Over Confident all of a sudden!

LegacyUser

Right, so first up here's a little backround check.
I've spent a good chunk of my life lost in the world of depression, usual rediculasly low self asteem, wanting to give up, not finding enjoyment in anything and at the same time wanting desperatly to meet someone (feeling alone)

Anyway I'm now 26 (m) and somewhat recovered having going through theropy and during the recovery ride i managed to get myself a girl, and she's everything a guy could ask, beautiful, funny and intelligent. We've being going out for the past couple of months.
Now the problem is were in a LDR and we've met up on several ocasions, had an amazing time togeather and during the period of the time we spent togeather we fell in love "or so i thought". I was crazy about her and am actully really happy when i'm with her, however the problem now is that during that time we've been togeather i agreed to move over to her, yet were apart alot and i can't help but find myself questioning alot.

Ontop of things my gf has fallen so deaply in love with me that its causing her pain in being apart. I never want to cause someone pain but am forced to by being apart from her in the first place and am now feeling that if i don't move i'll just be the cause of more pain.

Yet at the same time i can't help but wonder if this is all part of my depression.
Am i jumping into this as a crutch? to feel security where there was none before?
Then at the same time my own confidence is boosted to the aspect that i know myself i'm actully an attractive guy and that i've missed out on soooo much living in a hole for so long that i want to explore that aspect, ya know go out on the pull.. i've even had girls try chat me up over the times i've been out.

I've never really been in a relationship so i'm abit lost on how to deal with it? should i even be thinking about all these things and just go and move over?

Otis Driftwood

Hi OP.

First off,well done on getting your self sorted,its never an easy thing to admit being depressed.

As to your question.What I would say is stop second guessing yourself.You have met someone that you love,and she loves you.Of course the distance is not ideal but if its feasible for you (or her) to relocate to be closer then go for it.
As you said yourself,you missed out on alot because of the depression so do you want to miss out on what could be a wonderful relationship.
I think your head is being turned a little when you are out alone and this is raising the questions in your head.If you were out with her then generally you wouldnt be getting chatted up by other females.Obviously the distance doesnt allow for you both to be together so this comes back to whether you are willing to move or not.

Its really a question you can answer yourself but what I would say is throw caution to the wind and go for it.

I hope it all works out for you both.

LegacyUser

Thanks alot for the reply
I guess i'm just alittle shook up about moving to another country for a girl i've gone out with for 2 months.
Could be right though, guess the risk of not going may just lead to regret.

SarahMc

Woah there... Moving to a different country for someone you have been going out with for 2 months is too hasty imo.


Congratulations on doing so much work on yourself, and building up your self esteem. I think perhaps you need to continue to focus on yourself, she sounds quite needy tbh, and may hinder your recovery, particulary if you are in a strage country with no job/friends etc.

Think carefully about this one OP.

Otis Driftwood

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks alot for the reply
I guess i'm just alittle shook up about moving to another country for a girl i've gone out with for 2 months.
Could be right though, guess the risk of not going may just lead to regret.

Ah,that puts a different slant on it.I just assumed that this person was also in Ireland.

I would tend to agree with SarahMc if thats the case.Continue as you are for now,do some research on the country (if its continental Europe or beyond) in terms of jobs,living expenses etc but most of all focus on what you want.

LegacyUser

Yeah this is what i'm afraid of.
I actully brought up the "more time" issue and she kinda freaked out abit and got really upset.. i guess the circumstances are not ideal, i mean at most we'll be able to meet once a month, but she told me she can't handle doing that for long, and then on another note said she'd wait forever for me.

I don't get it at times.. what does it take to make a LDR work anyway?
Lots and lots of patience?

Das Kitty

Yeah OP, 2 months is a little soon.

You're probably on an up after the depression so are feeling the urge to do lots of things right now.

If it's going to last with your girlfriend it can take another while of LDR. Don't be pressurised.

LegacyUser

Well aparently my wants are causing severe conflict to the point i'm being questioned weather or not i want to still be with her.
I honestly couldn't answer that question, whats wrong with me? shouldn't i be jumping with reasons?

I don't know if i should even continue this, i mean i'm ment to be "the love of her life". yet can't help but wonder why she thinks THAT high of me.
Which is also bugging me because we got togeather after couple of weeks after she broke up with her ex (yes it gets complex)

Any help with this whole situation would be greatly appreciated before i confront her again online this evening.

Das Kitty

You need to give yourself time to get on an even keel to be honest. If she doesn't understand that she's not worth the effort.

tommy21

Two months is too soon imo. What happens (and don't think that it will but it is a possibility) if the relationship falls apart after a month over there? If it's meant to be both of you will wait. Keep meeting up as much as possibly, use Skype in the interm (a poor substitute I know :P) and if things are still rosy at 6 months and you can't bear it any longer, then maybe look into moving. If you can afford to take some time off, why not go over to her for two weeks straight or something?