How to have more self discipline...

LegacyUser

I suppose this one involves booze and women, lol...

Over the last few months, I've been out every few weeks and end up getting drunk, pretty much for the sake of it. I know I'll feel horrible the next day. The next day is always a write off.
I did it again last night, at a function. i said I wouldn't drink, but got there, didn't know many people, so thought "I'll have some pints to loosed the tongue"..
Sure enough I ended up drunk.

Also, the last few weeks, I've ended up with women at the end of the night (didn't sleep with them, but would have) that I have no real interest in looks or personality wise. I suppose I think "She's into you, you can pull her if you want", and of course with the booze I go "yep..."

If I was out sober, I woudn't really be throwing the eye, I'd just have the craic and go home.

I am pretty fed up meeting random women. It's not that I meet them every week, but it seems to be available if I want it, however with women I have no real interest in..

For all I know, I could have a bad rep at this stage....

I dunno if drink is a contributing factor to this. I would say it is. I don't have a drink problem, as I could go weeks without it, but I'm thinking of just giving it up altogether.

I know I'll bump into some of these women again, and what do I say....? "Sorry, I was drunk, and was looking to get my end away?"

Apart from that, I would feel better the next day after being out, and have more money in the pocket.

So it comes down to discipline. I should be able to have a few pints and not have to go scouting around. It's just self discipline really? I'm in my 30s so am fed up of it at this stage. Is this the way it's going to be for the foreseable future?? I know when I go out, I end up drinking pints because I don't want to drink coke for the night, but I feel "ah, you won't be out next week, go mad!". I have a wedding in 2 weeks, will be going on my own, and just know already, the day after I'll be a write off, and I'll have tried it on with someone I'm not into....

It's like I'm trying to psych myself up to say "don't drink for the day, just stay sober, have the craic, don't make a complete idiot out of yourself. Again "

ManOfMystery

To be honest, you've answered your own issue. You just need more self discipline.

Every time you have a pint, have a glass of water or a soft drink after, instead of another pint. That way you'll still be able to have a drink, but hopefully you'll only consume half as much alcohol as you normally do. FORCE yourself to do this. No-one else can do it for you.

LegacyUser

I suppose so. I'd love to just go cold turkey on booze, not even a pint here or there. I cannot think of any reason it could be in any way good for me. I can only think of stupid situations that were as a result of drink. I just need the discipline, as you say...

Lana80

Dont think it's about self discipline. There is self discipline involved in going for weeks without drink,as you said yourself. Sounds to me like there's a deeper issue going on here. The drinking appears to be the symptom. Settling for less in the romance department. Are you avoiding going for someone you are into for fear of rejection or something else?

waitinforatrain

This has been my big question for the last few years as I have major problems with binge eating, and I haven't gotten anywhere near perfection, but here's what I've learned:

1. Restriction is destined to failure. You'll see this in a lot of meditation/NLP/self-hypnosis/magick texts, the simplest explanation being from NLP if you're not spiritually-inclined: "your brain doesn't respond to negatives". i.e. if you have to think about "not drinking" then your whole mindset is centered around alcohol, and you know the way denying yourself something makes it worse!

Instead of thinking about what you don't want, you have to think about what you do want, REALLY think about it. When you're not looking, Mr. Brain is going to go for whatever it has been told to do, and you've already communicated to your brain what to do by thinking about drinking. You have to KNOW and VISUALISE for yourself the benefits, to know that not drinking outweighs the benefits of drinking, so that you can simply go "right, I won't be drinking because it will have X and Y consequences", the same way you wouldn't jump off a cliff, and then not think twice about it.

That being said, it's fooking difficult when the drink is looking at you from the other side of the room.

This explanation is kind of inadequete, Paul Mckenna's tapes are great for this stuff, and can be applied to anything

2. What I try to do is set some more consequences in place in advance before going. In your scenario, you tell people that hardly know you that you don't really drink much (or not at all if you prefer), decide you're not drinking and let everyone know, not in the sense that they'd be "supportive" of you, but in the sense that they'd have expectations of you. Act confident, even cocky about it, like "nahhh I'm not drinking, people are tits when they're drunk", because you'll know that if you cave, you've made an extra special arse of yourself.

3. Irish people can be a bit... begrudging, when you're trying to avoid something. It'll be "ah go on go on go on" all night from some, and I can only suggest that after the first "go on" you tell them where to stick it, because it's just not on.

4. When it comes down to it, and you walk in, you'll probably be itching for a drink. Just keep reminding yourself about what you get out of staying sober, it'll take a bit of time but you know you're better off sober, then repitition and visualisation will help you break the old habits.



As I said, I'm nowhere near good at doing this, these are just the things that have helped me, so maybe somebody has some better advice for the both of us.

LegacyUser

Lana80 wrote: »

Dont think it's about self discipline. There is self discipline involved in going for weeks without drink,as you said yourself. Sounds to me like there's a deeper issue going on here. The drinking appears to be the symptom. Settling for less in the romance department. Are you avoiding going for someone you are into for fear of rejection or something else?

Yeah, OP here. I suppose I wouldn't disagree with you there. I do have fear of rejection, always did, so I suppose when I'm slightly drunk, I'm thinking "ah shur, I may as well go for this one, she's into me..." whereas in reality I have absolutely no interest. If I had been on the coca cola, I'd laugh it off, have the craic with her and head on home.

Apart from that, I agree too with waitinforatrain. I need to go for a month without, get a few nights out without it. I've done it before and felt great during the night out, and the day after. No idiot talk out of me..

LegacyUser

by the way , I could also apply this to giving up chocolate/eating more fruit..