Mother Abusive

LegacyUser

Another post got me thinking about this.


I have always had a sort of love-hate relationship with my mother. She can be very hard to talk to. If you are critical of her in any small or vague way she can get very ratty. She wont talk about anything she will just roar at you until you stop talking. You cant really have any disagreements with her. If you try to bring anything up she thinks you are getting at her and will roar at you while accusing you of arguing with her. SO you cant even put your point across. Now i have come across other people that are even more argumentative but they at least allow you argue back with them. With my mother its all one way. When i have ever said this to her she has said that i am in a bad. Then she will act all concerned trying to figure what has put me int this 'mood'

Itss hard to think of an example as they are usually minoer things but here is one. My mother is usually a good driver. But if a phone goes off when she is driving she becomes very panicky trying to get to that phone while driving or trying to pull over in time. If you are sitting beside her it can be nerve wracking. If you tell to calm down she gets worse. If Say nothing but then say to her after the eevent she will then say that you are trying to make her feel bad or feel guilty and she will say 'its over now forget about it'

When she gets like this you only have 2 choices 1) Bite your tongue and forget about it. 2) Tell her you feel which she wont listen to anyway and will start roaring at you. In that case you either have to roar back and escalate it or just ignore it or sulk

Now I am not a child I am actually adult. But i feel the way that she has treated has effected me. I feel that it has diminished my social skills. I never feel spontaneousness and have to plan every conversation. I always feel that that i might accidentally offend people. It has also made me very unassertive. I feel in some way that this has demasculated me

Also when i was growing i tended to sulk with her. This meant that when i had problems or needed someone to talk to i tended to bottle them up.

Also this has built up in me for years. My mother is like that because of her own childhood and i dont think she could ever change unless she got counselling. But ever time she lets a roar i get annoyed with her(although i dont show it) . Not just for that moment but all the times in the past going back years

LegacyUser

Very same situation myself.

moved out 2 years ago and am still reminding myself i dont need to be on edge, have to say its a really nice relief and a big improvment in my life.