call til 5... Now thats a small thing and can be easily explained away but this is continuously happening...

He told me ages aho he blocked her number and then said he hadnt.... He seems just to say what he thinks I want to hear and I hate it... I try to be honest (recent behaviour excluded) but this silly stuff seems to be continuous...

LegacyUser

Sorry meant to say I assume he would be on the road but he said he was on call til 5.... Its small changes to what eh says but regular...