Don't want to live abroad, but...

LegacyUser

Long time poster with a stupid problem.

My girlfriend went to NZ two months ago on a WHV. Last year I said I'd come with her after saving a bit of money, which I'm doing and I've booked my ticket/WHV/insurance for the end of September.

TBH I told her I'd go because I wanted to make her happy. I'll still go, but it's really only for her as I'm not really that interested in living abroad. I really do miss her and we get on great, always have.

The other problem is that she's running out of money fairly fast. She'll start looking for a job very soon, but I suspect she doesn't have enough money to keep her going until I get there if she doesn't find a job (she's in catering). She hasn't told me how much she has left but has said she'd running out of the stuff. Hostels are expensive and rooms are even more expensive when a month's deposit is factored in.

So here's the stupid part (apart from not wanting to go in the first place): I've resigned myself to go. Other people I've told say I'll enjoy it, and I probably will. But that's contingent on being able to travel around for a bit, which I won't be able to do if she's running out of money because it'll look like I don't care. The other bit is if she runs out of money just as I get over it'll be a colossal waste of money for me (accommodation, flight back to Ireland etc). Caught between a rock and a hard place.

What do I do? The sensible option I suppose is to treat it as a holiday and try to come back with at least a few euro. Oh, I should've said, I'm kinda tightfisted, which doesn't help.

I read this yesterday and found it a bit confusing but I hate seeing threads here with no replies so I'll give it a go

How long are we talking about here?

Your girlfriend's timing is bizarre. I would have been working my ass off while my boyfriend wasn't there so I could have some time off and travel with him when he arrived. Is the problem that when you arrive she won't be able to travel?

You'll just have do your travelling while she works. I understand this defeats the purpose of the trip to a certain extent, but you have to make the best of a bad situation.

Frankly, it looks like you don't want to go and, if she doesn't sort herself out quickly, she'll be back here soon in any case.

Terodil

I'm afraid there's a bit of a doormat thing going on here...

1. How was the decision to go down there made in the first place? Did your gf discuss this massive step in the relationship with you, or did she just come up with 'oh I've got a WHV to NZ, bye'?

2. If you don't want to go, then why are you telling her you would? Has any discussion taken place on where each of you sees your relationship over the coming months?

3. Are you actually sure that she would like you to follow her? Has she ever said so? Or are you just assuming so and doing it anyway?

4. What were her plans for survival? Sorry to be blunt here but... did she count on you going over and bailing her out? What were her plans for over there? Did they just not work out or were they never sound to begin with?

R.D. aka MR.D

How long have you been seeing each other? It seems like there is a lack of communication.

You should be able to discuss this all with her and come up with the best solution for the both of you.
She should know even a vague plan by now.

Don;t do anything you REALLY don't want to do! It's your life and you certainly shouldn't be unhappy in a relationship.