Baby present - a delicate situation?

UpCork

Hi all,

A close family friend has recently given birth to a beautiful baby boy. Sadly, he was born with Down Syndrome and in many ways his birth is bittersweet for the family: overjoyed at finally having a much wanted baby, but upset that the child has these 'difficulties' to contend with.

I was discussing today with a mutual friend about a present for the baby and she was saying what would you write on the baby card and I replied that I'd write the same as I've always written on baby cards: Congratulations to you both on the birth of your baby or Congratulations to you all on the birth of your little bundle of joy.

She said that this would in inappropriate given that the child has Down Syndrome. I argued that it wasn't in that the baby was still gorgeous and a bundle of joy and that no matter what difficulties he had he was their baby and everything about him was perfect. I felt that she was thinking that because this baby will have some difficulties that it wasn't somehow 'a beautiful baby' or a 'bundle of joy'.

So was just wondering what those of you on the forum thought. It was a shock to the couple that their child was born with Down Syndrome but I would hate for them to feel that people were treating them differently. I know enough people will be making comments or whatever and don't see how they should be treated differently.

Thoughts greatly appreciated.

AnonoBoy

Send them a card same as you would for any other kid. It'd be an insult to them and to the child to do anything else.

The kid wasn't still-born - he's still their son and will grow up to be a right handful same as any other kid.

Cookie_Monster

I don't see why that would be inapproporiate tbh.

MagicMarker

Your note is fine.

Local-womanizer

Its still a baby,and the parents will still love it as they would if it dident have sown syndrome.A friend had a down syndrome baby and they where still overcome with joy.Give them all the support they need.

UpCork

I'm glad that people thing what I was saying was right. The friend was looking at me very oddly. I feel enough people are going to be 'pitying' this couple and I just am happy that they have a child that they always wanted.

Rabies

Stupid insensitive comments removed.

On thread warning

No more.

Novella

There is no reason for them not to be overjoyed on the birth of their new baby. My cousin was born with Downs Syndrome and she was amazing and so inspirational. She passed away last March, aged 15, and her funeral was the biggest I have ever been at and the most upsetting. She had been a friend to so many people and brought so much happiness into our family and I will forever treasure the memories of playing Mammies and Daddies with her and my other cousins when we were younger

This baby will be no different, a joy to have around and a wonderful addition to their family, like any other baby. Of course you should write congratulations. I am shocked to think anybody would suggest anything else.

Wertz

Saying anything other than the "norm" on any card is pointing out a difference from the get go, whether you believe there is a difference or not, and would be incredibly insensitive...
How do you put anything other than congratulations on the card? Apologies? Condolences? Better luck next time? Congratulations is fine IMO...

AnonoBoy

OP - a friend of mine has a kid with mild Down's. She's a great kid, funny, smart, affectionate. She attends a regular school has regular friends. She's gets annoyed with her parents, gets given out to, doesn't want to go to bed sometimes etc. etc.

In other words she's a kid who happens to have Down's Syndrome. She's not her condition. They will adore her as any parents do their children.

Your friend who thinks it's odd sending a congratulations card is wrong. That's all there is to it. I doubt she has had many, if any, dealing with people with special needs.

admiralofthefleet

i gave my little brother the baby coin set from the central bank when his son was born. he loved it as its a bit different. it has a coin set from the year of the babies birth and a little box at the back for keeping things like hair from the first hair cut, ect...

its on that page i linked to, scroll down a bit

dr.bollocko

Moved from AH.

Poor Uncle Tom

sounds about right, they need support and a congradulatory card would be nice.

UpCork

Thank you all for your responses

Tony255

Shouldnt be any different that what you should do for any other birth, you are completely right OP. To the parents, this new addition is their world and rightly so. My OH used to work with these Kids while training to be a pshyc nurse they are fantastic individuals. Its a celebration regardless if the child has DS or not.

If it happened to me like anyone else it would be hard to accept but that life and you live with what you are dealt, the support of friends is what will help to bring you through.

They are still going to need baby clothes, nappies, etc... so maybe a hamper, clothing is the answer.