My Son

LegacyUser

My son is 25 (just gone) and has been a lot of trouble lately.

He's great around the house, helps with his little brother (15) and is overall a nice person - when he's sober. He's gay, and met another man two years ago and everything went downhill since.

They drink most nights, and fight (have come to blows) and they've really hurt me emotionally. My son went through his Junior Cert this year, and throughout it all he kept telling me he was alright - I know he wasn't, he feels the same but doesn't want to put anymore pressure on me.

My husband and I have drifted further apart than ever and it doesn't look like its going to get better either. He gets so angry with him that they have to contsantly fight, as though its routine.

A lot of you are probably wondering why I'm posting this at half three in the morning. I was just woke up by a knock on my door from the owner of the local chipper to say they found my sons partner outside their chipper unconscious. Do I ring an ambulance, call his parents? I don't know what to do anymore, they had another fight this evening.

They both have no ambition, and they had a brief stint renting an apartment together for three months. They got thrown out by the landlord after constant fights, neighbours complaining and the Garda being called one more than one occasion.

On top of all this, my sons partner seems devious when drunk. He has hurt my son to the point where he is suicidal and has tried to take his life on more than one occasion. My son can't see through this man and even though the might have a blazing fight when drunk, the next morning its as though nothing happened.

I really don't know what to do. My son refuses to dump his partner, see a phyciatrist or even talk to me about any of this. I've been diagnosed with a lot of illnesses lately, all determained to stress - I wonder where that's coming from.

Due to all of this, I'm on the brink of divorce and death. My 15 year old son doesn't get nearly enough attention and bottles up his emotion. My husband has to put up with my son who taunts him. None of us can have a peaceful night as we have to all be on our guard in case anything happens.

Sorry for the long post, but what am I going to have to do. I feel like I'm stuck in a room with no doors, and its an uphill struggle. Advice would be greatly appreciated!

Kevster

Hi,

It is time to make sure that he knows what is happning here. What is happening is that he is ruining his life by making poor decisions, but always expects to come back to a nice home (as provided by you). This can't go on forever, and you hav to start getting tough for his own good. On thing you could do is 'force' him to go to your GP, or else he'll have to just move out.

Kevin

CDfm

OP it seems to me that your son has a relationship problem and a drink problem.

I know he is your son but it sounds like a serious domestic violence situation with mutual violence. You should not want this in your house.

If alcohol is the main issue contact http://www.al-anon-ireland.org/

I know it seems harsh but I would tell your son that his behavior is unacceptable to you, your husband and minor child and it has to stop and that his partner is no longer welcome in your house as a guest.

You should also explain to him that you dont know if its his drinking o relationship which is out of control but that its affecting all your lives.You can only suggest he seeks help but cannot force him. So suggest he visits his GP.

I think you should concider getting a safety order or even a barring order against your son in the Family Court. You can do this if another persons behavior is putting you in fear in your own home.

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/birth-family-relationships/problems-in-marriages-and-relationships/barring_safety_and_protection_orders

A parent can apply for protection against domestic violence by their own child if the child is over 18. In fact, 200 barring orders and 86 interim barring orders were granted to parents against children in 2006.

I know very little about gay relationships but domestic violence is just as prevalent in homosexual relationships as it is in heterosexual relationships and it shouldn't be condoned in anyway.I don't know what type of help is available but either way its time for you to consider your family and your rights too.

cafecolour

Your sons partner sounds emotional abusive. Is this your son's first serious relationship? He might be stuck thinking this is the best he can get. It's very difficult to get someone out of an abusive relationship.

However, are you saying your son and/or his partner are living with you? That needs to end ASAP. Tell your son that he either stops drinking or leaves. If he refuses to leave or shows up drunk, call the guards. It's obviously doing no good with them living there, so you need to take care of yourself and your younger son first. You can be there if your older son gets in senses back, but he's not doing it there.

al-anon maybe good support for you as the previous poster suggested.