Nervous!

LegacyUser

I've just done my Leaving and I'm getting super nervous about the transition to college....I had always planned on going to Cork which isn't too far from home, but now I'm going to Limerick, which is somewhere I had never seen myself going! All my life I was planning on going to go to UCC, but because a better suited course was in UL I decided to go there.

I'm going there because the course seems to be my ideal course, better for me than the equivelant in UCC. I researched everything to do with this course and all similar courses in Ireland, so for ages I was 100% sure that I was heading to do the right thing. The only thing was that I was really nervous about going to Limerick...not because of the Stab City stuff, but because it's so far from my friends and the people who know me, hard to get to on public transport, and because it's Ireland's sporting campus I really feel I won't fit in there. I know that in college there's a huge range of people with all kinds of interests, but the fact that there seems to be such a massive emphasis on sport, in which I have absolutely no interest, is making me nervous.

But it's not that I'm afraid I won't meet people that I have things in common with, I'm afraid that I won't be able to talk to them. I am so terrified of situations where I'm in a crowd and don't know anyone, and massively intimidated by new people.

I didn't feel like this last year. I was so, so, so jealous of all the people I knew going to college while I was going into 6th year, at the start of the year I was visiting them every chance I got and got to know lots of people they were friends with. But the thought of doing that this year...I honestly wouldn't be able to do it!!!

I'm sorry I'm just rambling and can't keep to one point...there's just so many things that are making me worry about how things will be this time next month.. I'm not moving down there alone, a friend is living with me in on-campus accomodation, and a handful of other girls in my year. So I'm not going there all alone but I'm nearly more afraid of sticking to them like glue until they have to physically pry me off them! All of these girls are friends of mine and they're very open and chatty, I can be like that when I know people and you wouldn't know that I'm shy at all, but with people I don't know I am just so completely different. These girls aren't my own group of best friends, but friends all the same. And I'm lucky that I'll slowly but surely be able to get to know people through these girls, but in my course I won't know anyone, and will be starting from scratch. I know that there will be plenty in my position but...I don't know why I'm so scared of that! and it's not just beforehand thinking about it that I'll be nervous, honestly on the day I will be so petrified that I'll be stuck to my seat afraid to talk to a soul, even though there's a hundred things I could talk to them about. Likewise with clubs and socs....I'll join them but I don't know how I'll get on with the nerves. I come across so different to the person that I really am.

As I said I know everything about the course, backwards and forwards. And the points are fairly low so I know I'll get my first choice. So my real problem is my attitude to strangers...I can't see them as friends I haven't met yet, as much as I wish I could. I always presume that strangers are sizing me up and picking out the things that are wrong with me, and even though I know that they're not, I just can't get that thought out of my head, and it really upsets me. I'm in tears knowing how I'm going to feel in September!

I know that the nervousness around people would be the same whether I'm in Cork, Limerick or Timbuktu, but in Cork I know so many people that I have some of the groundwork done so to speak? I'm afraid that by the time I calm down and open up, everyone will have made friends and I'll be left feeling awkward, not completely castaside but finding it harder to make any close connections. The other thing is that because I'm doing languages I presume I'm going to be doing plenty of speaking in front of crowds..my nightmare!

I really wish I didn't feel like this because there was a course in UCD that interested me, which I didn't even put on my CAO because the place is just too intimidating to me! How pathetic is that? quite!

If anyone else has felt like this I'd love some advice on how to cop on! One half of me knows that I'm just as good as all those other people, to go make small talk and not worry so much about something that should come so naturally, but I'm having an awfully hard time trying to convince the other half of me of that! I have this vision of myself sitting in my room down there too nervous to talk to new housemates or go to class parties, and i need to know how to get over it. I'm not that young either, nearly 19. advice please! :-(

philologos

OP: I'd encourage you to relax. I had these anxieties before I started college too, but you will definitely meet other people and you will get to know some of the others on your course too. It's just a case of being a bit more open and out there than you might normally be. Introduce yourself to a few people beside you or around you and get talking. The most important thing to know is that everyone is in the same boat as you.

Try and swallow the nervousness and the anxiety, it will all go away after time anyway, and there is no point worrying about it. You'll be fine!

Oh, and this is a big one. Make sure you join a few clubs and socs (the link goes to the UL clubs and socs site), this is the best way to meet people who have common interests to you.

I'd suggest that you go and look in the UL forum and ask about any concerns you have. As for being 19 starting college, I was as well, it's really not that old.

Best of luck, and remember, we've all been there

puglover

OP There is no doubt Limerick is a Sporting City, we absolutely love it, wether it's participating or watching it. Even if you're not that into it yourself you might catch on yourself when living here.

If you're worried that you'll be surrounded by sporty jock types in UL, you won't. I'd say 70% of the people actually from Limerick only like to support & watch as opposed to participate. And then UL is a different story altogether, it'll be even less. UL & the surrounding area is like it's own separate entity from Limerick, you need never even enter the city if you don't want to.

The majority of people in UL aren't even from Limerick, they'll be coming from all over the country and most first years will be in the exact same positions as you. You'll make friends in no time. I know it's daunting but you'll fit right in. College life is fun, enjoy it... but don't forget to study

LegacyUser

I was in the same situation in DCU. I went on my own and was worried I would not make friends.

I met some people from my class during registration and we just stuck with each other cos we didn't know anybody. We all seemed to be in the same boat. The main thing is to make an effort with anyone who tries to talk to you and try start a few conversation yourself. People are very open to making new friends at the beginning of the year. Make sure you don't miss any of the start of college. That is when it's easyest to make friends.

ReacherCreature

All my life I was planning on going to go to UCC, but because a better suited course was in UL I decided to go there.

I'm going there because the course seems to be my ideal course, better for me than the equivelant in UCC. I researched everything to do with this course and all similar courses in Ireland, so for ages I was 100% sure that I was heading to do the right thing.

The course is better suited for you. You is very important. It doesn't matter as much to where you go. Once you're happy about your course, in my opinion, that's what it's all about.

Sure you might not have envisioned yourself but with these things, they're out of your control. I wanted to study History. But I live in Tipperary, therefore the closest place to me was UCC in Cork. So I had to go there in order to get my goal.

it's so far from my friends and the people who know me

Time for some tough love I reckon. You're never always going to be with the same people. In 1st to 3rd year in secondary school I met friends who I thought I'd be friends with for years, I went to 5th and it all changed. In college I made more friends but kept my very, very close with me. Things will change here and there. You'll make new friends in UL/Limerick. It requires some effort.

and because it's Ireland's sporting campus I really feel I won't fit in there

.

If you don't like Sports, you don't like sports. Simple as. People or potential friends are not going to judge you over if you like sports or not. That's just ridiculous and unfair.

I'm afraid that I won't be able to talk to them

I can understand this. I was wondering about this before college. Tbh I just said a simple 'Hello' to strangers before a class, in the library or in the campus. It was Arts and other times I just asked "What subjects are you doing?" or "How're you getting on?". Simple things like that are helpful. Just create conversation with basic things.

I am so terrified of situations where I'm in a crowd and don't know anyone, and massively intimidated by new people.

I don't know much to say here but you just need to relax. Think of good things, not negative things.

I'm not moving down there alone, a friend is living with me in on-campus accomodation, and a handful of other girls in my year. So I'm not going there all alone but I'm nearly more afraid of sticking to them like glue until they have to physically pry me off them!

This a little bit of a start. You'll know people down there and you'll settle quicker. This will give you a confident boost when you've got a few friends around I think.

There isn't much I can say. It's important that you relax and try not to get worried. If you continue to worry all the time, you won't enjoy your course and then what's the point of that?

Another thing is, there's others who are going to college too, 17, 18, 19 and more will be in your position. You will overcome any of these problems with time and you'll look back and wonder why you were worrying!

Get in early, start talking if you can and do well with your study and you'll be happier in your life. The important things are to try and enjoy yourself.

All I can say. Hope you do okay and hope I've been a help.

LegacyUser

Hey!!
I know wot u mean! I'm moving down to UL on my lonesome. Terrified cuz nearly all of my friends are staying in Galway!
I'm just going 2 see wot happens...It mite be better to go and meet new people then stickin with the same crowd all the time.
It's exciting at the same time though and if you've got friends to hang around with at the beginning then that's even better.
Chill out man and just don't get all stressed about it. There's no point really!!

Good luck in the results btw!!
Are u as scared as me??

ergonomics

Hi OP,

I spent the last four years in UL and now work in the Students' Union. Like you I was really worried coming to college and I didn't know a single person going to UL but it's a great place and you'll soon find your niche. Also like you, I find it very hard to talk to new people and get very nervous so I know exactly how you feel.

UL is known as a sporting campus but you don't need to be interested in sports to fit in. There are so many Clubs and Societies that you're guaranteed to find something that you like. This is also a great way to make friends.

The Connect network is also a great way to make friends. The network will match you with someone in a year or two ahead of you who has similar interests. They'll act as a support/friend to you in whatever way you need. This could be just meeting you for a one off coffee to answer any questions you have about the college, or they could accompany you to your first Club or Society meeting or to a gig. I took part in this last year, and plan to again this year, and every person that I was matched with is now a really good friend of mine. You can get more info here: www.ul.ie/connect

If you have a registered account and want to send me a PM I'd be more than happy to talk you about anything that's worrying you or even arrange to meet up with you at the beginning of the year and help you get settled. Like I said before, I've been in your position and know exactly how you feel so I am more than happy to help you in whatever way you need.

Firetrap

OP you will be absolutely fine. In fact it will do you a lot of good having to step out of your comfort zone and go to Limerick rather than Cork. Congratulations by the way on deciding to go to Limerick because the course suits you better rather than settling for UCC because it's where your buddies are going and it's nearer to home. Those few years you'll be spending at college might seem like a long time now but trust me, they're not in the grand scale of things.

Back when I started university, I didn't know anybody in my year at all. What I did was chatted to anybody and everybody - in the queue in the canteen, in lectures, in tutorials, waiting to go into lectures, at bus stops. You get the idea. The thing was that everyone in 1st year was in the very same boat, trying to find some friendly faces so it made things so much easier. I was quite shy back then (still am to a certain extent) but I found it surprisingly easy to talk to strangers. I guess when you're on a mission it somehow makes it easier.

I also strongly suggest you get involved with some sort of club/soc. Don't get hung up on your not being sporty - no doubt there's all sorts of other clubs/socs which will be more to your taste. The one thing you will discover is that all sorts of people go to college.

Relax and don't get too hung up on it. You might find the first while a bit tough (some do, some don't) but stick it out. You will find yourself wondering in a month or two what the fuss is about.

missypiggy

Reading this post, I felt like I was reading about myself...this was exactly how I felt last year before starting in UL (it's actually freaky...all that stuff about UCC? Exactly the same as me...I wanted to go there but the course in UL was better for me). So I really am speaking from experience: you'll be fine. I'm going into second year now and I have some great friends. Before you go, you'll think everyone will know each other, but when you get there you realise that most people are by themselves too! My advice is to just shallow your shyness and start talking to whoever you're sitting next to, get involved in clubs and go out with your housemates Good luck!

Oh, and in all of first year, I never once did anything remotely sporty (or healthy, for that matter!), so don't worry about that either.

Liam Byrne

Firstly, the very fact that you mentioned the phrase "Stab City" means that it's on your mind.....but for the record, it's a complete load of bollox.

Secondly, while Limerick & U.L. love their sports, there are LOADS of other clubs and societies - U.L. reflects the interests of those who are there, many of whom would be like you and not interested in sport.

It's a long time since I was there, but even then there were debating / drama / politics societies, and loads of activities to match.

It's natural to be apprehensive about any big move, but look on it as an adventure, and a chance to expand your horizons and meet loads of interesting new people.

LegacyUser

I used to be really shy and only had a handful of friends in school that I had known all my life. So nobody could believe that I decided to go to college in another town where I didnt know a soul. On the first day I met some people on the same course as me & we just stuck together because we were all in the same boat. After a few months we all went our seperate ways as we really didnt have much in common & we had made other friends by then, but it helped us get over the first few akward months. Looking back, it was the best thing I ever did as it forced me to get out of my shell and make an effort with people instead of hiding behind my familiar friends back home.